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Thread: working with friends

  1. #1
    Member cameron_uk's Avatar
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    Default working with friends

    do you find that working with your close friends is a problem?

    i had a big argument with my best friend on saturday night which ended with me leaving work very upset and now i don't want to go back to that club. we were very close inside work and out; we have worked together for a few years now and been fine, but lately i haven't been doing quite as well at work due to issues in my personal life, and she has been interfering and giving me a hard time because of it, giving me shit for texting or calling my boyfriend a couple of times a night or texting my friends when it's very quiet or i'm not getting dances. she makes me feel very guilty if i cancel my shifts to the point i'm nervous about telling her i'm not coming to work!

    on saturday night i was complaining about girls undercutting others by doing half price dances and didn't realise that it was her and the girl she now works as a team with (that she dropped me for when we weren't doing as well together anymore) that is doing it. she took offence and then launches into a tirade about how bad my attitude is towards work and in general, and that if i don't "sort myself out" i am going to lose all my friends.

    she says i don't care about work or money anymore and that i'm not as good as i used to be. these things really hurt me and it just pissed me off so i retaliated and said some things back. we're now not speaking. everyone now knows about it, all our other friends that we work with, because she has told them about it and read to them the texts we have exchanged.

    i think that if was to go and work in another club where i don't know anyone i might be able to start over and get my confidence and motivation back, which i have lost lately for reasons i'm not sure about, maybe its burnout (i've been dancing 9 years) or maybe other things. i used to be one of the top earners but lately i am barely managing average, and have had quite a lot of time off.

    really though i just want to be left to get on with my job in my own way, without people criticizing me for what i'm doing. she says she is just trying to help, but now its all come to a head and i just feel i cant work with her anymore.

    i have 2 choices... to stay at the same club, we will avoid eachother or be polite and it will be awkward... she is less sensitive than me so it won't affect her work but it will mine, i find it hard to leave problems at the door. the thing is the club is great money in the summer so it will be giving that up and will have to travel an hour or so to work every day if i go elsewhere.

    my other choice is to go somewhere new where i don't know anyone, and hope that it will get me out of my rut and renew my outlook on things, and allow me to rebuild my confidence without feeling scrutinized by my friends. also it saves going back there with everyone knowing what's happened. i hate drama and i've never been in a situation like this. this could be a good thing, but then again, i am worried that i won't make the same money elsewhere.

    what are people's opinions on working with friends? do you think it's a good idea? any input would be great.

    hope this is posted in the right place.

    xx

  2. #2
    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: working with friends

    I know you probably won't like hearing this, but it sounds to me that she's just as upset because she sees you falling off track at work. She's trying to help you get your game back on and working to find ways to keep making money through the recession. If you need some time away from her to heal from all of this than try a different club, but remember what she said and try to stay out of the dressing room and off the phone. You are at the club to make money, not to try to deal with your personal life from a distance. If your personal life needs fixing don't work so much and devote more time to it.
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    Default Re: working with friends

    I personally find it VERY hard to work with friends, and even with girls that are friendly. I prefer to work in clubs where the girls are either bitchy or distant, because it's just easier for me to concentrate on work and to hustle and make the money I need.

    If I work with a friend, I find myself constantly having to wonder if I'm stepping on her toes or stealing her customers, and I feel awkward sitting with a customer when there are two girls because I feel it's like pressuring him into getting dances from BOTH of us. I feel like it's guilt tripping men because they make like ONE of us and if they get ONE dance from her they HAVE to get a dance from me because, well, I'm her best friend. I hate to feel that the only reason I guy would get a dance from me is because he was forced into it. Now I know this is stupid because a lot of selling dances is manipulating men to get dances from you, but working with someone you really care about just brings up all these issues and makes everything you do so much more difficult because you have to incorporate TWO people into the selling technique instead of just ONE. Now I know people that think it's EASIER to work with another girl, but I personally don't see how this could possibly be--I also think men are more intimidated by groups of women vs. just a woman, and approching customers with your friend is harder in terms of selling than approaching as just yourself. And then, for me at least, it seems like whenever I work with another girl, guys always end up buying dances from HER because when another person is around, I generally let them do the talking and that ends up getting them the dances. Then I'm too nice, because I WANT them to do well, cuz they are my friend, to interrupt and say "hey now buy dances from me.".

    I think it basically boils down to the fact that I basically have a super hard time working with others in general, and I think that if you are the type of person that is GOOD at working with other people, you'll be ok. I see lots of "teams" that sell lots of dances in many strip clubs. I think it all has to do with your personality and what you're used to doing. Nevertheless, working together DOES inevitably put stress on the friendship, just by pure fact of doing it. You're going to be spending a lot of time together (and the more time, the more oppurtunity to get into fights) and you're going to be making your income together and if something goes wrong, it can be a pretty big deal. So you have to take that into account before agreeing to work with your friend. I mean, having a friend work at the same club as you is different then working as a "team". I have had friends come to work with me, but I always let them know that I prefer to hustle alone, and I've never had any problems with them understanding that. Some have said I'm stupid for choosing to work that way, but it just works better for me. I don't get as fustrated and upset when I can just do my own thing my way.

    I'm sorta just like that though. I am very much a hustler and I don't like to have to wait around for another person to get their game on too and I just grew up dancing alone and I travel a lot so I'm used to having to make things work on my own in new clubs where I know no one. It's werid to me to think of work as something you do WITH a friend. But like I said, that's just my personality and there are definately people that make it work. IT seems like to me, you are someone who DOES do well working with another person, and that the problem really isn't that so much as it is your personal life. It's obviously getting in the way of working and your friend is (and rightly so) upset that it's affecting her income as well. You can't be mad at her for it. She's just being straightforward and honest with you, telling you what's up, and, at least in my opinion, trying to help you get back to the level you used to be on. Don't be mad at her and don't let her honesty hurt your feelings. Sometimes the truth hurts, but value the person who DOES tell it to you straight because those type of people generally are the ones that care most about you. Understand that you want the best for her too, and if that means having another girl to work with that makes her the money she needs, then accept that and turn around and take a look at yourself and what you can do to get your life back in order.

    Then work on things, get shit straightened out, take some time off, then when everything is said and done, go back in this summer and just work your ass off and be successful. In the long run, I'm sure your friend will continue to be your friend irregardless, but will be more willing to go back to working with you when you've proven to her that you can take care of your shit and that you can indeed start helping her again instead of bringing her hustle down.

    Your friend sounds a lot like me, how I act. Please don't mistake her bluntness and honesty for catiness and meaness. A lot of people do that to me, and I'm only trying to help.

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    Default Re: working with friends

    I danced with my best friend at a few clubs. We have been friends since junior high so there's no competition. However we don't look anything alike so that's probably why we never had issues. She's fair, very thin and flat chested, while I'm more muscular/curvy and darker.

    I will say this though, I don't think it's a good idea to actually become friends with many girls while dancing. I've become friends with a few but it was usually when they were leaving. I learned the hard way when I thought a few other dancers liked me, and instead they didn't.

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    God/dess chanzep's Avatar
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    Default Re: working with friends

    Is there no way u 2 can sort things out?, I wouldn't want to try and find another club in the uk right now cos it's not looking good in most places esp the summer , I wouldn't move clubs if u can help it you might lose money.
    xoxo

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    Default Re: working with friends

    I worked with a friend... but we always worked separately in the club. I think it helped avoid drama. We also made a rule that we didn't both *have* to go in together. We went when we wanted to. It was nice to have her there for the drive to and from the club and also to have a friendly face in the club. We sometimes hustled together but rarely.

    I think if it were me and my friend's comments were really bothering me, I would just tell her that you appreciate what she is trying to do (I guess keep you motivated and working hard?) but you would prefer that she not make any more comments. If she comments again, just keep telling her "To you it might seem like you're trying to help, but to me I feel like I need to handle what I do about work on my own." I learned it in a book that you recognize how they might be feeling first and then state your own feelings so there is less offense taken.

    Sometimes I think it's better to keep OTC friends separate from the club life, but I understand why girls like to work together.

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    Member cameron_uk's Avatar
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    Default Re: working with friends

    hi ladies

    thanks very much for your replies... i'm going to stick at it at the same club as thats where the money is at the moment. me and my friend have sorted things out now and i'm just going to not take things personally anymore.

    kylea you are right, she is just frustrated because she sees me not making money anymore and it touched a nerve when she said it. the truth hurts sometimes.

    thank u all for your help

    x x

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