I apologize in advance for the lengthiness, and thank you for reading.
I've always been attracted to my friend Steven, and I know he was attracted to me. When we first met, I was still married, he asked me out, but I turned him down and told him I was married. Since then, whenever we would run into each other, there would be flirting, etc.
I've been separated over a year now, but most people don't know this, including Steven. A couple months ago I ran into him at a party, and one thing led to another, we had sex, and since then, we've gotten together every week. We don't just have sex, we go on real "dates" -dinners, shows, etc.
I fear that if I were to tell him I'm separated, he will lose interest. So I continue to let him think I'm married.
A couple weeks ago, he told me he thinks of me all the time, and our relationship is difficult for him, because he knows that we can never be together. (I don't know how sincere he was here, but anyways..)
I recently found out he is on an online dating website. he is quite active on there. (I can see his online status). Judging by his profile, he is looking for a serious relationship.. It really hurts to see this, and hurts even more to see he is actively seeking someone online.
Sometimes right after our "date" I'll check online, and he's already on there..
To look at it from an optimistic point of view, he is looking at the websites because he knows that it won't work out with me, because he thinks I'm married, so needs to be distracted.
or on the dark side, he is just using me in the meantime, until he finds someone else online or wherever.
What do you think I should do?? I don't want to tell him about the separation because I think it will turn him off our "relationship" I think he may even enjoy the challenge of being with someone that is "forbidden"
My objective is, I want to be with him in a serious relationship. Yeah, I know this sounds very high school, but it's been 7 years since I've felt this way about anyone, and he is someone that actually makes me happy, I don't like to play games, but I know sometimes you have to play it a bit, and I think in this situation I need to.
Should I keep playing the married woman?? Should I ask him about the online activity (what right would a supposed married woman have in asking her "lover" to not date other people). That would be like saying, I get to do what I want, but you have to sit around and just wait for me when I'm not with my husband.
Thank you for reading this. I appreciate any input.. I have a feeling I’m just being used . It’s basically no strings attached for him. Should I have some dignity and just end it. Should I bother bringing up the online stuff?
Or should I just enjoy it while it lasts.. but i tihnk the more time I spend with him, the more I'll get hurt later..
Sorry, one more thing, (although this happened towards the beginning of the affair) he was casually dating someone else, and when I mentioned that relationship because it bugged me, he said he’s never going to see her again.. and he didn’t.. (I know this for sure, because she is good friends with his cousin)



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