Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Need some advice about a guy.. how to seduce??

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    106
    Thanks
    14
    Thanked 20 Times in 9 Posts

    Default Need some advice about a guy.. how to seduce??

    I apologize in advance for the lengthiness, and thank you for reading.

    I've always been attracted to my friend Steven, and I know he was attracted to me. When we first met, I was still married, he asked me out, but I turned him down and told him I was married. Since then, whenever we would run into each other, there would be flirting, etc.

    I've been separated over a year now, but most people don't know this, including Steven. A couple months ago I ran into him at a party, and one thing led to another, we had sex, and since then, we've gotten together every week. We don't just have sex, we go on real "dates" -dinners, shows, etc.

    I fear that if I were to tell him I'm separated, he will lose interest. So I continue to let him think I'm married.

    A couple weeks ago, he told me he thinks of me all the time, and our relationship is difficult for him, because he knows that we can never be together. (I don't know how sincere he was here, but anyways..)

    I recently found out he is on an online dating website. he is quite active on there. (I can see his online status). Judging by his profile, he is looking for a serious relationship.. It really hurts to see this, and hurts even more to see he is actively seeking someone online.
    Sometimes right after our "date" I'll check online, and he's already on there..

    To look at it from an optimistic point of view, he is looking at the websites because he knows that it won't work out with me, because he thinks I'm married, so needs to be distracted.

    or on the dark side, he is just using me in the meantime, until he finds someone else online or wherever.

    What do you think I should do?? I don't want to tell him about the separation because I think it will turn him off our "relationship" I think he may even enjoy the challenge of being with someone that is "forbidden"

    My objective is, I want to be with him in a serious relationship. Yeah, I know this sounds very high school, but it's been 7 years since I've felt this way about anyone, and he is someone that actually makes me happy, I don't like to play games, but I know sometimes you have to play it a bit, and I think in this situation I need to.

    Should I keep playing the married woman?? Should I ask him about the online activity (what right would a supposed married woman have in asking her "lover" to not date other people). That would be like saying, I get to do what I want, but you have to sit around and just wait for me when I'm not with my husband.

    Thank you for reading this. I appreciate any input.. I have a feeling I’m just being used . It’s basically no strings attached for him. Should I have some dignity and just end it. Should I bother bringing up the online stuff?
    Or should I just enjoy it while it lasts.. but i tihnk the more time I spend with him, the more I'll get hurt later..

    Sorry, one more thing, (although this happened towards the beginning of the affair) he was casually dating someone else, and when I mentioned that relationship because it bugged me, he said he’s never going to see her again.. and he didn’t.. (I know this for sure, because she is good friends with his cousin)

  2. #2
    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    4,969
    Thanks
    1,811
    Thanked 597 Times in 382 Posts
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default Re: Need some advice about a guy.. how to seduce??

    Quote Originally Posted by roxter View Post
    What do you think I should do?? I don't want to tell him about the separation because I think it will turn him off our "relationship" I think he may even enjoy the challenge of being with someone that is "forbidden"

    My objective is, I want to be with him in a serious relationship. Yeah, I know this sounds very high school, but it's been 7 years since I've felt this way about anyone, and he is someone that actually makes me happy, I don't like to play games, but I know sometimes you have to play it a bit, and I think in this situation I need to.

    Should I keep playing the married woman?? Should I ask him about the online activity (what right would a supposed married woman have in asking her "lover" to not date other people). That would be like saying, I get to do what I want, but you have to sit around and just wait for me when I'm not with my husband.

    Thank you for reading this. I appreciate any input.. I have a feeling I’m just being used . It’s basically no strings attached for him. Should I have some dignity and just end it. Should I bother bringing up the online stuff?
    Or should I just enjoy it while it lasts.. but i tihnk the more time I spend with him, the more I'll get hurt later..

    Sorry, one more thing, (although this happened towards the beginning of the affair) he was casually dating someone else, and when I mentioned that relationship because it bugged me, he said he’s never going to see her again.. and he didn’t.. (I know this for sure, because she is good friends with his cousin)
    If you want to have a serious relationship with this man, you want it to be built on a foundation of honesty, don't you? Therefore, do the difficult thing now...tell him the true situation. Then give him some space to digest things. Don't be all desperate and panicky. Sit back and watch what he does. Does he go online looking for love continuously as before when he knows you are fully available? Was he being truthful:

    A couple weeks ago, he told me he thinks of me all the time, and our relationship is difficult for him, because he knows that we can never be together. (I don't know how sincere he was here, but anyways..)

    Put him to the test.

    Face your fears head on, and watch them disappear into thin air.

  3. #3
    Banned
    Joined
    Sep 2008
    Location
    With the luggage NJ
    Posts
    2,995
    Thanks
    80
    Thanked 115 Times in 98 Posts

    Default Re: Need some advice about a guy.. how to seduce??

    Quote Originally Posted by roxter View Post
    I fear that if I were to tell him I'm separated, he will lose interest. So I continue to let him think I'm married.

    He is already seduced but you want more.
    I think he doesn't want a long term relationship so he feels safe with you. Men will always tell a women they are looking to settle down with the rite women because that gets them into bed.

    I also would wonder about a man that doesn't respect marriage.

  4. #4
    God/dess Trem's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    2,958
    Thanks
    1,714
    Thanked 3,253 Times in 1,343 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: Need some advice about a guy.. how to seduce??

    A serious relationship is never going to grow out of lies, if you wanted him you should have been upfront about your situation. I don't understand why you think telling him you were separated would scare him off, but i can easily see how learning you've been misleading him this whole time would most certainly make him rethink things. If you want to be with him then tell him the truth, if thats the end of his relationship with you then it really wasn't going to work out either way was it? Relationships are based on trust, this puts you already at a disadvantage since you haven't been exactly honest so far. One thing is for certain, letting him think you are still married means hes still going to be looking somewhere else for a real long term relationship.

  5. #5
    Member
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Montreal
    Posts
    40
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: Need some advice about a guy.. how to seduce??

    I just have to say it: He is a total idiot if he is flirting with a married woman and looks for a serios relationships at the same time. He should figure himself out and figure out what he wants first and stop being a "oh my god another greatest pussy"-guy/"I want a mommy"-guy/"all women are saints"-guy...

    And what you are doing is not nice at all. It's purely manipulative. I understand many women do that, it doesn't mean that what they are doing is right, neither that it's productive to women.

    He is closer to a loser than a player, so what he says is what he means.

    And then, stop "stalking" his online profile, and figuring out "what he thinks and why he does that". Online profiles are addictive. Once they are in our heads we check them every second, it's like a tv for us. It's not like with women, that checks once a week to read 50 messages of spam from next 50 guys that e-mailed her.

    In fact the only thing he is doing right is checking online for new dates. Cause this "soulmate-woman he really likes", can't spare him something as little as a little bit of truth... Well, all the "love" and "respect" - bs. It's what women do. Quite unfortunately for them.

    I wonder if any one of them in 80-90 years of their lives has ever tried telling a truth to see what will happen... May be it's not as scary as it looks... I wonder if they even like anybody at all other than themselves...

    That's fantastic! Let's just all shut up, tell nothing and lead each other on forever! And let's call it a normal relationship.

    If nobody needs a relationship, if nobody trusts anybody, if everybody leads everybody else on, why are we all looking for it?

    Looking for a drop of gold powder in a place where there were no gold ever, is nothing but a life of a misery.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    106
    Thanks
    14
    Thanked 20 Times in 9 Posts

    Default Re: Need some advice about a guy.. how to seduce??

    Thanks for the candid advice.

    I know what I'm doing is manipulative and wrong. I am insecure when it comes to true meaningful relationships because I'm very scared of loss. I don't want to come across, 'woe is me', because I know everyone has been hurt. But I went through a painful experience in the past, and since then, I've been jaded. The guys I would pick after that, are unattractive guys, or guys that always like me more, because I'm scared to fall in love with somebody cause I don't want to end up hurt like that again.

    For the first time in years, I find someone I really care about, and I screwed everything up because it's built on lies.

    I know that with this guy, we could never really have a serious relationship because I need to sort out my insecurities. I'm fucked up. I know, it's something i'm trying to work on, but I'm lost.


    I should just break it off? or just start ignoring any future calls from him, becaues they are obviously "booty calls". I can tell he is not so interested anymore anyways. The last two times I saw him, he seems distracted, and not so interested.
    Last edited by roxter; 05-30-2009 at 02:36 PM. Reason: spelling

  7. #7
    Member
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Montreal
    Posts
    40
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: Need some advice about a guy.. how to seduce??

    Listen, everybody is fucked up. you practically won't find anyone who isn't, it's fucked up all from the beginning, because we think in fucked up ways from the beginning.

    I am fucked up, every woman I went out with was fucked up, everybody in a club is fucked up and so on.

    Why not tell the truth? I don't understand what would happen?

    Is braking up without telling the truth easier than breaking up if the truth is told? May be you won't break up, may be he will be happy. I would be. (if your separation is not another lie)

    You know what pisses me off, is I liked a girl very much, and she was hiding so much, in as much as not talk to me about anything other than sex. You know what hurts, is, I liked her, does she have any sympathy or femininity, you know, any feeling sorry for a guy that was stupid enough to like her? You know? What are we, animals or something? She comes up a cruel, untrustworthy and mean and manipulative stoneheart. you know? like booty call, like, go get an escort, you know....
    She would be surprised if she told me the truth, I loved her more. But no, she knows everything....

    If a girl that I liked that was doing very similar things (I hope she wasn't married, nobody will know, cause she wasn't telling anything just like you), if she told me the truth, she would be very surprised how easier it would've been, I would have never rejected, I would have never annoyed her, and it would have been much better, then she tried to conceal, and she has no built in ability to always remember the lies so she screwed up, blurped what she was hiding, and then ran away. So she was thinking she figured everybody out and she knew how would I react... She doesn't even know 1% of my personality, isn't it far fetched? You know, world war 1 killing 30 million people started because each side was absolutely sure the other one was about to start something, Kennedy said that. We can't live productively and constructively by constantly thinking that we know what the reaction will be. Truth is, we don't know. And We are just playing hide and seek with ourselves, and that makes us come out as a manipulative fucked ups who are full of shit, and the most painful part is: We aren't!
    We just screwed the good relationships because "we were sure", just like in WW1, everybody was sure, we were sure it wouldn't work otherwise.

    We're all fucken sure, we all know nothing! Those that are sure like that should have a psychiatric evaluation...

    Sorry for a rant. Cheers.

  8. #8
    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    4,969
    Thanks
    1,811
    Thanked 597 Times in 382 Posts
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default Re: Need some advice about a guy.. how to seduce??

    Quote Originally Posted by roxter View Post
    Thanks for the candid advice.

    I know what I'm doing is manipulative and wrong. I am insecure when it comes to true meaningful relationships because I'm very scared of loss. I don't want to come across, 'woe is me', because I know everyone has been hurt. But I went through a painful experience in the past, and since then, I've been jaded. The guys I would pick after that, are unattractive guys, or guys that always like me more, because I'm scared to fall in love with somebody cause I don't want to end up hurt like that again.

    For the first time in years, I find someone I really care about, and I screwed everything up because it's built on lies.

    I know that with this guy, we could never really have a serious relationship because I need to sort out my insecurities. I'm fucked up. I know, it's something i'm trying to work on, but I'm lost.


    I should just break it off? or just start ignoring any future calls from him, becaues they are obviously "booty calls". I can tell he is not so interested anymore anyways. The last two times I saw him, he seems distracted, and not so interested.
    We all bring baggage to our relationships roxter. You've been hurt in the past, and you fear giving your heart to someone. You're no more fucked up than most people.

    If your intuition tells you that he is losing interest, he probably is. Maybe taking a break would be a good idea.

    Don't be too hard on yourself. None of it is a precise science, and we all goof it up sometimes.

Similar Threads

  1. How Do I Drive a Guy Crazy and Seduce Him??
    By AngelCummings in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 02-17-2011, 08:20 PM
  2. Guy advice please!!!!!!
    By J.D. in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 59
    Last Post: 07-24-2007, 03:49 AM
  3. In need of guy advice
    By StitchesH in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 12-11-2005, 12:20 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •