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Thread: Dating.. are games necessary??

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    Member tornapart's Avatar
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    Default Dating.. are games necessary??

    Do women have to play hard to get? Or seem unavilable at times, or create some mysterious allusion? I have alot of girl/guy friends and it seems like everyone has a totally different opinion. I guess sometimes its really on a case to case basis.

    I never feel like i come off too strong/clingy/needy. I also try hard NOT appear to cold/distant etc. I always strive for an even balance.
    I fell for a guy recently, and i cannot read him. Right now ive kind of fallen back and im kind of hoping he contacts me or at least wonders what the heck im up to. I dont like games but sometimes i wonder if they do work. hes 30 im 27, neither of us is new to dating or relationships.
    I just never knew how some women and men for that fact just had the knack for reeling people in. Yes theres been times i got plenty of guys but....i never truly gave a shit about any of them. so it made it easy.

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    Veteran Member dreamer1980's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating.. are games necessary??

    Quote Originally Posted by tornapart View Post
    Yes theres been times i got plenty of guys but....i never truly gave a shit about any of them. so it made it easy.
    life works in weird ways, and that right there is a prime example. when you dont really care for someone they usually come after you. and then when you do want someone they seem so distant.

    he may be "ignoring" you (so to speak) to see how much you want him. it builds up his image in your mind and emotions (why is he not calling, what is he up to, when will i see him again, I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM!). you'll end up being putty in his hands.

    or he may not want to appear needy and scare you off, so he's taking it slow. remember Mikey from the movie Swingers? no guy wants to be like him.

    or he may really not be into you, which explains the first paragraph above. games suck and unfortunately its usually part of the dating scene. you should ask this guy whats up, that way you dont waste anymore time and save future heartache.
    Last edited by dreamer1980; 06-16-2009 at 12:03 AM.

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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating.. are games necessary??

    You need to read "He's just not that into you"... then watch the movie.

    Most men are great at telling women what they want... we just have a tendency to want to twist and interpret things differently.

    As for women... a lot of girls still play by "The Rules" which is a very old book. It's silly though because today men expect women to be upfront and not play games.

    If it's not working it's not working... move on.
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    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating.. are games necessary??

    If you play hard to get you attract guys who are only interested in the conquest part of a relationship and will soon move on once you've been "conquered". For regular decent guys playing hard to get simply leads us to think you are just not interested and we move on to someone who is. Play games if you want to end up with guys who play games, otherwise just do what comes naturally and things will work out. I always get a kick when people ask stuff like "should i call him/her" or "should i ask him/her out" the answers are VERY simple. If you want to talk to someone then call them, if you want to go out with someone then ask them out, if they are interested in you then their only reaction to both those things will be "yay she called".

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    Default Re: Dating.. are games necessary??

    I dont play games and my dating life is poor to non-existant. Correlation is not causation though. There are a number of explanations for my situation. Abstaining from game-playing does not automaically yield a successful dating life (it does, however, yield a simpler and less stressful one for me).
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    Default Re: Dating.. are games necessary??

    I would like to say "no", "be honest", "just be yourself"... but the truth is games work and those that know how to play have an unfair advantage over those that don't... Maybe they don't work in the long run, but they certainly do in the beginning stages of a relationship...

    Love is a battlefield... Of course you have to play games... You're 9 years younger than me, so you might not know Pat Benatar. Her song, "Love is a Battlefield" said this:

    You're beggin' me to go, you're makin' me stay
    Why do you hurt me so bad
    It would help me to know
    Do I stand in your way, or am I the best thing you've had
    Believe me, believe me, I can't tell you why
    But I'm trapped by your love and I'm chained to your side

    We're losing control
    Will you turn me away or touch me deep inside
    And before this gets old, will it still feel the same
    There's no way this will die
    But if we get much closer, I could lose control
    And if your heart surrenders, you'll need me to hold

    We are young
    Heartache to heartache we stand
    No promises, no demands
    Love is a battlefield

    We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong
    Searchin' our hearts for so long
    Both of us knowing
    Love is a battlefield

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    Default Re: Dating.. are games necessary??

    People play games even when they think they aren't, so ... yes.

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    Default Re: Dating.. are games necessary??

    "Do women have to play hard to get?"

    Who's playing? J/K unfortunately and I myself have learned the hard way...if you don't play the game someone else will for you.

    Don't call him and go on with your life. If he calls to make a date, consider it.

    And I agree with you a good balance of not being needy and not being an iceberg work wonders. When he does call butter him up but not too much. It's almost like a reward for keeping you in mind. If he's normal he'll keep calling you back. Just part of the game.

    Try reading Why Men Love Bitches...It's funny you don't have to do all the crazy tactics in this book but it will give you an overall new attitude about things. Unfortunately I read part of The Rules years ago and some of it still sticks with me today but still works. It's an awful book. LOL




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    Default Re: Dating.. are games necessary??

    Call him "from a party" and tell him that you just ran into an old boyfriend and are thinking about starting to see him again (the old boyfriend)... and that you might not be able to see him (the new guy) anymore,... but that you've had a really good time hanging out with him...

    If he doesn't try to talk you out of it,... then he's not into you... If he does try to talk you out of it, agree to see him "one last time", but only after he begs for a while.

    The "love triangle" works very well and gets him to "fight" for you against a make-believe rival, for two reasons: (1) people are competitive by nature..., and (2) if he really like you and thinks he is about to lose you,... he will confess his true feelings for you.

    Introducing a rival... is the BIG weapon in relationship games (I usually don't employ it against women until the stakes get really high and I need a check-mate move)... It's even better if you can get a friend to play that role.

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    Default Re: Dating.. are games necessary??

    ^^^ If it's a game for him though he'll take her up on the offer and then dump her once they are together because the challenge is no longer there.
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    Default Re: Dating.. are games necessary??

    Games suck, but I do think they work. I'm honest and pretty open, and it DOES run off a lot of guys. I just don't care tbh, games make my head hurt and are a pain. Plus, if you play games, you can waste months or years of your life guessing what the other person is thinking. It's just too damn annoying. Communication makes things SOOO much simpler.

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    Default Re: Dating.. are games necessary??

    I think they work.

    But it is not all bad. We people can seem kind of schizophrenic sometimes but it is our nature to want, and have desires that are sometimes at odds. I sort of half joke that they only living creatures I know that are at total peace and have no diverging wants are called "plants" and we see how far they evolved.

    Socially it is popular to think games don't work, but when I actually watch how people really behave, they do. I think it is our nature. We need challenge. Crave it, even though another part of our brains tells us we just want peace and to be stress free. But despite that, it is simple observation that for most people, they are not attracted to others who simple agree to everything, who provide no challenge, who are easily attracted. It is far more interesting to fall for someone who is hard to get, who stands up for themselves, who is not a worm that would just fall for anyone at anytime, whose loyalty is not easily won, who pushes us back and challenges us to grow, and more.

    I think when people say they don't like games they usually mean they don't like to be lied to, or for the guys they often mean 'I wish she'd just sleep with me without me having to make any effort', or they mean they've fallen for someone and the other is still at earlier phases of courtship, etc. But that doesn't mean that they want someone who provides no challenge, or entirely skips the human dance of seduction that humans do engage in, even if we ourselves cannot easily spell out what the rules are. Hey, nobody ever said we were wired to fully understand our own instincts, or emotions.

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    Default Re: Dating.. are games necessary??

    Think about what makes a romantic movie... A couple meet and date for a while, he takes her for granted, they fight and break up, the guy realizes that he's made the worst mistake of his life. After some time passes, he goes to find her to apologize,... but he sees her with another guy,... She doesn't really love the new guy, but the old guy doesn't know this and withdraws scene heartbroken... They meet again several years later,... and something or someone acts as a catalyst to reunite them... sparks fly again, they're together,... get married and live happily ever after...

    One day, I had a revelation... Young girls love drama!... If not, why does every love story have the same elements? These movies "program" girls to expect that worthy men will introduce an amount of excitement and drama into their lives. If they meet an easy laid-back drama-free guy, he just doesn't feel right... (until women reach their 30s). "Games" seek to imitate the tension, challenge, suspense, excitement and drama of a "love story"... and sometimes, people play them without even knowing it...

    Also, girls get turned off by guys that are too needy and clingy. They get turned on by guys that are a challenge to get and even harder to keep. Therefore, guys have to act cool, disinterested and standoffish... but they can't overdo it or it backfires... They have to blow hot and cold air...

    Guys don't appreciate what they have until they lose it, so girls have to be willing to walk away and make them think they've lost you, or are about to...

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    Default Re: Dating.. are games necessary??

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    One day, I had a revelation... Young girls love drama!... If not, why does every love story have the same elements? These movies "program" girls to expect that worthy men will introduce an amount of excitement and drama into their lives.
    I guess I've long wondered about this popular assumption that women are easily brain washed by the media. That society tricks them into thinking things vs the inverse, which is that these types of movies are popular because women actually enjoy them.

    And really we guys are very much the same. Like I think we actually enjoy movies with action, drama, violence, movies where the guy goes through huge drama, epic even, to save the world, to get the girl because we do heroic things that give us sex appeal, and high value.

    It really bothers me how long ago people started picking and choosing to believe that they don't actually want these things and that society just puts it into their heads. But how do we know? How do we know the real programming didn't pre-date these movies, say the heavy religious programming, to suppress our natural, lusty, yes even dramatic and sometimes violent human nature?

    It's a bothersome to me that we now accept the media telling us that the media is brain-washing us, and can't even see how blatantly recursive that is, and totally lacking in anything at all like evidence. I'd like to see some proof that we are not genetically predisposed to want some drama, and that it is only because of the media that we crave it.

    But let's say women and men do like some drama. So what? I believe there are obviously degrees, something between extremes of someone who needs non-stop extreme drama, and the other extreme, the belief that healthy is utterly drama free. Maybe there is something in the middle, a degree of emotional excitement that successful couples maintain that does have some degree of tension and drama? I know for myself, and others, the most successful people I know are often "edgy" and aren't simply striving for zero stress or lack of excitement.

    Now... speaking of that.. time for a dramatic movie while I go work out...

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    Senior Member SuburbanSocialite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating.. are games necessary??

    I'm in my mid twenties and have yet to really have a serious relationship and now that I've had some dating under my belt, I also think that games are stupid. I'm not saying spill your guts over dinner and drinks, but I do think you should have some level of honesty. Do you like me, because I like you. Is it really that hard to do?

    I'm aware that most men don't wanna appear like their too into a girl, but acting like a stand-offish jerk makes me just want to tell you to fuck off when you call me later and act like nothing happened. And why, why, why do some men get so stressed out if they think they're not gonna get laid?Sorry, but I'd like to get to know you first before we just hop into bed. They want women to be whores, but don't really want to date one. It makes no sense to me.

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    Default Re: Dating.. are games necessary??

    I'm super awesome at reeling them in, good ones too! But I always get the momentary "Does he really like me or does he go home and is all YO BRO I TOTALLY BANGED A HOT VEGAS STRIPPER".

    It sucks.

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    Default Re: Dating.. are games necessary??

    I hate games, but I think they are necessary.. or better yet, instead of playing games, just try to keep busy, and not putting him first for everything. In my experience, I find the more available I am to a guy, the more he draws back. But if I'm busy, and not putting him first, he tries harder and harder. But it's hard, if I like someone, it's hard to act "nonchalant" and cool and not want to like drop what I'm doing to hang out with him.

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    Default Re: Dating.. are games necessary??

    Quote Originally Posted by SuburbanSocialite View Post
    I'm in my mid twenties and have yet to really have a serious relationship and now that I've had some dating under my belt, I also think that games are stupid. I'm not saying spill your guts over dinner and drinks, but I do think you should have some level of honesty. Do you like me, because I like you. Is it really that hard to do?

    I'm aware that most men don't wanna appear like their too into a girl, but acting like a stand-offish jerk makes me just want to tell you to fuck off when you call me later and act like nothing happened. And why, why, why do some men get so stressed out if they think they're not gonna get laid?Sorry, but I'd like to get to know you first before we just hop into bed. They want women to be whores, but don't really want to date one. It makes no sense to me.
    I think fear of rejection makes this difficult for many. Some people can be quiet mean about it and once someone has experienced this they will most likely be a lot less open with any potential future partners.

    Oh, and I agree completely about wanting to tell guys that act distant to fuck off. I don't want a stalker or anything, but it is nice to know if they are interested. Luckily, as they get older guys seem to be less inclined to act disinterested, at least that has been my experience.

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