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Thread: Long term effect of high contact?

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    Default Long term effect of high contact?

    If a girl starts as a teen and works for years in an extremely high-contact club, is it possible for her to remain a normal, well-adjusted person, mentally? I'm not trying to be a prick or a troll.

    I have the serious question and looking for thoughtful answers from some who have been there. I've thought about it a lot and I don't know how a young girl could spend years essentially getting voluntarily molested by strange men for $25 a pop, seeing many of them cum in their pants or pull out their dicks or grab the kitty or all of the above, and come out of it without at least some significant psychological issues.

    Serious thoughts?

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    This question a little too serious or close to home for a "what shoes should I wear" or "what are good opening lines" board?

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    well, it is a serious question although the reason i hadnt answered i just that i have conflicting thoughts on it and am just not sure either way. like i want to say there are no long term effects at all but that may not be the truth. of course the long term effects may stem from other related things, not necessarily the high contact.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    I can't speak for everyone, but I can give you 3 case studies. I feel like the high-contact scenario is pretty similar to prostitution, so I'm going to give you 2 examples of that.

    I have two close friends who are long-term (both more than 10 years) prostitutes. One started when she was 15. She is now 30. She is still a prostitute and a stripper. She runs a hand massage parlour out of her house, and she also owns a private party agency. She's a mother and a college student. She is a very astute business woman.

    However, it seems like money is her life. She cares more about money than intimate, fulfulling relationships. She doesn't want a boyfriend or significant other--she only wants to live comfortably with her son. She has ongoing problems with drugs, and is addicted to xanax. She doesn't have any real friends, and she manipulates people with money. It's like she doesn't see the value in intimacy unless there's some kind of monetary exchange accompanying it.

    My other friend started prostituting himself when he was 19. He is almost 29 now. He doesn't seem to have healthy, happy, loving monogamous relationships. He's been arrested multiple times and had multiple venereal diseases and been diagnosed with depression and Asperger's syndrome. He cheats on his partners; they cheat on him; they abuse drugs, and are physically and emotionally abusive. He wants to quit prostituting himself, but he feels this weird pull to it. Aside from me, he has one real friend.

    The last example is me. I started working in the sex industry at 19. I'd alternate between period of selling my sexuality and long periods of celibacy. I don't consider myself to have a healthy sexuality. I find it very hard to be close to people. I really only have 1 intimate friend. While I am pretty accomplished in the professional areas of my life, I have a lot of trouble relating to other people, especially romantically. I've had problems with drugs in the past and some mental illness.

    In all three of us, to varying degrees, I see patterns of drug use, mental instability, and intimacy problems. But in a way, I don't think those were caused directly by our sex work. I think the sex work is both a symptom and a cause.

    Hope this sheds some light on it. It's a good question, and one we don't often like to talk about.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by Winged Dinghy View Post

    I have a lot of trouble relating to other people, especially romantically.
    What exactly is your issue with the romance? Do you see it as a futile endeavor?

    The reason I ask this because we are all wired to have romantic feelings. We all want to love and be loved despite all the ugliness we see in this world.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    In the long run, we are all dead anyway.

    The reason why I don't think many have answered is because no matter what the circumstances are, if a person is regularly subjected to a negative situation, they are going to have hang-ups and baggage later in life. I don't care if it is a job you hate, a nagging relative, living in an unsafe neighborhood or suffering a chronic illness, prolonged negativity will have a cumulative, long-term effect on mental health.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    Working in just medium contact has made me feel like I am not in control of my own body and don't get to regulate who has access to it. But at the same time, after nearly eight years of dancing, I have this strange sense of empowerment and entitlement that goes hand in hand with a sense of frustration and disgust.

    For example, my best friend and I went out last weekend, and we were not dressed scantily, but had nice dresses on. A man made a REALLY disgusting comment at us, and I ripped him a new asshole in the middle of the casino and embarrassed him. But once we got into the club, we were flirting and enticing men to get us drinks.

    I really think that is due to to feeling out of control at work sometimes. Guy makes a disgusting comment and touches me, I have to smile and deal with it. So all of the anger I feel about contact dancing builds up, til someone says something to me in real life and I lose my shit on them.

    So far as intimacy goes, I value it on such a deep level and am an incredibly passionate, loving, devoted person. The real life romantic connection I have with people are almost the antidote to my anger against the people who get to have contact with me in a business sense. It's more like "yes, wow I totally want this, it's amazing, but if it gets to an uncomfortable point, I can say stop." Which it never does, but I feel in that situation that if any cell in my body said no, it would be ok. Not like in the club where I say don't touch me and the men get pissy about it.

    Anyway I hope some of this makes sense, and sort of answers your question in a roundabout way.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by mediocrity View Post
    Working in just medium contact has made me feel like I am not in control of my own body and don't get to regulate who has access to it. But at the same time, after nearly eight years of dancing, I have this strange sense of empowerment and entitlement that goes hand in hand with a sense of frustration and disgust.

    For example, my best friend and I went out last weekend, and we were not dressed scantily, but had nice dresses on. A man made a REALLY disgusting comment at us, and I ripped him a new asshole in the middle of the casino and embarrassed him. But once we got into the club, we were flirting and enticing men to get us drinks.

    I really think that is due to to feeling out of control at work sometimes. Guy makes a disgusting comment and touches me, I have to smile and deal with it. So all of the anger I feel about contact dancing builds up, til someone says something to me in real life and I lose my shit on them.

    So far as intimacy goes, I value it on such a deep level and am an incredibly passionate, loving, devoted person. The real life romantic connection I have with people are almost the antidote to my anger against the people who get to have contact with me in a business sense. It's more like "yes, wow I totally want this, it's amazing, but if it gets to an uncomfortable point, I can say stop." Which it never does, but I feel in that situation that if any cell in my body said no, it would be ok. Not like in the club where I say don't touch me and the men get pissy about it.

    Anyway I hope some of this makes sense, and sort of answers your question in a roundabout way.
    I think this gets to the crux of it: it's about who is in control of the situation. Not that a dancer necessarily WANTS to, but if you are in a medium/high contact club and the guy lets you control the situation (as he should), I think you can deal with that better than when guys are constantly pushing the boundaries (and if I am off base, I apologize. I obviously don't have a dancer's perspective on this; just going on what I've seen on here and with dancer's in clubs).

    I thought I had a point but my articulator is broken today. Sorry.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    Guys, the ladies are responding to the OP, not necessarily asking for advise or psychoanalysis. Please keep your responses more in general terms regarding the topic and try not to delve into a dancer's personal psyche. Sore spots could be touched which would not be good.

    Thank you,

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by FBR View Post
    Guys, the ladies are responding to the OP, not necessarily asking for advise or psychoanalysis. Please keep your responses more in general terms regarding the topic and try not to delve into a dancer's personal psyche. Sore spots could be touched which would not be good.

    Thank you,

    FBR
    Don't know if this was for me, but I was speaking generally, not about anyone in particular. But I will try to stay away from motivations/analysis.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    Some may be affected not by the touching but by finding out how eccentric many people are. People that seem normal and upstanding have some really disgusting and weird habits. Talk to someone that worked in pre Giuliani NYC peep shows.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by Earl_the_Pearl View Post
    Some may be affected not by the touching but by finding out how eccentric many people are. People that seem normal and upstanding have some really disgusting and weird habits. Talk to someone that worked in pre Giuliani NYC peep shows.
    Nah, this has nothing to do with what I am talking about. I assume everyone is a freak inside, and most of the time that's proven right. That's just a given.

    But to repeatedly give yourself to strangers far outside the bounds of what almost everyone would consider to be even marginal societal norms has to take a toll, I would think. Heavy contact to me is a world apart from simple stripping. Attitudes about nudity itself are very fluid, many people (myself included) really don't care if they are naked in front of other people, the naked does not = the self.

    But the heavy contact clubs in ESL I've been in are only one minor step from prostitution, the only difference being the involvement (or non-involvement I guess) of the penis. Even it is involved through the clothing many times, the only definite rule I constantly see is the penis does not come out of the pants. Anything else goes, including full contact the other way. Even if nudity does not = the self, the vagina sure does. As does the hair and the boobs and the small of the back. If nothing else, your inner child has to be talking to yourself late at night before you fall asleep, saying that giving myself to strangers like this is not what I signed up for.

    Thank you to those who respond, I know it must be difficult, and I appreciate that. One thing I don't quite understand is the phrase "intimacy issues". I've heard that a lot, but what exactly is an intimacy issue? Does it mean you won't completely trust somebody, open up to them, and tell them your deepest and truest thoughts, even though they love and trust you?

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by Everyman View Post

    But the heavy contact clubs in ESL I've been in are only one minor step from prostitution, the only difference being the involvement (or non-involvement I guess) of the penis. Even it is involved through the clothing many times, the only definite rule I constantly see is the penis does not come out of the pants.

    One thing I don't quite understand is the phrase "intimacy issues". I've heard that a lot, but what exactly is an intimacy issue? ?
    If the penis does not come out of the pants I would call that light contact. There are clubs in North New Jersey where the floor is covered with napkins by 3AM. When one orders a beer it comes with a coaster and a napkin.


    If a women is subjected to unwanted touching by men all day at her job how do you think she will feel if her SO wants to touch her when she gets home?

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by Earl_the_Pearl View Post

    If a women is subjected to unwanted touching by men all day at her job how do you think she will feel if her SO wants to touch her when she gets home?
    I always took "intimacy issues" to refer to emotional intimacy, not physical intimacy.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by Everyman View Post
    I always took "intimacy issues" to refer to emotional intimacy, not physical intimacy.
    I'm talking about her not wanting a hug when she comes in the door; that affects "emotional intimacy" in both parties.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    OP -

    I don't think high-contact lapdancing is something any girl should do long term. It's bound to sexually desensitise them and have some negative psychological impact. We all develop in response to our experiences and I would say that goes double for sexual experiences and I think women are especially susceptible. It's simply not natural for a woman to be touched naked by numerous and all kinds of men, and strippers do this ten or twenty times a day a few days a week. On top of that the obligation to pretend to enjoy it so that the customer is entertained.
    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    we are all perverts in the SC in my opinion. Hes a pervert, you're a pervert, I'm a pervert.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    ok, now that i've had time to ponder it for a while i guess i can answer in more detail. i do work in a very high contact environment. and at times i do feel it has an impact but not reallh in the way that anyone has so far said. i have no personal issues with any of the things i do for money. and at the same time i do feel that most cutomers do respect my personal boundaries. when they do not, i just tell them i dont do that and stop them. if they do things that im not cool with i tell them to stop it. and when i leave work i am totally ok with my significat other touching me and i do not have any flashbacks of work or anything like that. i am completely able to separate what i do for money and what i do for fun.
    on the other hand, stuff does get to me. i know that i do offer a lot of contact so when i hear off, for example, a guy trying to get more out of me than they would a lower contact girl it does make me angry. when i hear other people speaking about how horrible i am for allowing the things i do it does piss me off. when the bouncers dont come to my aid like they would for a lower contact girl it does bother me. they do make me start to question if im doing something wrong. at the same time though, if it wasnt for everyone's imput and judgment, im ok with what i do.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkkitten View Post
    when the bouncers dont come to my aid like they would for a lower contact girl it does bother me .
    I have to ask do you tip security as much as the other girls do? If you do I would tip less until I got the same protection.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    ^^ yes i do. especially since our tip structure is based on the number of dances done. but i have seen a bouncer smash a guy against the wall and throw him out for molesting a low contact girl while at the same time he just nicely asked a guy to leave for refusing to pay me since he couldnt get sex during his dance.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkkitten View Post
    i have seen a bouncer smash a guy against the wall and throw him out for molesting a low contact girl
    This is why I don't do private dances I don't like playing the shell game. I have noticed a tiny bit more respect for PLs with the economy in the crapper though.

    How can a PL refuse to pay? I have never seen a club that did not charge upfront for private dances. Do you mean he refused to tip?

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    ^^ no, i definately mean that he refused to pay for his 40 dollar dance. and we usually get the money after, its rare for a guy to pay me upfront.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkkitten View Post
    ^^ no, i definately mean that he refused to pay for his 40 dollar dance. and we usually get the money after, its rare for a guy to pay me upfront.
    Fascinating; some clubs in New Jersey one has to buy a ticket like a ride at an amusement park. The dancer then turns in the tickets at the end of her shift to get her cut. No ticket no ride.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    I am surprised if there is anything left for these girls after all these tip outs.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    I would like to give my opinion on this subject as well. I was refraining from it to avoid unpleasant exchanges. But that seems unavoidable so here are my thoughts on this issue.

    Sex is a medium to express your intimate feeling towards someone special. When you start to use this medium to make money as in lap dances then it is bound to create complications for you. You will train yourself to feel nothing while doing sexual acts. This will become a permanent trait of your psyche.

    Girls are not the only ones who are effected by it. PLs are also effected by it. It is hard for me to believe that a man who repeatedly subjects himself to a negative environment like those of a strip club, comes out a normal man. Based on the opinions of male members, it seems like men are repeatedly treated like trash in there. This kind of experience is bound to alter your views on women.

    It seems like both men and women involved in this industry grow to hate opposite sex.

    In defense of this business, I would say this; it requires a very unique person to do this job daily and still manage to be a normal person. Same goes for PLs; I do not think everyone is equipped to handle visiting strip clubs regularly. It takes a special kind of man to patronize strip clubs and still remain a normal human being.

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    Default Re: Long term effect of high contact?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyril View Post
    Girls are not the only ones who are effected by it. PLs are also effected by it. It is hard for me to believe that a man who repeatedly subjects himself to a negative environment like those of a strip club, comes out a normal man. Based on the opinions of male members, it seems like men are repeatedly treated like trash in there. This kind of experience is bound to alter your views on women.

    It seems like both men and women involved in this industry grow to hate opposite sex.

    In defense of this business, I would say this; it requires a very unique person to do this job daily and still manage to be a normal person. Same goes for PLs; I do not think everyone is equipped to handle visiting strip clubs regularly. It takes a special kind of man to patronize strip clubs and still remain a normal human being.
    Cyril, this is not my experience in clubs. I am treated like a valued customer always. I think if you are just a regular guy, who treats people with the regular amount of courtesy and respect, you will be treated well.

    Also, I don't find the stripclub environment to be a negative one...at least any moreso than any bar, or even my workplace. It's a bar, with good music, and food, and beautiful girls walking around half naked. I perk up the minute I walk in.

    I think you need to reserve judgement on the whole thing until you've patronized a club a few more times.

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