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Thread: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

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    Veteran Member ohiogirl26's Avatar
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    Dizzy Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    Ok, so after been away from dancing for about 5 years, I decided to go back. I haven't worked for years & went to school full time. He has been on me about getting a "normal" job....not dancing. He said any dancers he ever met did extras outside the club, in the VIP room, & dancing totally changed the "good" girls into trashy girls.

    Well, he knows that I am a stable minded person, I'm college educated & realize shit does go down in clubs, BUT I will not partake in any of the drug/extras.

    How do I get him to understand that I am still the same girl, whether I strip or work at a desk job all day?

    Do any of you have the same problem with your bf/hubby?

    I've been auditioning without his support & it is already causing alot of headache and fighting between us....it's ridiculous! I am 29 & he is 32, I am old enough to know when a situation is bad, & I refuse to give in to anybody.
    XoXo


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    Moderator Jessie_tinydancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    Unfortunately I have no helpful advice. But geeeeeez I hate it when guys say that crap! Strippers are some of the most normal, hard working people I've ever met. I've worked in a few different industries and in one of my corporate careers there was way more drug taking and office sexual affairs going on than any club I've ever worked at!
    I'm lucky my husband has always been 100% supportive. He trusts me and he is pretty open minded. But I have to wonder about these guys who say no... are they still saying no when you buy them that new LCD tv, or what about when you come up with the deposit for the new BMW or waterfront apartment.... Something tells me when they spend the $$$ they won't mind so much.

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    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    how long did you dance before? If you danced for a long time and were not mentally ruined by the industry...i would make that your first argument. tell him your dancer history is part of who you are and you are offended that he thinks so poorly of it. Second, like you said, you are 29. You already are mentally an adult... not the naive 18 yr old who is 'exploited' by the industry that the media always depicts.

    why is he on you to get a job... Im assuming this means you are in financial difficulties. I am wondering what your situation is... do you have a family with him? How is your relationship typically? How long have you been married? If you are a busy housewife with children, remind him that dancing at night works better for raising kids because you can make more money while working less days a week*. Perhaps if you are bored instead of busy... try to play the you need some excitement and this will get it out of your system card.

    How many dancers has he met? Hes met you obviously, and you arent trashy. Remind him that. He has probably met numerous dancers without realizing it IRL... since they werent trashy and were discreet he probably didnt know they were dancers. How did he meet these dancers? If he just met a few trainwrecks at the local dive... that would explain it. Tell him that this is a narrow cross section. Also, working at a nice club with more security, especially cameras in VIP, might put him at ease.

    He also might be lying about knowing a lot of dancers who turned trashy because of it. This kind of sounds like man bullshit to me...

    Relationships are built on trust. I can understand why a man might not want his woman baring all for other men . It is possible that this is the real reason that he doesnt want you dancing, as opposed to thinking you will become an extras hoe. However, if he sincerely believes that you are going to turn to extras, you might want to re-evaluate how your relationship is going... this means he doesnt trust you as much as he should to begin with. You should find out how much of his issue is possessive/jealousy and how much of it is mistrust.... this might help you better reach a compromise.

    also you should consider why you want to get back into dancing. With the recession its not easy money usually. Is this to fufill a fantasy? He is also probably concerned why you want to go back into it...

    If it comes down to him or dancing.. you have to decide whats worth more to you. I would never give up dancing for a man, but then again i anyone i meet now would know me in my situation as a dancer. Also, i have never been married... and if you have kids that totally changes things. I hope you guys can come to a reasonable compromise, but it seems like a lot of men are unwavering on this issue?

    *disclaimer: consider that the economy is way below where it was 5 yrs ago. You probably wont be raking in the big bucks that you used to without some hard work. Do a search for the "dancing during a recession" post...

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    Veteran Member ohiogirl26's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    Hey, thanks for your guys thoughts on this. I'm really not sure if he's insecure with the idea of me dancing OR he thinks I'm completely going to change my personality. Either way its bullshit. He is on me to get a "real" job & he's mad since I have one college degree already that I should be using it instead of looking for a dancing job. I suppose the real reason I want to dance again would be to gain my financial independence back. Since I've been attending school, he has taken care of all the bills, which I totally appreciate BUT I'm tired of having that thrown in my face. I do understand that I could go get that boring ass desk job or whatever else & gain my independence that way, but I love creating my own schedule & the general atmosphere of clubs. I have NEVER been the "normal" job type girl, that kind of stuff bores me to tears, so dancing just appeals to me the most right now.

    I think once I start & he sees that it don't make a dam bit of difference in my personality, he will probably be ok with it. And Jessie, Yes, you made a great point about if he starts seeing me earn OK money & gets to buy certain things he wants, maybe he will shut up then.

    We don't have any kids & aren't planning on that for a few more years so at least I don't have to worry about that aspect. It all comes down to, we only live once & I believe that if people want to pursue something, they should. No matter what anyone else says (even if it is a husband).

    Again, thanks Jessie & Athena for your opinions I appreciate being backed up on this!
    XoXo


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    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    well best of luck to you. i agree with the normal job boring you to tears part... my day job puts me to sleep.

    You are in NE ohio? Me too... if you need some info on some of the clubs around here, PM me and i can let you know what i know.

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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    Quote Originally Posted by ohiogirl26 View Post
    ...He has been on me about getting a "normal" job....not dancing. He said any dancers he ever met did extras outside the club, in the VIP room, & dancing totally changed the "good" girls into trashy girls.


    How do I get him to understand that I am still the same girl, whether I strip or work at a desk job all day?
    He's already made his mind up. Also, it seems to me he strongly feels there is no way around the "dancer = extra's girl or trashy chick in the making" equation he has established in his head. Basically, you're not going to be able to do anything to change his mind or get him to warm up to the idea...your best bet is to keep doing what you're doing and hope he STFU or sees he was wrong and change his mind.

    You can find a way to get him to STFU about the matter, but changing his mind is something HE has to make happen. When someone decides that EVERYONE in a particular group is X, they are making a decision based on emotions and not reason. You can throw all the facts and logic in the world at their argument and lose miserably.

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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    Although, he can be very wrong about his opinion about dancers, he is your husband and you married him for a reason. You said yourself he's been paying all the bills so that you could attend school. He doesn't seem to just be an unsupportive control freak. Obviously, he feels very strongly about you not dancing. My personal opinion...If he's a great guy and your marriage is good...Dancing is alot of fun and a great sorce of income, but not at all worth your marriage. If I were you, I'd try to look at some other options.

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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    Thanks everybody!

    He & I have been talking more about it & I think he is OK with me trying it now. He says I'll dance one day & prob hate it anyways so he's not worried. Plus the two places I applied at so far have not called me for an audition, so he's thinking I won't find a club maybe....dunno...

    You know what the funny part is....I have done a bunch of modeling while with him (nude included) & he never had a problem with any of that. I just don't know, but I'm going to continue with what I'm trying to do which is find a club. I wish he could just support me in this & be proud. I've asked him to even go to clubs with me, & help me decide where is an OK place for me to work. He won't go. It's not like I'm trying to leave him out or not include him.

    Well, sorry so long winded....If anyone knows any clubs in NE Ohio that I could 'learn the ropes' & gain some experience at, please PM me. I'm having problems finding a club.....

    Thx
    XoXo


    "The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up." Mark Twain


    "Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." Phyllis Diller




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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    I know how it feels to be exasperated over this. I got sick of fighting about it and decided not tot dance for a while . It just bothers me that every time we talk about it, he zones out instead of really trying to see ( even if just for a minute ) why I'm interested in dancing. I thought the more I talked about it, the more comfy he will be ..... and he continues to seem to refuse to discuss things at all. It really bothers me more that he won't discuss something that I experience some success in ( and was interested in experiencing more success in ) .

    I just wanted to work 4-5 nights a month to have a way to earn a little extra cash ( keep my income the same, but cut hours of day job back ). I feel like my intentions with dancing made a lot of sense and that it was though out and not " stupid " at all.

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    Featured Member Naida's Avatar
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    Angry Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    Quote Originally Posted by Nicole0704 View Post
    You said yourself he's been paying all the bills so that you could attend school. He doesn't seem to just be an unsupportive control freak.
    I would disagree. The fact that she has said that he has thrown it up in her face is proof of that, in my experience. Every guy I've dated who made a point to argue that he paid all our bills turned out to get VERY pissy and jealous when I earned my own money.

    As far as I'm concerned, this is his way of feeling masculine. He wants you to work at a job where he thinks your behavior will be "in check". Most likely, he feels important that he probably works a higher paying job than your current degree will offer (I may be wrong, but degrees have become worth less in most industries with the current economy) and feels threatened that you won't NEED him anymore once you have the ability to pay your own bills. Another big reason guys don't like their wives, serious girlfriends, etc, working as dancers is their own insecurities. What exactly they should be insecure over, I don't know. The only two I've ever heard from a guy was that the girlfriend might do extras and thereby cheat on him, or she'd find a sugardaddy with a bigger wallet.
    The only genuine concern she mentioned in his argument was drug use.

    Just do what feels right for you. If he can't accept you for ALL of who you are, it's his loss, not yours.
    Exotic dancing is like any other job.
    If you work in an office, you wear dress shoes and a suit.
    If you work in a restaraunt, you wear skid resistant shoes and a uniform.
    If you work in a strip club, you wear 7" stilettos and lycra g-strings.

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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    i hope everything goes well and he becomes more relaxed and understanding. I say if u really want to dance, do it while ur still young. and i love choosing my own schedule, especially if one of ur kids get sick or something comes up, u dont have to worry about calling off or getting fired. i agree with nadia too, he is probably insecure and worried you will meet someone else(which is so stupid since u could meet someone else ANYWHERE ).

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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    I'm sorry you are going through this with him. Honestly though, I think he has the picture painted wrong. I would say the number of dancers who do extras is by far less than what he's thinking! Maybe he just needs to go into a club and talk to some more dancers to find out for himself. If this is what you want to do though, then you need to do it. I agree, it beats a "normal job" any day! Personally, sitting at a computer always makes me unhappy and you can see it in how I look. With normal jobs I tend to hit the vending machines often and really put on weight. When I am dancing though I always look great!
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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    I agree with what Nicole said to a point. you are married, not dating and you made a commitment to one another. If I made the decision to marry somebody I would respect their wishes about something like this. How would you feel if he wanted to take a job that were dangerous (Cop, firefighter, military) or a job where women would be coming on to him all day long?

    But the fact that he says all dancers do extras shows what kind of esteem he has for you. How long have you guys even been together???? I would be pissed if someone who was supposed to know better than anyone else said that to me.

    I know you have resolved this but I'm sure there are other girls on here w/ the same problem.
    XoXo Gia
    Danielle Fishell (the Dish): "If the Super-Star thing doesn't work out, Gia makes a great stripper name"

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    Featured Member Naida's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    Quote Originally Posted by Gia2608 View Post
    How would you feel if he wanted to take a job that were dangerous (Cop, firefighter, military) or a job where women would be coming on to him all day long?
    I'll admit that it's made me really nervous in past relationships when my exs DID do that, but I got over it pretty quickly. Number 1, in a dangerous job, I would support him if it was something that he REALLY wanted to do. Number 2, why would you be with some one if you doubt for even half a second that they would turn those advances down?
    Exotic dancing is like any other job.
    If you work in an office, you wear dress shoes and a suit.
    If you work in a restaraunt, you wear skid resistant shoes and a uniform.
    If you work in a strip club, you wear 7" stilettos and lycra g-strings.

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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    That is such a tired fight between me and my man, to the point that I'm finally moving out after three years of being together. But I have to side with Gia, you are married to him. His feelings should be in the foreground of your decision-making, and so should yours to him. I know you have got it resolved now (hopefully) but I'd like to think there's a compromise in here somewhere, for the sanity of all entertainers in relationships!

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    Featured Member Naida's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    I guess I'm just lucky that my bennie (who I'll be ending it with soon) found the idea that I want to dance hot, and my new beau (who I'm waiting to be with until he turns 18 next month, his damn parents don't like me) is pretty much neutral on the whole subject. He trusts me enough to know that I won't cheat, and enjoys the bonus of my modelling new outfits for him ^_^
    Exotic dancing is like any other job.
    If you work in an office, you wear dress shoes and a suit.
    If you work in a restaraunt, you wear skid resistant shoes and a uniform.
    If you work in a strip club, you wear 7" stilettos and lycra g-strings.

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    God/dess Elvia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    Quote Originally Posted by ohiogirl26 View Post
    Thanks everybody!

    He & I have been talking more about it & I think he is OK with me trying it now. He says I'll dance one day & prob hate it anyways so he's not worried. Plus the two places I applied at so far have not called me for an audition, so he's thinking I won't find a club maybe....dunno...
    I gotta say...this does NOT sound like he's "OK" with it. He's counting on you hating it and quitting? Really doesn't sound like you guys have settled this problem.
    Quote Originally Posted by Vamp View Post
    As Katherine Hepburn put it so eloquently " Nature is what we were put here to rise above"

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    Veteran Member ohiogirl26's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    Yeah you do have a good point Elvia. I guess he is not OK with it, maybe never will be. I haven't danced my first night yet, so I guess I will see when I get home that night.....Who knows....I will post again after my first night & update this. Think I'm starting Thursday!!

    talk soon
    XoXo


    "The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up." Mark Twain


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    God/dess Elvia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    ^^^ So you found a club!! Congratulations!
    Quote Originally Posted by Vamp View Post
    As Katherine Hepburn put it so eloquently " Nature is what we were put here to rise above"

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    Veteran Member ohiogirl26's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    Well, I'm pretty sure I found a club. I have an audition tommarrow I'm keeping my fingers crossed......sooooooo excited!!
    XoXo


    "The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up." Mark Twain


    "Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." Phyllis Diller




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    Featured Member Naida's Avatar
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    Default Re: Husband mad the I'm stripping again?!

    Good luck, girlie!
    Exotic dancing is like any other job.
    If you work in an office, you wear dress shoes and a suit.
    If you work in a restaraunt, you wear skid resistant shoes and a uniform.
    If you work in a strip club, you wear 7" stilettos and lycra g-strings.

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