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Thread: I wrote a short story!

  1. #1
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Thumbs up I wrote a short story!

    And I posted it as a blog on my myspace page. I think women will like it, but guys will get bored.

    Check it out, and let me know what you think in the comments section. I'm open to criticism, and appreciate any thoughts on how to improve my writing.

    Let's try this again: The Breakup
    Last edited by Paris; 07-02-2009 at 11:13 PM.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  2. #2
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    Default Re: I wrote a short story!

    would have liked to read it but the link goes to invalid friend

  3. #3
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: I wrote a short story!

    I fixed the link, sorry about that. I'm a dork linking into my account this one works, I hope!


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  4. #4
    God/dess verfolgung's Avatar
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    Default Re: I wrote a short story!

    Paris, very cool story.

    Jeff comes off as a dick, I have to admit that I kind of wish there was more to dislike about Ann. Heh.

    As I read, I kept hoping that Ann would find a way to keep the apartment, block him from getting the apartment, or do something really vindictive to help at least even scale of perception. It's cool that Ann's victory was ultimately in keeping her dignity.

    Thanks for sharing your talent with us.

    Take care!
    If you can't win. Make the fellow in front of you break the record.


  5. #5
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    Default Re: I wrote a short story!

    Paris, the ending was fantastic and it really suprised me. I knew she was going to get him, just didnt figure how. Clutching the pillow, i thought maybe she might have a gun under there. I oh so wanted him to get it. It was easy to read and kept my attention throughout.

    I have to say though, it was also very hard for me to read. I went through many emotions. I was sick, then pissed, then just plain upset. I have seen first hand the mental cruetly and to this day it still brings old memories that cause my stomach to flip and the rage to boil. To this day i cannot ignore this when it happens around me. I seriously want to be his ass.


    BUT YEAH GOOD STORY

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