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Thread: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

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    Veteran Member jennahoff's Avatar
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    Default Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    Well about 3 weeks ago I was at a restaraunt/bar with a friend of mine for happy hour. She recently had a baby so her tolerance level is WAY down..
    Anyways, she calls a group of guys over about an hour into our visit..they were bombed. Ugh. And they were creepy. There was 6 of them and 2 of us.
    They all sat down around our table and I was not liking it. I got up to use the bathroom and when i came out one of the waiters(not our waiter tho) was sitting at a table by the bathroom and he said "so when are u getting married?"..
    He was referring to the guys who were swarming us. So i laughed it off and said "you should feel sorry for me'...

    Anyways I kept trying to catch his eye as he was working and at one point i mouthed "help me".. after a little while he came over and slipped me a paper that said "text me so you dont kill yourself, haha". So we began texting back and forth.
    A little while later my friend got sick so we had to leave ASAP and i didnt get a chance to say bye to the guy.

    But we have been in contact almost every day since.
    We talked on the phone one night for about 2 hours.
    He is workiing as a waiter/bartender right now, he just finished up college(hes 25) hes gonna be a phys. ed teacher..
    So i know from our talks where he went to college and being a facebook spy, haha i was able to find him on there. he has a girlfriend(i wasnt shocked). he never told me he had one but i never asked him anyway.

    The weird thing is that we have been texting/talking but hes never asked me to hang out. I usually let the guys approach me so this is different since i had approached him. I figured since we spent alot of time getting to know each other that he wanted to see me (sleep with me at the very least).. i didnt figure he just wanted a platonic phone buddy.
    Its hard to read him tho. I dont think hes shy.
    We flirt, but its never anything over the top.

    Im not sure exactly what to do. Could he really just wanna be "friends?"
    ~jenna~

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    Featured Member Glamgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    Hmmm it sounds like he definately likes you. Him having a gf is a little worrying though.
    A Good Girl With Bad Intentions

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    God/dess Elvia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    ^^^Definitely. Since we don't know exactly what his flirtation entails, maybe you should just ask yourself this..."If my boyfriend was texting like this with another girl, would I be upset?" If the answer is yes, I'd avoid him.
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    Veteran Member jennahoff's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    Yeah I dont even know WHAT i want out of this guy anyways I just think its odd that hes been in contact ALOT for 3 weeks and hasnt asked to hang out.
    ~jenna~

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    God/dess verfolgung's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    My impresion is that there may be smoke depending on the nature of the flirting. Otherwise it may simply be a friendship. I'd play it like a friendship unless he made a move otherwise, then at that point figure out what the deal is with the gf. Especially since you know about the gf, IMO you should wait for him to make the first move.

    However, as an aside. With all the contact you've been having, if he hasn't at leaset mentioned you in passing to his current gf, that may not bode well for the type of guy he could be going forward. Although that is not something you would know at this point anyway.

    Take care and be careful.


    (Btw - Do you find it humorous that you're not even dating yet, but you're already snooping and he's already witholding from you?)
    If you can't win. Make the fellow in front of you break the record.


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    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    Quote Originally Posted by jennahoff View Post
    Yeah I dont even know WHAT i want out of this guy anyways I just think its odd that hes been in contact ALOT for 3 weeks and hasnt asked to hang out.
    Kinda sad when a guy actually being faithful to his gf is seen as odd

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    Senior Member tripletranny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    Sounds like a recipe for disaster. Avoid him.

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    God/dess verfolgung's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    Kinda sad when a guy actually being faithful to his gf is seen as odd

    Well I think that is still TBD.
    If you can't win. Make the fellow in front of you break the record.


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    Veteran Member jennahoff's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    yeah I dont really plan to have anything with this guy anyway
    I suppose I shouldnt even be giving it any thought at all.
    I just wanted some opinions from anyone who actually had met a guy who turned out to want nothing more than friendship.
    ~jenna~

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    Veteran Member jennahoff's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    ^^not saying that a man and a woman cant be friends but if theres a physical attraction which there obviously is than at some point someone is gonna want something more than a "buddy". I have a lot of guy friends, but never ones who i met by approaching them. I met them at school, through work, through friends etc. And most of them have actually at one point wanted more than to be pals but its ME who keeps things platonic ya know.
    ~jenna~

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    Featured Member Glamgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    Yea it was the way he met you that makes it totally sound like he wants a bit of jennalovin. Though imo it seems like hes wanting you to make the first move, like him textin a hot girl behind his gfs back strokes his ego. I could be wrong though
    A Good Girl With Bad Intentions

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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    Everyone likes to be liked. It feels good.

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    Veteran Member jennahoff's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    Well sure everyone likes to be liked but......
    ehh if it were a boyfriend of mine talking with a girl he barely knew for 3 weeks i think id be pissed off. Id wanna know what his intentions were.
    ~jenna~

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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    Quote Originally Posted by jennahoff View Post
    Id wanna know what his intentions were.
    Watch the 5 hour special on human sexuality on the Discovery Channel.
    You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals
    So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
    He is just shy and trying not to offend the goddess with his Discovery Channel desires.

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    God/dess hockeybobby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    Quote Originally Posted by jennahoff View Post
    Well sure everyone likes to be liked but......
    ehh if it were a boyfriend of mine talking with a girl he barely knew for 3 weeks i think id be pissed off. Id wanna know what his intentions were.
    It's possible he doesn't know what his intention is. He may just find you attractive, and like the feeling of you paying attention to him. Or, he may be angling for an opportunity for a threesome. He may be on the fence about his current girlfriend, and is keeping you close as a backup.

    But, bottom line, he's doing what he's doing because it feels good.

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    Senior Member tripletranny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    Quote Originally Posted by hockeybobby View Post
    It's possible he doesn't know what his intention is. He may just find you attractive, and like the feeling of you paying attention to him. Or, he may be angling for an opportunity for a threesome. He may be on the fence about his current girlfriend, and is keeping you close as a backup.

    But, bottom line, he's doing what he's doing because it feels good.
    I agree with hockeybobby. If you dont like him in that way and know he has a gf then avoid him otherwise things will get heated.

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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    He's waiting for you to make some indication that you want to see him or date. This is for two reasons: 1) he thinks you will because you were very responsive at the bar (mouthing "help me" could even be seen as being agressive enough to make the first move) 2) plausible deniability if the gf finds the texts/finds out he met you somewhere ("she won't leave me alone! She's psycho!" etc.)

    Just be careful.
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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    Quote Originally Posted by Glamgirl View Post
    Yea it was the way he met you that makes it totally sound like he wants a bit of jennalovin. Though imo it seems like hes wanting you to make the first move, like him textin a hot girl behind his gfs back strokes his ego. I could be wrong though
    Yep. He's not being more aggressive because he has a girlfriend. He likes the thrill of the flirting I'd guess. If you came on to him he would probably go for it, unless he just wants the fun of a little flirtation on the side without anything more. He's probably a bit of a schmuck though from the sounds of it. Sorry...
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    Could be he is lazy and the page info is old and not accurate.

    Could be he enjoys the chase and doesn't really want to "catch" you.

    Could be the girlfriend is on the outs and you are being positioned to fill that roll. Like dumping the current GF after the 4th (where plans were made), and starting a new with you. Shitty to start a relationship stress with a holiday (and those plans to make) to add onto all the new stuff.

    Maybe he decided you are "needy" and "trouble" but in the "for one night, yeah" category.

    Maybe the profile says "Girlfriend", because he doesn't want the parents to know yet, it is a "Boyfriend".

    Could be he is a little put off by the fact you had a table full of guy "friends" the first time he met you.

    Maybe you had spinach stuck in your teeth the first time, or smell like french onion dip?

    Maybe your pheromones were screaming "not ovulating" that night and the sub conscious has written you off as self love scenery.
    Last edited by ArmySGT.; 07-04-2009 at 04:45 PM.

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    Veteran Member DancingDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    He sounds like a really nice guy who could potentially be worth your time...but it could be that he is keeping you on the side in case something does happen with his girlfriend. Be careful with this one and let him know that you arnt the "other girl" type. I would just point blank ask him if I were intrested in where the friendship was going. Playfully ask him if he girl knows how ya'll met

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    Veteran Member jennahoff's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    Could be he is lazy and the page info is old and not accurate. its accurate. and up to date.>>

    Could be he enjoys the chase and doesn't really want to "catch" you. possibly>>


    Maybe he decided you are "needy" and "trouble" but in the "for one night, yeah" category. well if im in that category he hasnt made it known>>



    Could be he is a little put off by the fact you had a table full of guy "friends" the first time he met you. yeah i didnt know the guys at all and clearly didnt want their attention

    Maybe you had spinach stuck in your teeth the first time, or smell like french onion dip? the first time? i only saw him once, haha and i wasnt eating >>

    Maybe your pheromones were screaming "not ovulating" that night and the sub conscious has written you off as self love scenery. i think i was ovulating >>


    you make some good points tho
    ~jenna~

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    Veteran Member jennahoff's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    Thrill of flirting huh dj???
    Possibly... Im growing bored with it tho. So its kind of just gonna be a "man up" soon or im done with it type thing.
    ~jenna~

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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    Quote Originally Posted by jennahoff View Post
    So its kind of just gonna be a "man up" soon or im done with it type thing.
    We are totally ignorant of the fact a women is interested us. He may be drop dead gorgeous but he is ignorant of your interest. I am 99 and 44/100% sure he feels the same way about you as you do about him.

    There are 4 types of men.
    1. Those that are attractive to women and can handle rejection.
    2. Those that are attractive to women and cannot handle rejection.
    3. Those that are not attractive to women and can handle rejection.
    4. Those that are not attractive to women and cannot handle rejection.

    The number of dates a man can have decrease from 1 down to 4. Now the question is can you handle rejection.

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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    But we have been in contact almost every day since
    Who initiates it. Is it one sided or both of you?

    this is different since i had approached him
    He can still be in the mode of she wants to be my friend. We guys sometimes have to be slapped in the face with it. It is not unusual to meet a girl, become friends and neither never know that the other wants more. He might feel like he is crossing the line----you need to step out and guide him on over. I am sure you can. If indeed he just wants to be friends, make sure you are ready for it.

    Remember most important----something i live by everyday

    It is better to have tried and failed, then to never have tried at all and wonder for the rest of your life if you made a mistake or missed out on something that could change your life.

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    Featured Member JoJoX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hmm..a guy predicament Ive never encountered before, haha

    He has a gf, 3 weeks is almost a month- I don't understand why you don't see this as a problem- HE'S NOT THAT INTO YOU. He only talks to you because he's bored- sooner or later he'll get bored with YOU- he's a bartender for christ sake- he meets drunk horny girls all the time and he loves his job as bartender is because he's so CHARMING and he's a fucking flirt (hence the "so when are you getting married" pick up line)- and his job is an ego booster-- male bartenders/waiters are the worst.

    This is so sad. Stop being naive. From the beginning this guy is problems even if he was into you- he would do the same crap to you. He's a fucking cheater-duh! I'm very sure you are not the only chick he frequently texts/calls.

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