Ok, so I dated this guy for a month. It was pretty casual, going out for dinner and drinks, a little making out, no sex. I knew he was a little neurotic and had a hard time dealing with stress, so I wasn't too surprised when things got chaotic for him (a move that turned out to be difficult and time consuming, unexpected demands from the landlord, and a job that seems to be in jeopardy, and is suddenly requiring him to work overtime most days) and he said he didn't want to be dating for awhile.
However...he said something during this conversation that left me confused. After going off about how crazy things are right now, how he doesn't have time for anything anymore, he lets out a sigh, long pause and says in his serious voice
"...I'll understand if you say you don't want me to call you anymore."
Then there's a big long pregnant pause where he's obviously expecting a response.
This confused me, for a couple reasons. I thought the whole point of the conversation was that he didn't have time for me anymore, so why am I being asked it *I* don't want *him* to call me? Secondly, I was thrown off by the whole reversal of the situation. Here I thought I was being rejected, and now I seem to be put in a position where it's to be decided if I'm going to reject him. So my only thought was "Wait...what's happening now?"
So, what I said was "uhhhh....hmmm...Wha?...I mean...I don't think I understand." At which point he just says "Oh, well, I don't know. Nevermind I guess. Bye."
I've asked a few people about this. The guys think that it was just a variation on the old obligatory "let's just be friends" and that he DOES NOT want us to have anymore interaction. But why wouldn't you just say that ("let's just be friends") instead of confusing the issue by asking me what I want?
The girls all think that he really did want to be friends, or maybe just keep his foot in the door for future dating when things calm down. And, that I essentially rejected his offer, and was a little bit of a bitch for not being reassuring and saying "Oh no! It'd be fine if you wanted to call!"
I don't think I'd want to date again (he was a bit nervous and twitchy for my taste, which in a bf just makes me nervous and neurotic as well) but I did think it had potential to be a worthwhile friendship.
So...two questions. 1) what did he mean by that? What was he looking for? and 2) should I reinitiate contact?




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