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Thread: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

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    Smiley i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    so, i get home from work today, and go walk my dog.

    when i get downstairs, i notice something odd. two people in the hot tub. two people in the hot tub that happen to be fucking like bunnies. now, granted, i've done the hot tub sex thing.... it can be fun, but this is in the middle of a condo complex. so, i very quietly pick up my dogs' poo, bring it over to the garbage can, and get an idea.

    here's where the asshole part kicks in. I also have to mention I was, and am, dead sober.

    "YEAH DADDY RIDE HER HARD, WOOOHOOO MAKE THAT WATER SPLASH OUT, FUCK HER LIKE THE WORLDS ABOUT TO END, MAKE YOUR OWN WATER JETS, PORK HER PORKER HARDER DADDY HARDER WHOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO! GET DIRTY WHEN YOU GET CLEAN!" This all while I'm swinging the bag of poo over my head like a lasso.

    I've NEVER seen two people run away naked so fast in my life.

    It's really a shame, I was about to grab my crotch and start singing Beat It.

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    Featured Member sananeko's Avatar
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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    Your crazy.. funny but crazy.

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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    Quote Originally Posted by sananeko View Post
    Your crazy.. funny but crazy.
    you should have seen me when i wasn't medicated!

    this seems to be a recurring problem lately, however.... they started locking up the pools at night, and posting signs about how the hot tub closes at 10, and no 'inappropriate' behavior was allowed.... Methinks this isn't the first time this has happened. In fact, I know it's not.... The old folks have been bitching about it lately. They just say 'fornicating' instead of humping like bunnies.

    You have to give them props for being so determined.... You gotta hop the fence, and get the WHOLE tarp off (which is locked together, but not down.... for now), and then get in without anyone seeing.... It takes effort, man!

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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    That is so good. I actually lol'd.

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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    Quote Originally Posted by callista View Post
    you should have seen me when i wasn't medicated!

    this seems to be a recurring problem lately, however.... they started locking up the pools at night, and posting signs about how the hot tub closes at 10, and no 'inappropriate' behavior was allowed.... Methinks this isn't the first time this has happened. In fact, I know it's not.... The old folks have been bitching about it lately. They just say 'fornicating' instead of humping like bunnies.

    You have to give them props for being so determined.... You gotta hop the fence, and get the WHOLE tarp off (which is locked together, but not down.... for now), and then get in without anyone seeing.... It takes effort, man!
    *Nods*

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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    Ok I just laughed so hard I almost gagged. HAHAHAHAHA! I want to be your friend.

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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    Lol @ callista!
    I almost choked on a Twizzler!

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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    Quote Originally Posted by minalynx View Post
    Lol @ callista!
    I almost choked on a Twizzler!
    well, at least it's a tasty thing to choke on.... please don't die, i'd feel guilty and my mockery would cease. At least my hot tub mockery.

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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    ^No, no - i'm fine, lol

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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    Two people were fucking in the parking lot of my apt. complex at nine pm a few weeks ago. Bad economy maybe?
    XoXo Gia
    Danielle Fishell (the Dish): "If the Super-Star thing doesn't work out, Gia makes a great stripper name"

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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    ^^ yep. definitely the economy.

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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.



    Hahahahahahaha!!!!! This is the best thing EVER!! You rock!!!
    Sorry I missed church. I was too busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.

    "If you're good at something, never do it for free." The Dark Knight

    "you conjunctively engender an intoxicating combination of wicked, wholesome & insanely intelligent" - a friend describing me


    Quote Originally Posted by lestat1 View Post
    ^^^ It's a penis, not a martini shaker.
    Blessed Be

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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    Hahahahhahhahhahaha

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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    Outstanding. Kudos.

    -E
    hilarious signature

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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gia2608 View Post
    Two people were fucking in the parking lot of my apt. complex at nine pm a few weeks ago. Bad economy maybe?
    You win. 9 pm vs 3 am definitely wins.

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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    The ironic thing you guys? It seems to have set off a whole chain of events that involves my dog being soooooo good (ok, this is normal) and me having a great mood while making tons of money.

    YEAH THIS WEEK WILL ROCK.

    However.... I have to walk my dog shortly. Perhaps they will have an encore? We will see. My wit is fully locked and loaded this time.

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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    That is hilarious, and the main reason i do not do hot tubs that are not my own.

  20. #18
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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    Quote Originally Posted by callista View Post
    ... However.... I have to walk my dog shortly. Perhaps they will have an encore? We will see. My wit is fully locked and loaded this time.
    Can someone say "air horn"?

    (Just be sure to cover doggie's ears. heh.)
    If you can't win. Make the fellow in front of you break the record.


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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    Quote Originally Posted by verfolgung View Post
    Can someone say "air horn"?

    (Just be sure to cover doggie's ears. heh.)
    oooh, that'd really piss the old folks off! hahahaha i love it!

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    Default Re: i am an asshole. a funny asshole, but an asshole.

    Quote Originally Posted by stressed View Post
    That is hilarious, and the main reason i do not do hot tubs that are not my own.
    exactly. i don't do pools that aren't my own either. thank you, i'll drive ten minutes to the ocean instead.

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