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Thread: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

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    Veteran Member bluelight's Avatar
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    Default I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    I'm very angry and it's taking a great deal of energy right now to remember not all customers are the same, and some of you reading this are perfectly confident, intelligent men.

    Ok, I feel better. Moving on....

    I'm not here to ask any questions, I just want to confront you guys here face-to-face. If the shoe fits, reply.

    To help you out, let me give you a virtual tour of my looks and a typical sit down with me:

    Physically: Petite with curves, look around 20 yrs old, definitely ethnic (look Brazilian, Latina, or people just can't guess), best feature is the face. Get told "You should be on TV or in movies"..."Do you model"

    Chit Chat: For some reason they ALWAYS ask what I do during the day, or what else "do I do." I say the truth because I'm a bad liar.
    Me: "I go to school"
    Him: "Oh yea? Where?"
    Me: "UT" (very respected school around here)
    Then: "Really" (in disbelief or surprise) "What's your major?"
    Me: "Astronomy" (annoyed cuz I know it's coming)
    Them: "Really" (more disbelief, and more interrogation)
    I let you interrogate and you shut your mouth when you see I can't be lying. At which point you are UNCOMFORTABLE. Your frustration is visible (because you were dead wrong about your assumptions about me), and I could swear I get the very dinstinct feeling that some of you guys felt beneath me a little bit.
    And YES, this affects my money with you.

    But it doesn't stop there!!!
    If you ask why I'm still working on my bachelor's at my age (29), or how is it that I know so much about the military, I tell you the truth: I joined the Army after high school; 5 year enlistment, 2 years contracting. You AUTOMATICALLY thought I was married to a soldier, was a child of a soldier, or must have been in the reserves. NO, I was active, and you don't want to believe I went to Iraq.
    Again.... I don't fit into your stereotype, I went to war, I'm in a good university, I'm not a coke-head, I don't party (I'm a SLAVE on campus, I study 24/7), I don't have any kids (NO, not even at 29), I'm not married, I'm not an extras girl.
    You get uncomfortable. Maybe you didn't finish college, don't have the guts to go to Iraq, couldn't stay child-free as long as I have, and perhaps admire me a little too much to get DIRTY with me.

    I'm not knocking anybody here. Understand my frustration as a hispanic female in a frowned-upon occupation. You want to believe the worst of me, and when you see I don't fit in, it blows your fucking mind. I get so angry because you don't want to believe me. I want to break the stereotype. And when you inquire about my birthplace, I proudly say what the fuck I came from.
    YES, I was born in Mexico. Guess what???? I have papers. I'm not illegal. And my english is pretty good isn't it? Surprising, I know.

    The stereotype hurts, but what burns me the most is when you call me a liar.
    Last edited by bluelight; 07-19-2009 at 03:11 PM.

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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me.

    Yikes, bluelight. I feel you on this. I can't quite compare (as I'm a white female) to the depth of the issues you have to face, but I can definitely relate.

    People often seem disappointed by the reality of Me. I'm a college student (go to a highly respected school), I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't even go to parties. I have a few close friends that I can count on one hand, and I'd rather spend the weekend with my family and pets than living the high life in Vegas (I know from experience). I'd prefer to date men twice my age--> they don't even believe this!!

    It's exhausting, but I try to have as much fun with their stereotypes as possible. I blatantly make fun of them. I'll joke about how we have to blow our managers to keep our jobs/snort coke just to keep my sanity/can't even spell my name (they often don't look surprised) and make it obvious that stereotypes are bullshit. I have fun with it. I look at these situations as a opportunities to change their attitudes.

    Whether they believe me or not is less important--I obviously have little control over this. Instead, I focus on confronting their stereotypes. Laugh about it. "Ooooh, you've never met a smart stripper before?"

    Regardless, I understand your anger/frustration.

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    Veteran Member bluelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    ^^^It's hard for me to joke like that. Perhaps I should be more light-hearted. I'm sure I will some day
    I sat with my general manager last night. He said one of these girls there is working on her PhD, and I should do what she does: focus on the customer. Avoid answering questions about myself. So I'll do that. I won't ever go into these topics again.

    I'm just on here cuz I want to hear directly from these guys who put us into these stereotypes. I want to let them know that we are not all what they think, and to not be calling us liars when we answer whatever questions they had for us.

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    Featured Member *Jade*Love's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    +1 on poking fun at the stereotypes. It gets a few laughs out of the custie and makes them feel more relaxed with you.

    I'm sorry you have to deal with this and that it frustrates you.

    But half the fun of being a dancer is you can tell these customers whatever you want! I adjust my stories to suit the personality type of the guy I'm talking to. Every guy who is sitting in the room, make it your goal to be their type. The way you make money in this business is by appealing to many different kinds of personality types. It is a very valuable skill to be able to adjust yourself and cater to each type. Yes, it is lame that guys can be so stupid as to suddenly become uninterested when you inform them you are educated.. but if playing dumb is going to get them to open their wallets, take them for all they've got!

    You have already noticed that this is hurting your money, so try switching it up! I like to think of it as a game. You're an actress getting into character.

    Remember how much smarter you are than all those douche bags in the room. And work 'em!

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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    You sound like a woman who is very comfortable in your own skin. That throws some (not all) guys off a bit as they want you to be an object of their pity. I can't really offer a logical explanation since a lady like you would fit right into my "ideal candidate for spending time and money on" category when it comes to my preferences in dancers.

    As I said in another thread, the clubs are full of white knights with very hefty superiority complexes. Humor them as best you can and get as much of their money as you can. Try not to take things personally. it's a job and in many ways a game. Remember, they are reacting to what they think you should be or what they want you to be and not who you actually are.
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    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me.

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    Yikes, bluelight. I feel you on this. I can't quite compare (as I'm a white female) to the depth of the issues you have to face, but I can definitely relate.

    People often seem disappointed by the reality of Me. I'm a college student (go to a highly respected school), I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't even go to parties. I have a few close friends that I can count on one hand, and I'd rather spend the weekend with my family and pets than living the high life in Vegas (I know from experience). I'd prefer to date men twice my age--> they don't even believe this!!

    It's exhausting, but I try to have as much fun with their stereotypes as possible. I blatantly make fun of them. I'll joke about how we have to blow our managers to keep our jobs/snort coke just to keep my sanity/can't even spell my name (they often don't look surprised) and make it obvious that stereotypes are bullshit. I have fun with it. I look at these situations as a opportunities to change their attitudes.

    Whether they believe me or not is less important--I obviously have little control over this. Instead, I focus on confronting their stereotypes. Laugh about it. "Ooooh, you've never met a smart stripper before?"

    Regardless, I understand your anger/frustration.
    Me too. When I tell people I haven't done any drugs they call me a liar.

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    Veteran Member fast tan77's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    Dang Bluelight, after that convo. I would propose, LOL. Your just the kind of girl I look for, intellectual convo's. If you want steirotypes, come to WV. Most girls are pretty quick to tell you about the BF that beats the crap out of them and takes their money, Their 4 kids to 5 different fathers and how they can take enough Oxy to kill a moose and still don''t get high. They pitty me hustle is pretty big here.

    Be proud, you sound like you really have it together.
    I can do better than you in a two bit fancy house

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    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    The problem isn't not fitting their stereotype, its not fitting their fantasy of you as a dumb piece of meat who only exist to please men. They don't ASSUME you are that stereotype, they just hope you are. Good on ya for rubbing their faces all over your awesomeness though!

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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    ^Exactly.

    These are the same guys who need to feel smarter/stronger/etc than a dancer, because it makes it easier for them to see her (and in many case treat her) like a piece of meat.

    Any conversation that starts to portray you as anything other than a helpless, sex crazed drone, throws off their "game".

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    Veteran Member bluelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    You sound like a woman who is very comfortable in your own skin. That throws some (not all) guys off a bit as they want you to be an object of their pity.

    As I said in another thread, the clubs are full of white knights with very hefty superiority complexes.
    1.) No way will I ever play along as an object of their pity. I know you're not asking that of me, I'm just saying they got another thing coming over here. lol

    2.) I never thought of the possibility of my club being full of men with superiority complexes! Seriously. That they would actually want to get off on that shit. What a sad life to live.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    They don't ASSUME you are that stereotype, they just hope you are.
    This is gold. Thank you

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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    +1 to the guys above. MissMynxx and I hit it off specifically because she talked like you do - didn't lie, acted as smart as she is, etc. I was already attracted to her - that sealed the deal. That she liked me too was just lucky for me, lol.

    I think you'll be disappointed if you're expecting replies from guys that fit that conversation here. There are a few no doubt, but they 1. don't think of themselves that way and 2. - wouldn't dare speak up if they did, lol.

    Keep being you, and good luck in school. If you're comfortable acting dumb to avoid frustration and make money, go for it - but read your custie, cuz there's a lot of girls that acting or not, burned a chance at having me as a regular because they came off as the stereotype those guys seem to want, lol. Yuch.

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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    So you are beautiful and now throw in intelligent and completely organized in your life. Its just too much for them to handle----you have just intimidated the chit out of them and they dont know what to do. I really do not see how some of you ladies do it. I will say that it is too bad that they feel so inferior that they need to find someone messed up to feel good about themselves. I really didnt realize that we have this many screwed up people in this world until i came onto this site.

    I am totally opposite by the way and strong independent women push all my buttons (especially law students and Psych majors).

    I would say do your best to turn the conversation back around to them....Oh lets not talk about me...Its all about you tonight....You dont have to lie just push it back to them before you get them into dance mode......You of course will not always succeed in this. Anyway here is hoping that you meet lots of nice gentlemen that like you for who you are and gives you lots of MONEYYYYYY.
    We need good astronauts out there.

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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    What kind of SC do you work in? You might be more comfortable in a more upscale SC. Most of the dancers I meet in the upscale SCs are like you and I enjoy talking to them about psychology, business, theology, etc.

    I don't enjoy chatting with the dancers that act like dumb and ditsy blondes (I said "act" because it seems phony to me), but, I guess the reason they put on this act is because insecure guys will spend more money on "dumb blondes". One dancer I met a few months ago talked and acted like a "dumb" little girl (voice and all) and it was creepy and totally turned me off...

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    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    Not all are like what you come across. Unfortunately most of us are too comfortable with stereotypes of all kinds of people. When people understand that many people have quite unique and interesting lives, then interesting conversations can take place.

    Personally I believe the people you've described just asked too many questions about you. Are they interviewing you for a potential date? I just think it's too fast with the curiosity bit.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Veteran Member bluelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    What kind of SC do you work in? You might be more comfortable in a more upscale SC. Most of the dancers I meet in the upscale SCs are like you and I enjoy talking to them about psychology, business, theology, etc.
    I'm in Austin. There are no upscale clubs here.

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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    Quote Originally Posted by bluelight View Post
    I'm in Austin. There are no upscale clubs here.
    Oh,... I don't know... How about just telling the guys that you're pursuing a liberal arts degree?... It's all about "fantasy" (not reality) anyway...

    There was a thread somewhere on this forum that dealt with custie preferences for smart v. "dumb" dancers.

    Astronomy is an intimidating field because it's so esotoric and foreign to most people. If you told me that you are studying astronomy, I wouldn't know how to respond to that without revealing my utter ignorance in this subject matter. I might say something like, "Wow, you must like the planets, stars, moons and black holes, huh?..." That pretty much sums up all I know about astronomy,... even though I've been to the NASA Johnson Space Center several times.

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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    Oh I feel you. I get amused looks and "REALLLYYY?????" combo all the time. Granted I usually don't spill much about myself and fork out info about the custies and complement about how wonderful it must be to be a Kinkos afterhours manager... (NOT)

    I really like this thread!

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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    If you told me that you are studying astronomy, I wouldn't know how to respond to that without revealing my utter ignorance in this subject matter.
    This is where i get a crash course in astronomy before she takes me to the moon. A sexy woman teaching me the stars over a ggrb, comeon

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    Veteran Member bluelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Astronomy is an intimidating field because it's so esotoric and foreign to most people. If you told me that you are studying astronomy, I wouldn't know how to respond to that without revealing my utter ignorance in this subject matter. I might say something like, "Wow, you must like the planets, stars, moons and black holes, huh?..." That pretty much sums up all I know about astronomy,... even though I've been to the NASA Johnson Space Center several times.
    Yeah I get a similar response to this, lol. It's fine, it doesn't bother me. Some people even think I'm majoring in Astrology lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by stressed View Post
    This is where i get a crash course in astronomy before she takes me to the moon. A sexy woman teaching me the stars over a ggrb, comeon
    Some guys do realy like it. Sometimes I meet science nerds like me and we gush about the latest discoveries in black holes or quantum mechanics.

    But yeah, for the sake of the job, I think I'll talk about the feild of anesthesia instead. It seems to bore them faster and get them focusing on dances instead
    Last edited by bluelight; 07-20-2009 at 11:58 PM.

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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    People are always going to stereotype. Especially when it comes to things like the sex industry. While girls are quick to hop on a pole at a night club or gym, they're just as quick to point the finger at a stripper. Its still a very taboo line of work...

    I've learned that getting all upset over men and women assuming I'm a hopeless case because I dance is only going to hurt me in the long run. You just have to let it go and not give a damn what anyone else says...least of all strip club patrons. They represent a small (and very unappealing) percentage of the population. Just turn it back around on them and assume they're pathetic, chauvinist losers (which they probably are, lol)...

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    Veteran Member bluelight's Avatar
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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    HA. I was watching Married with Children and Al Bundy was all over this hot girl with no brains. Telling her to move around then telling Peggy that's the wife he always wanted. Meanwhile the males in the audience are cheering yelling "yeeeaaahhh". lol

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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    I have the same problem. For some reason guys always want to know what I do if I go to school (maybe cause I look young, most guys think I'm underage). I try to steer the conversation away but sometimes it's impossible.

    I can't lie because it's who I am and I've worked hard to be an intelligent and cultured human being and to attend the university I do. I am proud of all these things and have worked for them, it's too much of a blow to my ego, I guess, to lie and pretend I'm a coked out party girl who can't spell her own name.

    It definitely costs me money. Same as Austin there are no upscale clubs here, and the clientele is definitely not the most academic.

    But I hate that guys assume strippers are stupid... and that we all use the "I'm paying for school" as a line. If you really just want to believe I'm a stupid stripper, go back with me to the LD room. Don't grill me about my life if you're just going to call me a liar or be pissed when you realize you actually AREN'T smarter than the stripper.

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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    Quote Originally Posted by bluelight View Post
    Some guys do realy like it. Sometimes I meet science nerds like me and we gush about the latest discoveries in black holes or quantum mechanics...I think I'll talk about the feild of anesthesia instead. It seems to bore them faster and get them focusing on dances instead
    To me it's fascinating that a black hole is at the center of our galaxy (they say). Also that quantum physics plays a part in the formation of the universe. Dark energy amazes me, but dark matter I can understand a little. Now can we go do that private dance, where you can be the center of my universe for 4 minutes? <yes, its very corny, but it would get a laugh>
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    Quote Originally Posted by bluelight View Post
    Some guys do realy like it. Sometimes I meet science nerds like me and we gush about the latest discoveries in black holes or quantum mechanics.
    Well, even though I am vastly ignorant on this topic... I am sure that you would inspire me to learn a lot about black holes and quantum mechanics...

    Seriously,... a very interesting field of study... If I was chatting with you about astronomy, I would probably ask you whether the discoveries of space with its vastness, yet mathematical precision, dispels notions of chaos theory and points, instead, to "intelligent" design... (I don't have a problem BS'ing about things which I am completely clueless about.)
    Last edited by jack0177057; 07-21-2009 at 10:30 AM.

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    Default Re: I don't fit into your stereotype, suddenly, You feel beneath me

    Quote Originally Posted by bluelight View Post
    HA. I was watching Married with Children and Al Bundy was all over this hot girl with no brains. Telling her to move around then telling Peggy that's the wife he always wanted. Meanwhile the males in the audience are cheering yelling "yeeeaaahhh". lol
    I don't know if those "yeeeaaahhh" are genuine or pre-recorded. They all sound the same to me.

    I was watching Family Guy last night,... which I hate,... but there was nothing else on... At the end of the show, I heard what is probably the most vile thing I've ever heard said about dancers:

    Peter said, at the end of the show, talking to the camera: "...but I'll tell you what's not cool--killing strippers. Strippers are people too; naked people who may be willing to pleasure you for a price you negotiate later behind the curtain of a VIP room. Besides, there's no reason to kill them, 'cause most of them are already dead inside...Good night, folks!"

    I was shocked by how random and offensive this insult was... Maybe its just typical stuff for Family Guy,... it's a disgusting show... But, this is the kind of shit that perpetuates negative stereotypes about dancers.

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