Results 1 to 22 of 22

Thread: I reject marriage

  1. #1
    Veteran Member peachplumpear's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    513
    Thanks
    40
    Thanked 125 Times in 78 Posts

    Thumbs down I reject marriage

    Both my cousins got pregnant this year and hurried to marry before the baby bump appeared. When I listened to all the "perfect match forever and ever bestfriend and partner" hyperbole my head began to spin. I decided that marriage for these people is a rather idealistic endeaver. A realist would focus on what's working NOW: we love eachother and were having this baby together. A romantic, or idealist, focuses on an unknown truth and holds it to be true. 50% of marriages end in divorce. Is it acceptable to listen to people's vows with a grain of salt?

  2. #2
    Veteran Member peachplumpear's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    513
    Thanks
    40
    Thanked 125 Times in 78 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    More info: one cousin has been with her man 8 years. The other dated only 3 months before getting pregnant and their total courtship was 6 months. These are not like white trash guys, a lawyer and a graphic designer, but I feel that both of them deposited their sperm with the intention of trapping their women.

  3. #3
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Sep 2005
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    760
    Thanks
    239
    Thanked 91 Times in 81 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    My boyfriend was married for 20+ years when he mentally checked out and ended up leaving her (shortly before the 25 year mark)

    His buddy has been with his girlfriend/'wife' for 20+ years, and they're talking about breaking up.... It's more of a DP thing.

    Personally, I want the legal title of being married. However, let's face it.... It can complicate things. I would never rush into marriage because I was pregnant. I think it's jumping the gun.

    IMO, if you're not ready to go down to the courthouse and sign papers that day, you shouldn't be married. The title should be the icing on top of the cake, not the icing that binds it together.

    I did mention that I want to be married. However.... As long as I know I'm gonna be with him, and he feels the same.... I don't feel like I should have to put pressure on him to make it official. Would I like my last name to be Gulli? Absolutely. Will my world come to an end if it doesn't happen? No. The fact remains, as long as I'm with him and he's with me, and we're happy....... Why should we have to put a title on it if we don't feel the need? Really, it's more of a technicality....

    They say marriage is forever. Half of all marraiges end in divorce.

    My buddy got married after 6 weeks of knowing her soon to be ex husband. Britney spears was married for 55 hours.

    I want it to be official, to change my last name.... At the same time, why put that added stress on the relationship, and risk losing it all?

  4. #4
    God/dess
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Your imagination
    Posts
    2,875
    Thanks
    19
    Thanked 174 Times in 119 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    the 50 percent stat includes people who remarry each other and divorce again.

    rejecting marriage is ok, but it does have a varied history and is actually much more stable than people tend to assume these days.

  5. #5
    Featured Member vivianbear's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Southern CA
    Posts
    1,507
    Thanks
    555
    Thanked 2,238 Times in 572 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    To the OP:
    Do what YOU want. Don't spend so much time speculating about how everyone else maintains their relationships or endures their break-ups. You're wasting valuable time developing bonds of your own. Its ridiculous to insist that you have the one-up on your cousins and its cruel to foresee their unhappiness in their decisions to marry. Why are you holding so much resentment towards them for deciding to marry after becoming pregnant? Speaking from the experience of marrying spontaneously, it really reflects a kind of jealousy on your part. Focus on your own life and your own sense of what makes you happy. Leave everyone else to their own devices.
    Last edited by vivianbear; 12-27-2009 at 03:43 PM.
    "SS=stripper shit, in the same spectrum as CS=customer shit, which is within the spectrum of SaS=sales shit, which is all contained in the universe of BS=bullshit." -- Jay Zeno (mod)

    "Show me a hot chick and I'll show you someone who's tired of fucking her."






  6. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to vivianbear For This Useful Post:


  7. #6
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Sep 2005
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    760
    Thanks
    239
    Thanked 91 Times in 81 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by vivianbear View Post
    I was married after five weeks of dating my husband (which began seven weeks after we had met). We'll be together two years this August. Its the best thing I ever did for myself and I can't see myself without him. He's my best friend who has done nothing but support me in everything I've brought up. As much as I used to insist that marriage was unrealistic for someone like me, I can't imagine myself any other way. I'm so glad I trusted him when he insisted he loved me from the moment he saw me and no longer wanted to waste time dating and going through the motions.

    Do what YOU want. Don't spend so much time speculating about how everyone else maintains their relationships or endures their break-ups. You're wasting valuable time developing bonds of your own. Its ridiculous to insist that you have the one-up on your cousins and its cruel to foresee their unhappiness in their decisions to marry. Why are you holding so much resentment towards them for deciding to marry after becoming pregnant? Speaking from the experience of marrying spontaneously, it really reflects a kind of jealousy on your part. Focus on your own life and your own sense of what makes you happy. Leave everyone else to their own devices.
    Not gonna lie. I'm really glad to hear things are working out with you and your man after such a short time! I'm really tired of hearing about people who rush into things and then end up failing, so it's soooo refreshing to hear this.

    However, you really seem to be an anomaly. I would suggest to ANYONE to not rush into marriage, it's more than just a commitment to each other - it's also a legal contract. Ergo, it's more complicated than breaking up.

    I gotta stick to what I said earlier. If you're not ready to go to the courthouse and get married right then, you shouldn't get married. This shouldn't be a spur of the moment thing, rather something that you agree on that doesn't change for a period of time (everyone's different, of course). Again, this is MY opinion.

  8. #7
    God/dess papillonluvr's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    japan
    Posts
    3,724
    Thanks
    315
    Thanked 1,186 Times in 703 Posts
    My Mood
    Goofy

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    I wouldn't rush into it either. Ive seen to many people close to me divorce, even after SWEARING that they never would.

    My husband and I were married, divorced, and are married again. Now we have two-year old. I don't see us divorcing again. Who knows the future though? I remain hopeful and am absolutley committed to our marriage so I feel that we are strong in our love and our marriage and divorce really isnt an option for me anymore.

    It would take something extreme to make me consider it again.

    Everyone is different though. What works for one person may not work for her neighbor.
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

    Confuscius say: "Man who pull bra stap get bust in face"


  9. #8
    Banned
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    11,037
    Thanks
    1,891
    Thanked 5,124 Times in 3,086 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    I believe the best situation for a pregnancy is marriage, but I also realize that rushing into marriage because of a pregnancy isn't good either. The things I dislike about marriage are "traditional" things like expecting the woman to change her name, and women only bridal showers. If I ever get married I never intend to take my husband's name, nor would I want a girls only shower (I'd leave any place having one of these showers).

  10. #9
    Featured Member vivianbear's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Southern CA
    Posts
    1,507
    Thanks
    555
    Thanked 2,238 Times in 572 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    These couples the OP makes reference to aren't even really "rushing". I really think a pregnancy after eight years (or even three months, in the other case) of dating isn't such a rash decision and they can decide its time to get married. Really, how long are you supposed to wait to start a family with your partner these days? It sounds like both men have their shit together professionally and just happened to get their long-term girlfriends pregnant. Sure, I "rushed" into it (and gladly so) but I just don't consider this a typical scenario for a shot-gun wedding.
    "SS=stripper shit, in the same spectrum as CS=customer shit, which is within the spectrum of SaS=sales shit, which is all contained in the universe of BS=bullshit." -- Jay Zeno (mod)

    "Show me a hot chick and I'll show you someone who's tired of fucking her."






  11. The Following User Says Thank You to vivianbear For This Useful Post:


  12. #10
    Featured Member MarvelGirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Reality
    Posts
    1,351
    Thanks
    1,063
    Thanked 2,391 Times in 643 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    I don't mean this as any sort of personal attack against the OP, and I really hope that you don't take it that way. I married my husband after knowing him for 6 months, I was happy about my decision and I didn't ask for anyone's thoughts or advice because I didn't care what other people thought. I had a few family members who had issues with it and decided that they had a right to say something to me about their own personal beliefs about marriage and they somehow expected that their words would change MY beliefs.

    I simply cut them out of my life. My husband and I celebrated nine years of marriage last month. Those relatives have tried to apologize to me over the years but, as a realist, I don't feel that I should dedicate any of my time to someone who couldn't look past themselves or their own personal issues to be happy for me during a special time of my life.

  13. #11
    God/dess JayATee's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2008
    Location
    In your nightmares...
    Posts
    4,861
    Thanks
    1,334
    Thanked 2,291 Times in 1,133 Posts
    My Mood
    Devilish

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    Not all marriages end in divorce. I know plenty of ppl who are happily married myself included. If you constantly live your life in fear of what may happen, you'll miss out on the best parts. Taking chances makes it interesting.

    My husband and I have been happily married for 8 years yesterday. We got married when I was 18. Everyone told me I was insane. But I adored him, and still do. I adore every second I spend with him. We still act like newly weds. Is it possible 10yrs from now we could decide we're no longer meant to be? Sure, but would I trade the years we've been happy? Never. And I wouldn't have had the happiness I do now if I hadn't committed to him.

    Marriage isn't for everyone. You can think whatever you want about it. You're obviously entitled to live your life any way you want, just don't sell yourself short of the experiences that make life worth living.
    Sorry I missed church. I was too busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.

    "If you're good at something, never do it for free." The Dark Knight

    "you conjunctively engender an intoxicating combination of wicked, wholesome & insanely intelligent" - a friend describing me


    Quote Originally Posted by lestat1 View Post
    ^^^ It's a penis, not a martini shaker.
    Blessed Be

  14. #12
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    137
    Thanks
    13
    Thanked 15 Times in 14 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by JayATee View Post
    Marriage isn't for everyone. You can think whatever you want about it. You're obviously entitled to live your life any way you want, just don't sell yourself short of the experiences that make life worth living.
    Well said!

    Whether or not to get married is such a personal choice. I've been happily unmarried to my 'husband' for going on 11 years. We were both recently divorced when we met and decided we didn't need a piece of paper to define or cement our relationship. We have no plans on splitting up and no intentions of getting married. I mean really, if it's not broke don't fix it. But that's us.

  15. #13
    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    4,219
    Thanks
    84
    Thanked 236 Times in 120 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by vivianbear View Post
    I was married after five weeks of dating my husband (which began seven weeks after we had met). We'll be together two years this August. Its the best thing I ever did for myself and I can't see myself without him. He's my best friend who has done nothing but support me in everything I've brought up. As much as I used to insist that marriage was unrealistic for someone like me, I can't imagine myself any other way. I'm so glad I trusted him when he insisted he loved me from the moment he saw me and no longer wanted to waste time dating and going through the motions.
    7 weeks of knowing someone?! You're crazy!

  16. #14
    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2004
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    5,449
    Thanks
    74
    Thanked 165 Times in 119 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    Good comments so far. Just to add, people talk about 50% of marriages fail, but never talk about what percentage of non-marriages fail. It's hard to know if it is really a sign of dismal failure, or just that in general humans have trouble maintaining long relationships and marriage improves the odds (but provides no guarantees of course).
    I promise not to look down on you if you can laugh at lawyer jokes. - minnow

  17. #15
    Banned
    Joined
    May 2009
    Posts
    1,335
    Thanks
    117
    Thanked 40 Times in 39 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by JayATee View Post
    Not all marriages end in divorce. I know plenty of ppl who are happily married myself included. If you constantly live your life in fear of what may happen, you'll miss out on the best parts. Taking chances makes it interesting.

    My husband and I have been happily married for 8 years yesterday. We got married when I was 18. Everyone told me I was insane. But I adored him, and still do. I adore every second I spend with him. We still act like newly weds. Is it possible 10yrs from now we could decide we're no longer meant to be? Sure, but would I trade the years we've been happy? Never. And I wouldn't have had the happiness I do now if I hadn't committed to him.

    Marriage isn't for everyone. You can think whatever you want about it. You're obviously entitled to live your life any way you want, just don't sell yourself short of the experiences that make life worth living.
    Wow! I agree 100%.

  18. #16
    Banned
    Joined
    May 2009
    Posts
    1,335
    Thanks
    117
    Thanked 40 Times in 39 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by peachplumpear View Post
    Both my cousins got pregnant this year and hurried to marry before the baby bump appeared. When I listened to all the "perfect match forever and ever bestfriend and partner" hyperbole my head began to spin. I decided that marriage for these people is a rather idealistic endeaver. A realist would focus on what's working NOW: we love eachother and were having this baby together. A romantic, or idealist, focuses on an unknown truth and holds it to be true. 50% of marriages end in divorce. Is it acceptable to listen to people's vows with a grain of salt?
    My marriage is very turbulent but it is still here. It is possible to enter a marriage with your youth on your side and love in your heart, and leave the marriage old and sad. When it ends and you are no longer young, you feel like you gave your youth and heart to someone who did not deserve them. But that is a wrong line of thinking; you just have to steal the moment of love whenever you can. It never lasts forever. But never think that any moment you spent in love was a waste.

  19. #17
    Veteran Member peachplumpear's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    513
    Thanks
    40
    Thanked 125 Times in 78 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    Thanks for all the responses thus far!
    I guess what's really going on is that my boyfriend of two years doesn't see himself marrying me for a LONG time so in the meantime, to avoid having hurt feelings every day, I had to mentally reject the idea.

    I was untrustworthy (drugs, other guys) for the first part of our relationship so I can understand his reservations, otherwise he would have taken me more seriously when I told him I wanted to be married and that dating didn't cut it.

  20. #18
    Veteran Member peachplumpear's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    513
    Thanks
    40
    Thanked 125 Times in 78 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    Also- The girl in the 8 year relationship had repeatedly told him she did not want to be married. She's a freak-a-leek who only wears midriff tops. They were radically different from their married friends because they just really liked being together for the sake of each others company. There was never any question in their minds that they were soul mates. So for them, I think marriage was the best way to make their families happy.

    And yes you are right I should stop worrying about other peoples lives, but they are closer to me than sisters and it all happened so suddenly. This is pretty much an anonymous forum.... and it was a bigger deal than I could handle alone in my journal so I asked for outside opinions....

  21. #19
    Banned
    Joined
    May 2009
    Posts
    1,335
    Thanks
    117
    Thanked 40 Times in 39 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    It is always wonderful to share our feelings with others if it is possible. I am glad you felt comfortable enough to share your feelings with us.

    I am glad you have abandoned drugs and that you are considering being more serious with your boy friend. Never pass on the opportunity to love and be loved, no matter how brief or unorthodox the moment is.

  22. #20
    Featured Member CherryBomb954's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    1,541
    Thanks
    265
    Thanked 242 Times in 138 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    My husband and I knew eachother 60 days. We met on Valentines Day, both single, angry, recently broken up and on the rebound at a bar. Made out on the beach that night and it was magical.

    Got married on that following Good Friday (April 14th) and have been together many, many years. It only gets better every day. I think I am more in love with him now then ever.

    At the same time, we don't have children and aren't planning on it. I don't know what it is like to be a parent (or expecting parent) and how that might influence mine, or my partner's, emotions. I have had several friends, and family members rush into marriage because of a child, and it has turned out a disaster.

    I am firm believer kids are a BIG factor in the success of a marriage, no matter how long the people have known eachother beforehand or the circumstances. I also know couples who live a bland, boring life, just going through the motions of being a "married couple" and having a home life for their babies. I think that is sad. I dunno what is worse....a child being raised by divorced parents or by parents who hate eacother, stay together for "the kids sake" but are so miserable they creat a toxic home life for their chilredn.

  23. #21
    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Istanbul, Turkey
    Posts
    3,724
    Thanks
    1,381
    Thanked 2,975 Times in 1,158 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    i love marriage. It pays for my college tuition .

    in all seriousness, i think that marriages fuck up a lot. Im not sure if humans were designed to be completely monogomous. I suppose some makes sense to raise kids and all, but it seems like 2 people are rarely happy together for a long time. Unless I see two people getting married who have known eachother for a long time and seem absolutely perfect for eachother, I dont expect positive things. Too many women feel they need to be married and end up rushing things and too many men end up being pushed into it without thinking things through. Yes i know this is stereotypical and not always the case, but our culture definitely has a stigma against single women and pushes them towards marriage much more so than it does to men. So its only expected that women would be more worried about ending up alone.

    Divorced parents beat parents who hate eachother when raising a kid IMO. Parents who hate eachother spend the entire time yelling at eachother then take out the anger on the child. Ive never been through the divorced parents experience, but i remember wanting my parents to divorce so they would chill out.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


  24. The Following User Says Thank You to Athenathefabulous For This Useful Post:


  25. #22
    Member
    Joined
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Dallas, TX
    Posts
    42
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 5 Times in 4 Posts

    Default Re: I reject marriage

    The way I figure it, a man can love me just as much out of wedlock as he can IN wedlock...I don't need to make it more difficult, painful or expensive on myself if we decide to part ways. I like my freedom to come and go.

    I don't want to take someone elses name either. Besides pictures, when all my family is gone, the only thing left of them will be my memories and my last name, so why is it fair that mine should be wiped away when my "husband" gets to keep his?

    I don't particularly want kids and am absolutely terrified of getting prego...marriage to me is a nearly useless institution, but I will admit that it is good when kids are involved. It has it's good and bad points. Yes, it's terrifying to be trapped in a marriage with someone you barely know just b/c you got pregnant, but bringing a kid into a broken situation also sucks and is far from fair. Two adults made a decision and must deal with the consequences...when kids are involved, there is no time to be selfish, so sticking it out with one another (provided you get along well) would be the best thing...however, how well do you really know someone if you've only known them for a short while? Getting married due to pregnancy is very pressuring on both people involved and puts a lot of weight on the kid...they usually depend on the kid to be the glue to hold things together b/c a lot of times, that's the only thing they end up having in common. There are exceptions to every rule, but generally, this is what I've seen from watching other people in the same situation. Then there you are after 18 years wondering what it was all for after the kid is barely speaking to you due to some silly tiff after you just sent him/her off to a college that you are forking out cash for...then, there goes your retirement. Typically at this point is when the husband decides to go through his midlife crisis, mentally checks out and divorces your ass...

    I'd rather just stay single with no kids and have a significant other to travel and snuggle with. I don't need to marry someone and be exposed to all kinds of other troubles like I've mentioned above. Aside from pregnancy, going through a nasty divorce is equally as terrifying to me. The tables are already turning...if I happen to make more money than my man, he'll come after my livelihood instead of the other way around...eek!

Similar Threads

  1. On the other hand: How to Reject Someone?
    By Lillionaire in forum Life Support
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 12-29-2010, 01:38 AM
  2. Reject's spotlight
    By Scorpio Starlight in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 04-20-2008, 06:53 PM
  3. I am a reject
    By hardkandee in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 50
    Last Post: 04-16-2008, 02:23 AM
  4. Ph.sex reject
    By whirlerz in forum Other Work
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: 11-13-2007, 11:09 AM
  5. How To Reject Nicely
    By Taylorlila in forum Hustle Hut
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 07-21-2007, 12:50 AM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •