











^^^ You may have researched some things, but not everything in your novel lines up correctly. Like I said, you've used plenty of artistic license to put different periods of time together.
If you can't win. Make the fellow in front of you break the record.








"Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."









Ugh, really dude? You're trying to write a novel and you can't even speak properly?
You do not say there is hope for "I". You say there is hope for "me".
The proper sentence would read:
There is hope for us all including you and me.
Although frankly, this is redundant. When you say there is hope for us all that includes "you and me".
Stop wasting words to make yourself sound important. You're not Dickens, so you're not being paid by the word.
Sorry I missed church. I was too busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.
"If you're good at something, never do it for free." The Dark Knight
"you conjunctively engender an intoxicating combination of wicked, wholesome & insanely intelligent" - a friend describing me
Blessed Be
Ok, this is not directed solely at Cyril, but how come people do not know that indicating the loss of something is spelled losing, not loosing? Loosing is to make something loose, not the act of loss. At least 50% of the posts using that word have it spelled incorrectly. If it was a once in a while thing, I would say "typo", but too many people do it repetitively.
Ok, end of pet-peeve rant.













Sorry I missed church. I was too busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.
"If you're good at something, never do it for free." The Dark Knight
"you conjunctively engender an intoxicating combination of wicked, wholesome & insanely intelligent" - a friend describing me
Blessed Be




Show me where I asked you to take me seriously. I think you are volunteering your seriousness.
You will force your point more impressively if you do not make any grammatical mistakes yourself. It will be more credible if you make your point through your actions instead of your words. This is exactly what I told your friend Mediocrity.




It is perfectly all right to criticize but you have to earn the credibility before your criticism will be considered. Few suggestions for folks who wish to write polemics:
- If you want to criticize someone's grammar, at least make sure that your grammar itself is sound
- If you say there are some inconsistencies then point out those inconsistencies
- If you say Cyril's writing style is cold then define what you consider cold and then pick some excerpts to illustrate your point
- Once again make your point through your action not through your tall claims like your triple degrees in molecular biology, which I have no use for
- If you want to criticize someone's grammar, at least make sure that your grammar itself is sound: Not speaking for those who comment on general posts, but the grammar in your novel is fair game since it is supposed to be a piece of legitimate writing, not a form of informal banter. One need not have proper grammer in a general post to critique your formal writing.
- If you say there are some inconsistencies then point out those inconsistencies Why? Once you've been informed that they exist, then you should try to find them yourself. It is not up to us to correct all of your mistakes; it is up to you.
- If you say Cyril's writing style is cold then define what you consider cold and then pick some excerpts to illustrate your point Already been done. If you want more examples simply look at Chapters 1 through 6.
- Once again make your point through your action not through your tall claims like your triple degrees in molecular biology, which I have no use for. You can't criticise someone for providing their credentials when it's in response to an off-handed comment made by you questioning their level of inteligence.
If you can't win. Make the fellow in front of you break the record.




I'm going to ignore everything else here for a minute, and limit my questions. I'm a writer, and I probably wouldn't post anything I don't want stolen on the internet. I mean, okay, probably no one is going to steal Immaculate Love, but still - it's bad form.
Finish your first chapter, send it off to a publisher and see if they want it. Don't waste time on a product no one is going to buy. Try one of those penny romance publishers that have Fabio on the cover of their books or something. Don't try to use SW for free editing. Editors are professionals, they get paid for what they do, and you need one.





Sorry I missed church. I was too busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.
"If you're good at something, never do it for free." The Dark Knight
"you conjunctively engender an intoxicating combination of wicked, wholesome & insanely intelligent" - a friend describing me
Blessed Be








Baseless? Huh. I'm one of the few posters who even bothered to proof read any part of your crappy novel. The post is not baseless, because I have already posted several examples of your poor grammar and poor writing.
You want one tip? Ask yourself why Greek sailors are referring to places by their Latin names. Names that in some cases were not translated from Greek to Latin for several hundred years after the time of your story. Trust me, there are plenty more inconsistencies and errors in your narrative.
If you can't win. Make the fellow in front of you break the record.




You are beginning to sound like a broken record on the grammar. I thanked you for proof reading Chapter – One. You did an excellent job.
My ingenuity does not lie in grammar or proof reading but in my creativity. There are tons of people like you who can do this kind of clerical thing. But there are not many who have imagination and vision that can produce a plot like Immaculate Love.
This work is pro bono publico. I am not making any money from this love story. Heck, I do not even go to the strip clubs.
Last edited by Cyril; 08-12-2009 at 09:48 PM.




"Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."




I noticed, I make less grammatical mistakes when I write a chapter on the weekend. So, to avoid heartache and pain on grammar loving peanut gallery, I will abstain from writing the seventh chapter till the weekend arrives. However, there will be no guarantee that the chapter will be devoid of grammatical mistakes. I will certainly try though.




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