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Thread: My Whiney toddler

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    Veteran Member sunnie86's Avatar
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    Default My Whiney toddler

    I came under heat of how I control my 15 month son during his tantrums by his grandmother. She claims that I should either spank him or give him what he wants, instead of my placing him in his room until he settles. she said I should spank him cause he hits when he doesn't gets his way, which makes no sense cause then he just hits more. OR I should give him said object which rewards his bad action. His attention span is all of 10 mins. I put him in his room not the crib he rolls on the floor kicking, see something fun out of the corner of his eyes and forgets about what his fit was for same thing at the store I place him in the cart keep moving on and he completely forgets the toy he played with 3 mins before hand. It seems to be working for me, yet she doesn't see it like that cause his actions don't stop quickly enough for her. I'm lost and have no clue what to say to her.

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    Featured Member MarvelGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Whiney toddler

    You are doing the exact right thing. Giving him what he wants is a terrible idea because it rewards the bad behavior and hitting him is just cruel. A 15 month old won't understand why he is being spanked.

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    God/dess papillonluvr's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Whiney toddler

    Spanking a young child leads to violent actions from him back to you . He starts thinking that hitting is OK, which it isn't.

    Restrain him by hugging, redirect him to something else to distract him. Distraction is my personal favorite-I use it with my daughter all the time and with my students as well. Ignore the behavior if he's asking for attention. If he gets really wild and crazy, remove all the things around him that may injure him or he may hurt and let him tire himself out. Let him come to you after he cries himself out. Reward the postive behaviors he exhibits-praise, hugs, kisses, toys, whatever works for him.

    I use this with my daughter, and she now hardly ever tantrums.

    Good luck!
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    Default Re: My Whiney toddler

    Quote Originally Posted by sunnie86 View Post
    I came under heat of how I control my 15 month son during his tantrums by his grandmother.
    Let's be fair to Grandma, she has Generations of experience here. She has likely seen it all, and the outcome years later.

    Quote Originally Posted by sunnie86 View Post
    She claims that I should either spank him or give him what he wants, instead of my placing him in his room until he settles.
    Spank his little butt and park him in a chair right there with you, if even one toe touches the floor spank his little butt again. You are the adult and you make the rules. Don't let your desire to avoid confrontations deprive your child of the lesson that all decisions come with consequences. You are sending him away (his room) to avoid the difficult and awkward confrontation. If he has no limits at two, what will he have at fifteen when his friends want help stealing a tv?

    Quote Originally Posted by sunnie86 View Post
    she said I should spank him cause he hits when he doesn't gets his way, which makes no sense cause then he just hits more.
    OH no not to my room where all the toys are! Like I said spank his butt and park that little rear in a chair right there with you. Biology integrated pain and memory, it has kept us from repeating bad ideas. Never touched a hot stove twice, or sat on the hot vinyl seats of the family car in the summer time. Pain is what we remember first and reminds us not to do that.

    Quote Originally Posted by sunnie86 View Post
    OR I should give him said object which rewards his bad action.
    Agreed that is a bad idea for the reason you outline.


    Quote Originally Posted by sunnie86 View Post
    His attention span is all of 10 mins. I put him in his room not the crib he rolls on the floor kicking, see something fun out of the corner of his eyes and forgets about what his fit was for same thing at the store I place him in the cart keep moving on and he completely forgets the toy he played with 3 mins before hand. It seems to be working for me, yet she doesn't see it like that cause his actions don't stop quickly enough for her. I'm lost and have no clue what to say to her.
    His short attention span is your reward for not keeping up the confrontation. "If I can just distract him this behaviour will stop, until it starts again."

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    God/dess Gia2608's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Whiney toddler

    I don't have kids but my Sister does so I guess I qualify as an ex- Nanny. I don't think spanking a 15 mo old is a good idea so u are right about that for sure. Putting him in the room and shutting the door is essentially ignoring him which is the best thing to do for tantrums.

    With regard to him hitting, that has to stop. My nephew used to hit too (but he was little older). When my nephew was about 2 and a half to 3 he kept hitting and kicking everyone in my family. I explained to him "Why we don't hit people" Because it hurts them. Then I punished him the next few times he did it because he should have known better. Then, when that didn't work I balled my fist up and hit him in the stomach. I def.didn't use more force than would just slightly knock the wind out if him (he was so little I could have easily broken a rib and/ or collapsed a lung). I felt really bad doing it and cried after (not in front of him of course). But then he knew what it felt like. You know what? He has never hit anyone in his life since that day except on the football field.

    I know your little one is way too young for this approach, and it's scary to hit a kid but keep it inmind of he's still hitting a year from now.
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    God/dess papillonluvr's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Whiney toddler

    Please keep in mind that time-outs according to the Department of Human and Child Services says 1 minute/year of age.

    Also, it is known in the psychology community that attention span comes with age. An average toddler just do not really have the attention span of even a 5 year old. The mental ability just isn't there yet.
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

    Confuscius say: "Man who pull bra stap get bust in face"


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    Senior Member etru's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Whiney toddler

    Armysgt nailed it. The butt-slap should just be a little more than a pat. In fact, under happier circumstances the kid would probably think it was fun. And then it is corner time. Get this behavior out sooner rather than later. No one – and I mean no one -- likes a bratty kid. When he grows up he will thank you. They don’t treat you with kid-gloves in the military, law school or med school. You need a certain amount of toughness.

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    Default Re: My Whiney toddler

    I watch super nanny a lot and it seems the time out chair works the best. Putting them in a room so they are trapped in there, hitting the door with their little hands, doesn't seem to teach self control as much as them having to sit their little tush down in a seat for a set period of time AND be truly sorry for what they did after the fact. I don't get spanking or slapping. Too many traumatic memories of my own on that count.
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    Veteran Member sunnie86's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Whiney toddler

    Its not really punishment for an action...he throws trantrums cause he can't have something so he doesnt get it. and when he really goes all out I put him in a room by himself with no toys as they go in the basement. ( I don't want to pick up toys in 10 different rooms) and the door stays open but he is pinned in with a gate that he normally stands at or he lays on the floor beside it. A minute or two passes he realizes he's not getting anywhere settles down and I bring him back out. If he hits or something then he goes into an excersaucer that I took all the toys off of, he goes in there for no more than a minute cause after that he forgets what he did.

    And his fits are rarely ever for toys or food, it's shit he really shouldnt have like knives, or playing on the phone, or climbing on shelving, playing in the kithen when I'm cooking. I tell him no and most of the time he stops, but sometimes he just don't get it and so he needs to be seperated from his wants, its when your standing in front of him and ignoring it is when he starts hitting, as soon as he lays or sits on the floor crying he gets seperated from whatever it is. So its not really a form of punishment per-say as he hasn't done wrong it's more of a cool down time for him.

    I have no clue if I made any sense...

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    Featured Member goreantx's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Whiney toddler

    Quote Originally Posted by sunnie86 View Post
    So its not really a form of punishment per-say as he hasn't done wrong it's more of a cool down time for him.

    I have no clue if I made any sense...
    It makes sense, but he is old enough to understand that certain things are off limits. My 11 month old knows that certain places are "NO-NO"s. We're saying the same basic thing with a time out/cool down time, but you can add in constructive boundaries, too. Picking up a knife isn't evil, but it is dangerous, so he needs to understand that he is in time out because he picked up a knife and broke the rules. I know grandma is used to swatting to get that message across
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    Default Re: My Whiney toddler

    The real challenge with having kids is re-training ourselves.

    Despite popular myth (usually propagated by those who don't have thier own kids to raise), children are not born little angels. They want, they need, they demand, they take, they are often quite self-centered and pretty much do whatever seems to work to get what they feel they want in the moment.

    It takes time and patience to teach them social skills, to teach them patience, to teach them to factor in others into their wants. They will thank you later for it, but fight back when they are younger.

    Also different kids have different temperaments. You might get lucky and have one who is quite easy going but it's luck of the draw. Some will require more work. This is not necessarily because you are doing anything wrong. The intensity with which they feel some emotions more then others is a function of their genetics and a roll of the dice.

    There really is no magic answer. Basic behavior training works (reward positive behavior, ignore what negative behavior you can or put a stop to it) but it takes time.

    Time outs can work though like anything else you need to mix it up so it's doesn't become something that no longer has an effect.

    Some cultures approve of safe spankings, some do not. Follow whatever is the law in yours as there is no point in going to jail. Whatever you do, don't hurt them.

    They are not trying to be bad so much as they have not yet learned how to be socially good. Retrain yourself too to come to expect that this will be the way it is for some years to come. It gets easier in time if you are consistent when they are younger.
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    Veteran Member Jenna78's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Whiney toddler

    rent The Happiest Toddler On The Block by Harvey Karp, MD from your library! It's a DVD and he gives great advice for dealing with the little hoodlums they are at 15 months. I work in a daycare center with 15 months to 24 months old kids...if you give em an inch they will take a mile. It's all about limits and letting them know you are in charge, like a benevolent ruler, but a ruler none the less. Also, your tone of voice is very important, they can't always understand your words but they can understand your tone, if you say "no, no" and laugh they will think they are funny and keep doing stuff. If you say "chocolate" in a firm, serious tone, they will stop. It's important to be firm and stern with the kids.

    Also, time outs should not be used for children under 2 years old!!! But, putting them in a room with no toys like you are to cool down is a great idea. Just remember not to get angry, just say "You are angry/sad/mad. Sit in here and relax." Very calmly but firmly.

    And your grandma has no clue--do what you know is best and what works!
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