Ok, so I have already applied at a couple SC's and got shot right down.
That kinda fucked with my confidence.....SOOO thennnnn......
My hubby starts his shit with me. The other day I was going to try to have a conversation w/him about auditioning, and he's like..."Oh no, not this stripper bullshit again. I don't know you must have some sort of fantasy of being a stripper. I'm sooo tired of hearing about this shit".
After he said all that, I told him I'm going to go audition at X, Y, & Z. He responds by saying..."Noone is gonna hire you. You have almost no experience. They want girls that know what they doing. They want girls that look good. Most of those girls are at least 7 or 8's. They don't wanna hire less then that."
By then, I'm basically holding back tears because it hurt that he thought that lowly of me. So I screamed out...."Bitch I'm not a 7 or 8, I'm more like one fuckin hundred mutha fuc*a"
He was acting like he thinks I'm like a 2 or 3, which realllllly hurt me. Also, I realized he thinks I'm nuts for wanting to do this.
The last few nights, he has been throwing in little weight remarks, just to make me feel bad about myself. Tonight he actually called me "fat" & "fat ass".
My self esteem & confidence is sooooo shot right now, I just feel like a piece of shit. I still want to audition & find a place to work. I know If I can hold my head up high & fake some confidence at first, I will eventually not have to fake it.
I'm even MORE determined now than I was before to make it. I want to prove my hubby wrong & also I want to get my own esteem (&my own life) back again.
Thanks for listening....
right now I hate men. ARRGGG, I just want to get to the SC & take all there fuckin money!






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