we all have 'em, right?
usually i make a point of not dating guys that work at places i hang out at but this was the one exception. He was a bartender at my regular bar and after a year of flirting we finally made plans to hang out. He'd recently bought a house and he wanted me to check it out. Cool. So i went over one evening, we had a great time drinking beer, listening to cds, and talking. I noticed that everytime he went in the kitchen he'd pour himself a shot of jager and do it over the sink. After a few of these shots he started looking sad and he told me that yesterday had been his son's 3rd birthday. The baby mama didn't let him see the kid and he was really upset. He started crying (not stoic man tears but straight up sobbing) and told me that he really liked me but he wasn't over the baby mama yet. She broke up with him sometime during the pregnancy and while that was 3 years ago he hadn't recovered yet. I told him it was all right, we're just hanging out man. He sniffled a bit and told me again how much he liked me, and because of that he wanted me to know the REAL him. He had a deep dark secret and he said i needed to know what it was. Sighing dramatically he stood up and told me to come upstairs to his bedroom so he could show me the secret. I was in a 'what the hell' mood so i went up with him. We stopped in front of a big walk in closet. He went in and i watched him reach up to a top shelf and take down something wrapped up in a blue terry cloth towel. He layed it at the edge of the bed and gazed solemnly down upon it. A lone tear rolled down his cheek. He started up again about how much he liked me and how i needed to know the real him, and how the baby mama broke his heart, and then how he had to have sex every single day (cause he'd explode?) and when the baby mama dumped him he thought he was never going to get laid again. Finally he bent down and removed the towel, unveiling... a rubber pussy! We stood there looking down at his dark secret and i had to suppress the urge to poke at it with my finger, cause that might have seemed disrespectful. After what felt like a long time he sighed and wrapped it back up in the towel, telling me that now i knew the truth. Not sure what i was supposed to say i stood there trying to come up with a good excuse for why i had to leave while he put it back in the closet. He was taking a long time in there and i figured he was putting the rubber pussy back in it's shrine or whatever. Finally he came back out--freakin' naked! He started shaking his hips to make his balls bounce around, telling me to look at how big they were. I decided the hell with a good excuse, i had to go. Now. (i give him credit though, they were big)
anybody else have a wacky sex misadventure that they look back upon and just have to laugh at?



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