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Thread: Holy sh*t is this normal?

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    Veteran Member heidimonster7's Avatar
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    Default Holy sh*t is this normal?

    Hello,

    I would like input from ladies and gents on this post.
    I always knew my husband had a higher sex drive than me. I also knew he suffered sexual abuse from multiple father figures in his life.

    I just discovered in our "favorites" tab of our computer 480 saved internet porn entries. 480!!! Now, I wouldn't mind this so much, but here's the part that really bothers me:

    The majority of these entries are things like "Daddy f*cks stepdaughter/babysitter/18 year old girl" and stuff like that. That just makes me cringe and feel sick inside.

    Is this the normal male psyche? Does my husband need help?

    Damn, I must seem ultra-vanilla compared to all this porn.

    Is this pathological, or is this just your average guy's porn collection???



    Thanks for any input...

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    Veteran Member spyder's Avatar
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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    no, i don't think that's quite the normal porn collection there, especially if it's mainly of the daddy variety. A lot of early abuse victims subconsciously seek out similar experiences. That's why so many women that were abused by their fathers end up with abusive men.

    is his past something he's comfortable talking about with you? If not, maybe you could casually bring up the porn, just to see how he reacts. I would jokingly say something like "hey, that's some collection you got on our computer" to see how he'd respond. If he can joke about it i wouldn't worry, but if he freaked out about me discovering it than yeah, i'd be concerned.

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    bbbbbpppppuuuhhhh....boy that's a tough one. I don't know how long it took him to amass that collection of links but that's a LOT...and when you say "majority" how many of them are like the ones you described?

    I don't think there's anything wrong with the 18 year old/babysitter fantasy but the way you're describing it makes me think that you think that he's got a touch of pedo in him. What else makes you think this besides the porn?

    Overall, this does not pass the smell test, and I am porn monger myself.

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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    I don't know. Personally I feel like the amount of saved sites is more of a concern than the type. I'd worry a bit about the "step daughter" thing, but babysitter and 18 year old? Nah. I think that's pretty normal. Baby sitter implies at least a later High School age. Also, even step-daughter implies non bio relation and probably consent. I'd be more concerned if it were to say words like "rapes" and "pre-teen". The "barely legal" thing is pretty hugely common and plenty of therapists will argue that it's healthy and normal, so long as it's "fantasy".

    480 though... that sounds like an addiction.

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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    Did you look at any of the photos? Sometimes that title just means it is sex with a middle aged guy to send the subliminal message that hot chicks will still date us 'old guys'... Porn has to keep 'pushing the envelope' because just about everything that you can think of dong has been done...

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    Senior Member leyah's Avatar
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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    Huh? Oh my, my friends husband is doing the same thing and she was afraid to confront him so she asked me too (we are all good friends) so I just came out, asked him and he said he does it just because. I has nothing to do with lack of love for his wife and does not interfer with his daily life. I wouldnt be worried about the type of porn he is looking at, most people look at wierd porn out of curiousity. I have some taboo porn that I wont get into naming that turns me on but someone would call gross. My concern was if he was hiding it. Was it just out in the open in the favorites or was it tucked away in 5 folders labeled something like "baby pics". I would say dont worry about it unless he starts watching man and 16yr old or man and boy type porns with rape scenes or torture type scenes with underage. If you got suspicious and started searching for a clue and found it, I always say "If you know you are gonna stay with your SO why search for things that will piss you off when found, it will only make things worst"

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    Veteran Member heidimonster7's Avatar
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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde View Post

    I don't think there's anything wrong with the 18 year old/babysitter fantasy but the way you're describing it makes me think that you think that he's got a touch of pedo in him. What else makes you think this besides the porn?.
    Well without getting into too much detail, he likes to play "daddy" um... in bed. Not super often, but I have never asked "soooo... how old am I right now to you in your little la-la land?" However, I do realize that this is a super-common fantasy.

    That type of sh*t just reminds me of when I worked in a peep show, and there really WAS someone who wanted us to talk about us being quite under age... it was really creepy. So I guess I am hyper-sensitive to that stuff.

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    Veteran Member heidimonster7's Avatar
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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    He was only hiding it a little bit. It was under his folder, but it was labeled as "(insert her the name of the school we were going to)". It wasn't totally burried. I only found it because I was cleaning out our favorites folder now that we have finished school.

    We talk about all kinds of things, so I do think this is something I could bring up. I just don't know the best way to do it.

    I am all for him having his porn collection; that doesn't bother me. It was definitely the content that has me worried.

    Granted, and I just realized this: it could be because I was a victim of date rape myself. No wonder I am so sensitive to those type of fantasies.

    Hm.

    Keep the input coming. Thanks so much, this has really helped so far.

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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    How do you count favorites tabs? (Going off to count mine...)

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    Veteran Member heidimonster7's Avatar
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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    I counted them by hand. I'm OCD like that.

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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    I've probably got a couple of hundred links saved in my favourites. Actually, I've been thinking about deleting them because I find I never go back to any of them. There's always something new on the free porn sites, and well...it's new, so therefore automatically more interesting. Lots of those links are for the same sort of stuff you are describing.

    I'm domish when it comes to sex, and prefer a submissive girl. Daddy, is kind of another word for Master, or Professor, and is a turn-on for me. I'm not into underagers or incest, but roleplaying allows for lots of boundaries to be pushed, and the naughty stepdaughter who seduces "Daddy" is a fun one. Babysitter, naughty Schoolgirl, delinquent etc are all D/s roleplaying turn-ons.

    I don't think you have anything to worry about, especially if you have good communication. He's just a filthy pervert like me. It can be a problem if he is always insisting you play along with his fantasies and you find them disgusting. It sounds like he isn't feeding you a steady diet of it, and is willing to mix it up and fulfill some of your desires...even if they are vanilla desires.

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    Veteran Member heidimonster7's Avatar
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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    ^^

    I really appreciate your input there, and it makes a lot more sense when you put it that way. I can totally roll with stuff like what you described. I think because I know his history I am on the lookout for something pathologic just in case. Sounds like he is still within the realm of... uh... how do you say "normal" sexual fantasy? I know it's all about pushing the envelope...

    What would I do without you guys? I mean, who else could I ask about something like this? "Hi Mom, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something"... LOL

    So thanks again

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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    I am of two minds on this one... One shoulder creature says "not good, kinda scary, possibly trouble" and the other says "dude's kind of a kindred spirit" lol - in that I'm kinda like HockeyBobby up there.

    One qualifier - I'm not big on porn. I visit fewer sites in a year than most moderate fans do in a week, literally.

    However, even by the standards of most porn addicts i know, that's a bit on the high side. The content - well, it could be fantasy, it could be something that evolves into unhealthy.

    In other words - just like everything else about porn, lol.

    That didn't help at all, did it. *sigh*

    Talk to him about it, see above posts, lol.

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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    Could be like HB outlined, relatively safe fetish fantasy stuff, but yea a possible red flag for pedophile. Putting aside the now invaded privacy... if the links were to youngsters it is a serious concern. If it's just women his/your own age and you're good with that, then it is probably just normal seduction related fetish with a fairly common theme and nothing to worry about.
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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    One quick qaulifier might be to know how proficient he is with a computers. Does he know how to delete an old saved link?
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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    I'd be concerned with whether there are children in the home & if the "actors" are of legal verifiable age. I'm also wondering why you're unable to discuss this with him. Suggest watching porn together (if you don't already) & ask him to share the ones he likes. Could be it's just curiosity/harmless fantasizing that he feels unable to talk to you about for fear of being judged/criticized...
    Last edited by minalynx; 08-19-2009 at 10:34 AM.

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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    Depends on the guy I guess. My husband has a porn collection that rivals most stores lol. It hasn't ever bothered me.
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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    Quote Originally Posted by heidimonster7 View Post
    Well without getting into too much detail, he likes to play "daddy" um... in bed. .
    Firstly that's so hot - I wish my boy would get into that but his role plays aren't convincing lol

    Secondly IMO it's totally nothing to worry about so he has a kink - as long as he's not actually doing anything illegal !

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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    Yeah, I wouldn't worry about porn. My boyfriend has a shit ton of porn on his computer. He whacks off like at least twice a day, usually more. Doesn't bother me. He's pretty open about it. But if he was lying to me about it, I'd have an issue. I mean, I watch porn. It's nothing to be ashamed about. And I've watched some really bizarre stuff. But if he's hiding it from you, either he's really embarrassed and concerned about what you would say, or he has guilt issues with himself for watching it.

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    Veteran Member MissMynxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    Quote Originally Posted by hockeybobby View Post
    I've probably got a couple of hundred links saved in my favourites. Actually, I've been thinking about deleting them because I find I never go back to any of them. There's always something new on the free porn sites, and well...it's new, so therefore automatically more interesting. Lots of those links are for the same sort of stuff you are describing.

    I'm domish when it comes to sex, and prefer a submissive girl. Daddy, is kind of another word for Master, or Professor, and is a turn-on for me. I'm not into underagers or incest, but roleplaying allows for lots of boundaries to be pushed, and the naughty stepdaughter who seduces "Daddy" is a fun one. Babysitter, naughty Schoolgirl, delinquent etc are all D/s roleplaying turn-ons.

    I don't think you have anything to worry about, especially if you have good communication. He's just a filthy pervert like me. It can be a problem if he is always insisting you play along with his fantasies and you find them disgusting. It sounds like he isn't feeding you a steady diet of it, and is willing to mix it up and fulfill some of your desires...even if they are vanilla desires.
    This is exactly what I thought of when I saw this thread. It just sounds like a healthy dose of a D/s fantasy. My personal (newly discovered) favorite is the naughty schoolgirl who attends a school that allows corporal punishment and always seems to act up in a certain teacher's class. I personally am a little weirded out by the "Daddy" thing (as a victim of stepfather abuse...) but I can even get behind it a little and see where people are coming from.

    It sounds like since he's not pushing it off on you, like hockeybobby said, and he's willing to fulfill your desires too, I wouldn't worry. BDSM is a VERY large part of my sex life, and when I'm with more vanilla partners - I'm usually perfectly satisfied (I only say usually because of my last boyfriend, but WE WON'T get into that... lol), but sometimes those "darker" or more "perverted" desires creep in - and if I know it's not my partner's bag, well, that's what porn is there for.

    My own collection of various porn is pretty healthy, and I've been accused of an addiction before too. I had well over 800 sites bookmarked before I cleared them out. It's not like I pet the kitty all night every night to them; they were just a large array of things I could choose from when the mood hit.

    I've also personally had some problems with discussing fetishes with partners. Sometimes, having had negative experiences with people freaking out in the past - even if you KNOW your partner will accept it, it's hard to get the brass ones to say it and talk about it! I completely trust A.J. and have VERY frank and open conversations about our sexual fantasies, and we still sometimes have some serious blushing and embarassing moments where it's tough to say what's in your head.

    Try not to be angry with him. One of the two of you will get the balls to say something about it, and you'll either discover that he was only embarassed and worried about your reaction - or, less likely in my experience, he may have been hiding it for a deeper reason.

    If the links seem to be to actors of legal age and having fun, I wouldn't worry. If some old dude has a 5 year old in bed, then I'd freak. But from what it sounds like, this isn't the case. Try talking to him about it, and hey - maybe try roleplaying. I personally would squick out over being my fiance's "stepdaugher" (UGH!), but hey ... Daddy coming home early and finding the babysitter laying on the couch getting a bit hot and heavy after finding the porn collection when junior is in bed? Could be pretty hot.
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    Featured Member Stripper Hacks's Avatar
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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    Does not seem normal. Check to make sure there are no minors involved in the sites. I know that barely legal porn actresses can be 25 years old an up but if he is looking at child porn that is illegal. Not too healthy either.




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    Veteran Member jennahoff's Avatar
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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    Id watch some of the porns he has saved. See how old the girls are(or look anyways). Are they ALL about "dads" with babysitter/students etc?
    or is some of it like..teacher/student??
    If its all centered around DADDY than it does seem a little off to me.
    But if its just men with younger girls with various role plays than...ehh, it probly wouldnt bother me. but i watch alot of porn myself.
    And most of the porn i watch is centered around certain ..."themes" none of which id wanna incorporate into my actual sex life. So ya never know.
    Id watch some. Than maybe ask him in a non-argumentative way.
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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    I really don't think it's anything to worry about. Hell, if I bookmarked all the porn that I've watched over the last year I'd probably have 4-500 marked. lol At least half of that is "daddy" porn or something with a male authority figure.

    BTW - I have no daddy issues, but I am a sub and this stuff is WAY more common than the more hardcore stuff on the free sites. Plus, well, it's more fun and playful than the harsher, often too serious, Master stuff.

    You say he is in to the daddy/lil girl roleplaying, but is he also domish in bed? If so and you really aren't into daddy roleplay, tell him and maybe you could switch to a more Master/slave thing in bed.
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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    Quote Originally Posted by princessjas View Post
    Hell, if I bookmarked all the porn that I've watched over the last year I'd probably have 4-500 marked. lol At least half of that is "daddy" porn or something with a male authority figure.
    So true. I think one of my biggest turn ons with porns are the ones where it's the babysitter or something.
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    Default Re: Holy sh*t is this normal?

    Damn - there must be some way to get all of you together in one place, with MM too, and a video camera...

    :p

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