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Thread: Lost, nervous, depressed... Newbie

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    Sad Lost, nervous, depressed... Newbie

    Hi, everyone. So as the title states, I'm really going through a lot right now. Until a few months ago, I was a successful, professional business woman. I've been making $80,000/yr for the last 3 years, which I considered great for my age (turned 27 last month). I was laid off 3/1/09 and have not been able to find ANY work here in the Detroit metro area. I've watched my savings and checking account dwindle to nothing being that my living expenses just for my rent and utilities are about $2500/mo. I'm in a lease until next summer, so I can't move to a cheaper place and my credit is getting so bad I doubt anyone would even rent to me...

    I've never danced or anything, I can count my "partners" on one hand as I've always been in long term relationships. 2 back to back 6 year relationships, followed by a 2 yr one. I feel like because of the money issues, that's about to end to... What can I do? I'm very pretty, have a nice body, great personality, athletic, and my previous job was in sales, so I'm quite the salesman.

    I finally started getting unemployment, which helps, but doesn't come close to paying my bills since I now have student loans in repayment as well. I've wiped out my 401k and feel like everything I worked so hard for is just up in smoke. I've been on my own since I was 14 due to a very abusive upbringing. I feel like I've overcome so much... until now. I just feel like giving up.

    If I dance or do like Niteflirt or something, does anyone know if this means I'd have to give up my unemployment benefits since I'd technically be working? Any direction anyone could give would be helpful. I have no family, few friends...

    Even if no one can help, thanks for listening and reading thru this looong intro. Whoops! did I even really introduce myself?

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    Featured Member laurcon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lost, nervous, depressed... Newbie

    well i empathize with your situation lilmiss, def sounds rough. unfortunately dancing isn't the fallback option it used to be. with the economy many women are in your situation and looking to start dancing while at the same time men are losing their jobs too so the customer base is less. i can imagine it is esp tough in detroit right now.
    what surprises me though is that this relationship might end over money issues?? that seems like a real bummer. but perhaps dating some one with more money might be an option now. i've personally been helped out by the men in my life a great deal throughout my life, but i totally understand that not everyone feels comfortable with that.
    you sound very independent and strong. i wish i could be of more help.
    i don't mean to discourage you from trying dancing. you might be great at it because of your strength and confidence.
    i don't know anything about niteflirt, but a lot of clubs are cash-only off the books so you could continue to get unemployment while you start. they might just want your soc security card to prove you're a citizen but don't send it to the IRS or anything.
    well i wish you the best and continue to hang in there! with your hard work things will eventually turn around for you

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    Default Re: Lost, nervous, depressed... Newbie

    Do not get into stripping if you're in a bad place. Seriously, don't do it. The amount of sexual partners you've had or any abuse you've experienced should have absolutely nothing to do with any decisions you make about stripping or camwork. This isn't just the next step in a downward spiral. And this job is absolutely what you make of it. If you consider this to be a last resort out of desperation, you will have severe issues about it, and it will make your existing problems a hell of a lot worse. If you get into this industry because you genuinely are interested in the work, that's different. But you shouldn't feel pressured into this. And seriously, now is NOT the time to get into this industry, especially if you're only wanting to do it because you're financially desperate. There's no money going around. Maybe in six months or a year, things will improve. But I really wouldn't get into this industry if you're in a bad place.

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    Default Re: Lost, nervous, depressed... Newbie

    Thanks for the advice, ladies. It is sincerely appreciated.

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    Default Re: Lost, nervous, depressed... Newbie

    Quote Originally Posted by firemaiden04 View Post
    Do not get into stripping if you're in a bad place. Seriously, don't do it. The amount of sexual partners you've had or any abuse you've experienced should have absolutely nothing to do with any decisions you make about stripping or camwork. This isn't just the next step in a downward spiral. And this job is absolutely what you make of it. If you consider this to be a last resort out of desperation, you will have severe issues about it, and it will make your existing problems a hell of a lot worse. If you get into this industry because you genuinely are interested in the work, that's different. But you shouldn't feel pressured into this. And seriously, now is NOT the time to get into this industry, especially if you're only wanting to do it because you're financially desperate. There's no money going around. Maybe in six months or a year, things will improve. But I really wouldn't get into this industry if you're in a bad place.

    agreed. why was that even brought up. got a bad taste now

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    Default Re: Lost, nervous, depressed... Newbie

    This is right up the alley of what I'm working on for DancerVictory: the quality of your LIFE is in direct proportion to the quality of your EMOTIONS!

    There are only two things that drives us to take actionn in life: pleasure and pain. Unfortunately we will do more to avoid pain than we will to find pleasure.

    The emotions of pain are really just action signals. Instead of wallowing in them, you need to figure out what action you need to take in order to avoid these emotions.

    So figure out what action signals (i.e. pain) you are experiencing right now and what actions you can take.
    Last edited by britneyireland; 08-20-2009 at 07:11 AM.
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    Default Re: Lost, nervous, depressed... Newbie

    Quote Originally Posted by xfatrabbitx View Post
    agreed. why was that even brought up. got a bad taste now

    It was brought to give background on my life and relationships right now, giving information on why I feel so alone... not having anything to do with the decision of my dancing. Not sure why that would leave a bad taste, but thanks anyway. My post was misunderstood by a cpl of you, but thank you to the ladies who have pm'd me for your words of encouragement and support.

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    Default Re: Lost, nervous, depressed... Newbie

    no im just saying, it sounded like you were implying that you thought it was questionable if you should dance because you weren't promiscuous.
    anyway. i wish u the best of luck. and if you can't get out of that lease, fuck it. go try dancing. you never know how it'll turn out. if it doesnt work out for you, then quit. i mean, what's the alternative? don't try it, and risk losing everything? its atleast worth a shot

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    Default Re: Lost, nervous, depressed... Newbie

    Quote Originally Posted by lilmiss View Post
    Hi, everyone. So as the title states, I'm really going through a lot right now. Until a few months ago, I was a successful, professional business woman. I've been making $80,000/yr for the last 3 years, which I considered great for my age (turned 27 last month). I was laid off 3/1/09 and have not been able to find ANY work here in the Detroit metro area. I've watched my savings and checking account dwindle to nothing being that my living expenses just for my rent and utilities are about $2500/mo. I'm in a lease until next summer, so I can't move to a cheaper place and my credit is getting so bad I doubt anyone would even rent to me...

    I've never danced or anything, I can count my "partners" on one hand as I've always been in long term relationships. 2 back to back 6 year relationships, followed by a 2 yr one. I feel like because of the money issues, that's about to end to... What can I do? I'm very pretty, have a nice body, great personality, athletic, and my previous job was in sales, so I'm quite the salesman.

    I finally started getting unemployment, which helps, but doesn't come close to paying my bills since I now have student loans in repayment as well. I've wiped out my 401k and feel like everything I worked so hard for is just up in smoke. I've been on my own since I was 14 due to a very abusive upbringing. I feel like I've overcome so much... until now. I just feel like giving up.

    If I dance or do like Niteflirt or something, does anyone know if this means I'd have to give up my unemployment benefits since I'd technically be working? Any direction anyone could give would be helpful. I have no family, few friends...

    Even if no one can help, thanks for listening and reading thru this looong intro. Whoops! did I even really introduce myself?
    I think you should try to work at a club close by or if you can drive there. For your student loans, you can defer those due to unemployment, you just need to contact your loan company. I would say, go for it. First you need to relax and calm down. Take a few minutes to breathe and think of positive things, nothing negative. Do research on some clubs and dress up really sexy and beautiful and go to the clubs and try to get hired. You can also think about waitressing and bartending at a hot nightclub or an upscale restaurant if you want to start off with something not so overwhelming. It's people I know bartend and still make over 1200 a wk and it's fun. I hope this helps.
    Make Your Life Beautiful!

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    Default Re: Lost, nervous, depressed... Newbie

    Sweetie, be aware too that you'll need to be able to be a very good actress and be able to leave your problems at home or customers will seriously be able to tell and that will fuck your money up like nothing else.

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    Default Re: Lost, nervous, depressed... Newbie

    Maybe you're meant to be doing something different. Maybe it's not dancing. Have you talked to a career coach?
    Yes, I'm real.

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    Default Re: Lost, nervous, depressed... Newbie

    Can you sublet your place and rent a room from someone? I'm just thinking of one way you could immediately have less money going OUT to ease stress off .

    If you left your place and rented a room instead, you wouldn't need a lot of money ( you could bartend, dance, whatever ) until you found another job.

    Anacol : I can vouch for those bartending #'s . I'm not sure if things are the same as when I worked as one, but I normally made around $150 a night working. If it was a busy week, I was able to clear $1200.

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    Default Re: Lost, nervous, depressed... Newbie

    Quote Originally Posted by anacol View Post
    I think you should try to work at a club close by or if you can drive there. For your student loans, you can defer those due to unemployment, you just need to contact your loan company. I would say, go for it. First you need to relax and calm down. Take a few minutes to breathe and think of positive things, nothing negative. Do research on some clubs and dress up really sexy and beautiful and go to the clubs and try to get hired. You can also think about waitressing and bartending at a hot nightclub or an upscale restaurant if you want to start off with something not so overwhelming. It's people I know bartend and still make over 1200 a wk and it's fun. I hope this helps.
    I was thinking, maybe start waitressing at a club. Once you get a steady flow of income and get back on your feet, you can decided whether or not you want to dance. It is definitely a big decision, and one you shouldn't make under the influence of extreme stress or emotions.
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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    Default Re: Lost, nervous, depressed... Newbie

    I know you said you had an abusive upbringing but do you have a relationship with any extended family or friends? Does your boyfriend know anything about your situation? If you don't have a support system of people than you should talk to your BF asap. The longer you wait the worse it will get. Have you thought about relocating to find work,substitute teaching, or teaching English overseas? I am in a similar situation slowly working my way through and wish I had better advice for you. I wish you the best and keep us posted.

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