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Thread: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

  1. #1
    Veteran Member taylormadison's Avatar
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    Question approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    Since I am fairly new I would like to ask about this topic.

    1. When a custy is at the bar or sitting with a dancer is it rude to approach?

    2. If so, are there any exceptions besides being invited by custy or dancer?

    3. If not, is there a polite way of doing it?

    When I am talking to a custy other dancers approach (even if it's not their reg.) so it seems to be okay.

    4. Sometimes a dancer will invite me over to hang with them (her & custy) so should I be trying to get a CD or LD if she has or hasn't sold them yet? or is this a waste of time till the dancer leaves?

    5. If a dancer was sitting with a custy and goes on stage is it rude to approach them?

    Thanks!

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    Senior Member Jaden_GD's Avatar
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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    It's rude to approach. Don't do it unless you want an enemy. Wait until that dancer leaves and ask him if anyone is sitting there. It's ok to approach him if the dancer or customer calls you over.

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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    If the dancer invites you over, there shouldn't be a problem. It's kind of rude to try to sell a dance with him and exclude her while she's sitting there, especially if she invited you over. A lot of times I try to sell two-girl dances when this happens.

    If the customer calls you over when he's with another dancer, acknowledge it and maybe kiss him on the cheek or something, but be quick about it and say something like, "I'll come back when you're free," or, "I'll come back later."

    Never, ever, ever approach a customer and a dancer sitting together without an explicit invitation. It's extraordinarily rude and, like Jaden_GD said, it will make you enemies super quick.

    If a dancer is sitting with a customer and then she has to go onstage, why not approach the customer and bring him to the stage to watch her? She'll make money and you'll be able to talk with him. Once again, try to push a two-girl dance. I always, always, always do this. Doesn't always work, but when it does the other girl will usually acknowledge it. And sometimes they'll reciprocate. I think it's good business (and good karma) to promote other girls.

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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    1. If he is sitting at the bar alone, maybe chatting with the bartender, then it is fine to approach him. If he is sitting with a dancer talking, yes it would be rude to approach, unless the dancer is a friend of yours, then it would be ok to walk over and say hi. If two guys are sitting and talking to one girl, then it is also fine to approach the available guy. Same rules apply to any group of guys, don't ever by shy to approach the available ones.

    2. Even if the customer invited you over, proceed with caution if another dancer is sitting with him, you don't want to step on her toes, he may be an old regular of hers or something. If the customer invited you over, and there is already a girl(s) there, then I would just walk up and say, "I just wanted to stop by and say hi!" or something semi-casual, not the usual spiel. Also, try to make eye contact and smile to the dancers, don't just walk up, lean over and talk to the guy blocking out the other girl(s), try to address the group. Sometimes the guy might want several dancers there, it's not always one on one.

    3. Reiterate, just address the group, not so much just the customer. Don't lean over and whisper in his ear or anything like that. No, it is not okay for another dancer to approach a guy you are having a conversation with. IMO, if a dancer does this, she knows you are new and is trying to take advantage of the situation because you don't know any better. Now, if the guy is a regular there, that is a different story. I've been sitting with a regular before, and several dancers will stop by to say hi, and that is fine. When a girl tries to block you out, or you feel she is trying to "steal" the guy from you, then you have a problem. On the bright side, usually guys sense this, and don't like girls like that so.... but you need to make it clear just by your presence and the way you talk to a guy, that it is NOT okay to approach him. Claim your turf so to speak, sit in his lap, put your hand on his leg, stare into his eyes, whatever to get him to stay focused on YOU.

    4. No, usually if she invites YOU over, she wants you to dance. Why else would she invite another dancer over to HER customer? The only exception to this is if it is a personal friend of hers that she wanted you to meet. I would say something like, "Well, it's a been a few minutes I need to do some dances! (casually) and gauge their response. Usually the other dancer will say, "Dance for me on the next song, or Dance for him, or Lets do a double dance!" Or maybe the group of you guys will head to VIP. If not, it's time to move on. Once you have been dancing for a while, you will be able to tell if a guy wants dances, VIP, conversation for tips, or wants to be cheap.

    5. This one is iffy. If she has been sitting with that guy for a while, maybe, but I would just say something like, "Can I keep you company until she gets back?" If she was only sitting with him for a minute, then no it is not rude.

    Taylor, so much of this also depends on what type of club you work in. If you work somewhere that is full of guys, very busy, then dancers are more lax. If you work at a slower club where dancers take more time with each guy, then they may think it is rude to approach that guy. Just keep that in mind, Good luck!
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
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    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by firemaiden04 View Post
    If the dancer invites you over, there shouldn't be a problem. It's kind of rude to try to sell a dance with him and exclude her while she's sitting there, especially if she invited you over. A lot of times I try to sell two-girl dances when this happens.

    If the customer calls you over when he's with another dancer, acknowledge it and maybe kiss him on the cheek or something, but be quick about it and say something like, "I'll come back when you're free," or, "I'll come back later."

    Never, ever, ever approach a customer and a dancer sitting together without an explicit invitation. It's extraordinarily rude and, like Jaden_GD said, it will make you enemies super quick.

    If a dancer is sitting with a customer and then she has to go onstage, why not approach the customer and bring him to the stage to watch her? She'll make money and you'll be able to talk with him. Once again, try to push a two-girl dance. I always, always, always do this. Doesn't always work, but when it does the other girl will usually acknowledge it. And sometimes they'll reciprocate. I think it's good business (and good karma) to promote other girls.
    Good tips, taking the customer to stage to tip the dancer. It is definitely good to promote other dancers, and it makes you look good in the customer's eyes too.
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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    God/dess Susan-Va's Avatar
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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    The only time I would approach a customer who is sitting with another dancer would be to thank them for a tip they gave me on stage. And I would always be polite and apologize for interrupting, say my thanks and then be on my way.

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    Featured Member rareaspasia's Avatar
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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    Also for number five, simply ask if he is waiting for someone and if he says yes thank him sweetly, say something nice about her and move on. It makes you look good and saved you time. And personally if she comes right back I get up and move on for a bit.

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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by firemaiden04 View Post
    If the customer calls you over when he's with another dancer, acknowledge it and maybe kiss him on the cheek or something, but be quick about it and say something like, "I'll come back when you're free," or, "I'll come back later."
    No. If a customer has invited you over, you go sit with him. If the other girl doesn't like it, that's her problem. You can work the 2 girl angle, but I've had this happen many times when the customer just didn't want the other girl and for whatever reason he was having a hard time getting her to leave. If a customer invites you, you go.


    Quote Originally Posted by firemaiden04 View Post
    If a dancer is sitting with a customer and then she has to go onstage, why not approach the customer and bring him to the stage to watch her? She'll make money and you'll be able to talk with him. Once again, try to push a two-girl dance. I always, always, always do this. Doesn't always work, but when it does the other girl will usually acknowledge it. And sometimes they'll reciprocate. I think it's good business (and good karma) to promote other girls.
    Too much work. Most of us don't have time to keep track of which girl was sitting with which customer when they're on stage. If a guy is sitting alone, and there are 2 drinks at the table, ask if he's waiting on someone and if he says no, fair game.


    It is incredibly rude to approach a customer when another dancer is with him, but if this is common practice at the club, then you may as well follow the norm. In most clubs, this would earn you a lot of enemies. Make sure you are positive the other girls are actually approaching guys with dancers without being invited before you start doing it - if you are new and not really sure what's going on, you could make a lot of trouble for yourself by doing what you **think** the other girls are...

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    Veteran Member taylormadison's Avatar
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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    Thank you to everybody that posted. I work on day shift and it has been slow 2-9 customers (3-5 dancers) in 8 hours. The other dancers usually get to customers faster than I do for whatever reason so I stay away waiting on the next custy (sometimes hours) to walk in.

    The other day a dancer was talking to a custy that I was giving a LD so I stopped till she was done. I asked this before work so I'm just getting the wisdom after work. It happened again today. I was talking to a custy when another dancer walks up having a conversation with him. I was just standing there.

    I will not approach a custy talking to a dancer except to thank him for tipping me on stage and apologize for interrupting.

    I will not do the dancer invite me over thing because I have yet to get as much as a CD from it.

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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    Are you saying other girls are approaching customers to hustle them while you are with them? If that's the case, I'm inclined to say that all bets are off.

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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    yeah, another dancer trying to talk to your guy WHILE YOU ARE DANCING FOR HIM????? WTF? Not cool, and not okay! Girl, you need to make it clear to these other bitches you work with, this is NOT OK!!!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

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    Veteran Member taylormadison's Avatar
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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    She was leaving early and came over to the LD area to talk to him. I don't think she was trying to hustle him at that moment because they were together earlier. When she said his name I remembered her talking about him (days ago). I apologized and told her I didn't know that was her reg. custy. She said it was OK because he doesn't belong to her. She talked for about 45 seconds which seems long compared to a 3 minute LD. Then I just continued the LD for the rest of the song.

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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    I know you are new to dancing Taylor, so I'm just going to be honest with you, even if she wanted to say bye to her customer, it is VERY INAPPROPRIATE for her to do so WHILE YOU ARE DANCING! Why did you apologize? She should be apologizing to YOU! She interrupted your dance to say bye to guy because she was leaving early? Really? I dare a dancer to do some shit like that to me! Especially since you said she actually walked on over to the lap dance area, knowing he was getting a dance with you, that is not right! I don't care if that was her regular customer of ten years, he bought a dance from YOU!!!! I'm not saying go confront her, but definitely don't apologize to her, and don't be friendly with these girls, it sounds like they are walking all over you because you are new. This behavior is NOT OKAY and NOT NORMAL!
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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    Featured Member goreantx's Avatar
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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    I've thought about this really long and hard; how to deal with the situation without looking like a bitch.

    I say, next time one of those psycho girls you work with tries to pull that, get your boobies right up in his face and turn your back on her. Don't even let her make eye contact, she'll have to shout over your head.
    Yes, I'm real.

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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    I wouldn't even care about looking like a bitch at this point! I mean, can you imagine taking a guy all the way over to the special lap dance area, and in the middle of your dance some girl that was with him earlier who is leaving comes over and interrupts????!!!! OH HELL NO! Once a girl crosses that line with me, the bitch side of me comes out! I would be like, "Excuse me, he's busy with a naked girl on his lap!" Sometimes you have to put your foot down to get respect!
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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    Arrow Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    I wouldn't even care about looking like a bitch at this point! I mean, can you imagine taking a guy all the way over to the special lap dance area, and in the middle of your dance some girl that was with him earlier who is leaving comes over and interrupts????!!!! OH HELL NO! Once a girl crosses that line with me, the bitch side of me comes out! I would be like, "Excuse me, he's busy with a naked girl on his lap!" Sometimes you have to put your foot down to get respect!
    Reminds me of a few waitresses that management got rid of (thank god) who picked the middle of the lap dance to start tapping on the custie's shoulders...

    "Sir? Sir? *AHRM* SIR!"
    "wha..huh (drool)..err..wah?"
    "Sir, I need you to sign this"
    "can it uh (drool, paw - get slapped) wait..nice tits..ahh"
    "SIR Can you sign this?"
    "yeah uh (pull off to side away from dancer to sign on table) here you go.. ohh titties.. nice.."
    "Sir?... (tap tap) SIR!"
    "ughnnn (pained look) yeah? (mentally withdrawing from dance)"
    "I need to see your drivers license to make sure the signature matches"
    "uh yea (fishing around in pockets, dancer half wiggling around to the side of the chair in confusion)here you go...aww yeah.. titties... (dancer making move to try and get another dance as song comes to a close"
    "Sir...? SIR"
    "WHAT?!! (JKHFKJDRH:EKLNFHGSKEHSHBFKJSHRKJHSKFJHSJH TITTIES BITCH!)"
    "Here's your driver's license and credit card back!" (sugary sweet smile)

    Dancer: "You want another one now, don't you?"
    custie: (paranoid look at psycho waitress) "uh..."
    Yes, I'm real.

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    Veteran Member taylormadison's Avatar
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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    I don't know why I apologized besides being caught off guard. I haven't seen that happen before so when she walked to the LD area it seemed like something was really wrong. I try to be nice but it has came back to bite a chunk of my ass.

    I am so glad that I can ask questions to this diverse stripper community because being a newbie I don't know what to think about certain situations. The club is like high school and I turned into the girl that nobody likes. It is good because I focus on my hustle. It is bad because of things like this. I have to put thought in how I deal with them because I will look like the problem no matter what.

    You guys are pros but don't you recall how hard it was when you were a newbie? The other dancers are closer to the managers, have been working there longer, and sometimes everybody likes everybody but you, lol. I regret even being concerned for this dancer's life a week ago.

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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    I just want to bring you out here and take you under my wing! LOL It would be stripper boot camp!
    I remember being a newbie, and one specific memory, I sat with a few guys, me and two other dancers. I, I alone, convinced them to go to the Champagne Room, and MY GUY bought the bottle. Well, as they were bringing it and we were heading off, a shark swooped in and started flirting with my guy. I had gone to the bathroom, and when I came back, the guy had changed his mind, and took her back there. I remember being so mad at that girl! I know she had been watching me and planning her attack. Now, if I ran into that same girl, she wouldn't even THINK about pulling a stunt like that. Unfortunately, you are going to get kicked off tables of groups of guys, and have guys that you are with snatched up so quickly from right under your nose. Every newbie goes through this.

    Now that I think back, I haven't had a situation like this in FOREVER! All because, just the way I carry myself, I just don't have that I'm a new girl blinking red light on my head. You are just going to have to live and learn through trial and error. Don't talk to any of those girls. Be a stuck up bitch at work. Maybe have one or two girls that you are friendly with, and work only with those girls. Fuck the managers and the DJ! You don't need them to make your money! Focus on yourself and the guys you talk to. What you are going through is normal, and hopefully you'll learn the ropes in a month or two. Remember, it's only drama if you let it be drama. Don't ever let things like this "get to you" just shake it off and stay focused on your money.
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    Be a stuck up bitch at work.
    PREACH IT SISTER! I'm so tired of the karma, always say nice things about other dancers, bull. Don't go out of your way to be a bitch, but watch out for yourself first.
    Yes, I'm real.

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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    Thank you sooo much for your posts!

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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by goreantx View Post
    I've thought about this really long and hard; how to deal with the situation without looking like a bitch.

    I say, next time one of those psycho girls you work with tries to pull that, get your boobies right up in his face and turn your back on her. Don't even let her make eye contact, she'll have to shout over your head.
    I agree with this. You don't want to do anything even remotely aggressive to her, but you also need to "mark your terrtitory" so to speak. Don't let those girls walk all over you, or they will keep doing it.



    Taylor, from reading your posts it sounds like you have managed to piss off the girls at your club. It might've been something you did, or not. New girls sometimes do things that are bad stripper etiquette without even realizing, and other girls get pissed off and start hating and fucking with them. Sometimes new girls get shit on just because other girls see them as "taking away their money" which is retarded. This is mostly management's fault, because they let girls get away with too much, and because they don't bother doing any sort of training, just throw new girls to the sharks to figure everything out alone. This is partly why we have such high turnover in this business too.

    So to get back to how to deal with your problem, try avoiding/ignoring the other girls, but don't be a doormat. If they are blatantly rude to you, let them know you won't put up with it. Gorean's suggestion to put your boobs in the guy's face if a girl interrupts your dance is excellent. I would also smile at the girl and say "I'm sure he'd like to talk to you after his dance".

    You can apply that same type of tactic to other situations. If a girl walks up to talk to a customer you are already talking to, put yourself physically between the guy and the other dancer, turn you back on her and continue talking to the customer. You might say something to her like "I'm sorry but we're busy" with a big smile just when you do this. I have seen this work.

    The girls may get mad when you do that sort of thing but it seems they're already mad at you for something, so who cares? The thing you don't want to do is continue letting them walk on you because they will just get worse. Don't be rude or bitchy to them, but show them you aren't a doormat.

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  38. #22
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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    Next time she does that, turn around and punch her in the cunt.

    OK, not really, but that's how pissed reading that made me. I read a few of your other posts and you have GOT to find your inner bitch. That doesn't mean that you have to be a complete and total asshole to everyone and from what I've read you seem like a total sweetheart but remember that you have a RIGHT to be angry when people do stuff that is this unbelievably shitty.

    You may think you do, but you really don't have to put a lot of thought into how to deal with these girls. Just deal with these situations in the moment and stand up for yourself, calmly and firmly. When you are home alone, grab a mirror, look yourself in the eye, and practice saying things like, "Don't do that," or, "That's not appropriate," or whatever. Keep your voice level and get comfortable saying things like that so that you can do it when you need to. Rehearse these kind of scenarios in your head when you have a minute of free time throughout the day. This will help keep you from being caught off guard again. I'm dead serious about all this, it really does work.

    Also, if you feel this way working there, why not consider going to another club? Being new doesn't mean you have to stay here or even stay on day shift (as long as you don't dance like a rhinoceros in heat), I promise you that sometimes it is worth it to club hop a little bit to find the right fit for you.

    Or if you really like this club why not try for night shift? Day shift is really hard when it's super slow and the other girls are being bitches. I was lucky with getting along with the girls when I worked day shift but do so much better on nights because I don't get bored and my time interacting with the other girls has dropped drastically. Obviously there's more money in it too but I know that my need to stay busy and to avoid drama makes night shift so much better for me.

    Final thought, it's automatic for women in our culture to apologize constantly for every little thing, train yourself not to ever ever do it in the SC! Unless you manage to kick a guy in the head with seven inch stripper platforms. Which I've done on two separate occasions. Yeah. I did apologize for that...

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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by rareaspasia View Post
    Final thought, it's automatic for women in our culture to apologize constantly for every little thing, train yourself not to ever ever do it in the SC! Unless you manage to kick a guy in the head with seven inch stripper platforms. Which I've done on two separate occasions. Yeah. I did apologize for that...
    Never apologize in the SC. Kill or be killed
    Yes, I'm real.

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  42. #24
    Veteran Member taylormadison's Avatar
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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by rareaspasia View Post
    Next time she does that, turn around and punch her in the cunt.

    OK, not really, but that's how pissed reading that made me. I read a few of your other posts and you have GOT to find your inner bitch. That doesn't mean that you have to be a complete and total asshole to everyone and from what I've read you seem like a total sweetheart but remember that you have a RIGHT to be angry when people do stuff that is this unbelievably shitty.

    You may think you do, but you really don't have to put a lot of thought into how to deal with these girls. Just deal with these situations in the moment and stand up for yourself, calmly and firmly. When you are home alone, grab a mirror, look yourself in the eye, and practice saying things like, "Don't do that," or, "That's not appropriate," or whatever. Keep your voice level and get comfortable saying things like that so that you can do it when you need to. Rehearse these kind of scenarios in your head when you have a minute of free time throughout the day. This will help keep you from being caught off guard again. I'm dead serious about all this, it really does work.

    Also, if you feel this way working there, why not consider going to another club? Being new doesn't mean you have to stay here or even stay on day shift (as long as you don't dance like a rhinoceros in heat), I promise you that sometimes it is worth it to club hop a little bit to find the right fit for you.

    Or if you really like this club why not try for night shift? Day shift is really hard when it's super slow and the other girls are being bitches. I was lucky with getting along with the girls when I worked day shift but do so much better on nights because I don't get bored and my time interacting with the other girls has dropped drastically. Obviously there's more money in it too but I know that my need to stay busy and to avoid drama makes night shift so much better for me.

    Final thought, it's automatic for women in our culture to apologize constantly for every little thing, train yourself not to ever ever do it in the SC! Unless you manage to kick a guy in the head with seven inch stripper platforms. Which I've done on two separate occasions. Yeah. I did apologize for that...
    The sad part is my inner bitch is alive and well but I've been concerned with learning the basics and improving my skill set. Everybody was super nice at first and now reality hit. I will take your advice about the practicing to keep from being off guard.

    I have thought about trying out another club before but especially on shifts like yesterday. I looked hot (finally). I talked to 2 customers, 0 LD,CD,CR, and started my period a hour before the shift was over. I walked out with $3 (no i didn't tip anyone because I'm greedy).

    As far as night shift, yeah right. I have been told I could stay and work that shift once and rejected a bunch of times. I couldn't imagine trying to get on that shift.

    Yeah, I do apologize too much at the strip club. I will work on that.

  43. #25
    Veteran Member taylormadison's Avatar
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    Default Re: approaching a custy talking to a dancer

    Okay, I'm adding another question to this thread.

    If a bored customer invites you over (when the dancer goes to the restroom) to tip you because he says you're hot. You ask him why he tipped the other 2 dancers on stage but not you. He tells you he thinks you're a good dancer but didn't want to be rude to the dancer he's sitting with. You know he wants a LD from you by the look he gives you. The dancer that has been sitting with him off and on for 2 hours but leaves her empty drink glass returns at that point and invites you sit with them and you accept. You tell her that he called you over to eliminate any drama. There are no other customers in the club this entire time. You don't try to sell LDs or CDs because it would be rude so you wait for her to excuse herself. You and the custy are having the best ever conversation (seriously) and the other dancer has nothing to contribute. She continues to ask for CDs while getting you non-CDs. After 45 minutes the custy leaves and you didn't get a chance to sell a LD that you know he wanted from you because she never left. No, he was not her regular.

    My questions

    Is this normal?

    I know I was suppose to wait till she left but she never did so should I have just got up or declined to sit with them?

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