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Thread: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

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    Default She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Long story made short - I went to the SC and chatted with a dancer for a long time. Although it was a little awkward at first, when I spoke in Spanish to her, she really warmed up and opened up to me. (There are probably only a few Spanish-speaking customers in this club.) We discovered we had a lot in common and shared many personal details about each other... Amongst everything, she told me that she used to be a model in Peru and came to the US to study and ending up here -- in the SC. She made it clear that she was not happy being a dancer and was ashamed of it. After this conversation and shots of Tequila, she gave me a very nice lap dance. (I was afraid it would be terrible because she said she didn't like dancing, but it was actually not bad at all. I didn't initiate any contact, but she did.)

    No, this is not another -- does she love me thread. My question is this -- I want to go back to see her again and get more dances, but I feel awkward knowing how she feels about dancing. On the other hand, I don't want to be a PL and pay her for chatting with me... And no, I have no desire for OTC involvement.

    Should I just forget what she said about being ashamed of her job? I bitch about my job, too, but I still want clients. Any suggestions?

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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Was she happy not being a dancer purely out of shame or maybe because the costumers she has to deal with in general? She may appreciate having a few respectful costumers who treat her nice that tip well coming in to get dances from her instead of just dealing with the normal assortment of bozos.

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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Well first off I would say that what she told you about her "life story" may or may not be true, especially when you met her the first time that night.

    My thought is that it really shouldn't bother you. You're not forcing her to be working, and if she shows up for shifts she going to be dancing for someone (or else not make any money). Might as well be you.

    Be respectful and hopefully you'll become a customer she appreciates.

    (Btw - saying a dancer initiates something, doesn't mean that perhaps she still wouldn't be more comfortable if you politely told her that she didn't have to.)
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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post

    I bitch about my job, too, but I still want clients.
    I think you hit the nail on the head with this. Just continue being a good, non-grabby non-gross customer. None of us would be doing this shit if we didn't make the kind of money we do, so it's not like she said anything that most of us who strip aren't already thinking.

    Also what's wrong with paying her for her time? It's a really respectful thing to do, if you wanna hang out with her while she's not dancing for you, especially since you seem to enjoy her company

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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by SerenaSin View Post
    Also what's wrong with paying her for her time? It's a really respectful thing to do, if you wanna hang out with her while she's not dancing for you, especially since you seem to enjoy her company
    Cause I can chat with all you wonderful ladies for free...

    But seriously, I don't go to the club very often, just maybe 1 time every one or two months... But, when I go,... I WANT LDs.

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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Jack you've been here long enough to know that a dancer will say WHATEVER she has to to get money out of you. Even if you think she's opened up and is giving you the "real" her.

    If she doesn't like her job, she can quit. I guarantee no one is forcing her to work as a dancer. Until then, go and enjoy her company, get your dances, tip her generously and be respectful.
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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    I'd just go buy more lapdances. If they suck, buy them from someone else.

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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    I think she loves you.

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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Jack, it's called ambivalence. We all deal with it in various ways. She lives in a country with about as many choices as a young, healthy, attractive person is going to get in terms of variety, and freedom to choose. She is not being forced to dance, she chooses it because she weighed her other choices and decided it's best as compared with the other choices (i.e., less money which sucks for different reasons, which I know from first hand experience).

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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by JayATee View Post
    Jack you've been here long enough to know that a dancer will say WHATEVER she has to to get money out of you. Even if you think she's opened up and is giving you the "real" her.
    That's the thing, what she said about feeling ashamed of dancing was not likely to get me to buy a lot of dances... Its like me telling a potential client that I hate my job... (If anything, it made me worry about getting the worst lap dance of my life.)

    She was sitting with me for a long time, so obviously,... I'm going to buy a dance... It was just a matter of how many, and what she said did not encourage me to buy many. Istead of expressing shame in what she does, she should have spent the whole time flirting with me and flattering me, if her goal was to make a lot of money.

    This girl was not a hustler at all. After just one dance, she started putting on her clothes back on instead of doing what the good hustlers do -- i.e., touch my face gently and whisper sweetly in my ear, "Do you want another?" I DO KNOW how the good hustlers operate... she was not it. In fact, I only bought a couple of dances from her and ended up buying more dances from her friend, who put on the "I'm naughty and I love to get naked for you" act.

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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by verfolgung View Post
    Well first off I would say that what she told you about her "life story" may or may not be true, especially when you met her the first time that night.
    What she said was neutral stuff, not sexy or flirtatious... Also, she did most of the talking and I was revealing very little about myself, so she wasn't feeding off of what I was telling her.

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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by xdamage View Post
    She wants your money, not your pity
    Why be so honest with me then? I've never met a "hustler" who tells me she is ashamed of being a dancer, never expected to be one and commutes from very far to avoid any of her friends finding out about her dancing. How is that supposed to turn me on and get me to spend money on her?

    I don't feel pity for her, but it does put me in conflict. I like the dancers that create the illusion or fantasy that they like their job or at least put up with it like any other. (Most of them do and provide service with a smile.) I don't want to feel like anyone in the LD transaction is demeaning themselves out of necessity.

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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Yet here you are thinking about her, feelings of saving her from her plight bubbling over. Sometimes truth and business interest collide but sometimes they work out well together too. She certainly was not saying "don't spend money on me to give me the will power and kick I need to stop dancing" so she either didn't think, or decided that it would turn on your I-am-special-meter (i.e., by hearing some intimate details) and the worst is you'd never be back, best is ... you'll be back trying to save her.


    Sounds like good business to me.

    Seriously though if it's anymore then that you'll know if you go back, which I'm guessing your actually planning to do anyway?
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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Dancers are just like the rest of us - they have good day and they have bad days.

    I've known one particular dancer for about 6 years. She can be pretty ambivalent about dancing. Several times a month she'll tell me she hates her job, and several times a month she'll tell me she likes it. Depends on whether she's earned well, had sh*tty customers, etc.

    Maybe she just felt like venting in the conversation. Go back in a couple of week’s time and you might get a different response.

    SC's are a very artificial environment - and maybe there's a tendency to over-analyse every nuance of what's happened.

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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Jack, I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but I often get the feeling from your posts that you enjoy (or at least have a fascination with) feeling like and "insider" in the strip club. You seem to get easily sucked in when you feel like you're getting a special insider perspective. It's possible that the dancers are picking up on this. xdamage is right- it does have you thinking about her, and you're already planning on going back and spending more on her. If you really didn't like the direction the conversation went in, I don't think you'd even be considering that. You'd just move on to another dancer.
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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Why be so honest with me then? I've never met a "hustler" who tells me she is ashamed of being a dancer...
    Well, you just did. Not every dancer uses the same approach. She sat with you and you bought dances. Now you are on an internet site telling us you want to buy more. She got you.

    You are making this more complicated than it is. You want dances? Buy dances. If they are good buy more if they suck then don't.

    I had an ATF for three years that hated every second of dancing other than counting her money at the end of the night and going to the bank the next day. At the same time she was one of the most popular girls at the club. Why? She wanted the money so she did what she had to do. Like I said, it's not complicated.
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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    That's the thing, what she said about feeling ashamed of dancing was not likely to get me to buy a lot of dances... Its like me telling a potential client that I hate my job... (If anything, it made me worry about getting the worst lap dance of my life.) ...
    Well, not really. A lawyer who I'm paying to represent me would certainly make me concerned after hearing that he hated his job. However, while it might not have worked specifically on you, she may meet plenty of "white knight" customers who tip her well to help "brighten her day".
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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    I think those of you who keep saying this dancer was playing the pity hustle are over-analyzing in the wrong direction. From what OP says, I think the dancer really doesn't like stripping and was too honest in the conversation. Sure, OP is thinking about her and all, but that doesn't mean she planned this. The mere fact that OP is thinking and writing about her doesn't automatically indicate she was hustling...how jaded are you guys? lol! Even the most hardcore strippers let their guard down with customers sometimes, and it sounds like that's what happened with this girl.

    This girl is no smooth operator. To me it sounds like she honestly doesn't like the job, and for whatever reason feels it's her only viable choice. We've all known dancers who hated the job but felt it was the only way they could make a living. Times are tough...a lot of women who otherwise never would have stooped to our level are turning to the sex industry these days.

    To the OP: I agree she is making the choice of her own free will, and probably appreciates respectful customers who spend and tip without being gropey, tongue-wagging, orifice-prodding assholes. If she gives good dances and you want, then buy more dances from her. If her company/service isn't doing it for you, then buy from someone else. Simple.

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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    ^^^ yea i agree just sometimes people do things for multiple reason, like she really doesnt like dancing but also chances are jack's face is utterly transparent and she can see him respond. response = interest. interest means a chance for future business... sometimes multiple goals align even if we aren't consciously trying to make it so.
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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    If he thought her dances would suck after she told him she hates the job, I'm betting she wasn't reading "interest" on his face. From my experience, most customers who think the dance is going to suck don't look interested. lol

    I am not convinced this girl planned all this, or even that it's her hustle. I think it just "worked out" by chance in this case. Although some customers may be slowly teaching her through their own responses that playing the victim role will work in her favor. hahaha

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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    BuxumBeauty, please understand that I wasn't saying that she was definitely trying to hustle him. Rather, I was just pointing out the possibily that not everying a dancer says is 100% true, especially in a first meeting. It is also possible that she was being completely truthful.

    Regardless, the main point is that if he enjoyed her dances he should go back and get more and not worry so much about what he heard.
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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    I wasn't singling anyone out with my comments. It was a general statement based on reading several comments suggesting the girl must've been hustling and so on. While it's a good idea to keep the stripper-customer transaction in perspective, it's also good to remember that we're all still human and not always playing games. I think that always automatically assuming the person is hustling in every circumstance leads to overly negative thinking and ultimately colors your overall stripclub experience in a less than positive way.

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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    That's the thing, what she said about feeling ashamed of dancing was not likely to get me to buy a lot of dances... Its like me telling a potential client that I hate my job... (If anything, it made me worry about getting the worst lap dance of my life.)

    She was sitting with me for a long time, so obviously,... I'm going to buy a dance... It was just a matter of how many, and what she said did not encourage me to buy many. Istead of expressing shame in what she does, she should have spent the whole time flirting with me and flattering me, if her goal was to make a lot of money.

    This girl was not a hustler at all. After just one dance, she started putting on her clothes back on instead of doing what the good hustlers do -- i.e., touch my face gently and whisper sweetly in my ear, "Do you want another?" I DO KNOW how the good hustlers operate... she was not it. In fact, I only bought a couple of dances from her and ended up buying more dances from her friend, who put on the "I'm naughty and I love to get naked for you" act.
    It's entirely possible that she's for real. The truth? You shouldn't care. She's there to do a job. If she wasn't making any money she wouldn't be doing this particular job.

    And, to play devils advocate for a moment... a lot of dancers will give you a sob story. It isn't necessarily the best way to sell dances, but the "pity me" hustle has a decent effect. It got you to open your wallet didn't it?

    At the end of the day, she needs to pay bills like the rest of us. Go back and enjoy her dances and be nice to her. There's nothing wrong with that.
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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Quote Originally Posted by BuxomBeauty View Post
    ... I think that always automatically assuming the person is hustling in every circumstance leads to overly negative thinking and ultimately colors your overall stripclub experience in a less than positive way.
    Agreed.
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    Default Re: She Told Me She Doesn't Like Being a Dancer

    Bux, agreed, sometimes you get to see a bit of the real person. And agreed didn't mean to paint it as purely negative; even in business deals people can be human to each other to varying degrees.

    But also agree with JT that in the end it doesn't matter too much. She is not Jack's GF, and whether he pities her choice to dance or not, in the end what she want is for him is to be a good customer.

    Pretty simple stuff.

    p.s.. and Jack if you do go back and buy a lot dances let us know please. It would be another reminder that often what we people "think" we want and what we actually want are often quite different
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