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Thread: Who do you tell?

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Sia's Avatar
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    Default Who do you tell?

    So, I've come clean with my mom, which was a huge relief. Most of my friends and close family also know that I dance.

    I'm wondering just how open you ladies are about your career? Like, what do tell your hairstylist, esthetician, random person you meet throughout the day, when they ask what you do for a living?

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    God/dess DesuvsDeath's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    I don't tell anyone that doesn't need to know.
    My boyfriend knows... people who read my blog know... that's about it.

    I used to be pretty open about it... but I eventually realized that a lot of people, even if they're okay with it in general, hold it against you... or throw it in your face as soon as they're mad at you.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i am losing my fucking mind and i really just want this chloroform dream because i think that would just get me right with jesus.

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    Moderator Jessie_tinydancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    Most of my friends are open minded and a few are former dancers, so about 70% of them know. I would never, ever, ever tell anyone in my family. They just wouldn't accept it. As for random other people...95% of the time I don't tell them. The only time I would is if the conversation went that way and I thought they wouldn't judge. ie. I had a hairdresser that used to do hair for a brothel so I knew he wouldn't care and then he finally understood why I (this little librarian type) was always asking for porno hair haha.

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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    All my friends know. There was one female friend I had that didn't know but I decided not to be friends with her any way for other reasons.

    My mother knew when I started dancing. She does not know now that I still do it.




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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    Quote Originally Posted by DesuvsDeath View Post
    I don't tell anyone that doesn't need to know.
    My boyfriend knows... people who read my blog know... that's about it.

    I used to be pretty open about it... but I eventually realized that a lot of people, even if they're okay with it in general, hold it against you... or throw it in your face as soon as they're mad at you.

    I agree with that wholeheartedly. My husband knows and we keep it to ourselves.

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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    i also operate on a need-to-know basis.
    unless you are paying for the car i use to get to work, you do not need to do where i work or what i do there.

    if someone really prods me, i will tell them that i'm a tap dancer. i've told someone i was a brain surgeon before. at this point, anything seems to go over better than "stripper" even if i am blatantly lying.

    i'm not going to waste the truth on people who can't handle it.



    Quote Originally Posted by DesuvsDeath View Post
    I don't tell anyone that doesn't need to know.
    My boyfriend knows... people who read my blog know... that's about it.

    I used to be pretty open about it... but I eventually realized that a lot of people, even if they're okay with it in general, hold it against you... or throw it in your face as soon as they're mad at you.

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    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    ------
    Last edited by Athenathefabulous; 02-27-2011 at 02:18 PM.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Veteran Member Sia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    I think being open with my friends helps me deal with it. I am not really one for living the double life.
    That's my main issue. I really hate lying. I didn't tell my mom at first....I told her I was waitressing at the strip club (lol, I know.....lame story). But she knew something was up because I avoided talking about work, which isn't like me.

    I just can't handle telling people that I waitress and then having them ask questions about it. It's funny because I can lie all night at work just fine, but the whole double life thing in real life bugs me.

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    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sia View Post
    That's my main issue. I really hate lying. I didn't tell my mom at first....I told her I was waitressing at the strip club (lol, I know.....lame story). But she knew something was up because I avoided talking about work, which isn't like me.

    I just can't handle telling people that I waitress and then having them ask questions about it. It's funny because I can lie all night at work just fine, but the whole double life thing in real life bugs me.
    Yea, work is different. Its your job . Lying to friends is tricky, there should be some element of trust there.

    I think it depends on your personality. Some girls need to keep everything completely seperate to handle it, some are in situations where they would be fucked over if it was out in the open, some are ashamed of it, and some seem to get off on the double life. Some girls are on the opposite end of the spectrum and where ever they go in public will be like "OMG IM A STRIPPER!" but they are usually the newer party girls and dont last too long. I saw one girl who worked at a neighboring club at a bar once giving a guy a very grind heavy lap dance with a bunch of guys watching. Embarassing. I think finding a happy medium where you are comfortable enough to tell those who wont fuck you over and you arent using it to get attention is the best place to be.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    Almost no one. I couldn't stand it and have since stopped dancing. Everyone who knows me ( including my whole family ) knows that I used to waitress in a strip club though. I talked about stripping so much to my best friend that she pretty much knows I've done it even though I haven't come out and said anything. I miss dancing too. I'm in the city I was working in soon and want to pop in for a couple nights ......... but the feelings of panic ( about lying ) come back too strong and I feel like I'm not functioning 100% as a dancer because of those panicked feelings. I wish I could get the balls to tell my family so I could go back without panicing. I want to feel like" this is my job and I'm going to do AWESOME tonight" instead of " I'm sneaking around .... lets get in and get out and not get caught".

    Actually ....... I'm coming back to edit this. If my boyfriend was supportive ( which he wasn't ) , I think I could have actually handled having my family not knowing ( at least for a little while ). At least THEN one person who knows the real me would also know that I pop in and dance a few times a month.....but he isn't supportive of it.

    I have a close male friend ( platonic ) that has known me for years that is supportive of dancing. BUT .... I'd still like my bf to be supportive and he added to my panic.
    Last edited by carmen_b; 09-24-2009 at 03:09 PM.

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    Senior Member missy873's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    I think finding a happy medium where you are comfortable enough to tell those who wont fuck you over and you arent using it to get attention is the best place to be.
    I totally agree with that.

    In a way I feel like I want to tell certain family/friends that I'm really close to because I just dont want to keep things from them. But on the other hand, I'm worried that someone wont keep their mouth shut and the wrong person will end up finding out. As far as my mother and aunts and uncles go (the older generations of the fam), they would be really judgemental about it and look down on me for it. I just dont want/need to deal with that crap in my life. I'm not ashamed, in fact I'm kinda proud of myself for being a dancer. I've always been a shy person so this gives me somewhat of a sense of accomplishment that I got over my fears and just did it.

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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    Almost no one. I couldn't stand it and have since stopped dancing. Everyone who knows me ( including family ) knows that I used to waitress in a strip club though. I talked about stripping so much to my best friend that she pretty much knows I've done it even though I haven't come out and said anything. I miss dancing too. I'm in the city I was working in soon and want to pop in for a couple nights ......... but the feelings of panic ( about lying ) come back too strong and I feel like I'm not functioning 100% as a dancer because of those panicked feelings. I wish I could get the balls to tell my family so I could go back without panicing. I want to feel like" this is my job and I'm going to do AWESOME" instead of " I'm sneaking around .... lets get in and get out and not get caught". The two attitudes are quite different.
    Yeah, I feel that sense of panic because I know I dont really want anyone to know that I'm doin this. I hate it because it adds unwanted pressure when there is already enough pressure on me to begin with. I try to just tell myself- It's my life, yeah it would suck if -certain person- found out, but I cant let that affect my day at work or the money I'm going to go home with at the end of the night. They arent the ones who have to provide for my kids, I am.

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    Veteran Member Sia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    I think finding a happy medium where you are comfortable enough to tell those who wont fuck you over and you arent using it to get attention is the best place to be.
    Yeah, I agree with this. I'm close to 30, married, and a very grounded person. At this point I feel that people who decide to judge me negatively are the type of people that I don't want to associate with anyways.

    Of course, when I filled out an apartment application this past weekend I didn't put "stripper" as my current occupation.

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    God/dess JayATee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    Everyone except for 3 or 4 ppl think I bartend/waitress at a high end club.
    Sorry I missed church. I was too busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.

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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    delete
    Last edited by ilovetobenaked; 09-27-2009 at 10:35 AM.

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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    of course i hate lying, but i hate defending my integrity and my life decisions even more.

    i once was open as hell, shameless, really, about dancing. and my friends are very open-minded and supportive, but let something awful happen to you at work and you immediately get the i-told-you-so face. or the well-look-where-you-work face.

    again, i don't invest much in my lies. i will avoid the issue and then, if it becomes impossible to not address, i will throw out the first career choice that comes into my head. and if you really think i am a superhero or a dentist, then bless your heart, but typically people back the fuck off.

    i've found that "i have a gambling addiction" get a better response than i am a dancer" which is really sad.

    (i do not actually have a gambling addiction )


    Quote Originally Posted by Sia View Post
    That's my main issue. I really hate lying. I didn't tell my mom at first....I told her I was waitressing at the strip club (lol, I know.....lame story). But she knew something was up because I avoided talking about work, which isn't like me.

    I just can't handle telling people that I waitress and then having them ask questions about it. It's funny because I can lie all night at work just fine, but the whole double life thing in real life bugs me.

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    Veteran Member DancingDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    My close girlfriends dont know yet. A couple of guy friends know.
    I have one sister that knows, but my brothers and other sisters dont.
    The people in my department at work know (about 5 people) just because they are cool and when work is slow I dont want to waste time only coming into the office for 3-4 hours.
    My mom and dad know and are OK with it. All they said is not to work in a dive and dont get into drinking and drugs.
    I havnt run into anybody yet that has a problem with it actually. Most of them think its pretty cool. Except my parents of course.
    I guess it makes a difference the way I tell people because Im not ashamed of it. Theres a right way and a wrong way to work in this business and if you are careful and have a good head on your shoulders, theres nothing to be ashamed about. I dont tell strangers of course. I just tell them about my "regular" job.

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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    No one. Absolutely no one. I'm disgusted that I'm doing this; people in my life would 'judge' me if they knew, and rightly so.

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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    I didn't tell anyone in my family. My current girlfriend knows that I used to (since I'm retired), and a small faction of my friends also know. I used to tell people I was a bartender and that satisfied them enough. I don't think everyone needs to know. Not that I'm ashamed of it, but as DesuvsDeath said, people are pretty quick to throw it back in your face.

    I also found it much easier to tell people after the fact. The "oh honey, you're better than that" talk gets old really fast.
    Last edited by CaseyLace; 09-26-2009 at 07:02 AM. Reason: i mis-credited someone for a good comment. Has been fixed :-)

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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    The only people who know are my sister-who I trust not to judge me and my boyfriend- because he needs to know.

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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    It really depends on the person. I either am honest with them or tell them i'm a waitress.

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    Senior Member missy873's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who do you tell?

    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    of course i hate lying, but i hate defending my integrity and my life decisions even more.
    Amen.

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