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Thread: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

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    Default To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    Some women (or men) leave at the very first sign of cheating. Some don't care and just do what they think their SO is doing...as long as their bills still gettin paid,bla bla. Some get crazy and stalk,follow,snoop....to catch their man or woman so they can prove it and finally leave.
    I wanna hear about that. What have you done or witnessed others do, in an attempt to PROVE they are being cheated on? Also,how accurate is just a gut feeling? Would any of you leave based on ongoing gut feeling?
    Just curious...

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    Veteran Member dreamer1980's Avatar
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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    if youve known this person for a while and have a gut feeling, then somethings up. but you need proof so first thing to check would be cell phones, especially if they are taking it everywhere with them (going to the restroom, taking a shower, sleeping right next to it, etc).

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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    Receipts. Never. Lie.




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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    The phone is the first place to check. My boyfriend started "forgetting" it at home or in his car when he came over. I also knew his computer passwords, so I checked his facebook and e-mail account until the proof just started rolling in. At first, it was innocent messages from his ex girlfriend and then finally an angry email about how he shouldn't be dodging his calls after they'd been intimate. Unfortunately, I caught it at the end of the affair, but if I'd listened to my nagging suspicions in my brain, I would've started the detective work earlier.

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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    Also,unless you're a generally paranoid person, the gut feeling is usually accurate. (I've read like ten books on affairs this week because i'm trying to figure out whether to stay with him and they all say that the gut feeling is almost always right).
    The problem, is, if you straight out ask him, he's gonna lie. A little detective work will do wonders. What I should've done months ago is to make up a night where I'd be at work (he cheated on me when I was working all night) and not really go...just follow him and see where he went.

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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    Can't stand cheaters...Trust is a hard thing to develop and easy to break. Seeing a past friend get cheated on, and to see how they are the weeks after, is hard to watch. Hope it doesn't happen to me

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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    There cannot be love without trust. When you begin to doubt, and there isn't any honest communication & reassurance from both parties, then maybe you should re-evaluate the relationship before it turns toxic & unhealthy. Talk to him about exactly what he does (or doesn't do) that makes you feel whatever you're feeling. If your partner can't justify certain behaviors, is unwilling to stop doing things (or talking to people) that make you doubt, or is unable to reassure you of his fidelity AND take the steps necessary to satisfy YOU, then take some time off. Take care of yourself FIRST & heal.

    I've been hurt in the past & I would've dealt with it MUCH differently. I NOW know that I should've focused on MYSELF first & foremost. Either I carried over the baggage of being cheated on in the past to the current relationship (hence the suspicions, doubts & insecurity issues), OR my intuition was actually ON POINT (and the guy was fueling my gut feelings by NOT being a straight shooter in the relationship) or all of the above. Either way I wasted MY energy focusing on HIS inadequacies INSTEAD of using that as motivation to take care of ME & heal, nurture & soothe MY well-being. I've done the whole cell phone detective route and felt like a total loser afterwards. Whether you find something (or not) - it's just not worth it. Not for a guy, at least.

    A partner should prove to you, every single day, that he WANTS to be with you -- instead of you
    proving otherwise (and vice-versa.) I think that's much healthier, from a relationship point of view.
    Last edited by minalynx; 09-27-2009 at 07:50 AM.

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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    Oh man ....... my college guy caught himself when I saw another car there ( instead of knocking I just walked in after a gut feeling I should do so ).

    When my military man left ( Mr amazing kisser that I thought I was IN LOVE WITH ) , I figured he must have been married and lied about it. So .... I paid a P.I. to find out if he was married or single and what his living situation was. What a waste of cash. He WASN'T married as I'd suspected. I didn't even get to walk in on his wife/possible kids having dinner and ruin their evening as I had planned. I guess he was just a shit head who was done with me simply because he moved a whopping 1.5 hours away. I still actually don't know what happend there (I mean .... other than knowing he wasn't into me) . I just still don't know why he took such a shitty and hurtful approach. I might edit this out. I'm embarassed that I hired the P.I., but I was in so much pain emotionally, I probably would have paid even more then I did to get an answer.

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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    so what about when the guy (or girl) says "Because it's MY phone, why do u have to look at it?" when asked why he/she LOCKS,SILENCES,SLEEPS WITH,SHOWERS WITH,PEES WITH,HIDES HIS PHONE. Do you feel he/she deserves his/her privacy, or do you feel that after IDK maybe a year or so of dating,that you are kinda entitled to see his/her phone whenever u want?
    Sometimes gut feelings are really suspicions carried over from past relationships,possibly? If you just cant prove it, but that nagging feeling is forever there, what do you do? Go crazy till the relationship falls apart? Or just leave?

    ALSO,something funny(and so sad that its true) I heard from steve harvey... show a man a photo of himself in the act, mid pump, with his social security number stamped on his ass...and he will say "I don't know HOW that man (who looks just like me) got my social security number on his ass! I swear that aint me!"

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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    I tend to have open relationships. It negates the cheating clause. However, the one guy who actually did cheat on me, I had a gut feeling he was and as soon as I was able to confirm it I was out the door that night. I don't have time to play those bull shit games. Life is waaaay too short to spend with someone who would rather be fucking someone else.

    I also am non controlling and non posessive. Ive never once looked at my husbands email, txt msgs or any other correspondence. Not interested. I trust him. He can talk to whoever he wants whenever he wants. If I can't trust him the relationship is over. Not to mention that the fastest way to push someone away from you is to start acting like a crazy posessive controlling psycho. Acting like that gets exhausting!

    If I don't wanna be with somebody so bad Im gonna cheat on them, Im gonna leave first. There is no point in doing that to someone. No one deserves to be cheated on.
    Last edited by JayATee; 09-29-2009 at 07:11 PM.
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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    On the phone thing ......... if they are really secretive about the phone ... yes, they are probably up to no good. You shouldn't be rumaging through a phone, but if you have a feeling they are hiding voice mails or text messages, they probably are.

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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    The phone thing. True. The gut feeling. True. Bank statement.True.
    We ust found out my friends boyfriend of a year was in Mississippi last month at Motel 6 with the girl that she saw text messages from (while the ph was unlocked for once).
    Had that feeling. Had the plan to sit down and have a heart to heart tonight. Saw the bank statement first. So she moved out.
    So sad. Assholes.
    Last edited by Xiomara; 12-29-2009 at 12:40 PM.

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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    cell phones are definitely proving grounds to see if someone is cheating or not. how hard is it to delete messages and voice mails? apparently its a difficult task for cheaters, lol.

    well, 2 months ago i caught my girlfriend of 10 years by checking her cell phone one time she didnt take it with her in the shower. i had a gut feeling for about 2 weeks and that very day before i found out i was getting super weird vibes from her. but before that i never checked her phone, though the funny part is she would go through mine every now and then. i didnt care since i had nothing to hide. im glad i found out though, regardless of the heartbreak and pain, because i will not put up with infidelity.

    when i tell people that we broke up, the first they ask me is "you cheated on her, huh". if they only knew...

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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    Hmm, while I'd never ransack through someones phone or emails, etc. I would be suspicious if they took their damn phone with them into the shower...I'd simply ask wtf was up instead of looking though. (I never hide or lock my phone...hell I don't know HOW to lock it. hehe) Since I'm pretty non-possesive and really only need emotional monogamy I'd expect and would hopefully receive an honest answer. If I was still uncertain, I'd just leave the relationship. No sense hanging around when you can't trust the person. I need a partner that helps me create a positive, happy vibe together, not insanity and distrust.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    Do u EVER forgive a cheater? Under any circumstance?

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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    ^^^ That's a really good question. I'm not going to answer that because I've never known how to answer that. But I'll be anxious to see what others have to say about it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Vamp View Post
    As Katherine Hepburn put it so eloquently " Nature is what we were put here to rise above"

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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    Quote Originally Posted by Xiomara View Post
    Do u EVER forgive a cheater? Under any circumstance?
    Under some circumstances probably. What sort of circumstances? Honestly the being lied to and deceived would hurt far more than him having sex with someone else would. If there was an ongoing affair and an emotional connection, then no I'd probably end things...I'm more the type to worry about how something effects my standing.

    In reality, I don't know if I could forgive cheating, just my definition of cheating is a bit different than the standard. For instance in a recent relationship I ask "You'll let me know if there is anything I need to know or that effects me, right?" The response was "Of course." So, if that didn't happen and I was strung along, then no, I don't think I could forgive that.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    Quote Originally Posted by Xiomara View Post
    Do u EVER forgive a cheater? Under any circumstance?
    its up to you if youre going to give a second chance. and youre the only one that can forgive the first offense. but ill tell you this, the trust is really hard to restablish. its never the same afterwards as it will always be in the back of your head. i honestly think its best to move on.

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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    Quote Originally Posted by Xiomara View Post
    Do u EVER forgive a cheater? Under any circumstance?
    Simply put No. Why? Bc in the back of your head every time he is out late, every time he looks at another woman (even innocently) you are going to turn into a jealous gf. Why on earth would you want to do that to yourself? You want a happy, secure relationship.

    Leave and don't look back. You deserve better.
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    Default Re: To catch a CHEATER..LOL

    Well, speaking from recent and personal experience... I caught my fiance (at the time, has since been demoted back to boyfriend until I know we're completely ready for the commitment) talking with another girl and asking her out via facebook. A few days before I caught him I had a weird feeling that something was off.. but I couldn't peg it. So I called him the next day and told him how worried I was about him being out there alone (He was 4 hours away just started college, and I was moving a few days after he did to my apartment in the same city to be together) and that I was probably just overreacting and that I was so sorry for calling him to nag him. And he said that I was overreacting that he loved me and only had eyes for me. But the very next day I caught him, called him, and confronted him. We have been together for over a year and have been through our share of tough times, but at the end of the day, we love each other and will not give up no matter what. If you love someone then you should not just leave... that's the easy way out. As far as I can tell, love is hard but worth it in the end. Love is a permanent action that requires both people to try their hardest. Believe me, I was pissed and disappointed and felt so betrayed and hurt, but I forgave him and we're working on being as happy as we once were. I honestly think the only reasons you should leave a relationship is if the circumstances call for it- domestic violence, etc.
    Last edited by exoticbeauty911; 10-01-2009 at 12:10 PM.

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