
Originally Posted by
kandie_kitten
I apologize in advance for this post, it's sure to be rambling and full of my own fears.
I am literally terrified, not of dying, but after death. This only started a week or two ago, and I'm not sure why it's come on like this; I used to think about it and get freaked out, but it would occur to me once in a long while. Now, it's all I think about, and I'm having complete panic attacks. I can't sleep, I cry constantly, and I'm continuously in a state of terror.
I grew up slightly religious and went to Catholic school, but my parents were non-practicing. While I certainly wasn't devout, deep down I think I still believed in God and an afterlife, and a soul.
Then my best friend died 2 years ago, and as I walked up to his body in the coffin, it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I knew there was nothing after we die.
And it scares the hell out of me. I desperately want so very badly to believe in SOMETHING after we die, but the cynical part of my brain makes it impossible.
It's makes me so very jealous of others...like the religious fanaticals, who might be "crazy" in my book, but I know that due to their faith, they never lie awake like I do crying in terror. Part of me wishes my parents had raised me very religious, because then I'd be so sure of my faith, and wouldn't be so scared.
Heck, I'm jealous of my dog, because she doesn't have the capacity to even ponder this concept, and instead is happy to have in her life food and a soft bed and lots of petting.
So I guess what it comes down to is a few questions for everyone:
1. Does anyone else think like this? I've tried to talk about this to a few people (including a therapist, because this is seriously ruining my life) and they all stare at me like I'm insane.
2. If you do, how do you deal with it? People always say "there's nothing you can do, just live your life" but that's much easier said than done when you're terrified.
3. Does anyone have stories of an afterlife? I know it's crazy to ask for "proof", but I'm desperate for any hope. I watch "Ghost Hunters" and other shows fanatically now, for some hope of any afterlife.
So personal stories of your experiences, if a loved one has reached out you after they died, would be appreciated.
Thanks for reading. I'm sorry this is such a crazy post, I literally haven't slept in days.
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