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Thread: Just once I would like to come out on top!

  1. #1
    Member tornapart's Avatar
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    Default Just once I would like to come out on top!

    In regards to my ex I mean!
    We dated for about 5 years. Had a rocky relationship. It was passionate, it was intense, it was a total rollercoaster. Our fights were mainly always about his family(the mom didnt like me, long story but I truly did not do anything wrong except not be the same race as her. she liked me up until she sensed we were getting "serious") We broke up after 5 years together. We have not been together in about 3 years.
    Ive had a boyfriend(now ex) since and hes been with a girl as well.(now also an ex as of a month ago).
    He would call me from time to time. Or email me. Everytime he comes around its just trouble. I always end up liking him again.
    I dont know what it is about this guy. I really loved him though.
    The first 3 yrs we were together it was great. Then this mother issue came up and she basically disowned him for about a year after that.
    Thats when it got rocky.

    Anyways so time has passed and he has popped back up again and my first thought was hes probly lonely, wants sex (we always had a good sexual relationship) he just broke up with someone a month ago who he was with about 2 yrs. My concern is I can feel myself starting to like him. I have tried so hard to harden myself to him. He emailed me about 2 weeks ago out of the blue and i ignored it. I told myself I cant let him back in my life for whatever reason it is because he will end up hurting me. Well he sent 3 emails on 3 days in a row and then 2 days later he actually called me @ work(so not cool) to ask if i was mad or something.
    See, everytime he ever contacted me before id basically jump right to him.
    Now Im not. So anyway he called and I was real casual with him.
    He has since been trying to flirt on email but i dont really take the bait.
    Im sure sooner or later we will end up hanging out but I just dont know how to approach this. If we can make things work I would love it. Im sure I sound stupid but I'll take him, mother problems and all.
    I just know right now I have to hold back. Like I said, I always push or move too fast and it gets me nowhere.
    How do you all handle situations where you know being less available is in your best interest? And, how do you make it work for you?

    Also, its very possible he just wants a booty call and it WILL NOT happen.
    Its also possible that he has no intention of trying to make anything work with me. He hasnt said anything sexual but he does flirt. He made a few comments about wanting to see my family(he loved them).
    Ugh i dont know. Anyone who actually read all of this THANK YOU. I know it was alot

  2. #2
    Featured Member GlitterBexie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just once I would like to come out on top!

    I just have to completely ignore and cut myself off from them, coz otherwise i end up getting sucked right back in, my ex was abusive and controlling and it took me a six months to get away from the relationship and another 6 for him to finally leave me alone, he will still pop up every now and again, im lucky though because now the thought of him makes me feel sick!

    But it was only by completely ignoring him that i was able to move on from it, he did a lot of damage (because i let him) an its only now that im starting to actually see how badly he affected me (i can see how different i am to a year ago!)

    My best mate always says 'an ex is an ex for a reason' if he's hurt you once, how likely is he to do it again? And if its playing on your mind can it really be worth it.. (I hope i dont sound majorly judgemental coz im not trying to be, ive just had virtually the same conversation with aforementioned best friend as i am a total repeat offender!

    x x x
    ''I love fake boobs''
    ''They're not fake! I grew them myself!''

  3. #3
    Member tornapart's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just once I would like to come out on top!

    Thanks glitter.. I appreciate the reply and no you dont sound judgemental.

    I do think I have changed in the past few years. When I met my ex i was 19(im now 27), naive, stupid, the works. I turned a blind eye to certain things. After we broke up, I did not date for about 8 months. I didnt want to. When I finally re entered the dating world I realized I was alot different with guys. I found I am alot more assertive, Im more self confident, I say what I mean, i dont bullshit.
    I feel I used to be pretty weak in my relationship and very strong in the ones Ive had since him. But yet, as soon as he comes around its like i revert back to the 19 yr old girl again. Hes the the only guy who ever affected me this way.

  4. #4
    Featured Member GlitterBexie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just once I would like to come out on top!

    its awful isnt it, the way certain men have the power! We sound quite similar, with most men im all strong, assertive, not takin none of the rubbish and actively try and come accross as high maintenance! But with one boy i kno...im a kitten! And for the life of me i dont know why! Im trying to turn it back round so i have a little bit more control, not over him, but over me. Giving myself the respect i deserve, cos he sure doesnt try hard enuf!

    Don't let him have the power of you back, if you're wary, stay wary, im not saying cut him out if u do want to see how u feel with him then go for it, better to know and reject it, than to spend ur life wondering! Just please dont let him take your heart an soul coz he is NOT worth it, he is just a man! and men, as we know, are, for the most part completely stupid! hehe!

    and you're welcome hun, its always easy to give advice but im the worlds worst when it comes to taking my own!

    x x x
    ''I love fake boobs''
    ''They're not fake! I grew them myself!''

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