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Thread: eye contact

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    Default eye contact

    Im new to this. I just gave my first lap dance the other night. I've always given appropriate eye contact in regular social situations, but when staring into customer's eyes at work, i feel a little gross. I feel like the way they are looking at me, its just too close. i dont know how to look into someone's eyes without feeling it, you know? its too much of a connection. i dont want to connect with anyone, i want to stay vacant. how do other girls do it?

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    Default Re: eye contact

    I look into their eyes and pretend we have a connection. I dont stare at him for the whole song though. Iv seen girls do that and had girls do lap dances for me like that and its awkward. I'll do a move or a series of moves then glance at him in the eyes and smile or wink. I say dont look him in the eyes for more than 3-4 seconds at a time. And make the look, look like your saying "you like this dont you" or an innocent look after you do a signature move.
    I dont like when guys stare at me in the eyes the whole time...creepy...

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    Default Re: eye contact

    I have this sort of rule about how it depends on where my hands are. If I'm playing with his hair, beard or with his ears, I'll look into his eyes. If my hands are on his shoulders/chest I'll look where my hands are and glance up at his eyes/lips. If I'm holding his hands (to prevent them from wandering) I'll generally avoid the eyes since that might lead him to try harder.

    Of course it depends on the customer, too. Some guys are just way too creepy to want to make eye contact with at all, and others you want to give a big hug and snuggle and wouldn't mind a nice deep gaze :3

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    Default Re: eye contact

    I like the eye contact. But I would suggest looking at his iris color insted of into the pupil. This sets a boundary. Or look at his chest or at your chest. And beware of psychic vampires. They drain energy from eyes and hands.

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    Default Re: eye contact

    Eye contact is actually a huge issue for me. If I'm talking to the customer, I have no issue with it. But silently, during lap dances...I can't. It's a major boundary for me and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I can manage bridge-of-the-nose contact for a few seconds at a time, but that's about it. Luckily, I have very long hair that always ends up in my face anyways, so I can kind of watch his face through my hair without him trying to stare me down.

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    Default Re: eye contact

    I always smile and even though it's the FAKEST smile ever it looks real and that sort of stops it from being a real connection for me.

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    Default Re: eye contact

    I just think of it as acting. Pretend your in a movie and you are falling in love with him. Or lust. Sometimes I look in their left eye (which is the eye you use in tantric sex) and think really dirty sexual thoughts. Like saying dirty stuff to them in my head (not out loud) and imagine its psychologically turning them on. maybe Im a psychic vampire LOL - what the hell is that anyways?

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    Default Re: eye contact

    Quote Originally Posted by Jessie_tinydancer View Post
    I just think of it as acting. Pretend your in a movie and you are falling in love with him. Or lust. Sometimes I look in their left eye (which is the eye you use in tantric sex) and think really dirty sexual thoughts. Like saying dirty stuff to them in my head (not out loud) and imagine its psychologically turning them on. maybe Im a psychic vampire LOL - what the hell is that anyways?
    Im going to try that!

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    Default Re: eye contact

    I've found that making eye contact(with a wink and a smile) with a guy as I pass by him on the floor is way more likely to get him to buy a dance from me when I come back for an approach. It's like the teaser pass, gets them to notice you.. and then the next pass you do it again to make sure he's still interested, and then you move in. Obviously if there's more competition you may want to forgo the second pass and jump right in. So far it's been working out for me quite well.

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    Default Re: eye contact

    Eye contact when dancing is nowhere near as important as eye & body contact when you approach the guest for the first time.

    My experience is that many guys don't like to be watched watching so an occasional glance smile or wink is fine.

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    Default Re: eye contact

    Eye contact is just like anything else in a lap dance... if it makes you uncomfortable, don't do it.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i am losing my fucking mind and i really just want this chloroform dream because i think that would just get me right with jesus.

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    Default Re: eye contact

    ^^ word. in some times, its weird.. in others, if theyre hot, i like it. and i litterally step out of Goldi and into "Miyanna". its all an acting game...its all mind work.. so eye contact really keeps them locked into ur trance.. and some guys like it.. some dont. -shrug- i found that it helps keep them focused tho..

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    Default Re: eye contact

    Hmmm.
    I'm not sure "vacancy" should be your goal when your dancing. Customers can sense that- I think most custies are in dire need of human connection and that's why they go to strip clubs instead of jacking off in the comfort of their own homes to porn.

    It seems like the majority of the guys I dance for are lost in their own fantasy world anyway, but the only way I can get through it is by transforming into a character that is not my true self. If I let that wall down while I'm giving a LD I freak out but if I'm 100% in character, it's fine.
    I like to look in the guys eyes though. I'm actually writing (well, editing atm) a poem about all the customers eyes I look through each night - those big, desperate eyes searching for some sort of physical connection that they can't find outside a strip club. lol. I'm a dork.

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    Default Re: eye contact

    I always make eye contact with guys while selling dances and while dancing. I find that it GREATLY helps with the sell AND with continuing with the dances. In a club like mine where you gotta compete against drugs AND dirty dancing, you GOTTA do something to keep guys attention if you don't plan on doing either one of those two things. One of my "secret weapons" is eye contact, and all the myriad of things it can say when used between two people. I play every look up--glancing over my shoulder, gazing submissively up from their lap, holding their gaze and coming up to graze ever so softly, my nose across theirs. Guys eat this romantic shit UP! I'm consistantly amazed at how much they get into it, how it distracts them from other things, like wanting me to grind for hours, hard on their lap, or do other dirty things. I swear to god I could just sit on some dude's laps and stare into their eyes and they'd buy 10 dances.

    But it's not just STARING--because straight up staring is creepy, for sure. It's more like making a 'connection'--having what the book the 'Art of Seduction' calls "sticky eyes". You just linger a moment longer than a non-romantic glance, you let your eyes trail down to their crotch, you glance up or back at them over your shoulder. Combine this with gentle gestures like your hand against the side of his face, or running your hand through their hair and pulling them into your cleavage....gently pulling on their earlobe (an erotic zone), and you've got a winning lapdance MINUS any gross shit. Basically--you turn them on seductively NOT erotically. If that makes sense.

    As to whether it bothers me or not--I will have to say, sometimes it does. But I just deal and continue on with the program because it really, really works. I used to HATE looking at dudes so much I never did it. I rarely ever do it in real life, and prior to dancing, I probably never looked people in the eye. It freaks me out. But at work, I do it cuz I know it will make money and in the dark of the club, it's not that intense. Putting hair in your eye also works well, so the gaze isn't as intense. I also like to look at the man's iris--not right into his pupils, and it seems less intense too. But you WANT it to be intense, to seem real, so mostly I fake it and pretend I'm acting in a movie and that I DO really want this person, that I am seducing them yadda yadda yadda. That works the best, and I guess the more you do it, the better you become.

    But I do think that if you're not comfortable with it, don't do it. Just know though, that it DOES make you a lot of money. Guys love it and buy it, and pay good money for it. It beats the alternatives of grinding or actually dancing. I'd rather sit on a guys lap and stare into his eyes than grind. Any day of the week.

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    Default Re: eye contact

    Agree 100% with the above statement! I also like to 'time' one of my 'looks' to juuust towards the end of the song with a kinky, mysterious grin so that they want to continue dancing to see what I will do next....Then I transition into another move that is sort of difficult to get out of/interrupt as the songs are about to change. lol...

    Crafty, but I tend to do it mostly from the 1st song to the 2nd and then kind of just keep it going with a bit more subtlety from then on out to keep them hypnotized into continuing to get more and more dances...
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    Thumbs up Re: eye contact

    Quote Originally Posted by black_widow View Post
    ...As to whether it bothers me or not--I will have to say, sometimes it does. But I just deal and continue on with the program because it really, really works. I used to HATE looking at dudes so much I never did it. I rarely ever do it in real life, and prior to dancing, I probably never looked people in the eye. It freaks me out. But at work, I do it cuz I know it will make money and in the dark of the club, it's not that intense. Putting hair in your eye also works well, so the gaze isn't as intense. I also like to look at the man's iris--not right into his pupils, and it seems less intense too. But you WANT it to be intense, to seem real, so mostly I fake it and pretend I'm acting in a movie and that I DO really want this person, that I am seducing them yadda yadda yadda. That works the best, and I guess the more you do it, the better you become.

    But I do think that if you're not comfortable with it, don't do it. Just know though, that it DOES make you a lot of money. Guys love it and buy it, and pay good money for it. It beats the alternatives of grinding or actually dancing. I'd rather sit on a guys lap and stare into his eyes than grind. Any day of the week.
    Brilliant, and brutally honest. I'll have to incorporate this into my rotation. Mostly, I glance and smile, I don't gaze. I'm always afraid I'm going to see something I don't want to if I look at them for too long. ::shudder::

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    Default Re: eye contact

    I'm so big on eye contact. It really took me a while to understand what it was all about though. In the beginning it definitely felt "weird" and "creepy". My take on it now is that it's definitely a dominance game. Looking at someone is such an assertive act of ownership, I think this is why people are so threatened by simply being "stared at" irl. If you can hold his gaze while dancing, you'll secure dominance. Flirt, smile, throw in a coy head tilt or seductively bite your lip, and he is yours.

    These guys are often just pretty lost, and I feel like the eye contact REALLY lets them know that you know the way to whatever it is that they're looking for.

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    Default Re: eye contact

    these are great tips and it really does just get easier the more you do it. i dont feel as weird anymore. it all feels pretty natural now that i've done these things over and over. especially dancing on stage, by far my favorite part of this job. & i love being topless

    i know the eye contact thing is about 'making a connection' and that if they feel it they will want you more and more, but that's what i have a problem with, I dont want to feel! i dont want to connect! i want to keep the wall up but still pull him in. maybe the problem is that there's a void in me, that i also need love just like the lonely customer i'm with. maybe that makes me more vulnerable to his strong energy taking me in to his own gaze. I'd like to think i'm too strong for that. my own energy is strong and magnetic. i'll have to make sure its Ivy staring at him with her strong magnetic energy, not my inner true self who could use a little more love in my life.

    thank you all for the advice

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    Default Re: eye contact

    Quote Originally Posted by Jessie_tinydancer View Post
    I just think of it as acting. Pretend your in a movie and you are falling in love with him. Or lust. Sometimes I look in their left eye (which is the eye you use in tantric sex) and think really dirty sexual thoughts. Like saying dirty stuff to them in my head (not out loud) and imagine its psychologically turning them on. maybe Im a psychic vampire LOL - what the hell is that anyways?
    I don't have a problem with eye contact, but i couldn't do the thinking bit! That's the way i do it, i'm looking into their eyes, but it's just a look, fake, there's nothing behind it. I look them deep into the eyes and think about those fantastic new shoes i'm going to buy with the money they've just given me; or the fact that in an hours time i'm going to be in a nice hot shower getting ready for bed; or that i must remember to put the recycling out in the morning.

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