i started stripping like 2 weeks after meeting him. He took me to a club we worked at for a while as a bartender and dj. I danced on and off almost a year. It ended when he took me to an old friend of his club in a different city. I relapsed on coke and cheated on him several times. He says he swears off all strippers, that "its hard for me to find strippers sexy anymore".
but he is fixing up websites for me online to do sex shows, pics, vids, panties...you name it! while i am preggo might i add..but still not showing at all.
i swear on everything i do not want to be a partier/bimbo as a dancer anymore...but i really do enjoy dancing. Ive never felt so good at doing something while boosting my confidence so high.
im reading NA and work on ways to be sober.
I have a son on the way, and for his sake would never return to the drugs again.
I care about the bf more than ever, seeing him in the light as the father of my child.
We are sooooooo BEYOND BROKE...I MEAN LIKE IN DEBT. So i find the easiest solution is to let me dance when it comes time. but he doesnt trust me. I still get called a whore and a slut for what i did..when we are fighting anyways.
I really want to dance...i catch myself missing the clothes..the poles...the girls....the muuuuusssiiic....and ofcourse the stage.
how do i get him to let me dance again?????? I am desperate here becuase he has no full time job..doesnt even get paychecks. cash for washing windows. and i cant get a job right now, been trying...but no luck at alllll...
i feel like i am hiding a huge secret when i thnk about going back to it. but i want to so bad. He has even said he pulls away emotionally when he feels i want to go back to that lifestyle.
am able to convince him what happened before wouldnt ever happen again? becuase its not stripping he has a problem with. he still wants to go to the clubs---but im not allowed to go.
i just......am very lost



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