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Thread: Conversations about strippers

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    Default Conversations about strippers

    It keeps happening that random groups of people I'm hanging out with who I don't know very well (classmates, soccer team, etc) start having conversations about strippers and I don't really know what to say. Since this is usually a large group I'm not particularly intimate with, I don't really want to just point out that I'm in the industry. Usually I just sit with my mouth shut, but occasionally want to correct misconceptions, point out etiquette, etc. I'm not really sure how to do that without segueing into why I know that. Does this happen to anyone else?

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    Veteran Member MonicaF's Avatar
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    Default Re: Conversations about strippers

    Yes, it's happened to me a lot over the years in regards to stripping, webcamming and being a "pornstar". In the past before I was comfortable and secure with not just what I do for a living, but who I am as a person and the choices I've made and path I've decided to take in life, I'd cringe.

    However now I'm a bit on a "rampage" in regards to the hypocracy that people have towards the adult industry so if I hear a comment that is just plain off base (such as: "oh, strippers are just lazy sluts and hoes who will do anything for a dollar"), I'm pretty quick to speak up.

    I feel mainstream society needs to be more educated and aware of the adult industry, because it's workers (especially those who are successful), truly do work hard and deserve a certain amount of respect. As an adult worker, you're providing a valuable service (whatever it is that you do) and most likely it took time and effort to hone your skill/craft - it's not different than being a top chef.

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    Default Re: Conversations about strippers

    Ugh...this is difficult. I'd suggest that you choose your battles wisely, as no one likes being confronted with their own ignorance, and you'll be more likely to anger people if you correct them. It's the same reason why I hate bumper stickers: either you agree with the driver's statement and enjoy sharing viewpoints, or you absolutely don't agree and the sticker pisses you off. It's such a polarized issue that you generally won't gain any ground by correcting people. They believe what they believe.

    Probably the only way you'll have any cred by speaking up is if you actually own up to being a stripper. Otherwise, your opinion isn't empirical enough to hold. "Well in my experience, strippers ____" vs. "I don't think strippers are sluts." And I'm guessing that this wouldn't be a good idea either, as you would then be opening yourself to all of the other misconceptions they have about your job.

    I find it more enjoyable to sit there and marinate in the knowledge that industry taboos are what make me so much money. If people didn't claim to just hate hate hate stripping soooo much by day, it wouldn't be nearly as fun for them to crawl into a strip club by night.

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    Default Re: Conversations about strippers

    If im feeling particularly offended i may speak up with a ''I know a few girls who are dancers and...'' If someone has an particularly negative opinion Ive found its coz they know nothing about strip clubs/dancer/the way the whole operation works, or theyve had negative experiences with dancers as gf's/bf's going to SC's and are bitter. I dont necessarily try to change their opinion but by speaking up a little and saying something you may be able to stop that particular conversation. I choose my battles carefully, Im not confrontational or aggressive and that way they dont suspect me as a dancer, haha! (I wish i could tell more people without being so negatively recieved!)
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    Featured Member Brooke's Avatar
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    Default Re: Conversations about strippers

    I used to be very open about dancing, and had no problem correcting people when they were wrong. How they handled learning that I was a dancer was my litmus test for how big of an asshat they were. That approach lost me as many friends as it won, and later I learned that it was not because they were *all* asshats... part of it was my approach.

    Now, I vary my approach based upon how I feel about the person. If the person made a statement that was inaccurate, but not judgemental, I might take the opportunity to educate them. If I need to tell them about myself to do it, sometimes that's OK. Other times I say that I have a good friend who strips... not entirely untrue, as years of dancing gave me many excellent friends in the business.

    If the person made a judgemental statement about stripping, then I let it go.
    1) I do not need to open myself up to their judgement in order to ... what? Enable their judgements to be more factually accurate? There is nothing for me or them to gain by correcting them.
    2) They are not really talking about me anyhow. Yes, they are talking about strippers, and yes, I was a stripper for almost a decade. But I am not a ho who did anything for a dollar and their ignorance doesn't change me.
    3) They have educated me about the person that they are. I wouldn't be friends with a person who made racist or sexist comments, either. I have learned that this person is judgemental without even bothering to educated themselves about that on which they look down.

    So I guess my advice is take the time when the person is worth it. When the person is not worth educating, make your peace with the fact that there are douche bags everywhere and let it go.
    Last edited by Brooke; 11-17-2009 at 02:11 PM.

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    Default Re: Conversations about strippers

    I'm lucky in that my friends are all pretty liberal and open-minded about these sorts of things. But every once in awhile I'll be in a situation where someone I don't know brings up stripping and a bunch of negative stereotypes. And I'll just very calmly say, "You know I'm a stripper, right?" And they'll trip over their own words and get really awkward about it, then half an hour later come to me privately and ask a lot of legitimate questions about the industry. Sometimes they're guys who want to visit a club but haven't got a clue as to tipping etiquette, and sometimes they're girls who've kind of always wanted to do amateur night. I think the ones who shit talk it the most are the ones who are really interested in it, deep-down.

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    Default Re: Conversations about strippers

    For me it depends who's talking and whether their opinion matters to me or not. If it doesn't, I don't feel it's really worth my time to try and explain a profession to them that realistically if you haven't experienced you can't really understand.

    If it's somebody who's opinion matters to me I will retort but will cut them some slack... If they're making rude insulting remarks that's one thing, but I do think a lot of people are just ignorant to what it's REALLY like to be a stripper and aren't neccesarily trying to be assholes. I know I have a VERY different opinion of strippers since I became one.

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    Veteran Member chris91's Avatar
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    Default Re: Conversations about strippers

    I went to dinner with some friends one night, and they brought along a girl who was on their kickball team. I had never met her before. They were all talking about how this one team really sucked and the girl said something like, "What do you expect? I mean, they're all strippers."

    My friends must have seen the steam coming out of my ears, because they changed the subject real quick. This happens to me a lot, and it's not just about stripping. People always want to talk to me about the stupid/evil italians, strippers, southerners etc. I always call them on it.
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    Default Re: Conversations about strippers

    Generally I will just ignore.. It is hard to hold my tongue, but they are ignorant and they aren't worth arguing with. I just take the mental note of the type of person they are--judgemental, believes stereotypes, lumps people into groups, hateful, ignorant.... And it is what it is.
    Sometimes, I will say something like "My good friend is a dancer and she and most of the girls she hangs with are nothing like all those stereotypes you are talking about. Not ALL strippers are bad, just like any other stereotype." Even if they think I'm talking about myself, sometimes you just have to say something! We have to stick up for ourselves sometimes! lol
    I hate hearing people talking about strippers negatively, as I'm sure we all do. But it's very common!
    Oh well, as it's been said before- the more they hate on us, the more $$$$ we get for ourselves ...Mwahahaha

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    Default Re: Conversations about strippers

    I actually forgot I had posted this and just remembered.
    What's funny is that when I posted, I actually wasn't thinking of negative conversations at all. I haven't really been around a ton of those. The last conversation I heard was a bunch of girls talking about how strippers do these totally amazing things and they're really envious. I was mostly wondering about when they talk about going in with a group of guys and not having that much money and I really want to launch into the "Well, it's kind of rude to not tip and for some reason women feel like they shouldn't have to.." spiel. The misconceptions I was talking about are the "Did you know all strippers...?" Wax their legs, make a grand a night, etc.

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    Default Re: Conversations about strippers

    ^ Weird. I have literally NEVER witnessed a positive conversation about strippers.

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    Default Re: Conversations about strippers

    awkward conversation about strippers:

    girl i've known since i was 4's bachelorette party, she's 19 and got really drunk and started crying. and talking about her fiance ( and his bachelor party)

    her: "AHHhhh, i had a baby when i was 17...wahh."
    her friend: "me too..sobs."
    her: He doensnt LOVVVE ME...sob..sob. . . HE GOT A STRIPPER"
    me: strippers arent that bad

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    Default Re: Conversations about strippers

    I remember a conversation I once got into regarding this subject. I was in college (at an art school of all things) and just chatting with a classmate and my professor. We were discussing an article she was writing for the school radio station. Long story short it was about stripping and how it was degrading. Out of the blue the professor started saying all strippers were whores, etc. Really demeaning things he said that weren't true (certainly not in my case). No one in the class knew I danced. I never looked like a stereotypical dancer and it would stun people when I told them. In a way I wish I had spoken up, but I didn't want most of them to know. It could have caused a lot of trouble for me if they had known. Incidentally, I reported this professor when I found out the girls got lower grades than the guys.

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