I know everybody goes through burnout, there's probably a hundred posts on here about it, and you can add this one to the pile...
This one feels the worst tho.. usually when i get into burnout mode, i take a few days off or go out with friends or something and everything goes back to normal.. but i don't get it.. i've hit a major wall, and i can't for the life of me scale it. I was hoping for some personal advice from anyone who's been there.
It all kind of happened at once, everything was fine..sure the business was weighing on me a little, and some managers were getting under my skin, but i could look over it, i was doing well money-wise. Had some money saved up, good regulars, comfortable with the job. Then i got a new boyfriend, and contracted H1N1 the same week, i was bed ridden for two weeks. When i got back to work, everything changed...suddenly none of my regulars would even talk to me, the manager giving me trouble was twice as mean, and somehow i went from making $200-$500+ a night to $50 if i was lucky. I hated the job, every guy i talked to was like nails on a chalkboard, that manager kept getting in her cheap shots, and i found out anonymous girls were spreading rumors to customers about me not being old enough to drink (i'm almost 30!!) and telling people not to sit with me. So i had enough. I quit. I'd just go to a different club. Well i can't. I CAN'T! I can't even picture myself doing the job anymore.. I sat outside my new club of choice for an HOUR tonight, trying to convince myself to go in. It wouldn't be so bad, except that i can't pay my rent this month and the bills are piling up. I've been trying to get a new job but the market isn't exactly booming with open positions... I have no other option but to dance at this time, but even the thought feels akin to self-mutilation. My whole life right now changed in two weeks.
A lot of it feels like it can be attributed to my new guy. He's very "I want to be with you 24-7" and doesn't have a regular income or a car, so i take care of him a lot, but he takes care of me a lot too, fixing things around the house, spending what little he has to help me, cooking and cleaning and being supportive. He's not jealous, he has never been weird about my job, and is supportive of it, but in some way i feel like it's some kind of betrayal to him. I know it's not, i have nothing to hide or be ashamed of, i'm squeaky clean. I'm just head over heels.
Another thing that bothers me is the always changing ohio adult industry laws. I can never get a straight answer from anyone in the clubs about what exactly is and is not against the law that month. As mentioned above, i'm squeaky clean, but i don't want to go to jail for prostitution because i accidentally touched someone's leg or arm the wrong way or someone puts a phone number in my purse when i'm looking away, and no one can tell me what is against the law that month. The night i quit, i had touched a guys cheek with the side of my boob and freaked out when he left directly after the dance, because some girls said he was vice, i ended up thinking i was going to jail for prostitution because half the people said i could go to jail for that and the other half didn't know.
Sorry for the super long rant, i'm not even sure i stuck to the subject or if any of this makes sense..or even if i put it in the right forum..i'm just super stressed right now, and would really appreciate any advice any lovely ladies would be so kind to offer..this really sucks.. i really need to lift myself out of this scared little rut..!



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