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Thread: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

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    Default Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    I get it that strippers' livelihoods are dependent on their selling lap dances. They sit with customers, regulars or otherwise, because they either know they can sell him dances, or they feel there's a strong likelihood they can sell him dances. Makes sense. Soon as they know he's tapped out or otherwise not willing or not in a position to buy more dances, they need to be finding some new blood, as all they have to sell is their time.

    Over time regulars develop sentimental attachments to their ATF. It's still about the money, but their conversations become personal. How does one dissolve or distance themselves from the sentimental attachment without being disrespectful or burning their bridges?

    I've spent a fair amount of time and money on a gal over the past year. She doesn't have the best (most provocative) body in the club but her personality more than makes up for it. I'm buying her company, either for the nudity/lap dance or the engaging conversation. When I come into the club see finds me and sits with me as I'm a predictable regular of hers. Other girls tend to by pass me even though I tip them on stage, smile and say hello, calling them by name.

    Any suggestions on dialing back that sentimental attachment aspect of a regular with an ATF?

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    God/dess LuckyOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    So you're this dancer's regular and now the other girls ignore you? Just start sitting at the stage and tipping. If you talk to the girls onstage or give them a substantial tip they'll get the idea to come back.

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    Featured Member WiseGuy_TX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    Quote Originally Posted by mcmillan View Post
    Any suggestions on dialing back that sentimental attachment aspect of a regular with an ATF?
    ...WTF?, first its FBR and now mcmillan? There must be some pink side conspiracy to take down the blue side with their seductive ways. This sounds like a job for worldfamoustoddyepthatguy.

    I'll state the obvious before Yoda does, ...stop going to her club for a while.
    "Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    Quote Originally Posted by WiseGuy_TX View Post
    ...WTF?, first its FBR and now mcmillan? There must be some pink side conspiracy to take down the blue side with their seductive ways. This sounds like a job for worldfamoustoddyepthatguy.

    I'll state the obvious before Yoda does, ...stop going to her club for a while.
    Thanks WG, I slept in this morning...
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    Quote Originally Posted by WiseGuy_TX View Post
    ...WTF?, first its FBR and now mcmillan? There must be some pink side conspiracy to take down the blue side with their seductive ways.
    I think we can safely dismiss this as mere coincidence. However, should yoda start such a thread within the next week or so then I think it would be appropriate to declare a state of emergency.

    Quote Originally Posted by mcmillan View Post
    Any suggestions on dialing back that sentimental attachment aspect of a regular with an ATF?
    Go less often and/or buy less. As far as the other girls go, sounds like you've been pegged as her regular and her regular alone. You're going to have to take the initiative and ask for dances to show that you are receptive to buying dances from others.

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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    Quote Originally Posted by Bob_Loblaw View Post
    I think we can safely dismiss this as mere coincidence. However, should yoda start such a thread within the next week or so then I think it would be appropriate to declare a state of emergency.
    LOL, well, I'm the first to admit that I have crossed the "sentimental attachment" line many times. There is a difference however between liking a dancer, spending generously, and having a great time with her vs. being a pathetic, blind and whipped ATM. I let that happen once many years ago and learned the lessons that keep me firmly based in reality...even when it hurts a little.

    Honestly, I don't think FBR has gone off the deep end at all. It should be clear to anyone who has been paying attention over the years that he had a good thing going with a very hot lady and was willing to pay for it. I've been there many times and will go there again...

    As for our OP here on this thread well, there will be less drama if you just take it to another club for a while.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    There is a difference however between liking a dancer, spending generously, and having a great time with her vs. being a pathetic, blind and whipped ATM.
    QFT.

    I wouldn't describe FBR as the later option either. In fact, after taking a second look at what he wrote, his actions help to demonstrate how to avoid that fate.

    I'm a little surprised someone with the experience of mcmillan finds himself in this predicament but I suppose we're all bound to lose ourselves the odd time.

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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    I'll have to admit after many visits and subsequent conversations, I've gotten to know her pretty well. I know her first name, know about her family, pets, boyfriend, etc. We have a friendship not unlike one you'd have with your co-workers. It dawned on me, especially during the holidays, that I was motivated to stop in and see her, to buy 5-7 dances, plus tip, as I cared about her as a person, not just some temporary nookie fix of rented T&A. That's when I realized I'd developed a sentimental attachment. Not her personal ATM, but certainly more of a caretaker, quasi-sugar daddy than I had experienced before. Oh and I'll admit, all that history allows me pretty free access as my hands explore her contours.

    We're close enough that I tell her if she sees another regular, or a likely prospect, to leave me, sell them dances, collect her cash, and come back. She's at work, she needs to sell dances to get paid.

    There are only a few rules in SCs, some tangible, some intangible. The tangible are you can't fondle, finger, or fuck the women, at least not in the club. And the intangible are, no forging sentimental attachments, either patron with dancer (most probable) or dancer to patron.

    I think I get off as much helping her make bank as I do when she drags her tits across my face. That's the sentimental attachment I need to get in front of.

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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    What is an FBR? Frequent/Favorite Buying Regular? Please advise, Thx.

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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    We're close enough that I tell her if she sees another regular, or a likely prospect, to leave me, sell them dances, collect her cash, and come back. She's at work, she needs to sell dances to get paid.


    Strippers are like juke boxes. As long as you keep putting the coins in, they'll keep playing your tunes. You can have all the affection & nudity you can afford.

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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    Quote Originally Posted by mcmillan View Post
    What is an FBR? Frequent/Favorite Buying Regular? Please advise, Thx.
    I was thinking FBR could mean Fuck Buddy Regular. There are too many of these abbreviations on this site.
    “Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    Quote Originally Posted by mcmillan View Post
    What is an FBR? Frequent/Favorite Buying Regular? Please advise, Thx.
    FBR=Long time SW/SCJ member, moderator and all around cool dude.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    ...yes, what is an FBR? An enigma perhaps or, sometimes, a cat wrangler. An ecdysiophile with a distinguished crambazzle nature.
    "Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    I am in the same boat and I know fucking better than to let it it happen. I have a current favorite since May. We became very close. We text a lot, have done strictly friends OTC dinner-drinks. We haven't done a lapdance or room since July, I always just slip her $$$ at the end of the night. We tell each other very private things. She says we are friends and it would be weird doing dances for me now but I do go up to her stages. She NEVER bugs me for money. She is really the best dancer "relationship" I ever had.

    I am her "possession" in the club thought. She got mad at me for talking to a former bartender turned dancer I knew from another club. I heard she got into it with that girl after I left also. I don't really mind though because she really is great.

    She has made it clear we are just friends though. I have fallen for her but will be cool and stay friends. If I wanted out I would just put the moves on her and she would be gone I am sure. Somethings we know better but just can't fucking help it!!!
    I can do better than you in a two bit fancy house

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    Veteran Member chris91's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    I don't understand what the problem is here. There's no rule that says you can't like and care about a stripper. You just can't get all clingy and weird about it.
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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    Quote Originally Posted by mcmillan View Post
    What is an FBR? Frequent/Favorite Buying Regular? Please advise, Thx.
    I'm chuckling a bit at this thread (how did it become about me? I already started my own thread about my drama in Blue) but to answer your question those are the first letters of my three word original screen name from many years ago. I know Yoda will remember and maybe a few others. For privacy reasons, I asked Pryce to change it to FBR.

    To the OP, favs and ATF's come and go. Some keep it business with a touch of personal. Some keep it personal with a touch of business. But the end result is the same. I could go on but hopefully you get my drift.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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    Veteran Member SteveSmith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    ^^ Did FBR stand for Finger Banging Regular?

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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    Quote Originally Posted by mcmillan View Post
    I'll have to admit after many visits and subsequent conversations, I've gotten to know her pretty well. I know her first name, know about her family, pets, boyfriend, etc. We have a friendship not unlike one you'd have with your co-workers. It dawned on me, especially during the holidays, that I was motivated to stop in and see her, to buy 5-7 dances, plus tip, as I cared about her as a person, not just some temporary nookie fix of rented T&A. That's when I realized I'd developed a sentimental attachment. Not her personal ATM, but certainly more of a caretaker, quasi-sugar daddy than I had experienced before. Oh and I'll admit, all that history allows me pretty free access as my hands explore her contours.

    We're close enough that I tell her if she sees another regular, or a likely prospect, to leave me, sell them dances, collect her cash, and come back. She's at work, she needs to sell dances to get paid.

    There are only a few rules in SCs, some tangible, some intangible. The tangible are you can't fondle, finger, or fuck the women, at least not in the club. And the intangible are, no forging sentimental attachments, either patron with dancer (most probable) or dancer to patron.

    I think I get off as much helping her make bank as I do when she drags her tits across my face. That's the sentimental attachment I need to get in front of.
    Quote Originally Posted by chris91 View Post
    I don't understand what the problem is here. There's no rule that says you can't like and care about a stripper. You just can't get all clingy and weird about it.
    She was out a few days before Christmas with Pink Eye (highly contagious) so I made an effort to pop in and asks how she was recovering. I told her I wasn't intending to "caretake" her. She said caring about someone wasn't "caretaking. True, but obviously I wasn't there just to look at her tits. That's what I needed to be mindful of.

    I think the advice I've gotten here is to dial back my attendance at the club, or pick days she's off, or make sure I buy dances from the other girls. That will break the pattern, or at least not reinforce it. I'll always be fond of her in a big brother/close friend, kind of way.

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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    Quote Originally Posted by chris91 View Post
    I don't understand what the problem is here. There's no rule that says you can't like and care about a stripper. You just can't get all clingy and weird about it.
    I agree in principle but there are different reasons why it can be a problem from the customers POV even if he isn't getting all weird with the dancer in question and creeping her out. I like all of my favs and I am actually very good friends with a couple of them. I don't let that effect my spending. Likeing and caring does not equal spending frivolously for me...lol, at least not anymore!

    There are however guys who can't control themselves and start to spend money that they should not be spending thinking they are somehow obligated or thinking that it will get them something (dates, sex) that it never will. Now, please understand I am not saying these guys deserve any sympathy. We are all grown ups and we all have our vices. If a guy can't control his spending that's on him, not the dancer trying to earn a living. I'm just pointing out why what seems like harmless kindness and generosity from the dancer's POV can be something a bit more dangerous on the customer's side.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Featured Member lopaw's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    This is why it's great to have several different clubs to visit (if it is possible) to help distance yourself from someone for a while if need be.
    I've club hopped many times - once for over a year at a local club to avoid a very possessive dancer. It can help to avoid a bad scenario, or just for a breath of fresh air once in a while.

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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    Quote Originally Posted by lopaw View Post
    This is why it's great to have several different clubs to visit (if it is possible) to help distance yourself from someone for a while if need be.
    I've club hopped many times - once for over a year at a local club to avoid a very possessive dancer. It can help to avoid a bad scenario, or just for a breath of fresh air once in a while.

    So true. This has saved my ass many times. I even have one club nearby that is my "eye candy only" club. I have never bought a lap dance in there and I never will.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Veteran Member You Know Me's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    Quote Originally Posted by mcmillan View Post
    I get it that strippers' livelihoods are dependent on their selling lap dances. They sit with customers, regulars or otherwise, because they either know they can sell him dances, or they feel there's a strong likelihood they can sell him dances. Makes sense. Soon as they know he's tapped out or otherwise not willing or not in a position to buy more dances, they need to be finding some new blood, as all they have to sell is their time.

    Over time regulars develop sentimental attachments to their ATF. It's still about the money, but their conversations become personal. How does one dissolve or distance themselves from the sentimental attachment without being disrespectful or burning their bridges?

    I've spent a fair amount of time and money on a gal over the past year. She doesn't have the best (most provocative) body in the club but her personality more than makes up for it. I'm buying her company, either for the nudity/lap dance or the engaging conversation. When I come into the club see finds me and sits with me as I'm a predictable regular of hers. Other girls tend to by pass me even though I tip them on stage, smile and say hello, calling them by name.

    Any suggestions on dialing back that sentimental attachment aspect of a regular with an ATF?
    These situations are always difficult. When it no longer is a purely sexual attraction and you get to know the dancer....that is she lets you into her world then it can get real confusing. Is she opening up because she is WORKING me? Does she now consider me a FRIEND? Is she starting to LIKE me? You will never know the answers unless you push it!!

    So you push and find out it is working you. If you are a overspender this is good information to have. If she considers you now a REAL friend then she will no longer want to dance for you or will feel uncomfortable about it. If this is the case then otc is the route to go with friendship if you can handle it. If she is starting to like you then she will let you know and the situation will handle itself.

    I only say push it if you are getting attached. No one needs the confusion and stress that comes with it. You can get all that crap outside the club with a non stripper. Your club time should be fun. Once it gets beyond that you need to stop it. If it means losing her....well i believe you are better off because you never had her in the first place.

    I currentlly have one myself that it seems like we have become the dreaded FRIENDS. I have spent more time otc than itc with her and am still extremely sexually attracted to her, but have also gotten to know her as a person away from her work. She is funny, frustrating, bossy, sweet, etc...
    Would i like to date her? Yes. Will i ever? Probably not since i started as a customer and she doesnt trust any of us. She has told me before that she is not sure of my intentions. The last time were in a club together she told me she didnt want to dance for me. We still had a blast and it really didnt bother me.

    You know what i dont think i responded very well to your initial post, but i am posting this anyway...maybe someone will get something good out of it

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    Veteran Member azdd's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    Well, having gone down this road with my ATF I can certainly understand the OP's situation. You mention that you often send her off your lap to get dances from other regulars so she can make money, but you don't mention if you get dances from anyone else while she's away. You should try directly telling her which other dancers you are interested in, and ask her about them. If she's over-possessive, she's likely to talk shit about other dancers and resent you being interested.

    When I went in to see my ATF, she knew I was ultimately there to see her, but that I would also be getting dances from many others (or course it didn't hurt that she always had a long line of regulars in waiting). She even helped link me up with several others that remain friends and favorites today, even though the ATF left town over a year ago. My advice is to test your gal to see how she reacts to you spreading the wealth around a little. She might just be cool with it if you're honest with her. If she throws a bunch of drama at you, then you'll save a shitload of money and grief by moving on.

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    Veteran Member chris91's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    So true. This has saved my ass many times. I even have one club nearby that is my "eye candy only" club. I have never bought a lap dance in there and I never will.
    Well, that must be a big bag of suck for the dancers at that club.
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    Default Re: Sentimental attachments in strip clubs

    Have you tried asking her for suggestions on dancers to get dances with? It may be a little easier for the two of you to cool things down if you find an "ATF-approved" dancer to spend time with if/when your favorite is unavailable.

    I had a similar situation with my ATF. I had spent a good part of the evening with her, and at one point we were sitting at a table, just chilling out. She asked what my plans for the rest of the night were, and I said, "Well, it's been a while since I've gotten a dance from someone I didn't know...is there anyone you'd recommend?"

    She tried to flag down a dancer she knew that had walked by, but was unsuccessful. I suggested she work the floor, and maybe point one of her friends in my direction. Sure enough, maybe not two minutes after she left, another dancer came up to me - it was the same woman my ATF tried to flag down. So we went, got some dances on the floor and in VIP, then afterward she went to find my ATF and I had one more round with her before leaving for the night.
    "Women, not girls, rule my world" - Prince

    "No parking on the dance floor" - Midnight Star

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