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Thread: need to change my attitude...advice please?

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    Default need to change my attitude...advice please?

    I've been dancing for ~3.5 years now and I am DONE with it. Only I can't really be done for another year. Possibly year and a half. I've done the math and put in some time job hunting, and have realised that as much as I've grown to hate it, I do need to stick with dancing until I'm done school. (Please, nothing about low-wage jobs or school loans...I've done the math, and I won't bore you with the details but this is really the only job that will work for me right now, time- and money-wise).

    I quit my last club about a month ago cos it was full of drugs, blatant hooking and a steady flow of undercovers--a terrible combination IMHO. I kept thinking that just being there at the wrong time could potentially ruin my entire future and everything I work so hard for, so I left and was off for a month. Now my savings are almost down to nothing, and I need to go audition somewhere else.

    But I'm so utterly filled with negativity at the thought of going back to dancing. I need to snap out of it and change my entire mindset. But how? It doesn't help at all that I've just been off since leaving my former club; now I've gotten used to a normal sleep schedule, I've had loads of free time...OK, so part of it is I've just gotten lazy. The other parts are feeling the typical "ugh, they're not going to hire me; I hate auditioning" that I always feel when I go try out for a new club. (I've never not been hired *touch wood*, but every time I think about auditioning for a new club, I always think "this is going to be my first rejection...") And just generally really wanting to leave it all behind me and be done with dancing, but knowing that I can't till next year.

    Anyway, enough rambling. How do you turn off all the negativity and just do your job, when you're completely over the whole scene and fed up but need to do it anyway (at least for the time being)? How do you get over the "ugh, not again" feeling and just get on with it?

    And it's not just the audition. I need to change my attitude towards the job in general, or else it's only going to bring me more frustration and negativity, night after night (and very little money). A large part of the problem is in 3+ years of dancing, I still haven't quite figured out how to not let people get to me. Customers who play mind games, who try to pry into my life, or insult me; customers who act like perverts, or just complete morons, or cheap asses...I need to figure out how to just brush all that off, and let it all roll off my back. I need to learn how to get into a 'persona' and just stick with it, and kind of put up a wall where all the negativity coming from other people in the club doesn't get close to me.

    Any advice on how to do any of that would be very much appreciated!

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    God/dess anouk.oui's Avatar
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    Default Re: need to change my attitude...advice please?

    on how to brushing custys off......
    like this is coming from a girl who couldnt take negative criticisim or confrontation without crying or getting shouty angry

    i figured if someone is being an ass n not paying or big chance of not paying, i walk away or get them kicked out. i used to b really nice to everyone but then regections hurt more so i make more money being a bitch. if someone is an ass but pays bigmoneh, i ignore it coz hes going home with a lighter wallet and harder boner so he just wants to be a dick in exchange for his paycheck. either waqy, its not personal.

    my advice is try to have fun with it. try a new stripper personality and look and act the part n enjoy the fact youre secretly fooling everyone. also, try to reduce the number of ur shifts. a girl who been here 4 years only works one night....

    good luck

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    Veteran Member Lola_sinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: need to change my attitude...advice please?

    I feel you about auditioning anxiety. I'm auditioning for the second time next week and I keep obsessing about how they're gonna reject me because I'm too fat, how I'm gonna look stiff and out of shape on stage (I've been out of work for a month too and I feel like I've lost my mojo), etc. I'm just trying to stay positive about it and I just changed my hair color for the new club so that's helping. Maybe try to do some kind of makeover that's cheap? Do some DIY highlights or an at-home spa treatment with grocery-store items like avocados a day or two before the audition.

    As far as developing a more positive outlook, I would recommend doing some reading on this site:
    http://www.stevepavlina.com
    It a self-help blog and it might seem kind of hokey at first but this guy is actually brilliant. It's all about training yourself to think differently.

    Meditation also helps.

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    Senior Member amaliasnightout's Avatar
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    Default Re: need to change my attitude...advice please?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lola_sinn View Post
    As far as developing a more positive outlook, I would recommend doing some reading on this site:
    http://www.stevepavlina.com
    It a self-help blog and it might seem kind of hokey at first but this guy is actually brilliant. It's all about training yourself to think differently.

    Meditation also helps.
    This website is amazing.
    Thanks for posting the link!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Stripper persona- Britney DeFaire @ The Jet Strip.

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    Member oceana's Avatar
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    Crossfingers Re: need to change my attitude...advice please?

    How do you turn off all the negativity and just do your job, when you're completely over the whole scene and fed up but need to do it anyway (at least for the time being)? How do you get over the "ugh, not again" feeling and just get on with it?
    Negativity in the club is not about you.
    Focus on the money you need to make. One dance at the time. If you feel like you absorbing too much BS just let go and remind yourself that you are getting payed for it.
    If someone crosses your bounderies (custies) just send him away find another one. (even if you think there is no other money on the floor or that's what you think)Many times I did that and better custy came a long with way more money.

    Accept that sometimes you won't make as much as you would like. But anything is good - it is cash income and most times better than any other job out there.

    As for the auditioning... hmm we don't have to do that in here. that must a bit degrading, but then again don't take it personally. Focus on the money you need to make.

    and overall; don't think about the job too much. Just go and do it.
    "When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes. When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours that's relativity." -- Albert Einstein



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    Featured Member Stripper Hacks's Avatar
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    Default Re: need to change my attitude...advice please?

    >A large part of the problem is in 3+ years of dancing, I still haven't quite figured out how to not let people get to me.

    Hey you're a normal human being.

    As dancers we have to learn how to roll with the punches so to speak.

    The only thing you can really do is move on and not let a customers attitude affect your mood. They say or do something stupid you move on. It's really that simple but you NEED TO PRACTICE.

    Hey there are nights that we have all been through and every guy we talk to is a loser and it can be tough to keep your morale up. I've been dancing forever and every once in a while I get so frustrated (still!) and have the tears well up in my eyes.

    You know what I do? Wait out being pissed. Wipe off any smudged make up. Freshen up and hit the floor.

    That's all you really can do. If you need to talk to someone about it talk to a manager as opposed to one of your girlfriends. I love being a good friend and if someone wants to cry on my shoulder at work that's fine I can take it. BUT sometimes their sadness can be contagious. If you can't pull yourself together consider either going home or taking a few days off and showing up at a different time. This is helpful because you don't get into a rut. Work on a Friday night instead of a Saturday. Work the opposite shift that you're used to.

    I was getting burned out in the past few months and took a break. There have been a lot of changes in the attitude in the industry for a number of reasons so I had to step away to regain another perspective. Now I'm back and try to do things slightly different.

    Different shifts. Different outfits. Different approach. Different attitude.

    It's all up to us. We are responsible for our own happiness.

    Hope my ramble offered some insight.




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    Default Re: need to change my attitude...advice please?

    [quote=lcorsada;1886330]this is really the only job that will work for me right now, time- and money-wise).

    quote]

    ^ You said it. So .... just take a look at your bills coming up and go find a new club. I'm doing a non-dancing job right now ( also in sales ) that I can barely stand and this is what I do. It's pretty much all you can do ...........

    I was doing a little phone sex stuff and panty sales and you could try that. I was hoping to make stripper money off that and it didn't work ( it was more like 30% stripper money with all the back and forth with flaky buyers). Now I'm tempted to go back to stripping even though I totally missed the fun years of stripping ( started working as a stripper DURING the recession ).

    Good luck. It's so frustrating right now. You aren't the only one feeling it.

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    Default Re: need to change my attitude...advice please?

    Make a goal timeline, stick to it, and cross things off.

    I write my monthly goals on my mirror in the bathroom in lipstick every month. When I make one, I windex it off. Gives you a sense of progression rather than OH SWEET JESUS SRSLY??

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    Default Re: need to change my attitude...advice please?

    Thanks so much everyone for the advice. mediocrity, you're brilliant w/breaking the goals down so it doesn't seem overwhelming. Looking at the total of how much money I need, and thinking "18 months to go till I can leave", it all seems insurmountable. I'm going to try and just take it one day at a time instead of "omg look at how much time and money..." All I have to think about right this minute is the audition on Tues.

    I also think that the best thing I can do is focus totally on the rest of my life--school, internship, etc., really throw all my energy and thought into those things, and treat the club as nothing more than "get in, get money and get out".

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    Member little miss stripper's Avatar
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    Default Re: need to change my attitude...advice please?

    I've been dancing almost 8 years and burn out can def kill your money. The longer you dance the sooner it hits after a good spell. I change my getting ready routine at home when I feel a burn out coming. My husband digs through our old music and I blare it over our bathroom player speakers. I buy new lotion and try something new with my hair. Go to work early for about a week because I know that it will take me a few extra minutes to get into work mode and play the same cd while I drive, singing as I go! Consistancy can kill a stripper! I also have started to wear a watch at work just to keep track of my time.

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    Default Re: need to change my attitude...advice please?

    I've been doing this for almost 2 years now, full time one year and part time the year before, and I know how you feel. I understand about the hating the job but needing to do it to! I need to do this job for 4 more years, until my husband gets out of school, and sometimes it's impossible to know I have to do that when I dread it day by day.

    My solution to frustrating customers and annoying co-workers is bring a book to work. Every once in a while take 10 minutes just to sit in the dressing room and cool off, disappear into your book, and you'll feel a little better about facing all of them. Another idea, if you're allowed to drink at work, is to take a quick shot, then go relax for 10 min or so, then by the time you go out the drink will have started to hit, and your mind is refreshed.

    Here's an idea for dealing with rejection: audition for some community theatre shows. It will thicken up your skin, because if you get told no for a part you really want, then of course you know you can handle it when you get told no for a stupid dollar dance. And if you get told yes for the part, you'll get your self confidence back by performing on stage for an audience that appreciates you, and applause is so fulfilling. I've been doing community theatre for 25 years or so now and it's really helped. It also helps to pretend you're a different "character" at work, like day by day or something, because it's not you that has to grind on stinky strangers, it's your character. Or, this will amuse yourself and potentially confuse customers, come up with different accents to use. Talk with a British accent one night, southern belle the next. If customers come in and hear you use both accents on different nights, just wink at them or something, I'm sure they are used to girls not being their actual selves.

    Hang in there!!!!

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    Curious Guest Lillylight's Avatar
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    Default Re: need to change my attitude...advice please?

    You know, there is nothing wrong with a: not being good at this job and b: being ok with that!

    Its one of the hardest things to get your head around.... there just will be times when you CANT put up with their crap...and you will turn down, reject or repel the money from you because of it... but its what follows this that really get to you...
    That you then go back and BLAME yourself for not being able to put up with something every night most humans cant even handle as an altercation on a bus trip!
    That instead of feeling down about not having the money... knowing that you choose to turn it down because that line.. that night... was important for you. Was important that you just didn't put up with it...
    You have to KNOW this and TELL yourself this.. I CHOSE not to put up with that.. and of course im not going to earn the money I want tonight because of it... but I would rather that... than go home crying every night..
    So you just have to go...well... tonight it another night, a new slate, for them and for me.
    Look there are so many things about this industry that are emotionally complex and so under discussed that just end up being a blame game.
    Check out this site:


    about half way down on that blog she talks about Stripper Burn out. In general I think she has some good ideas, and its a site kind of dedicated to the emotional side of stripping and realise that we are not alone.
    Anyway, hope it helps. good luck. xx

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