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Thread: alcholism abstinence and moderation

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    Veteran Member peachplumpear's Avatar
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    Mind Blowing alcholism abstinence and moderation

    Okay, so over one year ago I stopped drinking alcohol cold turkey. I had no help, I just told my boyfriend that it was something I had to do for him to trust me. I drank for about 8 years before I met him, you know, the typical wild child at every party who's so wacky and loving it doesn't seem like such a problem....until you get into your car. Anyway- for the last year sober, I've been pretty miserable, like, very critical of anyone who drinks and has a tiny bit of fun, amping up my pot-smoking to a daily routine, and cutting out all activities that might involve a bar or drinks. I don't like being around people, even my own family, if there's alcohol anywhere nearby. I'm very bitter about my decision to abstain, it feels uneccessary.

    So, despite the problems I had in the past, I've decided to drink moderately again. I almost have to force myself too though, it's weird. I don't want to get drunk at all though. I'm not into the "escapism" of it anymore. I just want a little bit now and then. I'm in school and studying things I'm interested in, I feel good about my life and I make enough money at work to save for future business ideas I have.

    Just curious if anyone has already struggled with this or is currently thinking about moderation/abstinence. Or what experiences have you witnessed secondhand?

    I understand the risk involved and I'm prepared to muscle up my willpower when the urge for MORE hits me, but I think it's worth the risk to avoid living in a prison of my own creation!

    btw I used rationalrecovery.org to stop drinking, they told me the power was in my mind and I never had even the slightest slip-up or need for reinforcement of the information after that.

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    Default Re: alcholism abstinence and moderation

    You have made a good start, so why blow it. Go to AA, attend 90 meetings in 90 days. See if you still want to drink.

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    Default Re: alcholism abstinence and moderation

    Fuck AA.

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    Default Re: alcholism abstinence and moderation

    I think you have to be honest within yourself as to why you drank heavily before. If you drank because you have a genuine alcohol addiction that's one thing. If you drank to come out of your shell and be the wild child at every party that's another.

    If you think you have an alcohol addiction, then drinking moderately is not a good idea - you'll end up with real problems in the future. However, reading your post, I don't think this is your problem.

    Quote Originally Posted by peachplumpear View Post
    ...I've decided to drink moderately again. I almost have to force myself too though, it's weird. I don't want to get drunk at all though. I'm not into the "escapism" of it anymore. I just want a little bit now and then. I'm in school and studying things I'm interested in, I feel good about my life and I make enough money at work to save for future business ideas I have.
    It sounds like alcohol was an escape for you, and some (if not all of the reasons) that made you need it as an escape are now in the past. You now have a stable boyfriend, are well motivated to study and have ideas for the future. You don't need alcohol as a form of escape any more.

    Have you considered drinking wine? If you buy a good bottle of wine, then splitting it between you and your boyfriend over an evening can be a pleasant way of having a moderate drink.

    If I'm going over to visit a friend for the evening, I very often take over a bottle of wine. It'll do us three small glasses each, which will quite comfortably last the evening. The wine is a courtesy, and a way of saying thanks for inviting me over. Three glasses over three hours will have little or no effect, so I/we enjoy drinking the wine mainly for the flavor.

    The influences that made you drink heavily in the past are no longer there, hence it does feel a little 'weird' for you to drink. You're now learning that moderate drinking can be a very social activity and not one that you need to take you out of your shell and make you Ms Wild Child.

    And if you only take a drink now and then in social situations, then you don't have a problem....

    Phil.
    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    I've totally stared at guys' wallets with lust in my heart
    J.D. explaining how she reacts to guys staring at her body with lust in their hearts....

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    Veteran Member peachplumpear's Avatar
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    Default Re: alcholism abstinence and moderation

    Yeah, I was thinking I could tap into my sense of "this is more than what other people are drinking" or "this is considered binge drinking". I just don't understand why when a few drinks makes you feel good, it seems like a TON will make you feel GREAT! It could possibly be genetic and not something to fuck with, I don't know...I'm starting to obsess and I just want to cut myself a break. I guess the ultimate test would be to see if I could like, take just ONE sip and nothing more. But why risk it? Bahh, I should just leave it alone if it causes such strong feelings in me I guess.

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    Default Re: alcholism abstinence and moderation

    I would really tread carefully here. From what you've said it doesn't sound like you have an addiction, HOWEVER I would still go and speak with a therapist before you venture into it again. The fact that you were bitter about abstinence is a red flag to me (but it could also mean that you just resented changing your lifestyle for someone else?) Good luck with this decision... it's a tough one.

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    Default Re: alcholism abstinence and moderation

    Quote Originally Posted by peachplumpear View Post
    ...I just don't understand why when a few drinks makes you feel good, it seems like a TON will make you feel GREAT!...
    Alcohol acts like a mild sedative. It relaxes us and relieves some of the anxiety we feel in strange situations. It's why we're more at ease at (for example) parties after a few drinks, where the alcohol gives us that fraction of courage it takes to go up and talk to strangers.

    In slightly larger doses alcohol starts to impair our judgment. We believe we are performing well; for example in dancing outrageously at a party. However, other people may consider you are making a fool of yourself - and be laughing at you rather than with you.

    Quote Originally Posted by peachplumpear View Post
    ...I guess the ultimate test would be to see if I could like, take just ONE sip and nothing more. But why risk it? Bahh, I should just leave it alone if it causes such strong feelings in me I guess.
    Ultimately, the best judge of what right for you is yourself. If you're anxious about starting to drink again, even in moderation, maybe you should be guided by your inner voice.

    Quote Originally Posted by peachplumpear View Post
    Anyway- for the last year sober, I've been pretty miserable...amping up my pot-smoking to a daily routine, and cutting out all activities that might involve a bar or drinks....
    It seems to me that you (to a degree) have substituted cannabis for alcohol.

    Amateur psychology I know, but is there anything in your private or professional life still causing you anxiety? (I know you think things are better with your studies, relationship, etc).

    From my experience, the impulse to drink or smoke is greater when we're unhappy inside. Identify why you're not comfortable within yourself and maybe the tendency to drink to excess would be removed.

    My 2 cents....

    Phil.
    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    I've totally stared at guys' wallets with lust in my heart
    J.D. explaining how she reacts to guys staring at her body with lust in their hearts....

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    Veteran Member peachplumpear's Avatar
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    Default Re: alcholism abstinence and moderation

    It's not so much that I'm not comfortable with myself- I lead a pretty awesome life right now, when you think about it, attention, cash money, exercise, primping... Maybe I'm sad it will all end in 5+ years and I avoided getting my shit together until just now.

    But really- I sometimes think pot and alcohol are good idea because the whole rest of the world is fucked right now. Ever since I was 8 or 9 years old I'd get emotional over things I couldn't change. And frustrated when small efforts of mine to "help the world" go unoticed. I can't watch the news, I can't bear to hear about the state of affairs anywhere My dad imagined I would grow up to be the next Mother Theresa.

    The first times I went to parties and got "out of my head" I felt a great weight lifted from me. That it was OK to do what you want once in a while and not what the esteemed adults expected of you. Needless to say, I stopped getting A's pretty fast. Since then in 8 years I've started and stopped at 7 colleges in different cities with countless helping professions listed as my major, only to drop it in favor of something more artistic and fun. I'm a big walking conundrum...

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    Default Re: alcholism abstinence and moderation

    Quote Originally Posted by peachplumpear View Post
    But really- I sometimes think pot and alcohol are good idea because the whole rest of the world is fucked right now. Ever since I was 8 or 9 years old I'd get emotional over things I couldn't change. And frustrated when small efforts of mine to "help the world" go unnoticed. I can't watch the news, I can't bear to hear about the state of affairs anywhere My dad imagined I would grow up to be the next Mother Theresa.
    A friend of mine used to have a sign in his house which read "Lord, I may only pass this way once, so let me do some good while I can". I'm not religious, but its never seems a bad philosophy to me. I just try and go some good for the people around me and don't stress about the things I can't change.

    For example, I can't cure world hunger - but I can minimize the food I waste and throw away. And if everyone had that attitude, there'd be more food to go around.

    Sure, the world is f*cked up, but it was a century ago, and it will be a century from now. All we can do as individuals is be the best we can within our own personal limitations. I try to be as nice as possible to the people around me, in the hope they will be nice back. Because realistically, that's the limit of my influence.

    Maybe you should cultivate a similar mindset.

    Quote Originally Posted by peachplumpear View Post
    The first times I went to parties and got "out of my head" I felt a great weight lifted from me. That it was OK to do what you want once in a while and not what the esteemed adults expected of you.
    Again, I have a slightly different philosophy to you. It's OK for me to do what I want when I want at any time, providing I don't bring hurt or harm to other people. So I have some very conventional (almost boring) friends, and I have some very unconventional friends. To a degree I change my behavior depending whom I'm with - because the different groups have different expectations of me.

    Similarly for you. It's OK for you to go to have parties and have fun. Just have the type of fun that's appropriate for the party. If the party's a bit of an insane one in the first place, just drink enough to be mellow/mildly drunk and enjoy the lunacy. (I've always found that more fun that getting absolutely hammered).

    Quote Originally Posted by peachplumpear View Post
    Needless to say, I stopped getting A's pretty fast. Since then in 8 years I've started and stopped at 7 colleges in different cities with countless helping professions listed as my major, only to drop it in favor of something more artistic and fun. I'm a big walking conundrum...
    Quote Originally Posted by peachplumpear View Post
    ... Maybe I'm sad [the dancing?] will all end in 5+ years and I avoided getting my shit together until just now.
    Sooner or later, you're going to have to become a 'wage slave' and you need to think of your studies being the foundation for the rest of your life. I can appreciate that dancing, etc, is fun for you now, but the rest of the more conventional world is getting on with their lives - and their careers.

    When you finish dancing, I'll guess you'll be in your early thirties - with 30+ years to come in another career. You need to remember that the people you are competing with in it have a 10 year start on you, so you need to finish your studies ASAP and get a foothold in your future career so you're not completely left behind.

    Phil.
    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    I've totally stared at guys' wallets with lust in my heart
    J.D. explaining how she reacts to guys staring at her body with lust in their hearts....

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    Featured Member pussyinboots's Avatar
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    Default Re: alcholism abstinence and moderation

    Quote Originally Posted by peachplumpear View Post
    Okay, so over one year ago I stopped drinking alcohol cold turkey. I had no help, I just told my boyfriend that it was something I had to do for him to trust me. I drank for about 8 years before I met him, you know, the typical wild child at every party who's so wacky and loving it doesn't seem like such a problem....until you get into your car. Anyway- for the last year sober, I've been pretty miserable, like, very critical of anyone who drinks and has a tiny bit of fun, amping up my pot-smoking to a daily routine, and cutting out all activities that might involve a bar or drinks. I don't like being around people, even my own family, if there's alcohol anywhere nearby. I'm very bitter about my decision to abstain, it feels uneccessary.

    So, despite the problems I had in the past, I've decided to drink moderately again. I almost have to force myself too though, it's weird. I don't want to get drunk at all though. I'm not into the "escapism" of it anymore. I just want a little bit now and then. I'm in school and studying things I'm interested in, I feel good about my life and I make enough money at work to save for future business ideas I have.

    Just curious if anyone has already struggled with this or is currently thinking about moderation/abstinence. Or what experiences have you witnessed secondhand?

    I understand the risk involved and I'm prepared to muscle up my willpower when the urge for MORE hits me, but I think it's worth the risk to avoid living in a prison of my own creation!

    btw I used rationalrecovery.org to stop drinking, they told me the power was in my mind and I never had even the slightest slip-up or need for reinforcement of the information after that.
    I'm not going to offer any 'homespun' philosophy - I'll just give you some facts.

    I drank alcoholically for almost 27 years, from the age of 14, including many in my marriage. Not only did it regularly mess up my own life and relationships, it also screwed up a lot of other people I hold dear too - yet I remained utterly convinced that I didn't have a problem - and that it was the rest of the world that was at fault.

    I went through Rehab and then to AA, after ending up in Intensive Care on my 41st Birthday. I have been Clean and Sober for just over 7 years now...and have never been happier with life.

    I do not want to drink, nor do I need to drink. I have my own High-Heels website and am embarking on another online venture this year too.

    Three paramount things you must accept are 1) You MAY have a serious problem and drinking moderately is NOT an option 2) You MUST do this for yourself. No-one else. 3) Will-Power is not enough - Alcoholism is a powerful and deadly illness.

    Alcohol - or the thought of it - does not have to rule your life. You are your own boss.

    If you're serious about this and want to know more - send me a PM.
    Last edited by pussyinboots; 01-01-2010 at 03:50 AM.
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