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Thread: Thoughts on my own independence.

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    Question Thoughts on my own independence.

    So the other day I was in the shower and my shower curtain fell down.

    Seems like an uneventful thing, but I promise, if this seems disjointed at first it will all make sense in the end.

    As those of you who read my blog know, I had a very doting father. Like, when dads were passed out I won the fucking lottery. In the 27 years I have been alive, he has never raised his hand or his voice to me. He did EVERYTHING for my sister and I, and I do mean everything. Our rooms were messy? Fine, he'd go dump out all of our drawers and start over and clean it. I didn't want to take the school bus? He'd get up extra early and take us, and in my high school years, wake me up with coffee just the way I liked it. Shit broke? He fixed it. We never ever had chores and were forbidden to have jobs in high school. He told us that that "going to school is your job, you have your whole life to work, if you need something ask me". Always said my sister and I were the best thing that ever happened to him. Great, right?

    I think he ruined me.

    My sister and I were not bratty children as our father was very involved in the government and we had to attend events where we had to behave impeccably. But ultimately, I think it led me to

    a) Have a dependence on men and
    b) Be very fucking lazy.

    I have a male room mate now, and he hasn't been home in a few days ( likely with his girlfriend a few hours away ) so I feel sorta weird about being home alone so much. I deliberately set out to live with a male because he can fix our internet, cable and other shit- I cook and do what I call "spot clean"; cleaning as I go instead of letting the house become a royal shithouse.

    Back to the shower curtain. It fell down, I left it there. I noticed it again today and do you know what my immediate thought was? "Oh, J will fix it when he gets home from business in Dallas." J GETS HOME ON MONDAY. I WAS GOING TO GO THREE DAYS WITHOUT A SHOWER CURTAIN?!

    WTF?

    Fact is it's the laziness that gets to me. Why should I do it when I can call upon a nice boy who has always done it with a smile? I don't nag, don't get me wrong, and it isn't every fifteen seconds. But yeah, if the internet goes down I'm all N THE INTERNET IS DOWN WHAT DO I DO CAN YOU FIX IT? And he always smiles and says Sure, no problem. I sucked at finances forever because when I was with my ex husband, m job was to come home and throw the money on the desk. He would sort it, bank it, and pay the bills online. It was a joint account I had complete access to the money, he just... well, did all the hard part. So when we got divorced I was WTF'ing all over the place and was broke for like, two years.

    Add to the fact that for the better part of a decade I have been reliant on men as my source of income and it's like WOW. Am I really as independent as I think?

    Or is all of this totally normal? Anyone else experience the same thing?
    Last edited by mediocrity; 01-09-2010 at 03:36 AM.

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    Default Re: Thoughts on my own independence.

    Dont be too hard on yourself. We all have "flaws".. I refuse to have a checking account, bc I couldnt keep my checking account balanced if it killed me.. Bouncing checks all over the place NSF fees. bla bla that got really old.. Its ok, we cant do EVERYTHING

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    Default Re: Thoughts on my own independence.

    I can't cook beyond a fried breakfast and make myself a sandwich..


    Men and Women were meant to partner.

    Now fuck it all up. when you reach age 25 leave another message.

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    Default Re: Thoughts on my own independence.

    Quote Originally Posted by ArmySGT. View Post
    I can't cook beyond a fried breakfast and make myself a sandwich..


    Men and Women were meant to partner.

    Now fuck it all up. when you reach age 25 leave another message.
    Haha. I'm 27 babe.

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    Default Re: Thoughts on my own independence.

    Quote Originally Posted by mediocrity View Post
    Haha. I'm 27 babe.
    Age is just a number.

    I have met thirty year olds that couldn't start a load of laundry.

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    Default Re: Thoughts on my own independence.

    Women vary in what they want from men as far as help is concerned.

    One female friend of mine is totally independent and I'd never dream of helping her until she asks (but she knows she's welcome to ask when she wants).

    Another has a world split into jobs done by men and jobs done by women. If she cooks a meal for me, she'll never let me wash up afterward because that's a "woman's" job.

    If I go shopping with them to the supermarket, I have to act differently. With the first girl, I keep a careful eye until her basket is getting a little too heavy for her, then I suggest I take it. She'd be offended if I carried the basket from the start, because she likes to be 'independent', but carrying it when its getting heavy is OK.

    With the second girl, I'd best pick up the basket at the start because carrying it is a "man's" job in her mind.

    Your room mate may feel things balance out - he fixes things and you cook and clean. Maybe his world is also split up into jobs done by men and jobs done by women.

    As to the finances, I'd concentrate a little more on it. One way is to use a notebok and keep a running balance.

    Start: $2000
    Paid out: $800 rent - balance $1200
    Earnings: $750 - balance $1950
    Earnings: $650 - balance $2600
    Taken out from ATM: $300 - balance $2300

    I make my life easier by using cash from ATM machines where I can and not using a credit card unless I have to. That way I don't have to worry about credit card debt building up - which is all too easy. And taking out cash makes it easier to keep my running balance correct.

    Phil.
    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    I've totally stared at guys' wallets with lust in my heart
    J.D. explaining how she reacts to guys staring at her body with lust in their hearts....

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    Default Re: Thoughts on my own independence.

    Goes back to my theory....


    Women want to feel needed.

    Men need to fell wanted.

    dictionary the difference.

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    Default Re: Thoughts on my own independence.

    I'm the same way. And I've always had guys around who helped me out with fixing anything I need, pretty much on call. But now I've been with my boyfriend for a while, and he wouldn't be cool with a guy who has a crush on me coming to the house and fixing things. And he himself isn't particularly handy. And even if he could do it, he is crabby after work and won't.

    So.......I let shit pile up, and daddy drives in over the weekend, we have lunch and catch up, and fix things. Or, I have to pay a repair person. I'm in my 30's. Does it ever end?

    I try to fix what I can, but have been known to break things even more, especially with my temper.

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    Default Re: Thoughts on my own independence.

    You can't be expected to know how to do everything. You live on your own, you pay your own bills, let some else fix the internet, that does not make you any less independent. I know how to fix the internet, but i hire someone to mow my lawn and file my taxes cause its worth it for me to pay a few bucks a month not to worry about doing that shit. You might not be actually paying your roommate but you cook and spot clean like you said, that's not being lazy or dependent, its simply sharing the household duties.

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    Default Re: Thoughts on my own independence.

    I say this with much love and respect.. If I were you I'd use this epiphany for some personal growth, to improve your life... teach yourself something new every couple days or weeks.. There will not always be a man around to fix everything for you, but even if there was, independence is a very strong quality to have. There is something rewarding about going outside of your comfort zone and learning something new! I grew up without a dad and my mom taught us that some things might be easier when there's a man around to help, but there is real satisfaction in knowing how to handle whatever life throws at you. Including broken shower curtains. Just my 2 cents!

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