So the other day I was in the shower and my shower curtain fell down.
Seems like an uneventful thing, but I promise, if this seems disjointed at first it will all make sense in the end.
As those of you who read my blog know, I had a very doting father. Like, when dads were passed out I won the fucking lottery. In the 27 years I have been alive, he has never raised his hand or his voice to me. He did EVERYTHING for my sister and I, and I do mean everything. Our rooms were messy? Fine, he'd go dump out all of our drawers and start over and clean it. I didn't want to take the school bus? He'd get up extra early and take us, and in my high school years, wake me up with coffee just the way I liked it. Shit broke? He fixed it. We never ever had chores and were forbidden to have jobs in high school. He told us that that "going to school is your job, you have your whole life to work, if you need something ask me". Always said my sister and I were the best thing that ever happened to him. Great, right?
I think he ruined me.
My sister and I were not bratty children as our father was very involved in the government and we had to attend events where we had to behave impeccably. But ultimately, I think it led me to
a) Have a dependence on men and
b) Be very fucking lazy.
I have a male room mate now, and he hasn't been home in a few days ( likely with his girlfriend a few hours away ) so I feel sorta weird about being home alone so much. I deliberately set out to live with a male because he can fix our internet, cable and other shit- I cook and do what I call "spot clean"; cleaning as I go instead of letting the house become a royal shithouse.
Back to the shower curtain. It fell down, I left it there. I noticed it again today and do you know what my immediate thought was? "Oh, J will fix it when he gets home from business in Dallas." J GETS HOME ON MONDAY. I WAS GOING TO GO THREE DAYS WITHOUT A SHOWER CURTAIN?!
WTF?
Fact is it's the laziness that gets to me. Why should I do it when I can call upon a nice boy who has always done it with a smile? I don't nag, don't get me wrong, and it isn't every fifteen seconds. But yeah, if the internet goes down I'm all N THE INTERNET IS DOWN WHAT DO I DO CAN YOU FIX IT? And he always smiles and says Sure, no problem. I sucked at finances forever because when I was with my ex husband, m job was to come home and throw the money on the desk. He would sort it, bank it, and pay the bills online. It was a joint account I had complete access to the money, he just... well, did all the hard part. So when we got divorced I was WTF'ing all over the place and was broke for like, two years.
Add to the fact that for the better part of a decade I have been reliant on men as my source of income and it's like WOW. Am I really as independent as I think?
Or is all of this totally normal? Anyone else experience the same thing?



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Just my 2 cents!

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