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Thread: Serious Question

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    Default Serious Question

    How do you separate physicality/sensuality/sexuality from emotion inside yourself?

    I think this question only applies to medium or high contact clubs. I find nothing particularly emotional about showing off naked...the only emotion I would experience if I were (intentionally) naked in front of strangers is a little embarrassment at being unfit.

    But for the more hard-core clubs that basically offer dry sex.....grinding on someone's dick, or letting them grope your boobs or (standard now in the E SL clubs) your pussy -- in the real world this would usually go along with some kind of "feeling" for the other person -- even if it's just only lust, usually there is some feeling there.

    Plus, the cultural "stereotype" is that men can separate sex from emotion, while in women they are usually intertwined.

    So how do you women do it? Do you think you were "born" different from other women? Or are you able to set it aside due to a strong will? Does the question even make sense?

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    Default Re: Serious Question

    For me, it's not as big a deal as you would think. However, I never let anything go inside me physically, or even near that area.

    When I first started dancing, it was kind of weird to be that intimate with someone, but now it's all in a days work. I try to find something pleasant about every guy I'm getting a dance for. Most of them really do seem like nice guys. If someone is overly grabby, I'll finish out the song and take him back to the floor, though.

    It kind of sucks to say, but for me, there really is no feeling or attachment. Like I said, all in a days work. To be honest, in the real world, I probably wouldn't even recognize the majority of guys I dance for. And once my shift ends I don't even think about them.

    It's not that I'm dead inside or born different, it's just.. I don't know.. a service I'm providing and completely separate from my real self.

    I hope that gives you a little insight, from one dancer, at least.

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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: Serious Question

    I think the stereotype is ridiculous, personally.

    I don't think it's that there's some kind of special technique for separating physicality/sensuality/sexuality from emotion, I think it's that they are different kinds of physicality/sensuality/sexuality and we can tell the difference between them.

    It's pretty easy for me to emotionally differentiate between ITC touching and say, foreplay touching with my partner. The former's a job, so I'm apathetic towards it unless it's beyond my boundaries, at which point it makes me angry, frustrated. The latter I do because I desire the sensation, instead of desiring to walk out of there with my money and go home.

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    Default Re: Serious Question

    I'm very sensual when I dance... but I don't provide extras. If it's not sex it's not sex. You can have sex without sensuality, so you can also have sensuality without sex. I don't really see how people don't understand that... but I know there are people out there who don't.
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    Default Re: Serious Question

    Quote Originally Posted by sxcbbw View Post
    I think the stereotype is ridiculous, personally.

    I don't think it's that there's some kind of special technique for separating physicality/sensuality/sexuality from emotion, I think it's that they are different kinds of physicality/sensuality/sexuality and we can tell the difference between them.

    It's pretty easy for me to emotionally differentiate between ITC touching and say, foreplay touching with my partner. The former's a job, so I'm apathetic towards it unless it's beyond my boundaries, at which point it makes me angry, frustrated. The latter I do because I desire the sensation, instead of desiring to walk out of there with my money and go home.

    Well said!!

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    Default Re: Serious Question

    Quote Originally Posted by Everyman View Post

    Plus, the cultural "stereotype" is that men can separate sex from emotion, while in women they are usually intertwined.
    My experience has been that, both inside and outside of a strip club, it is in fact the exact opposite.

    A woman, if she so chooses, can give you everything but her heart. Without her heart she is giving you nothing.
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    Default Re: Serious Question

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    My experience has been that, both inside and outside of a strip club, it is in fact the exact opposite.

    A woman, if she so chooses, can give you everything but her heart. Without her heart she is giving you nothing.


    You nailed that one, yoda.


    That cultural "stereotype" is just that - a stereotype.
    And we all know how inaccurate stereotyping can be.
    Last edited by lopaw; 01-20-2010 at 09:12 PM. Reason: :p

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    Default Re: Serious Question

    ^^^^I think i just found my new siggy

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    Default Re: Serious Question

    I'm a biromantic asexual libidoist, so I don't really have any problems with the stripping/physicality/emotional shiznit. Pretty much nothing that has to do with any other people turns me on.

    The only things I feel sexually (aside from when I'm by myself) are when someone surprises me. So if someone bites my neck, it's very sexual for an instant. And then it goes away.

    This is how I've always been; I don't think stripping has affected that, really. I do work in an air dance club though...so sorry if my response doesn't apply.

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    Default Re: Serious Question

    I'm not sure if Im meant to answer coz I don't work at a contact club. I don't separate them. I am sexual and sensual and I'm like that at work and in my personal life.
    It doesn't matter that I am not attracted to the person I am dancing for coz it's an act. I'm like an actor. I can look into their eyes, touch them softly and make them feel that they are the only man on earth for those 10 minutes or however long they book me for.

    I don't need to switch off emotionally from what is happening physically coz I am comfortable with it. The only thing that affects me now and then is boredom and I have to hide that.
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    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Default Re: Serious Question

    I don't grind on dicks or let guys grope me, but there are things about stripping that are emotionally disturbing for me. Being molested by customers and treated like trash by management are some examples.

    The truth is, I can't separate these things from my emotions. They have always been hurtful. I put up with it because I have bills to pay. This isn't confined to stripping though. I've been harassed and had to do things that I was uncomfortable with in every regular job that I've ever had. I think that's just the nature of work in general.
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    Default Re: Serious Question

    Quote Originally Posted by Everyman View Post
    How do you separate physicality/sensuality/sexuality from emotion inside yourself?

    I think this question only applies to medium or high contact clubs. I find nothing particularly emotional about showing off naked...the only emotion I would experience if I were (intentionally) naked in front of strangers is a little embarrassment at being unfit.

    But for the more hard-core clubs that basically offer dry sex.....grinding on someone's dick, or letting them grope your boobs or (standard now in the E SL clubs) your pussy -- in the real world this would usually go along with some kind of "feeling" for the other person -- even if it's just only lust, usually there is some feeling there.

    Plus, the cultural "stereotype" is that men can separate sex from emotion, while in women they are usually intertwined.

    So how do you women do it? Do you think you were "born" different from other women? Or are you able to set it aside due to a strong will? Does the question even make sense?
    Stripping is my job. I look incredibly sensual but theres nothing sexual about it. Guys don't grope me. They can try but I don't allow it. I do grind cock though and that isn't sexual or sensual. It's just my job. It's not that I was born different. It's just that I can completely disconnect from it. Theres no emotion involved in my job so there's nothing to seperate.
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    Default Re: Serious Question

    Quote Originally Posted by Everyman View Post
    I think this question only applies to medium or high contact clubs.
    I don't think it matters if it's a no contact club or a high contact club. It's not about the contact, it's about the difference between selling something to a stranger and giving it to a person that you are emotionally involved with.

    Escorts obviously go a lot further sexually than dancers do and yet they manage to do it maintaining the same sort of separation that is needed to work in any part of the sex industry successfully. I've also seen girls go from no contact clubs to full contact clubs, to escorting and back no contact clubs all in the name of a paycheck. The mind game is what matters. I'm not saying the physical part is easy but I believe it's mind over matter from the lady's perspective.
    Last edited by yoda57us; 01-21-2010 at 10:06 AM.
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    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
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    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Serious Question

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post
    I'm not sure if Im meant to answer coz I don't work at a contact club. I don't separate them. I am sexual and sensual and I'm like that at work and in my personal life.
    It doesn't matter that I am not attracted to the person I am dancing for coz it's an act. I'm like an actor. I can look into their eyes, touch them softly and make them feel that they are the only man on earth for those 10 minutes or however long they book me for.

    I don't need to switch off emotionally from what is happening physically coz I am comfortable with it. The only thing that affects me now and then is boredom and I have to hide that.

    I also do not work in high contact clubs, but agree with Jaizaine.

    Everyman...its called acting, lying, faking it. Strippers are not the only ones who do it. We are not special emotional controllers. People lie all the time. It's easy.

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    Default Re: Serious Question

    its no different for me club or real life if , if I have an attraction to a guy I am sensual and sexual,if the guy turns me off there is no emotion for me at all, so ninity percent of the time dancing its just a job the other 10 percent its great andd some times I can get carried away.when that happens I feel like its the best job in the world.getting turned on is fun but does not happen enough for my liking.
    small and cute

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    Default Re: Serious Question

    i tend to go to high contact clubs, both out here, and less frequently and in earlier years in a dozen or so other states, I can tell you that most successful dancers who have an extended work history in the business usually have a type of "on/ off" switch thing, they turn it on when they arrive and turn if off when the leave each day or night, classic compartmentalization basically.

    In a small number of cases that switch gets (involuntarily) overridden including even rarer cases where they actually 'fall" for a customer.

    As for the more common category of what I call "'club friends"(dancer enjoys their company to some degree,, but no interaction outside of the club of significance)- the switch basically goes off for them also, and this includes even those who delude themselves into believing they are "real life" friends -and in the actual authentic "real life" cases, it is itself a very very rare event where dancer-strip patron can hang outside the club with no romantic or sexual overtones (all this excluding pay for pay which is a different issue) Fludeovertoneswderinvolvement..

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    Default Re: Serious Question

    I'm assuming you mean feelings other than disgust, repulsion or mild discomfort?

    Whenever I had to give a high contact dance, I was either completely apathetic to the situation, concentrating on giving a dance the customer would enjoy, to feeling repulsed or uncomfortable in the situation. The customer may have heard me saying "Oooooooo!" but I was really thinking "Eeeeeewww!"

    I never felt an emotional connection with any customer. That is because I never acted as myself when working. I was in sales mode, and my personality was flexible depending on the person I was chatting up. In order for me to feel some kind of connection with another person, there has to be a 2 way street in the relationship. I was 100% fake for the customer to keep the customer happy. It would be impossible to reveal my actual feelings about the situation and still earn a good living. So really apathy was about as good as it got in the club.

    I felt I did my job well. It was always my goal to keep the customer happy, and if I just couldn't play the role he needed, I would recommend a girl that could. Customers come to the strip club for a variety of reasons, but having a dancer dump her problems on him was rarely one of them (sometimes guys would want to be a WhiteKnight, but not often).


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Veteran Member Camillian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Serious Question

    The customer may have heard me saying "Oooooooo!" but I was really thinking "Eeeeeewww!"



    Bwa ha ha ha, that is some funny ish!

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    Veteran Member Camillian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Serious Question

    OP, I think the hardest thing to deal with on a emotional level is all the judgment one in this line of work often has to face.

    Dancers are judged harshly. Not just because of the stigma that goes along with the job (stripper hate/woman hate, though that is a biggy!) but also being judged (harshly and rudely) on one's appearance, as you can never please everyone and there are plenty of people that choose to ridicule a dancer about their looks (usually to make themselves feel better) because for some reason people feel like it's ok to do so, as if dancers are less human then "normal" people. They are comfortable insulting a stripper though they would not do that to any other person in a different line of work.

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    Default Re: Serious Question

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    I'm a biromantic asexual libidoist, so I don't really have any problems with the stripping/physicality/emotional shiznit.
    I have no idea what you said but I should probably add it to my siggie

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    Default Re: Serious Question

    Quote Originally Posted by FBR View Post
    I have no idea what you said but I should probably add it to my siggie

    FBR
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...erm=biromantic
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    Libidoist= I'm asexual, but I get myself off. Lots.

    /end threadjack

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    Default Re: Serious Question

    Quote Originally Posted by sxcbbw View Post
    I don't think it's that there's some kind of special technique for separating physicality/sensuality/sexuality from emotion, I think it's that they are different kinds of physicality/sensuality/sexuality and we can tell the difference between them.
    ^^^this.
    For me... there's no connection between normal physical interaction/normal sexuality/sensuality and my job.
    If I were to treat them like the same/similar things... I'd imagine this might be a valid question.... but for me, at least... this doesn't really apply.
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