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Thread: The thing thats holding me back from banking..

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    Veteran Member DancingDaisy's Avatar
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    Default The thing thats holding me back from banking..

    Has anyone here ever had to build on their people skills? I do pretty well dancing as it is but I know I could do better if I was more talkative or friendlier. It just, I was a loner and a nerd for most of my life and only kept maybe 2-3 close friends at a time. So going up to strangers and making conversation is somewhat difficult for me. Can I develope this trait or is it something that I have to have from the begining?

    Im seriously lacking on opening conversations with customers and making my hustle SEEM genuine. Has anyone had to deal with this? Any suggestions would be appretiated.

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    Veteran Member spyder's Avatar
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    Default Re: The thing thats holding me back from banking..

    i definitely had to. I had a very rough upbringing that left me extremely shy and distrustful of people. It wasn't until i was in college that i started making myself hold my head up in public and look people in the eye. If i can learn how to work customers anyone can. I learned by studying the other girls and copying what they did. You know, analyze them. If girl A is great at the job, what exactly is she doing differently that i can do too? At this point i can talk to anyone about anything and am supremely confident at work. But what's weird is i'm still kinda awkward and quiet in real life. I guess it's a work persona one develops with practice.

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    Featured Member london's Avatar
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    Default Re: The thing thats holding me back from banking..

    The best way to be a great conversationalist is to be a great listener. In a strip club, the guys know what you're there for, so finding too many interesting things to talk about shouldn't be your main concern.

    Just
    1)use basic small talk
    2)remember to keep a friendly, sexy demeanor
    3)smile
    and
    4)pick up on what guys say when you ask how their day is. Build up on the info they give you.

    But don't worry too much about maintaining a detailed convo at first. It's better to say less but simply seem approachable. You want to DANCE for them, not learn about their entire life story. YET. Maybe with regulars and VIP/Champagne guys, but that'll come with time.

    Just work on establishing rapport and then go in for the sale. Rapport only.

    Longer conversations will naturally happen and be effortless after you have already made them into your customer and they are spending on you. Then you can let them steer the conversation and it won't feel like you have to search for things to talk about.
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    God/dess anouk.oui's Avatar
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    Default Re: The thing thats holding me back from banking..

    i find myself having the same conversation over n over, some answers work great with every guy so i have trouble not making it sound rehearsed...

    but i was the same, then i drank on a few nights and had the balls to go sit with them n say whatever came to mind and it worked so i tried to remember what i done right... not that i encourage drinking at work, it was mainly a confidence booster and anti anxiety thing for me

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    Default Re: The thing thats holding me back from banking..

    When I first started dancing, I had NO PEOPLE SKILLS AT ALL. I'm not saying I really do now, but I have learned enough about relating to men in strip clubs that I can fake it pretty well.

    Being a good conversationalist is definately something some people are born with BUT those of us who aren't good at it CAN become masters--it will just take more work (and a few extra valiuums--for the panic attacks which I still get).

    Look at conversations this way--like a formula. Write down about 6 questions you can ask a customer that all sorta flow together AND keep his mind on sexy things and on the strip club/dances at hand. Sure--you can talk about other stuff, especially things you two have in common, but for the hustle, it's all about those 5-6 questions. Generally, I use stuff like:

    1. Hey! How are you? *rub his back, run my fingers through his hair as I sit down*
    (This can also be 'How has your night been going?' 'How were your holidays?' ect)

    2. What is your name? (IMPORTANT--and as you give yours, lean in and whisper it in a low tone in his ear, careful to make slight contact with his body by rubbing his arm, back of his neck, or his cheeck with the tip of your nose)

    3. So, are you from around here? (And then you explain where you are from)

    4. Have you been here before? (No--"Well, welcome to our club! It's the best club in the area! We have soooo much fun here, and the dances, well, they are the best around!" Yes--"Oh, so you liked it so much you just had to come back huh? You must know how good our dances are then, right?)

    5. Do you know (remember) how the dances here work? (Take the oppurtunity to describe how wonderful the dances are, using details that describe the dance, like slow, soft, sensual or use a metaphor--I often like to describe the dance like the first time you were naked with a girl when you were young--that same sort of excitement, tingly sensations, the anticipation and the thrill--shit like that)

    AND THE CLINCHER:

    6. So, you want to come dance with me, right? (Or any other number of variations on that theme--"come play with me", "let me get naked and tease you" ect. I always like "so you know you wanna come tango naked with me under a full strip club moon, right?" It's so corny, but men love it for some reason).



    If you have a blueprint already in mind for the conversation, things don't seem as daunting and as you practice again and again on customers, you'll get so used to them, that they will begin to flow and you'll be able to spit this game at guys effortlessly and have them again, and again want dances.

    I always get tripped out though, when I have to deviate from this model. I hate it when guys really wanna talk about personal shit before I dance with them, or they want to 'get to know me'. I get so nervous talking about other topics because I'm NOT used to conversing about them, and I don't have a structure I can use to keep it progressing forward. I also find it's more awkward to dance for a man I sorta know vs a man I barely have spent 5 mins talking to. I just don't like the intimacy of getting to really know someone then dancing for them--it's so against what I like or am comfortable with. I MUCH prefer them to be totally anonymous, because then it's not built up, I don't feel like I have to meet any high standards that anyone has set due to extended BS sessions before the dance, and that I don't have to continue divulging information about myself after the dance, or to continue sitting and chatting.

    I don't mind talking back in the room, so long as it's light hearted, stupid "sexy" talk about how beautiful I am or what my favorite position is, ect. I just always seem to get caught up in random, philosphical conversations with men and when I open up my mind to think about deeper things like that, I inadvertantly connect with the man asking the question more than I'd like to.

    BUT--I hope those questions help out some. Good luck!

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    God/dess audrey_k's Avatar
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    Default Re: The thing thats holding me back from banking..

    I'm the same as black_widow, I have a routine conversation (that's pretty similar). The two most important things (in my opinion anyway) are a)to smile and b)to make a personal connection. Find some detail about their life you can relate to, wether it's a hobby, job, where they're from, etc. It can be total bullshit. I hate sports but I've had them forced on me my whole life, so if a guy tells me he loves football or basketball I'll tell him I do too and we can chat about it for a few minutes and they think I'm awesome (meanwhile I'm thinking, Jesus christ not this again).

    I'm an incredibly shy person but I've gotten SO much better at work-- I can approach ANY guy that walks into my club and not be scared now, and my first night of stripping I was so terrified my manager came up to me and asked "you do know you can talk to the customers, right?" It will get easier over time... practice does make perfect. Once you've talked to enough guys enough times it will be super easy, but for now you might want to try and find a hustle buddy. That will probably make going up to guys less daunting, and you can also learn from them. But don't stress out about it too much, because honestly the social skills of most SC customers are not going
    to hold you to very high standards. It's amazing how socially retarded (or just fucked up) most SC customers are. Just a half naked, hot girl paying attention to them and looking like she's enjoying it are enough to send them
    over the moon.

    I would really encourage you to stick with it though, because I've gotten more confident, outgoing and comfortable meeting/talking to strangers (and especially men) in my personal life as well as my work life. So many parts of this job scared the shit out of me, but stripping has helped me grow and change in so many great ways. Sometimes you have to make yourself uncomfortable to get good results.
    Last edited by audrey_k; 01-25-2010 at 06:56 PM.

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    Default Re: The thing thats holding me back from banking..

    I grew up with five brothers, so talking to guys doesn't scare me at at all. But god damn, if I don't know how to talk to women, because I really freaking don't! I'm working at a new club where saturday night is ladies night & the chicks that come in spend $$ ! I have had bad experiences with chicks & I need to change my ideas about them as customers, & learn how to hustle them. Good luck lady.

  11. #8
    Featured Member london's Avatar
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    Default Re: The thing thats holding me back from banking..

    Daniella, (re"ladies night)

    Feed the ladies' egos even more! The female customers I've done well with respond to personalized comments on a specific attribute (eyes, hair) or even something they are wearing that looks good on them or a nice perfume. Keep it comment specific and less about how aroused they are making you or how horny you are or dirty jokes (as you might be more successful if you did said something like that to a guy).

    I like to channel the schpiel of the charming foreign male shopkeepers who like to get you to buy their wares in a shop by telling you 'how beautiful' you are etc. Assume the role of making her feel uniquely special.
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    Default Re: The thing thats holding me back from banking..

    that's great advice london, thank you.

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