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Thread: walking target?

  1. #1
    God/dess papillonluvr's Avatar
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    Thumbs down walking target?

    Do some people just have that aura about them that says "pick on me?" Kylea's thread got me thinking about that....

    I was picked on horribly since I was really young. It hasn't seemed to stop. In college I was targeted, at the strip club I was targeted, and now at my new job teaching.

    I try to be really nice to everyone, never talk smack, and keep my head down, and I still seem to have a target on my back.

    WTF? :-
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

    Confuscius say: "Man who pull bra stap get bust in face"


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    Veteran Member loren's Avatar
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    Default Re: walking target?

    Please don't take this in the wrong way but it sounds like a self confidence issue. Don't feel bad a lot of people have not learned about self confidence and they go through the rest of their life ignorant of their potential to live a better life

    There is a really good book on self esteem called The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: The Definitive Work on Self-Esteem by the Leading Pioneer in the Field by Nathaniel Branden (Paperback - May 1, 1995).

    Here are some other books that I read which were recommended to me by a very good psychiatrist. The names of the books are cheesy but the knowledge that I gained from reading all of these books and going to a psychiatrist completely changed my life for the better.

    Emotional Intelligence: 10th Anniversary Edition; Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman (Hardcover - Sep 26, 2006)

    It Will Never Happen to Me: Growing Up With Addiction As Youngsters, Adolescents, Adults by Claudia Black

    Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them : When Loving Hurts and You Don't Know Why by Susan Forward and Joan Torres

    The Road Less Traveled, 25th Anniversary Edition : A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth by M. Scott Peck

    All of those books will give you incredible insight on human behavior. It will make you a stronger person. I used to have very severe anxiety disorder. Even went on meds for a while. I don't need them anymore. As a matter of fact I can work as a stripper completely sober and it does not bother me at all. If you get freaked out while reading those books maybe you could consider going to a psychiatrist as well to help you sort through your feelings.
    Good luck.

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    Senior Member AzAzn's Avatar
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    Default Re: walking target?

    I used to be picked on because I did not fight back. People are animals, and like animals they go after easy prey. Being polite, courteous, and considerate usually gets you nowhere. I fought back at my enemies and the mob mentality of the stupid people who go along with them. Now they leave me alone. Better to be feared than loved I guess. Being a giant asshole worked for me. It has had some unintended consequences though. So think long and hard before you take this path. Sorry to sound so vengeful, but the whole experience has changed me.
    ~Even now in Heaven, there are Angels carrying savage weapons~

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: walking target?

    I think it is common in all animal kingdoms that the weaker ones are harassed by the stronger ones. Humans are no different. A weak link in a group of animals is dangerous for the whole group. The same applies to humans; if one person has become a liability in a work place (for instance) he can put his whole team or department in jeopardy due to his weakness. Hence, the potential of workplace bullying.

    In the strip club, a dancer that doesn't know how to draw a line between legal and illegal performances or one that doesn't have an instinct for moral flexibility that is required by the job (I call them the "rules mongers") can find themselves the target of abuse by others in that workplace.

    If you are presenting a weak, or doormat, image, this can quickly lead to harassment on the job. It is good to be nice to people, but a little aggression is necessary to prevent others from walking all over you. Overly agressive people are bullies. You have to figure out how to walk that line, and to know when you need to step over the line to prevent others from taking advantage of you. When most people are attacked, they fight back. Do you fight back when you are attacked?

    There are a lot of people out there that are looking for the weaker people, and they take delight in abusing those who are weak. In a perfect world that wouldn't ever be the case, but our world is far from perfect.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Veteran Member heidimonster7's Avatar
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    Default Re: walking target?

    Oh, I know what you mean. My mother raised me to be nice, sensitive, and accomodating. Know what that means? DOORMAT.

    I notice that when I have a constant smile on my face, people assume they can take advantage. Now I am much more conscious of my facial expression. My "Default" expression is that I have my head up, eyes up, aware of my environment. Calm, strong, and serious, yet perhaps approachable. I smile when I want to, but not as my default expression anymore. It makes a huuuuge difference.

    Trying to be nice to everyone and keeping your head down is basically an invitation for people to walk all over you. It sucks that it has to be that way, but that is the world we live in.

    It is scary the first few times you do it, but try this. Don't be "nice" to everyone. Keep a poker face, and be civilized. Once you feel that you can trust them, you can loosen up a bit and give them a smile.

    Good luck!

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    God/dess anouk.oui's Avatar
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    Default Re: walking target?

    i used to have the same problem. i was always a really nice dependable proper girl, shy n quiet n all if people picked on me i would try to ignore them or cry or something. horrible.

    weird how working at the strip club taught me that life lesson i need to grow some balls and put people in their place if something is happening i dont like. if you show boundaries people will respect you more and leave you alone. if you dont, they will keep harrassing just to see how much more they can get away with until you snap.

    i dont know how to teach you, its something that should develop naturally under the right circumstances or the moment you decide youre not gonna be everyones doormat any more and cause some occasional drama to distance some bullies

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    Default Re: walking target?

    This is a problem I've had as well all my life. In my last "real world" job, my manager picked up on my "people-pleasing" tendencies and made my life at work hell. She bullied me to no end and it really affected my productivity. Granted, she was mean to everyone, but she really targeted me.

    I've FINALLY found a great therapist (went to a bunch of crappy ones) and she's helped me immensely. I was programmed from an early age to be overly nice and submissive, but I'm learning ways to override my programming. Most importantly, I can honestly say for the first time in my life that I have high self-esteem.

    I'm slowly become more assertive. The more confident I become, the less often I'm attracting bullies into my life. I'm not saying you need therapy, there are other ways to make yourself a less attractive target for bullies. I've recently read a great book called "The Disease to Please" by Harriet Braiker. She says that many, many women have been raised to be nice at all costs, and she gives tools in her book to take back your power.

    I don't think you're a walking target, but as others have said, the world is full of people who prey on any perceived weakness. It's sad that so many people perceive kindness as weakness!

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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: walking target?

    Wait, what did I miss? What thread? Are you talking about one that I responded to?
    Don't you ever sleep?
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    Moderator Miss_McKenna's Avatar
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    Default Re: walking target?

    GOD I know what you mean (papillionluvr) !!!

    I try to be a decent person to everyone and help out, and it seems like every time I do, I get kicked in the ass. And it makes it really hard to keep trying to tell yourself that there's decent people out there when all you can think is 'people fucking suck'!

    Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be so bad to just be a full-out bitch and let no-one have the chance to get at me. People tend to think I'm a total bitch anyway, because I'm a bit shy and they perceive it as me being snooty If people are gonna presume I'm a bitch, maybe I should just be one.

    *sigh*

    Anyhoo.... I feel ya!


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    Featured Member pussyinboots's Avatar
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    Default Re: walking target?

    Quote Originally Posted by heidimonster7 View Post
    Oh, I know what you mean. My mother raised me to be nice, sensitive, and accomodating. Know what that means? DOORMAT.

    I notice that when I have a constant smile on my face, people assume they can take advantage. Now I am much more conscious of my facial expression. My "Default" expression is that I have my head up, eyes up, aware of my environment. Calm, strong, and serious, yet perhaps approachable. I smile when I want to, but not as my default expression anymore. It makes a huuuuge difference.

    Trying to be nice to everyone and keeping your head down is basically an invitation for people to walk all over you. It sucks that it has to be that way, but that is the world we live in.

    It is scary the first few times you do it, but try this. Don't be "nice" to everyone. Keep a poker face, and be civilized. Once you feel that you can trust them, you can loosen up a bit and give them a smile.

    Good luck!
    Same here - my Parents brought me up in exactly the same way. I was also picked on at school when I was younger, because I had (still do have) natural, long blonde hair - and in my teens - my boobs sprouted quicker and larger than the other girl's.

    Having said that - my upbringing also helped me to ride this out, so that now, in adulthood, I have a huge advantage over many of the other women in my age group and social circles - as my looks and personality win over theirs all the time!!

    I'm not vain, just proud to say so....
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "Good Girls keep diaries....Bad Girls don't have the time..!!"

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    Default Re: walking target?

    Quote Originally Posted by papillonluvr View Post
    Do some people just have that aura about them that says "pick on me?" Kylea's thread got me thinking about that....

    I was picked on horribly since I was really young. It hasn't seemed to stop. In college I was targeted, at the strip club I was targeted, and now at my new job teaching.

    I try to be really nice to everyone, never talk smack, and keep my head down, and I still seem to have a target on my back.

    WTF? :-
    This is why.

  13. #12
    God/dess princessjas's Avatar
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    Default Re: walking target?

    Don't keep your head down! I am nice, never talk about others but keep my chin UP and guess what? I've never been picked on! I'm pretty popular actually. Be nice, but project confidence. Be sure not to overdo it and come across as arrogant though, everyone hates that.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    God/dess papillonluvr's Avatar
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    Default Re: walking target?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kylea2 View Post
    Wait, what did I miss? What thread? Are you talking about one that I responded to?
    Yeah, thats the one. sorry for the mis-speak!
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

    Confuscius say: "Man who pull bra stap get bust in face"


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    God/dess papillonluvr's Avatar
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    Default Re: walking target?

    Quote Originally Posted by Miss_McKenna View Post
    GOD I know what you mean (papillionluvr) !!!

    I try to be a decent person to everyone and help out, and it seems like every time I do, I get kicked in the ass. And it makes it really hard to keep trying to tell yourself that there's decent people out there when all you can think is 'people fucking suck'!

    Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be so bad to just be a full-out bitch and let no-one have the chance to get at me. People tend to think I'm a total bitch anyway, because I'm a bit shy and they perceive it as me being snooty If people are gonna presume I'm a bitch, maybe I should just be one.

    *sigh*

    Anyhoo.... I feel ya!
    It's nice to know that I am not the only one out there. If only I could be a bitch! It might be a nice change of pace for me for a while
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

    Confuscius say: "Man who pull bra stap get bust in face"


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    God/dess Will's Avatar
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    Default Re: walking target?

    Quote Originally Posted by shoshanna View Post
    . I was programmed from an early age to be overly nice and submissive,
    Might seem like an oddball question to the above, but do you suffer from back problems or say migraines? A Dr Sarno has done quite a bit of work on the connection between various personality types (the above being one) and something he calls TMS. His book "The Mind Body Prescription" is well worth reading:

    http://www.amazon.com/Mindbody-Presc...4894953&sr=1-1

    He's also mentioned a while back in a thread here:

    http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sho...ighlight=sarno
    A cunning linguist...

  17. #16
    God/dess papillonluvr's Avatar
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    Default Re: walking target?

    ^^ that is a very interesting idea
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

    Confuscius say: "Man who pull bra stap get bust in face"


  18. #17
    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: walking target?

    Well, I think in my case it's not how I am most of the time... but more what I look like. There's a lot of stuff I haven't posted on here. Malaya knows about a particular incident I ran into in high school where I experienced reverse racism, which is funny because I grew up in an ethnically mixed home and my parents used to take me to an all black church for awhile. For some odd reason I think sometimes people don't like others who look like a certain stereotype... even if they aren't that way at all. I ran into this again just a few weeks ago - and yes - it is very irritating.

    The thing is though, I am not going to change how I look... and some of the things about how I look I couldn't change even if I wanted to. People need to figure out that you can't judge a book by it's cover - especially when it comes to human physical attributes.
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    Veteran Member Christyismyalias's Avatar
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    Default Re: walking target?

    Quote Originally Posted by anouk.oui View Post
    weird how working at the strip club taught me that life lesson i need to grow some balls and put people in their place if something is happening i dont like. if you show boundaries people will respect you more and leave you alone. if you dont, they will keep harrassing just to see how much more they can get away with until you snap.
    I agree! I have learned to spot bullshit and people who are trying to screw me over, and I am not afraid to put them in their place. When people try to take advantage or just be unnecessarily mean, I am able to let them know it is not ok to treat me that way and demand respect. I wouldn't be this way without dancing..

    I think you definitely have to be strong in life to keep people from targeting you.. They pick on the weak to make themselves feel better, but they also hate on the strong people because they feel inferior.. You just have to do your thing with confidence and strength and ignore the BS.

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