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Thread: PLEASE HELP! Elluding Sexiness

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    Featured Member exotica268's Avatar
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    Default PLEASE HELP! Elluding Sexiness

    Short of plastic surgery and working out more, I have done everything that I can to improve my appearance...I think.

    I have also researched numerous body language, flirting, and selling techniques. This leaves me needing to learn more about how to be sexy. I grew up pretty tomboyish. I even "trained" myself to walk like a guy (when I was younger - I broke myself out of this habit, gradually, but still walked hunched over until I was 20) and to speak in a deeper voice. I never had much confidence (which is related to being "sexy") due to various life experiences ever since I was in grade school where I was constantly being put down for either my looks or my character.

    All of this, combined, has resulted in me being one of the LEAST sexy people that I know. I look at other females' little traits and find them to be sexy. It's almost like they are a different species, at times. I don't know what to do. I've researched the "science of sexual attraction," but I feel as though the info that I found is limited.

    I feel that this is one of the only parts of my hustle (and everyday appearance, I suppose) that I haven't actively tried to perfect.

    Can anyone give me any tips? Are there any books that are recommended?

    The only one that I saw recommended on here was something like "7 Days to Sex Appeal."

    Thanks in advance, bc I'm in need of some serious help!

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    Veteran Member DancingDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: PLEASE HELP! Elluding Sexiness

    I used to be a tom boy too, and with the job I had before (working on demolition and remodeling projects and being the only female out of about 50 workers) I had to train myself to present myself as...masculine I guess. I had to walk, talk, and basically carry myself like a man to be taken seriously and be able to give orders.

    Switching to dancing Iv had to do the opposite. Practice in the mirror giving sensual, inviting looks with your eyes. Yes its akward. Walk around in your heels at home and practice a slow, sexy walk moving your hips one at a time with emphasis on each stride. Enlongate your strides when you walk, the slower the better it will look. Plus it cuts down on jiggle.

    When you are onstage every movement should look like it was done on purpose. Even if you are just shaking your ass, pay attention to where your hands are, the positon of your face, ect. Make eye contact with the customers while onstage. Wink, cock an eyebrow, or give a sexy look and then wait 3 seconds and give them a little smile. Remember that people can pick up on fake smiles. A natural smile will show a little teeth and your eyebrows will move when you are "really" smiling.

    When you introduce yourself to a guy and shake hands, while you have his hand in yours, cover his hand with your other hand. If that makes sense. People are drawn to other people that make them feel good about themselves. Ask about his day, his job. If he has a good job say things like "oh how did you get into that, how did you get to where you are now, what made you choose that field?" Pet their ego I guess.

    Hope some of these suggestions help. I know what your going through I dont know any books on the subject. U might just look into some books about getting through to people and how to get what you want ect. I will suggest this book though - How to make people like you in 90 seconds or less-Nicholas Boothman. Corny I know BUT it does give you some psychological insight into how people relate. It helped me alot because along with being a tomboy I was pretty much a loner, quiet, and not very social. Dont worry about looking or acting too overtly sexual, once you make people feel good about themselves, they will want to be around you.

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    Featured Member pussyinboots's Avatar
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    Default Re: PLEASE HELP! Elluding Sexiness

    What a nice reply - I'm so glad someone has bothered to respond. I really feel for you and would say - 'don't beat up on yourself' too much.

    I'm a great believer in the fact that 'beauty comes from within' and in general, I've found that if you're happy in your own skin then others will be drawn to you also - and that is 'sexy'. Whilst I'm not in exactly the same line of work (I'm a model not a Dancer) the same rules of life apply. If you have a good idea of your 'style', tastes and so on then you're half-way there already.

    Body language and appearance go hand in hand for 'sexy' - and although I can't recommend a book - if you do a Google Search for 'What Makes A Woman Sexy' you'll find a lot of Women's Forums and Magazine Websites that carry informative articles with a lot of good pointers worth looking at.

    Nearly ALL of them talk about the same things that I would mention - such as physical appearance (and by that I mean 'grooming' and health/fitness - not actual body shapes), how to speak in a clear and friendly manner, body language, general social skills like eye contact, 'female traits' as you mentioned.

    Plus, of course - clothes, shoes, make-up, hair and perfumes.

    It's worth just taking a look at some of these - simply to see what ordinary men and women give as answers, when asked the question. A lot - and I mean a LOT - say a woman should 'be herself' first - and then deal with the 'cosmetics' after that. I happen to agree with that 100%!

    Some of the answers are quite illuminating - but the three things that come up all the time are - Confidence, Sense of Humour and a Nice Smile/Eye Contact - all of which 'dancingdaisy' has mentioned already. The other stuff like clothes, shoes, perfumes, etc. are really accessories in the truest sense.


    http://thetruthfulman.wordpress.com/...-a-woman-sexy/

    http://dating.about.com/b/2009/06/22...woman-sexy.htm

    http://www.filly.ca/life/relationshi...ion-styles.asp

    http://www.enotalone.com/article/973.html

    http://askville.amazon.com/makes-wom...uestId=5585048

    http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question...1190442AAlTrHy


    Don't give yourself a hard time. I always say that if you know you're a lovely person, then it should show on the outside too. I think your post shows this already.

    That's my '2 pennies'...for what it's worth. Hope it made some sense.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "Good Girls keep diaries....Bad Girls don't have the time..!!"

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    Veteran Member EricaErotica's Avatar
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    Default Re: PLEASE HELP! Elluding Sexiness

    Just remember to be yourself! Being true to yourself is a very sexy attribute. I know of a lot of men who prefer a woman with stereotypical masculine traits. These men often prefer women who like sports, gambling, and cars. They like women who have deeper voices, more muscular body types, short hair cuts, etc.

    If this is your true self then just go with it! Don't try to be someone or something that you are not. It will show and then you will lose out on the admirers you could attract by being who you are most comfortable being.

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    Veteran Member Lexi_Girl's Avatar
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    Default Re: PLEASE HELP! Elluding Sexiness

    I have a real problem being fake. I am ADORED by people who play WoW, because I'm super big into it. So far, all my big money has been spent by guys who just want to talk about video games with me. I get really enthusiastic over it, too, so I think they like that.

    Honestly, I don't like doing most girly things. Or standard things. I'm more 'silly' than 'sexy'. Maybe one day I'll learn to be both. Until then I'll just hope for more gamer customers <3

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    Default Re: PLEASE HELP! Elluding Sexiness

    Perhaps you should try doing more things that make you feel sexy rather than simply look sexy. Instead of simply trying to appear sexier through contrived, if useful, flirting and sales techniques, maybe it would help to find activities that make you feel this way. This could be allowing yourself a lot of time when you pleasure yourself, or wearing certain clothing, lingerie, even things like shoes and perfume. More frequent, meaningful sex with a SO. Sometimes working out makes me feel strong and sexy afterwards. Find something that truly makes you feel sexy and do it more often. You'll probably start to exude that sexiness much more. This is just an idea. Hope it helps

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  12. #7
    Featured Member exotica268's Avatar
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    Default Re: PLEASE HELP! Elluding Sexiness

    [quote=DancingDaisy;1901856]Switching to dancing Iv had to do the opposite. Practice in the mirror giving sensual, inviting looks with your eyes. Yes its akward. Walk around in your heels at home and practice a slow, sexy walk moving your hips one at a time with emphasis on each stride. Enlongate your strides when you walk, the slower the better it will look. Plus it cuts down on jiggle.

    When you are onstage every movement should look like it was done on purpose. Even if you are just shaking your ass, pay attention to where your hands are, the positon of your face, ect. Make eye contact with the customers while onstage. Wink, cock an eyebrow, or give a sexy look and then wait 3 seconds and give them a little smile. Remember that people can pick up on fake smiles. A natural smile will show a little teeth and your eyebrows will move when you are "really" smiling.

    When you introduce yourself to a guy and shake hands, while you have his hand in yours, cover his hand with your other hand. If that makes sense. People are drawn to other people that make them feel good about themselves. Ask about his day, his job. If he has a good job say things like "oh how did you get into that, how did you get to where you are now, what made you choose that field?" Pet their ego I guess.

    quote]

    This is all REALLY GREAT info! Thanks! Yeah, I've read the books on making people like me, and I guess I'm okay at doing that, but I guess that I feel like people like me in a less-sexual way, whereas if they thought of me as sexier, they might spend more!! LOL

    Quote Originally Posted by pussyinboots View Post

    Body language and appearance go hand in hand for 'sexy' - and although I can't recommend a book - if you do a Google Search for 'What Makes A Woman Sexy' you'll find a lot of Women's Forums and Magazine Websites that carry informative articles with a lot of good pointers worth looking at.



    http://thetruthfulman.wordpress.com/...-a-woman-sexy/

    http://dating.about.com/b/2009/06/22...woman-sexy.htm

    http://www.filly.ca/life/relationshi...ion-styles.asp

    http://www.enotalone.com/article/973.html

    http://askville.amazon.com/makes-wom...uestId=5585048

    http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question...1190442AAlTrHy


    Don't give yourself a hard time. I always say that if you know you're a lovely person, then it should show on the outside too. I think your post shows this already.
    Thank you for all of the links!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lexi_Girl View Post
    Honestly, I don't like doing most girly things. Or standard things. I'm more 'silly' than 'sexy'.
    I'm definitely more silly than sexy, like you said! I'm sure that both can be combined, but I'm trying to find a happy medium. It seems that while customers like my silly side bc it's "real" and "down to earth," that more of them prefer a bit of feminine sexiness added into the mix. Sometimes i feel that when i become too comfortable w a customer, he doesn't like me as much and instead of seeing me as a fantasy..he sees me as just another person (who he wouldn't spend so much money on and wouldn't be as intriqued by). This is just how I see things, though..it could all be in my head.

    Quote Originally Posted by NikkaR View Post
    Perhaps you should try doing more things that make you feel sexy rather than simply look sexy. Instead of simply trying to appear sexier through contrived, if useful, flirting and sales techniques, maybe it would help to find activities that make you feel this way. This could be allowing yourself a lot of time when you pleasure yourself, or wearing certain clothing, lingerie, even things like shoes and perfume. More frequent, meaningful sex with a SO. Sometimes working out makes me feel strong and sexy afterwards. Find something that truly makes you feel sexy and do it more often. You'll probably start to exude that sexiness much more. This is just an idea. Hope it helps
    This is great info! Thanks! I actually HAVE started wearing perfume more...something about the scent does make me feel sexier. I never used to wear it before much. I guess part of my prob might be that I don't even enjoy sex right now. I only enjoy it when I'm with someone new. I've been with my current BF for about 4 yrs, and...well, I'm just bored :-/. I don't blame him at all, and I love him so much...it's just that...I don't get turned on anymore...I just get..annoyed :-/

    On a final note, I meant to title this post "Exuding Sexiness."

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    Featured Member pussyinboots's Avatar
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    Default Re: PLEASE HELP! Elluding Sexiness

    Originally Posted by exotica268
    On a final note, I meant to title this post "Exuding Sexiness."
    Don't worry...we know...

    Can I just say it warms my heart to read the replies here...I watched this from the time it was posted - it went nearly a day without any reply.....and now look!

    What a wonderful Forum!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "Good Girls keep diaries....Bad Girls don't have the time..!!"

  14. #9
    Veteran Member Lexi_Girl's Avatar
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    Default Re: PLEASE HELP! Elluding Sexiness

    [quote=exotica268;1902258]
    Quote Originally Posted by DancingDaisy View Post
    I'm definitely more silly than sexy, like you said! I'm sure that both can be combined, but I'm trying to find a happy medium. It seems that while customers like my silly side bc it's "real" and "down to earth," that more of them prefer a bit of feminine sexiness added into the mix. Sometimes i feel that when i become too comfortable w a customer, he doesn't like me as much and instead of seeing me as a fantasy..he sees me as just another person (who he wouldn't spend so much money on and wouldn't be as intriqued by). This is just how I see things, though..it could all be in my head.

    Oh no, I totally understand what you mean. It's the point of 'uhoh, we're too comfortable. We've officially moved on from hot lady zone to the hot lady friend zone.'

    It's a problem I have too.

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