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Thread: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

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    Question Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Ok here goes. My wife dances. Has since she was 19 or so. She is 28 now and we have been together for about 4 years now. I'm worried about the whole "extras" thing that goes on. She swears she does not do any but I just don't know. First off she is a very sexual person. Second, she only dated girls before me. Third, she drinks a lot at work. Now it isnt too hard to see why I'm paranoid. Alcohol in a sexual charged enviroment and all. And she also tends to work in clubs that are kinda, um, known for extras. What are the odds she is doing horrible things with girls and or guys? I'm know what goes on. I'm a musician (of course) and have done crazy stuff in the SC. And please dont say " you shouldnt have married a stripper". You cant help who you fall in love with. She is a WONDERFUL person outside the club but she does have a very wild side. Any current or former dancers help me out here? Would REALLY appreciate it.

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    Veteran Member DancingDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    yes a club is a sexually charged environment, but for the customers. Trust me, strippers are not sexually charged. I doubt anything is going on with the customers. I dont know much about your situations, just speaking in terms of my club experience. There are lesbians and bi girls at my club but nobody messes around at work because its..well work.
    Maybe ASK her if she would move to another club. Why not visit her at work? Just dont get crazy jealos...
    You've been to clubs thinking you know how it is and what goes on but you havnt seen it from our perspective because you havnt done it for a living. Even if I dance for dudes that I would find attractive outside of the club, I get absolutely nothing out of doing dances for them. zero.
    I think there could be one of three things going on here. Either you are getting upset for no reason, changes in other facets of life or relationship have made you feel insecure about your standing in the relationship, or your subconcious is trying to tell you that she IS in fact doing something. If a partner is cheating you will usually get a gut feeling. Sorry I cant really help.

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    Member Luna Minsky's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Hm. I understand your concern, but I am not sure what it is that you are actually asking for.
    What kind of help? Do you want someone to come out and make an accurate prediction on whether your wife does extras in the back?
    Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. How important is it for you to know?
    Ask yourself just how much difference it would actually make to you if you were to find out that she does. And why. Would it ruin your relationship? Would you be the one saying that 'you would have rather not known'?
    Think about this first, and then decide whether you want to pursue this. Meanwhile, be careful that your doubt, suspicion and obvious lack of trust doesn't damage your marriage. If you drive her away with scenes of jealosy or constant cross-examining, then it is you, not her dancing style, that will be to blame.

    Remember, it takes a very strong and confident man to be involved with a dancer.
    Good luck!

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    Featured Member wanderlust08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by Im_not_here View Post
    I'm a musician (of course) and have done crazy stuff in the SC.
    Is this a self-congratulatory pat on the back type thing, or are we really just supposed to "know" these kind of things?

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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Ugh, yea, I dont trust my gut feelings anymore. Or maybe I just dont want to trust it. I can totally picture her doing it. Shes basically told me the same thing you said daisy. But she has customers calling her and texting. Saying how much they miss her and one said "I hope we didnt scare away that new girl in VIP". WTF does that mean? And to top it off a mutual friend that she danced with told me she did stuff in vip. Had all the details and everything. I just dont know man. Im about to hire a damn private detective to find out once and for all.

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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by wanderlust08 View Post
    Is this a self-congratulatory pat on the back type thing, or are we really just supposed to "know" these kind of things?
    Um no, its a im not an idiot, been there done that thing.

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    Featured Member wanderlust08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by Im_not_here View Post
    Um no, its a im not an idiot, been there done that thing.
    Just curious. The (of course) threw me for a minute.

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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by Luna Minsky View Post
    Hm. I understand your concern, but I am not sure what it is that you are actually asking for.
    What kind of help? Do you want someone to come out and make an accurate prediction on whether your wife does extras in the back?
    Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. How important is it for you to know?
    Ask yourself just how much difference it would actually make to you if you were to find out that she does. And why. Would it ruin your relationship? Would you be the one saying that 'you would have rather not known'?
    Think about this first, and then decide whether you want to pursue this. Meanwhile, be careful that your doubt, suspicion and obvious lack of trust doesn't damage your marriage. If you drive her away with scenes of jealosy or constant cross-examining, then it is you, not her dancing style, that will be to blame.

    Remember, it takes a very strong and confident man to be involved with a dancer.
    Good luck!

    It would make a BIG difference and I would roll. F that shite man.

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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by wanderlust08 View Post
    Just curious. The (of course) threw me for a minute.
    No worries. the "of course" was the musician/dancer thing. Seem to go together like bullets and a gun.

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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    I'm not quite sure how anyone here can help you. Just because this is a forum for strippers, doesn't mean we have any special insight into what your wife, who just happens to be a stripper, does or not do.

    Some strippers DO do extras. Some would never even think of it.

    What's more telling for me is this:

    If you feel so suspicious of your wife that you have to post on here for insight, or are even considering hiring a PI, that's a sign to me that there is already something seriously wrong with your marriage.

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    Featured Member wanderlust08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by Im_not_here View Post
    No worries. the "of course" was the musician/dancer thing. Seem to go together like bullets and a gun.
    This is very true. I was actually thinking, "What only musicians date strippers now???"

    I wouldn't mind a musician for myself, provided he plays rock and not that pesky hip hop that keeps popping up everywhere.

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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by kandie_kitten View Post
    I'm not quite sure how anyone here can help you. Just because this is a forum for strippers, doesn't mean we have any special insight into what your wife, who just happens to be a stripper, does or not do.

    Some strippers DO do extras. Some would never even think of it.

    What's more telling for me is this:

    If you feel so suspicious of your wife that you have to post on here for insight, or are even considering hiring a PI, that's a sign to me that there is already something seriously wrong with your marriage.
    Agree totally. But im not the one who dances. She is. Ive asked her to quit. She wont do it. She doesnt want to punch a clock like me. And thats cool. In the meantime it could destroy our marriage. Ive changed MANY aspects of my life that made her uncomfy. Her turn.

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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by wanderlust08 View Post
    This is very true. I was actually thinking, "What only musicians date strippers now???"

    I wouldn't mind a musician for myself, provided he plays rock and not that pesky hip hop that keeps popping up everywhere.
    Yes i play rock. Was in a band with the drummer for collective soul and bass player for sevendust. Stay away from most musicians. they are bad bad boys. lol. jk

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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Have you worried about this since you met her, or were you formerly okay about this?

    In my mind this is about you, not her. You don't trust her and that's your problem. I suggest you learn to trust or leave her. Without trust there is nothing in a relationship.

    There is nothing she can do, short of giving up her career, that will MAYBE make you trust her. Even then, it might not work. Are you going through her phone? What is wrong with you? Regulars call and text to get a dancer's schedule all the time. This is her income, securing itself. As for "scaring" a new girl? Pole tricks can scare new girls. A custie wanting to rub some feet can scare a new girl. You automatically assume that your wife is fucking someone just because a new girl was maybe scared in VIP? Think about what that means. YOU assumed it. Your action here.

    You trust someone that goes and watches your wife in the club, over your wife? Seriously?

    As others have said, you know nothing about dancing because you've never done it. It is not a string of hot guys and a harem of horny women. It's gross old fat dudes with grabby hands, and tired, hardworking women that seriously would not even look at half these men if it didn't pay well. Is the issue the money? Are you insecure about her income?


    You married a stripper. Do you not want to be married to a stripper and all that entails anymore? Then leave. A private detective won't make you trust her, it'll just cost money.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Her dancing in and of itself is not the problem. Many strippers have great marriages and relationships (myself included). I have to tell you, if my guy had told me I needed to quit my job (which I enjoyed and gave me ample income to do what I want) to keep him happy, he would have been kicked to the curb.

    It does take a strong significant other however, who is confident in his partner's fidelity/honesty, to survive. It sounds like that is what is lacking in the relationship.

    I mean honestly, let's play out your dream here. You think she's performing extras at the club. You ask her to stop, she does. Since you think she's capable of cheating on you in the club, why wouldn't you think she'd continue cheating on you outside of it?

    This isn't about stripping, it's about your confidence (and lack thereof) in your wife.

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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by sxcbbw View Post
    Have you worried about this since you met her, or were you formerly okay about this?

    In my mind this is about you, not her. You don't trust her and that's your problem. I suggest you learn to trust or leave her. Without trust there is nothing in a relationship.

    There is nothing she can do, short of giving up her career, that will MAYBE make you trust her. Even then, it might not work. Are you going through her phone? What is wrong with you? Regulars call and text to get a dancer's schedule all the time. This is her income, securing itself. As for "scaring" a new girl? Pole tricks can scare new girls. A custie wanting to rub some feet can scare a new girl. You automatically assume that your wife is fucking someone just because a new girl was maybe scared in VIP? Think about what that means. YOU assumed it. Your action here.

    You trust someone that goes and watches your wife in the club, over your wife? Seriously?

    As others have said, you know nothing about dancing because you've never done it. It is not a string of hot guys and a harem of horny women. It's gross old fat dudes with grabby hands, and tired, hardworking women that seriously would not even look at half these men if it didn't pay well. Is the issue the money? Are you insecure about her income?


    You married a stripper. Do you not want to be married to a stripper and all that entails anymore? Then leave. A private detective won't make you trust her, it'll just cost money.
    Hey! I used to go to clubs ALL THE TIME with my bandmates and none of us are fat and gross. As far as her phone, we shared hers while my iphone was being repaired. So yes i did see some texts. Getting her schedule is one thing but saying how much he loves and misses her is quite another. Look, im not attacking dancers at all. I have MANY friends who danced or still do. I just want to know what people thought. Thats all. jeez. I dont rail on her about her job. Ive kept my mouth shut. But over time little things start to get your attention that you just cant ignore. And if something IS going on I want to F%#^ing know so I can get the hell out before I get an STD or some S#*t.

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    Veteran Member Camillian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by kandie_kitten View Post

    What's more telling for me is this:

    If you feel so suspicious of your wife that you have to post on here for insight, or are even considering hiring a PI, that's a sign to me that there is already something seriously wrong with your marriage.

    This.

    And I will add, I was NEVER an extras girl, but if my SO hired a PI to spy on me, I would be super pissed and dump his ass. Just the fact that he didn't trust me enouph, or was jealous enouph to do somethibng like that. To the curb.

    Relationships have to be based on trust. If you really feel driven to hire a PI, I don't know, maybe you should just leave.

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    Featured Member wanderlust08's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by Im_not_here View Post
    Getting her schedule is one thing but saying how much he loves and misses her is quite another.
    Dude, if your regular has your number and he's not telling you loves you, your hustle's off. I had a friend who has a customer propose to her once...and she wasn't an extras girl.

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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by kandie_kitten View Post
    Her dancing in and of itself is not the problem. Many strippers have great marriages and relationships (myself included). I have to tell you, if my guy had told me I needed to quit my job (which I enjoyed and gave me ample income to do what I want) to keep him happy, he would have been kicked to the curb.

    It does take a strong significant other however, who is confident in his partner's fidelity/honesty, to survive. It sounds like that is what is lacking in the relationship.

    I mean honestly, let's play out your dream here. You think she's performing extras at the club. You ask her to stop, she does. Since you think she's capable of cheating on you in the club, why wouldn't you think she'd continue cheating on you outside of it?

    This isn't about stripping, it's about your confidence (and lack thereof) in your wife.
    Wrong! She hates her job. Bitches all the damn time about it. AND her knees hurt all the damn time from doing it so long. She says shes gonna find another job and NEVER does. Ever. And i never said she had to quit. I ASKED her to since I worked too and she didnt need to do it anymore. She doesnt like it. So i dont know what the deal is. Maybe shes addicted to the cash.

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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by wanderlust08 View Post
    Dude, if your regular has your number and he's not telling you loves you, your hustle's off. I had a friend who has a customer propose to her once...and she wasn't an extras girl.
    Amen! I had guys texting me constantly telling me they adored me and couldn't wait to see me, and I never did anything whatsoever that would be an extra.

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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by Im_not_here View Post
    Wrong! She hates her job. Bitches all the damn time about it. AND her knees hurt all the damn time from doing it so long. She says shes gonna find another job and NEVER does. Ever. And i never said she had to quit. I ASKED her to since I worked too and she didnt need to do it anymore. She doesnt like it. So i dont know what the deal is. Maybe shes addicted to the cash.
    Well DUH, no one LOVES stripping. It's physically exhausting, mentally rough, there's gross guys grabbing at us, men who expect us to do backflips for a dollar, etc.

    Of COURSE its for the cash.

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    Thumbs up Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by wanderlust08 View Post
    Dude, if your regular has your number and he's not telling you loves you, your hustle's off. I had a friend who has a customer propose to her once...and she wasn't an extras girl.
    Really?! I didnt know that. That def makes me feel better. Thanks for that reply. Even if yo said "yea shes prob doing him", its more constructive that making ME out to be a total dick. thanx

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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by kandie_kitten View Post
    Amen! I had guys texting me constantly telling me they adored me and couldn't wait to see me, and I never did anything whatsoever that would be an extra.
    wow! some guys are morons. my friends never did stuff like that. It was just a night of dances and a lot of fun with much respect for the girls.

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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by Im_not_here View Post
    Hey! I used to go to clubs ALL THE TIME with my bandmates and none of us are fat and gross. As far as her phone, we shared hers while my iphone was being repaired. So yes i did see some texts. Getting her schedule is one thing but saying how much he loves and misses her is quite another. Look, im not attacking dancers at all. I have MANY friends who danced or still do. I just want to know what people thought. Thats all. jeez. I dont rail on her about her job. Ive kept my mouth shut. But over time little things start to get your attention that you just cant ignore. And if something IS going on I want to F%#^ing know so I can get the hell out before I get an STD or some S#*t.
    Then you're a wonderful exception. She trusted you enough to let you have access to those texts. She trusted you to know how meaningless they were. People tell me they love me all the time. Does my partner care? No, because he's smart enough to know that what a person says to me has nothing to do with me, but them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Im_not_here View Post
    Ive asked her to quit. She wont do it.
    Sorry, what was that about keeping your mouth shut? Would you quit being a musician for her? Flip this around. We all know the stereotypes about musicians and their roadies, or being hedonistic. Is that true? Should she trust you? Go ahead and tell me I'm being ridiculous, I beg you. Then see how silly you're being with your lack of trust as well.

    She hides nothing from you. She dances for your friends. She's clearly very open. Again, you married a stripper. You were happy with that at the time. No longer happy? Leave in a dignified manner instead of insulting her with your paranoia. I assume you love her, or you wouldn't be so angry if she was doing extras. So save her the pain of a big fat accusation. You might as well call her a whore to her face if you hire a PI.

    The bold part bothers me.

    You not only suspect your wife is cheating, you suspect she's cheating for money, at work, and risking STDs.

    Over a few texts from a PL at work, and the word of someone that gets LDs from her. These, you rank higher than the word of someone that recited vows for you, is open with you, and seems to trust you.

    You asked us what we though, and we're telling you. Sure, we're not telling you what we think of your wife, but when a mod comes in with a magical Stay On Topic stick I'm sure we'll get back to that.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Default Re: Wife dances. Please help me girls!

    Quote Originally Posted by kandie_kitten View Post
    Well DUH, no one LOVES stripping. It's physically exhausting, mentally rough, there's gross guys grabbing at us, men who expect us to do backflips for a dollar, etc.

    Of COURSE its for the cash.
    But she doesnt NEED to make that much money!! Is cash more important than your partner? If you were starving, ok. But we are NOT. doing quite well actually WITHOUT needing her cash.

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