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Thread: Married but addicted to lap dances

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    Curious Guest estuans's Avatar
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    Default Married but addicted to lap dances

    What are your views of married men clubbing too much?
    I've been happily married 15 years but from the first year of our marriage, I've been going to clubs. In time the frequency increased from once a month to two three times a week. On the one hand I feel guilty doing this behind my wife's back, but it's my only chance to see and touch young women. It's really exhilirating for me.

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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    I think you need to sit your wife down and talk to her about this.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Featured Member jasmine22's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    I don't think its right to do anything behind your wifes back. I mean how would you feel if she was feeling up on other guys behind your back? If you were happily married, you wouldnt want to violate her trust.

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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    What's the point of marriage if you're going to lie all the time? Why not just leave your wife then you'll be free to do what you want without hurting anyone.

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    Veteran Member DancingDaisy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    First off, whats your reason for not telling her? Will she get angry?Are you embaressed? This is the kind of things that can really take a blow to a womans ego and securities if she finds out the hard way. And if you keep frequenting strip clubs that often, she is eventually going to wonder where the money goes.

    I would suggest talk to her about the club, see if she would be interested in going with you. If not, how would she feel if you went once or twice a month alone? The best policy is not to lie. Everything thats done in the dark will come into the light eventually. One of my favorite sayings

    How about trying to cool it for awhile and only going once or twice a month again? What do you think made you start going to the club more often? Stress? Marital problems? Or just for the fun of looking at naked girls?

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    God/dess princessjas's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    The biggest issue I see is that you use the word addiction. Are you spending more than you can afford? Do you feel that you can't control yourself and MUST go? Addictions always come before everything else in your life and putting your wife 2nd to your clubbing would be a shitty thing to do.

    Next, I have BIG issues with married men who spend more than they can afford, or take from their families to spend on dancers. If it's in your disposable/fun income, then have fun, but make sure it's only YOUR disposable/fun income you are spending, not the entire families. Second, if you have an atf, fine, if you are the sort that has an emotional attachment to your atf, not cool. AT ALL.

    I agree that you need to tell your wife. No need to go into how often you visit, or even let her know everytime you are going, but don't lie. If she asks if you were at the club, be honest. If you come home and she doesn't ask (after you have let her know this is something you are doing), then I don't think you need to tell her. Hell, there are lots of things I don't ask my guy. Why, cause I really don't care or want to know. A little privacy is a great thing.

    Oh, and just something to think about. Some married women don't mind their hubby's going to clubs, because they get worked up then come home so the wives get the benefit. Had quiet a few regs that would call their wives from the club and tell them where they were and ask them to put on something nice before they got home. The wives didn't seem to mind at all.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    Moderator Jessie_tinydancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    I donno as a married women I see it better than cheating. Lying is not cool, but at the same time I understand everyone needs something that is just for them.. something other people don't need to know about. I guess if it is not causing financial stress at home, I don't see the issue. But I'm not the most moralistic person.

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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    Whoa ya'll. I'm not dancing anymore, but when I did, the largest high spending portion of my customer base was married. I didn't want to lose them over some damn morality.

    I say, keep spending!

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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    Quote Originally Posted by KS_Stevia View Post
    Whoa ya'll. I'm not dancing anymore, but when I did, the largest high spending portion of my customer base was married. I didn't want to lose them over some damn morality.

    I say, keep spending!
    Would you want to lose them over bankruptcy or their marriage falling apart either, though? He risks both these things with a financially draining addiction.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    God/dess Pretty_Penny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    If I was married to a guy for 15 years and found out that for 14 of them he'd been going to a strip club multiple times a week and spending money on lap dances with other women without telling me

    It would be over.

    The smallest reason of which would be the "other women" part. The more important reason would be

    He kept something from me for 14 YEARS. Something he did multiple times a week.

    It's the same reason I could never handle my boyfriend having an "affair". A one-night-stand fuck up would be one thing. I don't know if I could deal with it, but probably, IF he told me right after. If he had to talk to me every day while "pretending" he didn't do something though?? Fuck that. That's horribly disrespectful in my opinion.

    I can't even imagine how many times your wife must have asked you "what did you do today?" or "how was your day?" or "why were you late?" and you had to either lie or avoid the truth. To me, the fact that for 14 years you were dishonest about your basically day-to-day lifestyle is not excusable.

    I agree that people need their own space and should be free to do things without their partner. I just also agree that their partner should be aware that these things might/do happen. IOW I think 14 years ago you should have told her you went to a strip club and had a good time. That you didn't "cheat" on her and don't plan on doing it, but that you enjoyed the experience and will probably go sometimes to unwind from work.

    But, I get the feeling doing it behind her back is part of why it excites you.

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    Veteran Member SteveSmith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances


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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    Pretty Penny has pretty much nailed it. I think you're going to have a seriously unhappy wife if and when she finds out.

    Quote Originally Posted by estuans View Post
    ..I've been happily married 15 years but from the first year of our marriage, I've been going to clubs...
    She'll be p*ssed off that you've deceived her for so long.

    Quote Originally Posted by estuans View Post
    ...In time the frequency increased from once a month to two three times a week...
    Say $200 a visit, or $500 a week. Thats $25,000 a year. Unless you're mega rich, your wife (and children?) have had a significantly lower standard of living than they might otherwise have had.

    Quote Originally Posted by estuans View Post
    ...but it's my only chance to see and touch young women. It's really exhilirating for me....
    She may well view this as cheating on her.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty_Penny View Post
    ...IOW I think 14 years ago you should have told her you went to a strip club and had a good time. That you didn't "cheat" on her and don't plan on doing it, but that you enjoyed the experience and will probably go sometimes to unwind from work...
    Probably the only way you could have done this with your wife's approval.

    I'd say good odds if she finds out, you're heading for the divorce courts.

    Phil.
    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    I've totally stared at guys' wallets with lust in my heart
    J.D. explaining how she reacts to guys staring at her body with lust in their hearts....

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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    Quote Originally Posted by Jessie_tinydancer View Post
    I donno as a married women I see it better than cheating. Lying is not cool, but at the same time I understand everyone needs something that is just for them.. something other people don't need to know about. I guess if it is not causing financial stress at home, I don't see the issue. But I'm not the most moralistic person.


    100% agree. I think going to a club is better than going out to the bar and having the bar slut pick up on him and he has that oppurtunity to cheat on his wife. At least with stripclubs it only goes so far.. Like Jessie said, if it isn't going financially overboard then there's not an issue. And ladies, 99% of guys that come into stripclubs are married and their wives don't know about it. So if you are going to sit here and say that it disgusts you that married men come in there, you're lying. We make 99% of our money off of married men so...

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    Strippers don't care about your personal life. When I was dancing, I would approach you as quickly as any other customer. If you told me that your wife would disapprove of you buying dances as a form of rejection, it wouldn't deter me from persisting with a sale I thought I could make.

    I'd happily take your money and hope your wife doesn't find out about your habit because that would be a nice reliable stream of income for me.

    The girls here are looking at this from your wife's perspective. As a stripper, it doesn't matter to me what you do with your money, you're a grown-up and can spend your cash however you want. It isn't my place to say "Oh, I won't dance for you because your wife disapproves."

    It is up to you to change your bad habits.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    Quote Originally Posted by kaiarose View Post
    100% agree. I think going to a club is better than going out to the bar and having the bar slut pick up on him and he has that oppurtunity to cheat on his wife. At least with stripclubs it only goes so far.. Like Jessie said, if it isn't going financially overboard then there's not an issue. And ladies, 99% of guys that come into stripclubs are married and their wives don't know about it. So if you are going to sit here and say that it disgusts you that married men come in there, you're lying. We make 99% of our money off of married men so...
    So, only 1 in 100 custies are honest with their wives? Yes, that does disgust me.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    God/dess Pretty_Penny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil-W View Post
    Say $200 a visit, or $500 a week. Thats $25,000 a year. Unless you're mega rich, your wife (and children?) have had a significantly lower standard of living than they might otherwise have had.
    Exactly.

    That's 350,000. over the last 14 years. Which, is enough to pay off a really decent house. Even HALF of that amount (say he spends 250 a week) is staggering.

    If he can afford it because he's filthy rich, that's one thing, but it still doesn't excuse the deception.

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    God/dess Pretty_Penny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris View Post
    Strippers don't care about your personal life. When I was dancing, I would approach you as quickly as any other customer. If you told me that your wife would disapprove of you buying dances as a form of rejection, it wouldn't deter me from persisting with a sale I thought I could make.

    I'd happily take your money and hope your wife doesn't find out about your habit because that would be a nice reliable stream of income for me.

    The girls here are looking at this from your wife's perspective. As a stripper, it doesn't matter to me what you do with your money, you're a grown-up and can spend your cash however you want. It isn't my place to say "Oh, I won't dance for you because your wife disapproves."

    It is up to you to change your bad habits.
    I also agree with this. Although I am 100% against what he is doing, I would 100% take his money if he offered it to me in the club.

    Why? Because it's not -my- responsibility to make sure all of my customers are there under the right circumstances. That's like saying the bartender who serves a guy who later becomes a raging-asshole when he's drunk and beats his wife is at fault.

    We're just doing a job. My job is to dance for/entertain the people who pay me to do so. Not to protect the wives/family members of those who are doing so irresponsibly. Do I feel bad for those who might be suffering because of what that customer does? Sure. When I hear about those situations I feel for those people... but do I feel GUILTY? <--that's the important word.

    no, I don't. Because -I- didn't do anything wrong.

    and I think that 99% figure is pushing it. Saying that 99% are married AND lying to their wives is a little overboard. I'd say a more reasonable % is around 25. There are plenty of single men coming to strip clubs and there are plenty of men whos wives know that they go and even go with them on occasion. I mean, if we're talking about "regulars" I have -none- who are in that situation. The -one- who is married has a wife who used to dance and knows that he regularly goes. again, not saying it doesn't happen. It obviously does, but 99%? Come on.

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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    Quote Originally Posted by estuans View Post
    On the one hand I feel guilty doing this behind my wife's back, but it's my only chance to see and touch young women. It's really exhilirating for me.
    I went to clubs and visited prostitutes regularly through most of my marriage-which ended a little over a year ago. I really had nothing to do with touching young women but it had everything to do with looking for something that was missing from my marriage. I didn't find it in strip clubs or hotel rooms but what I did find helped get me through some very bad years.

    If you really love your wife and you feel badly about what you are doing then you need to stop. If you don't feel badly about it then don't stop. As long as you are not spending money that you can't afford it's more a question of you being honest with yourself...and, no, I would not talk to your wife about it.

    I wouldn't expect too many women to post here saying that it is OK for a husband to deceive his wife. On the other hand, I wouldn't expect a single stripper in a club to refuse to take your money because you are married...
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
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    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    ^that made me really sad and disgusted.

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    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty_Penny View Post
    ^that made me really sad and disgusted.
    Sorry but reality is not always pretty. Hypocrisy is even less pretty.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    God/dess Pretty_Penny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    explain to me how I'm a hypocrite.

    I have never lied to or been dishonest to my boyfriend. Ever. Go ahead and disbelieve that all you want, it's true.

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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty_Penny View Post
    explain to me how I'm a hypocrite.

    I have never lied to or been dishonest to my boyfriend. Ever. Go ahead and disbelieve that all you want, it's true.
    I think he meant himself.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    and if you're referring to the fact that I would take money from the OP and others like him, I will kindly refer you to post #17 in which I address that issue.

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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    Quote Originally Posted by estuans View Post
    What are your views of married men clubbing too much?
    I've been happily married 15 years but from the first year of our marriage, I've been going to clubs. In time the frequency increased from once a month to two three times a week. On the one hand I feel guilty doing this behind my wife's back, but it's my only chance to see and touch young women. It's really exhilirating for me.

    Seek help ASAP...then tell your wife.


    That's if you value your marriage.

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    Default Re: Married but addicted to lap dances

    Quote Originally Posted by sxcbbw View Post
    Would you want to lose them over bankruptcy or their marriage falling apart either, though? He risks both these things with a financially draining addiction.
    I'm a member of Camp I Don't Give A Fuck on this one.

    Not my problem. I'm there to provide a service. His financial or romantic status is moot to me.

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