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Thread: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

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    God/dess audrey_k's Avatar
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    Default I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    About three weeks ago I danced for this young guy-- I had just gotten on the floor and he approached me. We did one dance and he asked to do a VIP. He was SUPER stoned and weird, but he seemed harmless. He just wanted to cuddle-- he didn't even want me to grind or dance or even straddle him... and he wanted me to keep my clothes on through the whole VIP (I work in a nude club). I chalked him up to being lonely, socially retarded, and just really stoned. He filled my drink quota and tipped me $200 and left (so he spent $860 on me, and whatever else he spent on the other two girls he danced with).

    When I got to work today my friend (who danced for him a lot) told me he was on the news for murdering his mother. I read the article and after leaving the club he went home and got into a fight with his mother over $--
    he needed it and she wouldn't give it to him. He hit her with a blunt object, cut parts of her body off, hid them in the refridgerator, and took a cab. When police found him he had blood in his finger nails and toe nails.

    I don't know how I could have been so off about this guy-- I normally consider myself to be a good judge of character and I never would have thought he could do something this horrible. I mean, killing your mother and cutting parts of her body off? How much sicker can you get?

    I feel like I contributed to this poor woman's death-- every night I try and bleed men of every penny I can, not thinking about the consequences. Maybe if he hadn't spent that much money at the club the argument wouldn't have escalated to the point it did.

    This is just another one of the reasons I am beginning to loathe this job. I'm scared to dance for anyone else now because if I was so wrong about him, who knows what else I've been and will be wrong about. And I am sick of feeling degraded and looked down upon, having to keep a huge part of my life a secret because I don't want people at my school to know I'm a stripper. I'm sick of dealing with assholes every night, having to compromise my comfort levels because otherwise I'd make nothing. And even though I make great money, I've never felt like my life was as empty and lonely as I
    have since I started dancing.

    But I feel totally trapped-- I have no family and I'm stuck in this city until I graduate. I have huge tuition bills and high rent and living expenses. I don't have any skills that would allow me to have a job that would cover everything. I really don't know what to do, but I feel like I just can't take this anymore.
    Last edited by audrey_k; 02-13-2010 at 09:03 AM.

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    Member MissWheezy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    There is absolutely no way you could have known that this would happen. And, besides, that 'risk' is there regardless of the job you do - salesgirl, waitress, or dancer. Money is an evil but necessary thing. You can't blame yourself or force yourself to believe that you directly, or indirectly, had anything to do with this.

    That said - find a different job, even a part time one, that you enjoy. It's hard to leave dancing, I know, especially when you are still finishing school. You can't beat the hours, flexibility, and profit potential. However, at least for myself, it helps when I have something stabilizing and 'normal' in my life. I currently am a church photographer. =) Can't find a different part time job? How about a hobby? Just something to stabilize, you know?

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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    Jesus Christ, how bizarre can you get? I thought I'd heard them all. But don't blame yourself for that guy whacking out and killing his mom, he would have done it eventually without you having anything to do with it, I bet. You don't go cutting body parts off your mom because you got lapdances, you do it because you are whacked in the fucking head to begin with.

    An ex of mine danced for a copkiller--or so he said--and she told me the guy was actually really cool. I had a hard time believing that, but I wasn't there. That's the closest I've heard to your story, but yours is a lot more directly shocking of course.

    Anyway I am sorry you are hurting about that and the Grind as well, but am glad you posted about this. I have been thinking of starting a thread that explores the Dark Side of the industry. I am tired of seeing it glossed over.

    It does sound like you are stuck in a rut for sure. Is there any way you can take a semester off? Preferably while taking a trip somewhere? If that's impossible due to lease restrictions, all I can suggest is that you think and plan about the future, picture in your head your eventual escape from the trap you are in. And if you are making good money by all means travel as much as you can during semester breaks, maybe try dancing in other cities for a sort-of break, if you are worried about spending too much.
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    Veteran Member AngelKing's Avatar
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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    In my line of work I deal with all kinds of bad guys: murderers, thieves, dope dealers, you name it. Some of them are actually my best clients. One thing I learned over the years is that everyone wears social masks, and some of the worst people wear the best disguises, and no matter how good your instincts are, you can't read everybody. Therefore trust no one.

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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    My mother, as a parole officer, tells me that no matter what, don't trust people because everyone had dark in them.

    This guy would have spent the money elsewhere and still done the same act eventually. It had nothing to do with you. Just be glad the money went to you rather than down the drain in some drug deal. If he was this sick, it would have happened sooner or later.

    It seems bad now, but just remember you are in school and it will get better eventually. Maybe you could talk to others in your school about how they are paying for everything and take some hints from them. Could you try waitressing/bartending? Waitresses/bartenders can make good money-you could even do either at a SC if you wanted to do so.

    I truly hope you find a way to feel better-being this off can mess up your game both at work and school.
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

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    Featured Member pixierocksonthepole's Avatar
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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    wow.

    That is insane.

    But it wasn't your fault. Thank goodness you are okay though.





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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    Totally not your fault. That guy was going to kill someone eventually. There was so much more to what happened than you. Blaming yourself for that death is like a car manufacturer blaming himself for the death of a man who gets hit by a car.

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    Featured Member laurcon's Avatar
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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    sounds like this is a time to turn to spirituality.

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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    Hey I hated it too. I totally feel you.

    The horror movie fan in me kind of wants to high five you ( morbid, I know ), but damn, that must have been spooky. Don't beat yourself up over it- in no way shape or form was it even moderately your fault.

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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    I'm so sorry. This kind of thing would also freak me out a little. Try to remind yourself that no matter where you are ........ there are going to be a small percentage of people that are bad people who hurt others and may hurt you too. I've misjudged a couple people even though 99.9% of the time, my radar is good. There is no way you could have known. You don't know the whole story either. There could have been years of abuse behind the relationship with his mom.

    This is yucky stuff, so I hope you take good care of yourself and let this go to move on and get good energy back.

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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    Wow... this sucks. You can't blame yourself though. Sounds like he probably also might have a drug problem so you can't really say it was all about strippers and money. Plus the media is crap, they never report anything accurately. I'm sure there were many other reasons this happened.

    As for your position with the money you need for school, living etc. What about maybe working a couple sugar daddys for a little while. Just to mix things up. Get you out of the club and spending time with one or two key customers.

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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    I gave my number to a customer once. I was drunk and he seemed nice. I saw him on the front page of the paper, he is suspected of killing his mother and using her money to buy himself a ferrari. You just never know.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    Damn, sweetie, that is horrible. (((HUGS)))

    Maybe you should try working in retail or waitressing. A change of scenery & pace. It'll keep you busy too.

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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    Don't blame yourself for this at all. First off, if he's the type that was going to get into that big of a fight about it then it would have happened over something eventually... possibly something other than money. Second of all, if he hadn't spent the money on you he would have spent it on another girl or used/wasted it some other way. If it's meant to be it will be... plain and simple.

    If you are having a hard time dealing with the situation then take the money and donate it to a worthy cause. http://www.charitynavigator.org

    As for doing something else, I'm sure there are other ways you could survive without dancing. Sometimes you just need to sit back and re-evaluate your situation, possibly with a good friend. Maybe there is a way that you could take less coursework next semester so you don't have to pay so much, get a studio apartment or a small place with a friend. Cut out non-essential items like cable, extra phones, subscriptions. Then look at other ways to make money either through the school, and internship program, bar promotions, mlm's etc.
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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    Quote Originally Posted by AngelKing View Post
    everyone wears social masks, and some of the worst people wear the best disguises, and no matter how good your instincts are, you can't read everybody. Therefore trust no one.
    This is sooooo true, and these are very wise words.

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    God/dess JayATee's Avatar
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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    Sweetie for awhile it has sounded like this isn't for you. Maybe this is the universes way of telling you it's time to try something else.

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    God/dess CKXXX's Avatar
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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    You arent the first one to dance for a murderer without knowing babe. Its not your fault. If it were... 9/11 would be MY fault. Yep...the guys who flew those planes into the twin towers? I danced for them(most likely...I dont remember it, but their CC's were traced to my club at the time and I was working that night...)

    So yeah it sucks, but you have to get over it. Its no more your problem then the drive thru person who sold him a Big Mac that day.

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    Member rubberstarlet's Avatar
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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    thats horrible. I feel sorry for the family and the pain. Good thing your ok. I can understand why your feeling sad on the subject. But dont put the blame on your self please. you'll be ok.

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    Featured Member Brooke's Avatar
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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    Have you explored student loans? They will typically cover tuition (including book and computers) and living expenses (rent, food, etc). Then you could get a job you prefer to help with incidentals (phone bill, nails, etc). Even though it seems like you have no way out right now, you CAN find a way to quit dancing... it will take research and sacrifices, but if you are willing to put in the work you can make a way.

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    God/dess audrey_k's Avatar
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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    I'm so sorry. This kind of thing would also freak me out a little. Try to remind yourself that no matter where you are ........ there are going to be a small percentage of people that are bad people who hurt others and may hurt you too. I've misjudged a couple people even though 99.9% of the time, my radar is good. There is no way you could have known. You don't know the whole story either. There could have been years of abuse behind the relationship with his mom.

    This is yucky stuff, so I hope you take good care of yourself and let this go to move on and get good energy back.
    That's what I was talking to one of the waitresses about... she was saying that especially since she seemed to be coming in because he was lacking love, intimacy and tenderness, not sex (some of which he would have gotten from his mother) he might have had a horrible childhood filled with abuse. Obviously no one deserves to be murdered and dismembered, but she might not be the saintly image I have in my mind. Either way I went to church yesterday and said a prayer and a lit a candle for her, and I feel like some of the guilt I had is assuaged.

    I have looked for another job for a while (been looking eight months now) and I haven't found anything. There is really nowhere hiring in this shit economy, and the places that are either don't offer me hours compatible with school or not enough hours. I worked in retail for four years and I just cannnot go back to that, so that would leave waitressing (I'm not 21 so I can't cocktrail waitress). From my experience I would have to put in 3-6 months of hostessing before I would be able to waitress (assuming I could finds a hostessing job, which I haven't been able to). I don't know how I could survive that paycut.

    In regards to student loans, I already have taken out loans, but my school costs (with aid) $11,000 a semester and I'm not comfortable taking out the whole thing in loans when I want to go into a profession that I won't make any money in for a while (writing). The price of my tuition is actually less if I take a full course load because that's when my financial aid kicks it, so its kind of ironic.

    I feel like I just have to suck it up and dance for the next two and a half years... and then I can move on.

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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    I'd still keep putting out applications...Also, mention to your good regulars you want to phase out of dancing & they might help. (I know that sounds naive, but seriously, now is not a time to be too finicky about where to look for assistance.....I feel terrible when I see girls who don't want to be dancing, it eats up their aura of spirit & they become hard to be around.)

    I wouldn't write off bartending, even thought it would keep you in the bar enviroment & maybe still in a SC, it is good money......And people are still drinking in a bad economy. Just keep putting out apps, don't give up.

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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    Hun, I am so sorry. I know this must be messing with your head.

    Here's a little perspective I hope helps:
    Say you worked as a waitress or bartender trying to sell drinks/commissioned sales associate in a clothing store selling as many shirts as possible/girl scout selling as many boxes of cookies as you could (just naming these for effect), would you still feel as responsible as you do as a dancer who was simply selling as many dances/rooms as possible?

    This was obviously HIS call and you have nothing to do w/ it. *Hugs* to you and just keep reminding yourself that this is a tragedy that, though has touched you, was not in anyway something you could have caused or stopped.

    As for the logistics of looking for another job, is there anyway you can work part-time somewhere and continue dancing as a supplementary income? It could help you mentally and emotionally as well as be something to pump up your resume. Also, as a full-time dancer, I have found that I crave an identity as someone other than a dancer and volunteering has (for the time being) definitely helped me to fill in what was missing from my life and I feel much more like a helpful contributor to society than as the villainess (you know the stereotype: greedy, selfish, lazy, man-stealers, etc.) society seems to think a lot of us are.
    (*NOTE: I know most of us aren't but when you've been in the biz for awhile, every now and then that stuff can get to you.)

    Again, *hugs* to you and I hope something, or all of what, I've said has helped.

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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    I feel like I contributed to this poor woman's death-- every night I try and bleed men of every penny I can, not thinking about the consequences. Maybe if he hadn't spent that much money at the club the argument wouldn't have escalated to the point it did.

    This is just another one of the reasons I am beginning to loathe this job.
    Even if you did in any way unwittingly contribute to the sequence of events that led do this tragedy, its not your fault. There was no way you could have anticipated what would happen. Besides, if you had rejected him - maybe he would have snapped and killed you... or maybe he would have come back the next day with a gun and shot all the dancers in the club. Be glad you weren't hurt.

    I went through a similar experience when I pressured a client to confront an abusive business partner and my client ended up commiting suicide because of the stress and anxiety he was under. I did contribute to his suicide, but I had no idea he would do this. How could I?

    If you feel compelled to leave dancing for the other reasons mentioned, have you considered all the options? Have you looked at scholarships, grants, work-study, resident advisor positions, etc.?... If you're in an expensive private school, have you considered transferring to a state school... or a less expensive private school in another part of the country? (I saved about $75,000 in law school tuition and living expenses by moving from NY to TX.) You could also save a lot of money if you had a roommate. Lastly, you could apply for student loans - its not ideal, but most college students resort to it.
    Last edited by jack0177057; 02-18-2010 at 02:03 PM.

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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    Wow, that is scary... Im sorry that happened to you. Its not your fault, we cant take responsibility for others actions or others craziness.

    Since you hate this job so much... i remember you mentioned you had a couple or really good regulars in other posts... why dont you make it so you only come in when you have appointments wiht your regulars? I think if you did that or a month, it could make you feel more positive again. You avoid the other assholes, and hopefully the regulars are ones that you feel you bring some level of happiness... and then maybe after a bit of this yo will be ready to dance full time again.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: I danced for a murderer... hate this job but no way out

    Quote Originally Posted by audrey_k View Post
    About three weeks ago I danced for this young guy-- I had just gotten on the floor and he approached me. We did one dance and he asked to do a VIP. He was SUPER stoned and weird, but he seemed harmless. He just wanted to cuddle-- he didn't even want me to grind or dance or even straddle him... and he wanted me to keep my clothes on through the whole VIP (I work in a nude club). I chalked him up to being lonely, socially retarded, and just really stoned. He filled my drink quota and tipped me $200 and left (so he spent $860 on me, and whatever else he spent on the other two girls he danced with).

    When I got to work today my friend (who danced for him a lot) told me he was on the news for murdering his mother. I read the article and after leaving the club he went home and got into a fight with his mother over $--
    he needed it and she wouldn't give it to him. He hit her with a blunt object, cut parts of her body off, hid them in the refridgerator, and took a cab. When police found him he had blood in his finger nails and toe nails.

    I don't know how I could have been so off about this guy-- I normally consider myself to be a good judge of character and I never would have thought he could do something this horrible. I mean, killing your mother and cutting parts of her body off? How much sicker can you get?

    I feel like I contributed to this poor woman's death-- every night I try and bleed men of every penny I can, not thinking about the consequences. Maybe if he hadn't spent that much money at the club the argument wouldn't have escalated to the point it did.

    This is just another one of the reasons I am beginning to loathe this job. I'm scared to dance for anyone else now because if I was so wrong about him, who knows what else I've been and will be wrong about. And I am sick of feeling degraded and looked down upon, having to keep a huge part of my life a secret because I don't want people at my school to know I'm a stripper. I'm sick of dealing with assholes every night, having to compromise my comfort levels because otherwise I'd make nothing. And even though I make great money, I've never felt like my life was as empty and lonely as I
    have since I started dancing.

    But I feel totally trapped-- I have no family and I'm stuck in this city until I graduate. I have huge tuition bills and high rent and living expenses. I don't have any skills that would allow me to have a job that would cover everything. I really don't know what to do, but I feel like I just can't take this anymore.
    I'm sorry you are going thru this. Dont blame yourself for that creep.You are not a mind reader. I have been in the same "stuck" position as you. It really sucks, I know. I hope everything works out and try to keep your head up.

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