About three weeks ago I danced for this young guy-- I had just gotten on the floor and he approached me. We did one dance and he asked to do a VIP. He was SUPER stoned and weird, but he seemed harmless. He just wanted to cuddle-- he didn't even want me to grind or dance or even straddle him... and he wanted me to keep my clothes on through the whole VIP (I work in a nude club). I chalked him up to being lonely, socially retarded, and just really stoned. He filled my drink quota and tipped me $200 and left (so he spent $860 on me, and whatever else he spent on the other two girls he danced with).
When I got to work today my friend (who danced for him a lot) told me he was on the news for murdering his mother. I read the article and after leaving the club he went home and got into a fight with his mother over $--
he needed it and she wouldn't give it to him. He hit her with a blunt object, cut parts of her body off, hid them in the refridgerator, and took a cab. When police found him he had blood in his finger nails and toe nails.
I don't know how I could have been so off about this guy-- I normally consider myself to be a good judge of character and I never would have thought he could do something this horrible. I mean, killing your mother and cutting parts of her body off? How much sicker can you get?
I feel like I contributed to this poor woman's death-- every night I try and bleed men of every penny I can, not thinking about the consequences. Maybe if he hadn't spent that much money at the club the argument wouldn't have escalated to the point it did.
This is just another one of the reasons I am beginning to loathe this job. I'm scared to dance for anyone else now because if I was so wrong about him, who knows what else I've been and will be wrong about. And I am sick of feeling degraded and looked down upon, having to keep a huge part of my life a secret because I don't want people at my school to know I'm a stripper. I'm sick of dealing with assholes every night, having to compromise my comfort levels because otherwise I'd make nothing. And even though I make great money, I've never felt like my life was as empty and lonely as I
have since I started dancing.
But I feel totally trapped-- I have no family and I'm stuck in this city until I graduate. I have huge tuition bills and high rent and living expenses. I don't have any skills that would allow me to have a job that would cover everything. I really don't know what to do, but I feel like I just can't take this anymore.




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