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Thread: So you want to date a stripper?

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    God/dess J.D.'s Avatar
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    Search So you want to date a stripper?

    A girl I danced with in Vegas years ago sent this to me, I thought some of you might find it funny!

    So you want to date a stripper?
    by Greg Bruns
    So you got a stripper's phone number, huh? Called her up and chatted about this and that and had a nice little conversation with her, huh? What's her name? Cinnamon? Going out with her for lunch on Saturday, eh? Very Nice. Here are a few tips — because dating a stripper is a hazardous affair and the only thing you're going to get out of this insane ride are bragging rights for the rest of your life. This article is based on information gleaned from my brief stay in Stripperville.
    First of all, you've got to have a destination in mind before you embark on this venture. What do you want from the Stripper? A few fun evenings out on the town with a little hottie on your arm? Sex? Free passes to the Titty Bar where you met her? Everlasting true love? Handjob? Look — walking into this without a goal is certain means for failure, because she operates on her own terms and if you let her manipulate you and lead the show, you're sunk. She meets 50 guys a night who are potential dates, so she's just playing the odds with you. She's thinking she just might meet someone who can handle her, but no one can. Trust me. No one can handle her. You'll never change her or pull her out of Stripperville. Remember that and keep your eyes on the prize.
    Several points to consider:
    1. You're not Special.
    You're one of 18 guys she's juggling right now, and one of a hundred who witness her naked glory every night. It's her job to make guys feel like they're the only one she's interested in. She gets paid handsomely for that skill. That sultry stare she's giving you across the dinner table with those piercing green eyes is the same look that forces 75 men-a-night to fumble for their wallets and jam fistfuls of green into her G-string even though they're six months behind on child support.
    2. She makes more money than you. Get used to it.
    Keep in mind that she pulls down more than most corporate attorneys (who also represent a large portion of her clientele). She's ripping 2-5K a week tax-free, and you shouldn't expect her to pay for anything. It's not in her nature. Guys fawn all over her every single night and offer her stacks of crisp Benjamins in an effort to get their knobs slobbered on in the parking lot behind the club (something she'll claim she's never done, but the other girls at the club have — right — she's done it at least once).
    3. If you get emotionally involved with this girl, you're in for a hurricane of pain.
    Your future with this chick: broken dates, shattered windows, holes punched in doors, a slew of ex-boyfriends and husbands, a thousand "friends" calling all the time, an encyclopedia of restraining orders she has out on said exes and a couple customers who stalked her for six months. Her apartment is littered with soggy G-strings and cheap 8-inch heeled shoes, along with empty tubes of body glitter, mascara, prescription drugs, zit cream, Aqua Net and Polaroid pictures of her and her "friends" engaged in some drinking and dancing on St. Patrick's Day last year. The Polaroid pictures of her and her stripper friends getting nasty for the entire bar are still circulating around town because one of the guys she dated last month stole them out of her nightstand when he sensed the end was near and he wasn't going to be getting any more Cinnamon Love.
    3. She has more guy friends than you had all throughout high school and college, collectively.
    Sometimes they'll just drop in when you two are hanging out and you're thinking it might get romantic. The guy friend will ask her — right in front of you — if she wants to go to Happy Hour at the Knick Knack Paddy Whack Lounge and she'll look at you with bright eyes and say, "Yeah — let's go to Happy Hour with Tim here — it'll be fun!" And you, still gripping on to that glimmer of hope for some pussy, will say yes and you'll spend the next three hours in a simmering rage while you quaff watered-down Bud Light drafts, because she's the most popular girl in the bar and every person with a penis in there is looking to hop on the Stripper Wagon that is blazing through Stripperville at a very unsafe speed.
    All of those "guy friends" started out just like you, chief. They saw the Promised Titty Land and thought they could get there, too. Once they tired of the bullshit and drama, or she found someone else, they were relegated to "friends." They could've bought a fucking sailboat with all the money they blew on young Cinnamon, and now they hang on to some last vestige of hope, thinking that she may just get drunk enough some night and let them put their spit on the slit. You guys could all get together and swap the exact same stories about wasted nights, full-blown disappointment, and confused, desperate whack-off sessions when you all found out that dating a stripper is no different than trying to debate Nietzsche with a Dalmation.
    4. Her life is a flurry of activity selected at random.
    This stimulates her sub-par self-esteem. At 10am she will be rocketing down the freeway at 130mph on the back of some guy's crotch rocket. By 1pm she's already at some different guy's house, swimming naked in the pool with him and his Great Dane named Robo. By 5pm she's doing "X" at some other guy's house, and from there she goes home for the five-minute shower and gets ready for work.
    5. She'll blow you off for three dates in a row.
    When you keep calling, she knows she has you. That Saturday night dinner and special room you've secured at the fucking Ritz will be vaporized after she tells you she's going to Mexico with some of her "friends." Her whimsical trip to Mexico will forever after be known as Cabo Wabo Orgy 2002, and you'll likely come across some digital pix of her fellating two guys on the beach in Cabo while you're scanning some amateur porn site on the Net.
    It's a crazy affair, for sure, but just remember these do's and don'ts and you'll be fine:
    DON'T ever call her and not announce your name. Her phone rings more than all of the lines at the New York Times combined. Don't put her in the precarious position of trying to guess your name. "Is it Steve? Rick? Mike? Dave? Javier? Justin? Michael? Chris? Matt? Juan? Adam? Alex? Roberto? Ed? Brian? Eugene? Tim?" She'll make it quite clear that she has many suitors, which excites her to no end, and puts you in a bottle of bourbon all alone by 9pm that night. Try to sound upbeat: "Hi Cinnamon, this is Greg, I was just walking through Tiffany's, looking at a $900 sterling-silver ashtray and thought of you." (She smokes. They all smoke. She'd gush over an ashtray from Tiffany's. Don't buy it, though. Make her think you would've bought it for her, if only there was a rose engraved on it.)
    DON'T ask her about her fucking tattoos unless you want to look like one of her customers.
    DON'T go see her at her job unless it's absolutely necessary. A necessity would be getting her condo key so you can go feed her cat. If you get to that point, FYI, you're now one of her "friends," and you can wrap up the sexual fantasies you have of her by beating off right on her pillow after you throw the cat some Meow Mix.
    DON'T try to keep up with her. Don't skip work to spend the day with her. She works nights and you work days. Keep your job. Her days are spent at tanning booths, Frederick's of Hollywood and chic outdoor cafés where her and her stripper "friends" eat poached salmon salads with dressing on the side.
    DO carry lots of hundreds in a money clip. Make sure she sees you strip off the bills when the dinner check comes. Or better yet, whip out the Corporate Amex and toss it on the table like you're folding a bad poker hand. Clasp your hands behind your head and lean back into your chair after you make the Amex toss, as if to say, "See that? Unlimited credit, baby."
    DO kiss her on the cheek when she shows up at your place for the nice dinner you're going to cook her, and knock her fishnets off with your ability to handle the cuisine and wine. At some early point in the evening though, you're going to have to find her cell phone in her purse and steal the battery out of it, because that thing will ring incessantly and she will eventually find something or someone better to do. Pull the battery or she's going to get some call at midnight, when you've got the Miles Davis playing lightly in the background, and the candles illuminating the room in a soft glow and you think you're about to "storm the beach." This call will undoubtedly be from one of her "friends" who is going to an after-hours party at some country bar and all of the sudden she'll squeal with delight and jot down the address on her hand and say to you, "Let's go Two-Stepping at the Country Bunker with John and Kevin!"
    DO remember this: strippers are more fucked up than The Who was during their 1973 U.K. "Quadrophenia" Tour. They're a bad lot to hang out with, because there's so much freedom and money in Stripperville. They've got it all and they don't need you or anyone else. All they need is their Xanax and Raspberry Stoli on the rocks and their job. Yeah — the job. That's what fuels the lifestyle and you're never going to pry her from it. Don't even suggest it.
    If your goal from the aforementioned list is "sex," you need to understand that it's going to take at least five dates. At least. Figure $250 per date. Compound that and it's a nice little used Hobie Cat or a decent house payment. While that fine body, devoid of tan lines, might fuel you to the fifth date, I'd recommend looking into escort services in your area. With an escort, you're getting what you want right off the bat, and it'll likely cost you half of what Cinnamon is charging.
    Good luck in Stripperville. It'll be a short stay, but something you'll talk about for years to come.
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    hhahaha thats gold.

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    Veteran Member fast tan77's Avatar
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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    I love you Cinnamon.
    I can do better than you in a two bit fancy house

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    I wish my life was that exciting. Or not. and those clear stripper heels aren't cheap, they're just meant to look that way, haha!

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    Err... I'm confused. Doesn't this contain all the sterotypes you ladies complain about in other threads?

    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    ...Your future with this chick: broken dates, shattered windows, holes punched in doors, a slew of ex-boyfriends and husbands, a thousand "friends" calling all the time, an encyclopedia of restraining orders she has out on said exes and a couple customers who stalked her for six months. Her apartment is littered with soggy G-strings and cheap 8-inch heeled shoes, along with empty tubes of body glitter, mascara, prescription drugs, zit cream, Aqua Net and Polaroid pictures of her and her "friends" engaged in some drinking and dancing on St. Patrick's Day last year.
    Phil.
    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    I've totally stared at guys' wallets with lust in my heart
    J.D. explaining how she reacts to guys staring at her body with lust in their hearts....

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    I believe JD is being facetious.

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    Veteran Member chris91's Avatar
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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    If this had been written by a stripper, I might find it funny. Being written by a dude, It makes me want to punch an old man in the face.
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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    i just like this cause maybe itll dissuade guys from trying to date us. i found it to be facetious as well. gave me many lolz. thanks jd...i'm tempted to print this out to a guy who wants to be my regular but also date me and is cheap...he comes to see me and i avoid him like the black plague unless it's slow...maybe if i give him this he'll leave me alone...he only wants the 2 for 1's and the whole time wants my number so we can go to the movies. if he only knew how much i hate going to the movies...seriously. for now, i'll just use him as a guarantee for dances when it's slow but he's looking for a girlfriend in me and it won't happen. i feel like telling him im a bipolar mess who will make his life a living hell but on slow nights money trumps patience...he's respectful and i dont mind dancing for him. he doesn't have money and complains about dances being around 40 dollar. he's a pl to the max and young, he hasn't quite learned sc rules yet.

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    Quote Originally Posted by rubyredlipsss View Post
    i just like this cause maybe itll dissuade guys from trying to date us.
    but it will NOT dissuade them from trying to have sex with us OTC.




    on a side note, i feel kind of like a jackass because i fit a fair amount of those descriptions .
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    ^^ very true. i will admit i can be a bit of mess...so if a guy from an sc wants to date me he's in for a rollercoaster ride. a non sc frequenter already has to deal with my issues, but they're usually not guys who have even been to an sc. this guy wants to actually date...as far as sex, i'm a bitch and can't sweetly tell them i'm not an escort. i lose patience with cheap guys pretty fast...and if they ask for extras i tell them to find a street-walker. maybe its not the best hustling skills but i can't help it...besides i usually have their money anyway.

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post
    on a side note, i feel kind of like a jackass because i fit a fair amount of those descriptions .
    You aren't the only one! I'll agree that there's a few of those descriptions that I know I fit.
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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post




    on a side note, i feel kind of like a jackass because i fit a fair amount of those descriptions .
    "DON'T try to keep up with her. Don't skip work to spend the day with her. She works nights and you work days. Keep your job. Her days are spent at tanning booths, Frederick's of Hollywood and chic outdoor cafés where her and her stripper "friends" eat poached salmon salads with dressing on the side."

    Add in the nail salon and this is SO ME!!!! We would run around together and go eat lunch at nice places and it was weird, and I think this is only a Dallas thing, but the restaurant would be full of strippers, attorneys, and high powered business people all eating lunch at the same time, it was kind of bizarre to look over and halfway recognize a guy at another table form work.
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil-W View Post
    Err... I'm confused. Doesn't this contain all the sterotypes you ladies complain about in other threads?



    Phil.
    Of couse its hyper reality

    Phil. that's a (as i would call it) a composite style of writing, for example you take 100 different strippers, from each one you the most interesting thing, the worst thing, the most annoying thing the most outrageous thing, on and one - then you put it together everything taking what will startle the readers, then combine it like its one person, making sure she's super beautiful, and you get a piece like this.

    Most Hollywood TV scripts are written tha way, many David Kelly productions, his early writing L.A. Law, Ally McBeal, others where you might have things that actually all happened (somewhere, sometime, to someone) or maybe 90% of the things described but it was actually 1000's of firms, and then they make it look like its one firm, and condense it to one hour or a season 16 shows or whatever, all intended as entertainment of course.

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil-W View Post
    Err... I'm confused. Doesn't this contain all the sterotypes you ladies complain about in other threads?



    Phil.
    Without stereotypes comedy wouldn't exist as a genre. I can laugh at a stereotype when it is used in jest. Even if that stereotype is of myself. When guys on SW believe the stereotype...then I become angry Jessie.

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    Quote Originally Posted by mediocrity View Post
    I believe JD is being facetious.
    I can't believe you actually hadda explain this.
    Sorry I missed church. I was too busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    I want to be Cinnamon! My stripper life was Booooorrrriiinnggg.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    My ATF was so like that! She was the stripperiest stripper I know. Her stories were endless.

    I have to guess that he wrote it from experience, but in any event he wrote it brilliantly.

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    but cinammon is amazing...she knows how to have a good fucking time! it's not sad, it's amazing, c'mon now

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    Is this behavior something to be proud of? Forget about guys for a second...this type of treatment borders on sociopathic behavior. I don't believe the majority of dancers are like this and this description is sad.

    Here is a pretty good description of sociopathic behavior....
    Last edited by johnnytwoshoes; 03-07-2010 at 07:17 PM.

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    What I think is funny about this is that the author puts massive amounts of detail into the article, so it's really obvious that he's actually just talking about his experience and not necessarily extending the stereotypes to all strippers. It makes it funny in a 'laugh at what the author had to deal with' way, and doesn't come across as serious.

    I also get how it could be offensive, but I guess that's why it's amusing to me.

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    Strippers (most) are loons.

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    I'm to old to be trying to date a stripper, so I find it best to just have a good time in the club, spend my allotted amount of money for the night on the stripper of my choice, tip her well and then just go home.
    Last edited by bigmarv; 03-08-2010 at 03:54 PM.

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    Quote Originally Posted by zeke View Post
    Strippers (most) are loons.
    Sounds like you got taken for a sucker at a strip club once or twice.

    No, you're not that cool. We really don't like you. We just like your money.
    Last edited by J.D.; 03-08-2010 at 03:52 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Tools

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    Quote Originally Posted by zeke View Post
    Strippers (most) are loons.
    Men ( most ) are pigs devoid of morality.






    Blanket statements suck, don't they?

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    Default Re: So you want to date a stripper?

    I'm still trying to decide if that was his personal experience talking or if it was a composite writing/character....I think it's a little bit funnier as a composite. Kinda sad that he held on for so long if it is his experience...

    Anyone know any Cinnamons? lol

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