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Thread: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

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    Default Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    K so I'd never heard of these two things until I googled my symptoms today and discovered I definitely suffer from this.

    I realize now I am having massive anxiety issues which is just a pain in the ass. I don't want it! grrrrr. I had mild anxiety when I was a teen, but it went away and I haven't had it in years. I have started having anxiety attacks in Sept last year again.

    Today I wake up and I feel really weird. I go have breakfast at the mall with hubby and feel weird there. Kinda like I'm there but not really. Its kinda hard to breath but not too bad, but I feel a little like I'm drunk or something. As the day goes on I feel worse and worse. When we get home I'm completely fucked. I think I'm going insane. I feel like I've totally left my body. I feel heavy and light at the same time. I tell hubby I need to lay down. I feel like Im being sucked into the bed. I look around the room and my depth perception is completely gone. Objects look like they are breathing. I am so confused because I've been really healthy the last few weeks and I'm scared I'm going nuts. I pinch myself as hard as I can and I cannot feel a thing. I end up googling "feeling out of my body" and find this....

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization

    Suddenly I realize it is all in my head. I am relieved to know its not psychosis. I have a paranoia about going nuts cause my aunt is schizophrenic. I don't know why I worry about it cause if it really happens I don't think you even know you are crazy so it doesn't bother you. I end up asking hubby to fuck my brains out so I can feel something. Have a nap and feel a little better after but it still takes me several hours to get back to 100%. I went to work and tried not to drink as not to aggravate my already fragile state. I was an angry bitch and making no money so ended up having a few drinks and felt much better.

    I'm sure my anxiety is work-related but I can't stop dancing (for financial reasons). I actually like stripping I just have some irrational fear of judgement and rejection. I never had it before but each day it gets worse and worse.

    I hope that these episodes are not going to become a regular thing. Has anyone else ever had something similar? How did you deal with it?

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    I know I'm crazy, and it bothers me.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    Wow, I can relate. My father is schizophrenic and I have a paranoid fear of ending up like him as well. I'm really sorry sweety - if you ever need to chat on AIM or text or whatever, feel free to PM me and I'll get in touch. Maybe try to go talk to a doctor to control this before it worsens.

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    I can relate to this 100% pm me if you need to talk

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by Jessie_tinydancer View Post
    Suddenly I realize it is all in my head.

    I'm sure my anxiety is work-related but I can't stop dancing (for financial reasons). I actually like stripping I just have some irrational fear of judgement and rejection. I never had it before but each day it gets worse and worse.

    How did you deal with it?
    I don't get it near as much as I used to, but now and then I'll have a bout of anxiety still. I've read a lot about managing and dealing with thoughts, and I've talked to counsellors about this.

    When it happens to me, I'll feel that rush of adrenaline and the stomach discomfort. My reaction now is to become conscious of the feeling and try to determine the thought that triggered it. I say something to myself along the lines of: "ahh, I'm fearing work this week...why is that?". Then I'll try to attack what I'm afraid of. If it's work, I'll try to work especially hard the next time I'm in the office.

    In your case, if you fear rejection and judgement, and going to work, perhaps you can resolve to attack it head on. Try to get judged and rejected as much as you can the next time you go into the club. Actively seek it out.

    But beyond this, the most effective action to beat anxiety for me has been the simple noticing of the thoughts. When I feel the pain, I actively, consciously notice the thought. This has become an automatic thing with me now. The more I do it, the less I need to do it. The connection between my thoughts, and my body's physiological reaction to my thoughts has become clear to me. I know my thoughts aren't me, they're just the product of my mind doing it's thing. The more I remember this, the more calm my mind becomes.

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    Thanks guys. That reminds me HB one of the things my psych told me about handling my depression was to ask myself for each thought. Is this rational? No? (dismiss it) Yes? Does it help me to have this thought? No (dismiss it) Yes? Then it is a reasonable thought. That did really help with my depression but at the time I knew what was bothering me exactly (because of the sessions with the psych). Now I can't say exactly what is bothering me. I have some ideas but I get too stressed when I think about them. It goes deeper than just the rejection, but that is the only one I feel comfortable bringing to conscious level. I have to see the doc this week anyway so I will bring it up with him, but I think back to the psych is the best solution.

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    I don't have anxiety, but I do have pretty significant anger management issues and episodes very similar to yours in nature.

    I used to call it Wal Mart Vision. You know how like when you go in fluorescent light, as in a Wal Mart or something of the like, and everything gets bright and sharp? Sort of over-exaggerated? And I too end up feeling sort of slightly drunkish, out of my element. It doesn't scare me, but it does happen sometimes when I go into establishments that use that sort of lighting. I think it over stimulates me.

    What are your triggers? I may look like a douchebag but I started wearing sunglasses when I go into places like this, and it seems to nip the symptoms in the bud. You might try that? Everyone has different triggers but, that's what helped me.

    I just thought of something else really quickly. I can sort of relate to anxiety, in a different way. My sister has massive amounts of severe, life threatening food allergies. I am absolutely terrified that one day this will happen to me, so when I try a new food, I get that rush of adrenaline and sit there "listening" to my body for a few minutes, and sometimes feel that impending sense of doom. This has ironically, gotten better since my own anaphylaxis three and a half weeks ago, because now I know what it feels like so I can recognise the symptoms. I am also a terrible thanatophobic- that unfortunately, has not gotten better.
    Last edited by mediocrity; 02-20-2010 at 08:04 PM.

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    I've had this but the way I solved it was to take time off. I don't know if that advice helps but cutting back for a few months while I worked it out made all the difference. It can't hurt to try some Valerian for the anxiety and some 5 htp for the fuzziness. Try to journal your thoughts so you can figure out what's causing it.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    Yes I've had it since I was a kid. Sometimes I get this sensation like there is a cloud in my head and it makes everything hazy and i have trouble concentrating (esp following conversations). When I was a kid I used to experience panic attacks in a lot stronger way and of course I had no idea what they were and had trouble articulating what was happening to me to my parents. It felt like everything got louder, things were happening faster (if I was talking it seemed faster or if I was say typing it seemed really fast and loud), there was what I described as a "strong" feeling to it, like objects felt different, the air felt denser.

    I don't experience them to such an extent now. I get more panicked now and just feel that my mind is racing. Knowing it's a panic attack helps me. Before I knew what they were it terrified me.

    I sometimes get that de-realization effect. It's like I am looking at my life from outside of it.

    You are not going crazy. It is anxiety and u just need to work out what calms you down. For me it helps if a friend or loved one is around. I tell them I am having a panic attack and they tell me it's ok and that I can breath and I am not choking. I need to be reassured of this because at the time it feels like I am not breathing and that I am choking. Luckily they don't seem to last very long.

    You can teach yourself breathing exercises to help manage anxiety.

    I do relate to your concern about mental illness. My mum has bipolar and when she has an episode she becomes psychotic. I've always worried that I would inherit that but a psychiatrist who used to treat me said mine is definately anxiety and OCD and not bipolar.

    Message me anytime hun. xoxo
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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    i have really high anxiety and when i wasn't managing it properly i had this a lot. i would be having a conversation with someone and then all of sudden it was like i couldn't hear anything and it would be very hazy. when something happens to cause my anxiety to go up, i get it more often, but i definitely feel like my meds help me but i have to be because i'm bipolar and stress can be a trigger for me to become manic...and then the mania is a whole different experience.

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    How have you been feeling so far? You can also try yoga to relax your body and mind and get your mental focus redirected. Or working out regularly can give you an energy release and euphoria.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    ^Ya I haven't had any new episodes since that one. I felt a couple times one coming on, but managed to stop it before it started. I am a very rational person so as long as I can convince myself it is just in my head I can control my thoughts.

    Exercise is awesome. I am pretty much a gym junkie so I've worked out regularly since I was 16.

    Thanks to everyone for their help and suggestions. I found out I get access to free psychologists through my university so will definitely be taking advantage of that.

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    Fantastic! I wish you the speediest recovery!
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    I am bipolar and obsessive compulsive and get anxiety attacks for no apparent reason. My doctor has me medicated, but I find that the anxiety can be managed with a long work out. I just work the anxiety out of my system. That way, it can't get to full blown anxiety attack stage. Once it gets there, only my medication seems to help.

    Are you medicated at all?

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    ^No I am not medicated. I'm really against any sort of prescription for mood. (Not for other people, just don't want it for me). I prefer the therapy route, but I am starting to have a more open mind about medication. Mainly because I am so busy and the techniques I've used in the past are too time consuming.

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    the only thing about meds is that they shouldnt act as a replacement for doing things that are healthy. for people like hazel and myself, it's crucial we take medication...but also crucial that we do things that are healthy for us, such as therapy, exercise, positive hobbies, etc. i'm not an advocate for medicating, especially if you don't feel you've needed it in the past and know coping skills to manage the anxiety. anti-anxiety meds will help temporarily but they're not meant for long term use as they are highly addicting. i'm currently taking anti-anxiety meds and my psychiatrist will have me off them once i reach therapeutic levels. however, if you're suffering from high anxiety and anti-depressant will help in addition to coping skills.

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    Oh yeah, i wasn't saying that medication should be the end all be all. Hell no! Definitely, if you NEED to do the medication route, keep up all the other positive things you're doing. I can't afford a therapist right now, but I do a lot of writing (like in a journal) and word art (where I write down anything and everything that comes to mind). It helps me, though I do miss therapy.

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    I know this thread is from months ago but I wanted to contribute to it, in case someone out there is experiencing this as well, which can be very frightening.

    I had about 3 depersonalization experiences in my life. It was around the time that I was experiencing a lot of anxiety and panic attacks.

    My first experience, hubby blew a little bit of pot smoke in my face and after I inhaled it I got really paranoid and that's when I started feeling disconnected from my body. I thought it was brecause the weed was laced with something, but realistically, that wasn't possible. Whenever I would open my mouth to say something, I felt like I was hearing somebody else's voice, not mine. I also felt like an outsider looking intomy body or feeling like I was controlling my body, but just barely, and I wasn't really in it. Scary stuff. That feeling went away the NEXT DAY. That's how I knew it wasn't a panic attack - because it lasted so long.

    It happened twice again after that, several weeks later. And there were no drugs involved. The second was triggered by me staring at myself in the mirror, and it felt like my hear skipped a beat, and then the depersonalization came on. The third time, I don't remember what was happening before it came on.

    Anyways it's all anxiety. The only thing that helped me with preventing this is getting Zoloft prescribed. I started out by only taking 50 mgs a day, and that helped tremendously, even though that's a real small dose.

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    ^ thanks for sharing your story.

    Just to update, my anxiety has been tremendously better since about march/april. I believe it correlates to when I started university again. I do occasionally get episodes of anxiety that disturb my breathing, but its usually when falling asleep and stressed. I also still get depersonalisation episodes... usually at work. I actually had one last night but I just tried to keep on going and not focus on it. I believe it to be triggered by strong base sometimes at work which is probably triggering some other memory that Im not conscious of.

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    For those writing about anxiety, feeling fuzzy, disconnected, lacking focus, depressed etc. Many times it's caused by Candida. It's pretty much an epidemic in our society with all the sugar and processed foods that most Americans consume. Most doctors still don't look for it or treat it. Here is the best site I've found on it so far. http://www.holistichelp.net/candida.html

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    Does anyone else experience shooting/throbbing pains in your left arm, hand, and wrist area when experiencing extreme anxiety? It always happens to me, and it's a very intense kind of feeling. I researched it and came across this website, apparently it's a common symptom of anxiety.

    http://www.buzzle.com/articles/left-...d-anxiety.html

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    ^I dont have shooting pairs but my whole left arm usually goes weak and numb... thats usually the first thing I notice when its starting. I actually went to the hospital one time and they confirmed it was only anxiety. Its weird because my circulation is still normal ie. heart rate and capillary refill but my whole left arm goes completely numb. Sometimes I think I could smash it with a hammer and not even feel it.

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    i've had my hands go completely numb and stiff...i could barely move my fingers while having a panic attack. that was probably the most sever panic attack i've had. luckily now my anxiety is under control and i don't take any anti anxiety meds. glad to hear you're experiencing less anxiety now as well jessie.
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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    I was just reading about this disorder a few days ago. I get this feeling sometimes, and it probably is anxiety related. but I partly blame my background in philosophy and metaphysics for making question the nature of reality and the idea of consciousness fascinates me. Any time that I have smoked weed (more than 1 hit) makes it happen way too much and I do not like the feeling at all. I read something interesting that suggested our culture/technology is increasing this because of video games, movies, etc. After watching Avatar 3d I have to agree lol

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    Default Re: Depersonalization and derealization - long sorry

    ^Interesting if I dont count it if its drug induced. It doesnt bother me at all if I know I caused it. Its when I least expect it and it just creeps up on me. Interestingly I have had two anxiety attacks in the last 4 days. So annoying! I assume its the stress of exams and lack of sleep. Only one more day left.

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