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Thread: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

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    Senior Member KatRocks's Avatar
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    Tired So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    Saturday I was working and my mother showed up during my set on stage... and sat at the tip rail.... it was embarassing and very upsetting for me. She considers me a prostitute and thinks that to work at a strip club you have to get a pimp.... and if you dont... then the pimp gangs will kill you. She also believes that everyone is sucking dick in the back for 20 bucks.

    BUT to give everyone a low down about the club and myself... I'm working at 1320.. which is in va.. its pasties and thong while on stage... no contact at all... no private rooms... its not a full bar... they bleep out songs most of the time... its really laid back... and I have a good friend who has been there for 5 years who is helping me out and watching my back... the staff are wonderful... they do random bag searches for drugs... and if they catch you soliciting or doing drugs they call the cops and fire you asap...

    I feel comfortable with what I'm doing at this job. I have my limits and I will not push them. No matter how tight money gets or how much they are offering. I'm generally a good kid. I'm doing excellent in college... I respect my mother... I dont do drugs... I don't sleep around... I take care of myself... and I try to fulfill my responsibilities to the best of my abilities.

    I currently have not been able to fulfill my finical responsibilities and therefore have started dancing. This is not a career move or a long term thing. This is me... spending 16 hours a week making 3x what i'd be making full time at a regular 8 bucks and hour job. I don't want to put/spend alot on a job when I'm in school. School is my main focus right now. And hey, I really enjoy dancing.

    I just dont really know how to handle my parents. And they dont seem to be receptive to anything I have to say.

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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    Ugh, I'm soooo sorry you had that happen. This is the exact reason why I encourage people to talk to their parents/family before doing this. No one can give you a guilt trip the way your family can!

    I'm going to assume that you don't live with your parents. If I'm wrong, do correct me as what I would suggest will be different.

    Try to talk to your mother. Ask her to just go in with you as a patron to the club you work at or another similar club, and get dances. Or ask her to send in some other people she knows who can fill her in on what is going on.

    You don't have anything to be ashamed of, but her being naive can certainly make your life miserable. If you can open her eyes to what really goes on then do it! You could also get some other dancers to sit down and talk to her or have her speak to your manager (if the manager is cool).

    If she absolutely can't handle it, see if she is willing to help you out a bit more so you don't feel like you have to dance.
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    Senior Member KatjaMolotov's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    aww damn hon, thats really not what you need to deal with starting out, and im sorry your having to deal with it. I am glad to hear that your working at such a good club. I'm sure your club does this, but at SX we have a banned list and they ask you when you start to write up who you dont want in the club (ex's, parents, brothers,etc.) no questions asked. While it might piss her off more that she can't come in to spy on you, it might help diffuse the situation a little, and help you focus on work without worrying.
    AKA: Kimber

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    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    wow im sorry. that is awful. thank god i dont have to ever deal with my parents. if they showed up at my club i would shoot myself!
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    Quote Originally Posted by KatjaMolotov View Post
    aww damn hon, thats really not what you need to deal with starting out, and im sorry your having to deal with it. I am glad to hear that your working at such a good club. I'm sure your club does this, but at SX we have a banned list and they ask you when you start to write up who you dont want in the club (ex's, parents, brothers,etc.) no questions asked. While it might piss her off more that she can't come in to spy on you, it might help diffuse the situation a little, and help you focus on work without worrying.

    Wow, that's smart! I haven't seen a club do that.
    Don't you ever sleep?
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    Moderator Miss_McKenna's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    I'm really sorry that happened to you hun! My mother and I no longer talk and she lives really far away, but if she was closer I imagine this might be something like what she would do. I think it's great that you're sticking to your goals despite her negativity. It sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders and know what you're doing, don't let her nonsense pull you down!


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    Senior Member KatRocks's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    Thank you ladies. I actually do live with her. But money is so tight that she cant afford to pay for my car or my cell phone or school needs or anything else really.
    Its just a tough thing to handle.
    I want to show her the club and have her talk to some of the girls and whatnot, but its hard to graft a new idea into a closed mind....

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    Featured Member Naida's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    I understand where you're coming from, hun. Half my family is okay with my job, while the other half are complete asses to me for it.

    The only advice I can give is to sit down with your mom and explain your situation to her honestly. Tell her that you're doing nothing wrong (because you really aren't, right?), you're making good money in a job that you like. Then tell her that you would like for her to at least TRY to be understanding, because you're an adult and will pursue a job/career/etc that you like regardless of what she says.
    Exotic dancing is like any other job.
    If you work in an office, you wear dress shoes and a suit.
    If you work in a restaraunt, you wear skid resistant shoes and a uniform.
    If you work in a strip club, you wear 7" stilettos and lycra g-strings.

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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    ^Just give her some time to think things over and let her try to adjust to the fact that you're dancing. I would think that most parents (especially mothers) would not want to see their child in that position... My Dad is protective (but VERY cool for a Dad) and he says that he does not approve or anything and it's not like he's giving his blessing- but he will always be there for me and always help me out when I need it. He's the one who is agreeing to drive me to and from the club whenever I want to work- and not tell my mom (they're separated... soon to be divorced).

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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    Kat, if she doesn't want to listen to you then maybe you should try making an agreement with her. You are living with her, so unfortunately it puts you into a situation of you really need to do things in a way where she is comfortable... even if you don't fully agree.

    The way I see it now, knowing your living situation, you have two options:

    #1 - Quit dancing and find something she is okay with

    OR

    #2 - Make an agreement with her. Ask her what she absolutely would not want you doing - i.e. letting customers touch your, you touching them etc. Tell her she can send in whomever she wants and if she finds out you are doing those things than you'll agree to quit.


    Hopefully she can be reasonable. Otherwise you might need to look at moving.
    Don't you ever sleep?
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    Veteran Member MissMynxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    I had my mom try to show up at a club I was working at. An ex of mine called her and told her I was dancing as a method of 'controlling' me. It failed miserably since I didn't live with my mom, and since I have a SHIT relationship with her. It was still SUPER stressful.

    Luckily, I'd put my parents and a couple other people on my club's "banned list", like Katja said. Try that, first off.

    Otherwise, if you enjoy dancing, there isn't much you can do besides quit. Introducing a new concept, especially one where there is so much social stigma (I'm sure in your mom's mind, it's similar to how my mom felt about it - she was partially concerned for my safety, but more concerned about how to address the, "So what is your daughter doing these days?" question. She didn't want to admit that I was a dancer.)

    See about getting yourself a weekly until you can find a cheap apartment, would be my advice. Best of luck to you honey!
    "The mood is important. You can't get a lady with force.
    ...sweet things alone are not enough. Seduce me with more fire."

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    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    oy if you live with her that is rough. Unfortunately, if you are under her roof she can tell you what to do, even if you are legally an adult. And as much as i dont listen to or whatever with my parents, if i did live with them i would respect their rules.

    That being said, i moved out at 17 and dont even live in the same region of the country at this point.

    I would try to move out... if you are dancing and she is not ok with it, then moving on your own is the best situation. maybe move a county over to somehwere with a cheaper cost of living?

    You can probably find something reasonable on craigslist. Put up a wanted ad with your ballpark price of what you can afford. Say some positive things about yourself (dont include that you are a stripper here) and you will get some replies. ive had amazing luck with finding places on craigslist.

    also i would refuse to sign a lease if i were you. until you are safely on your feet at least. other advantage to craigsist--- i never do leases. i state in my wanted ad that i would prefer to not do a lease, but i am good with rent and will pay cash up front at the beginning of the month.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    ^^^^ Do you not have any lease at all or is it month to month? What if there's something wrong with the apartment, is there anything in writing to make the owner/manager feel obligated to fix it?
    Don't you ever sleep?
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    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kylea2 View Post
    ^^^^ Do you not have any lease at all or is it month to month? What if there's something wrong with the apartment, is there anything in writing to make the owner/manager feel obligated to fix it?
    i find people looking for roommates. Its easier that way, everything is all set up for me and i just move into the room. and they usually have a lease or own the place, so if something goes wrong then there is someone to take care of it. at this point i can fit all of my stuff into my car and im getting rid of half of what i have. if it was an apartment and something was really wrong wtih it, i would just move. im all about mobility.

    but yea no lease. nothing in writing and no legal commitment. just verbal agreement.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    ^^^ Ahh, must be nice. I think I'm insanely jealous! :-)
    Don't you ever sleep?
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    Senior Member SoStellar's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    I dont see what her problem is. i used to work there at 1320. As far as clubs goes its really mediocre. And unbelievably clean as far as no extras goes. She should really have an open mind and be happy that youre doing something to bring in better income... Not being lazy and expecting just it to come out nowhere. Keep dancing

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    Veteran Member CaseyLace's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    I'm SO sorry to hear that. That is beyond frustrating. Obviously you're mature enough to be doing what you think is right. I'm sorry your mom isn't hearing you... that can really be tough. I think it would help to ask her what it is she is concerned about. Does she not trust that you wont do extras? Is she just concerned for your safety? Maybe before you try to make her hear you, ask her to pin down her SPECIFIC concerns. If she is more concerned that you will be jumped leaving the club, show her that there is a bouncer to walk you to your car at night, etc. I think even just figuring out what she is so afraid of could be good to help your case, and even just straighten things out for you. I think it's a mom thing to worry so much, that you lose sight of what the actual problem is. When it's people you care about, your mind tends to run away with you...

    That being said, I hope you can resolve this. You sound like you have the right ideas about how to handle yourself professionally. Maybe your mom will be able to see that at some point.

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    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    Quote Originally Posted by SoStellar View Post
    I dont see what her problem is. i used to work there at 1320. As far as clubs goes its really mediocre. And unbelievably clean as far as no extras goes. She should really have an open mind and be happy that youre doing something to bring in better income... Not being lazy and expecting just it to come out nowhere. Keep dancing
    You really cant see why a parent would have a problem with their daughter working in a strip club?
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Senior Member SoStellar's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    No, Athena, just THAT strip club. I honestly wouldn't even call it a strip club lol. I used to work there. Its ALOT different from anywhere else I've been. It doesn't even have a full bar, and its a pastie club. But as far as "morals" go yeah I get it but that club... Umm nope. Don't see a problem.

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    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    Quote Originally Posted by SoStellar View Post
    No, Athena, just THAT strip club. I honestly wouldn't even call it a strip club lol. I used to work there. Its ALOT different from anywhere else I've been. It doesn't even have a full bar, and its a pastie club. But as far as "morals" go yeah I get it but that club... Umm nope. Don't see a problem.
    yea but your perspective is naturally going to be different since you are in the industry. so you understand the difference between her very pg-13 club and a more R rated club. But a parent who doesnt want their baby tantalizing men for money? They wont really care. i dont think my mom would be happy with me working even in a stage bikini club....
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Senior Member SoStellar's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    I already understood her mom hating the whole stripping idea. Anyways, at least she's not panhandling....

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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    Quote Originally Posted by SoStellar View Post
    I already understood her mom hating the whole stripping idea. Anyways, at least she's not panhandling....
    rotfl
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    Quote Originally Posted by SoStellar View Post
    I already understood her mom hating the whole stripping idea. Anyways, at least she's not panhandling....

    LMAO. oh god. *sighs*

    what is it with parents showing up in strip clubs when their daughters are on stage? this is not the first time i've heard this. if it's any consolation, one day, you will look back at that experience and laugh. otherwise, you'll probably have to switch to dayshift or find some w ay that makes it easier to sneak around.

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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    I can't officially put a "thanks", but something here made me giggle.
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    Default Re: So. My mother showed up while I was at work...

    Kat, first off I want to tell you how much I respect you. It's wonderful that you're taking school and your life so seriously right now. You're working hard and doing your best– your mother should be so proud of you. Hell, I'm proud of you. I'm sorry that your mother doesn't see the situation this way. Talking to your parents calmly and rationally may help change their minds, or at least make them more comfortable with what you're doing.

    I have a couple thoughts about your predicament. First, you might try telling your mother what you said here. Explain that school is your main focus, and dancing allows you more time for it. Honestly, it surprises me how many parents don't understand that stripping allows us MORE time for school. The amount of money we make allows us to work less than our peers, which means we have more freedom and more time to study. Or when we work the same amount of hours as our peers, we're far better off financially than they are. That means we don't have to live in poverty and eat ramen every day of our lives.

    Stripping is so much more monetarily efficient than ANY other job that we, as students, could find with our current levels of education and experience. Although my parents don't know about my job, my boyfriend's father does. And trust me, he gives me shit about it regularly. He's also a businessman who's all about money, sales, closing the deal, blah blah. It strikes me as extremely myopic when he tells me I need to quit my night job and find a respectable job. Fuck that. I made $650 last night for 5 hours of work. Where else could I do this well without having sex for it?

    Second, explain to your parents that this job is allowing you to take care of your financial responsibilities like an ADULT. Explain that because you cannot rely upon them, and because a "regular" job just doesn't pay enough... stripping it is. As I mentioned, my parents don't know about my job. If they ever do learn about it and ask me to stop (which they would) I'll have this response: "Fine, I'll quite dancing for you. But only if you pay me the difference between what I earn dancing and what I'll earn at a "regular" job." My parents are well-off, but they'd fucking choke on the amount. And they would understand why I'm doing this. Stripping vs. an $8/hour part-time job? Please.

    Finally, as someone else suggested, see if the manager would speak to her. If you're a good worker and an asset to the club (which it sounds like you are), I'm sure that management would be willing to assuage her concerns by explaining the club's rules and safeguards. I've found that good managers do actually care about dancers as people. So if yours are good, I'm sure they'll help you out.

    But if your parents just aren't being reasonable, look for somewhere else to live. You CAN do this if you keep your other expenses low. Just remember that whoever controls the purse strings controls your freedom–and that should be you alone.

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