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Thread: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

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    Default how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    I understand an effective dancer will give that sense of 'maybe' to a guy during a dance or to help build that regular relationship so that he returns

    but what about the occasional 'really nice guy' who honestly thinks he has a chance in hell? I have one regular that keeps asking me out after work, I always say I have to go home and sleep. He's an excellent regular and won't get dances from any other girls, and he comes in twice a week to see me, and drops a fair load of cash.

    I suppose there's a voice in my head that tells me I should be honest and tell him we'll never meet up outside the club..even though he's a real sweetheart. I feel kinda bad for always avoiding the meet up ..what am I doing wrong?

    this only happens once in a great while..not that other guys aren't nice but usually i just hustle and that's it. This guy in particular is a sweetheart, military guy, young, very kind. I don't want to hurt his feelings.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    I guess if you really want to test how nice he is, tell him the truth and see if he ever spends money on you again.

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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    Just tell him that as much a you value his friendship you can't see him outside the club. You can even give him reasons why he wouldn't want to see you outside the club: i.e. I don't like going on "dates", I'm horrible at returning calls, I always forget things. A lot of guys love seeing the "real" side of dancers, so you'll be letting him in on all the dirt about you without seeing him out of the club and ruining the dancer-customer relationship.
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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    As nice as he seems just keep doing what you're doing. The few times I made the mistake of telling them how it was the $ dried up.

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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    the one time i had a pesky regular, i would tell him i absolutely had to stay home, i had a sick bunny who had to be medicated at certain times through the day, so i couldn't meet them for lunch, dinner, whatever. then i would get all teary and cuddle with them and be like MY POOR BUNNY RABBIT I JUST WANT HIM TO GET BETTER..... *cries*

    he ate it up. i really do have a bunny, and would occasionally show him pictures of my bun. he thought it was so cute.
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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    As nice as the guy may seem, ultimately, deep down or maybe even not so deep down, he knows that you are a stripper and that he is in a strip club. You are providing The Girlfriend Experience. Some guys come for boobies, some for asses, some for The Girlfriend Experience. There is a reason he is there spending money on you in the club and not trying to find a real girlfriend. For whatever reason, that is what he needs right now. So take the money and don't feel guilty at all. It's just another service that we provide.

    I used to feel guilty about these "nice" guys until I realized that these guys would have ended up doing the same thing with any girl in the club with a personality and/or look like mine, and quite a few of them moved on and did the same thing with other girls once our "regular relationship" expired. My guilt cost me money; don't make the same mistake!

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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    Guys can be so stupid. They know we get asked this stuff all.the.time. yet they always believe without a doubt that they're special.

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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    I just always figured they just asked cause they had to try.... I don't worry too much about declining or "leading them on". Heck most of the dancers I know are in serious relationships or married. It's not really your problem in my opinion.

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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    I used to tell them when they'd ask me out that I just adopted a big dog. I'd make up stories about this dog (I've always had dogs anyway) and tell them I had to get home or couldn't go out with them because of it. Most of the time it worked but a few guys still thought they had a chance. I think some guys hear of the rare times that a dancer dated/married a customer and thought it could happen to them. These guys were a little harder to put off. The worst was when I'd get a regular and he became obsessed with dating only me. I would just tell these guys I had to get to know them better. Leading them on? probably but these were the guys who were tipping heavily.

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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jessie_tinydancer View Post
    I just always figured they just asked cause they had to try....
    I guess so. I have told them all kinds of things to discourage them. That I have an STD, that I'm married, gay, used to be a man, that my religion would prohibit us meeting, that I think I'm too good for them, that I'm not attracted to them....none of it works. They are nuts lol!

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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    ^LOL re STD

    Thats why I like the married regulars. They tend not to ask you out as often.

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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Zinaida View Post
    I guess so. I have told them all kinds of things to discourage them. That I have an STD, that I'm married, gay, used to be a man, that my religion would prohibit us meeting, that I think I'm too good for them, that I'm not attracted to them....none of it works. They are nuts lol!
    Lol!!! I love it, I'm guilty of doing the same. When a regular gets weird and none of those lines will work, I'll start in on how I've got two kids and their dad's in jail and I'm looking for a stepfather-figure, etc.... they run for the hills!

    I kinda got rid of all my customers a while ago.. they were beginning to be more trouble than they were worth. I get really fed up with the games and then freak out and cut the cord. I'm not comfortable leading guys on anymore because I don't want to deal with them going psycho. I still make good money without em

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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    I've told two of my long term regulars that I live with my boyfriend as soon as it became relevant. This will dry up the money for some men, but I find that it works for two reasons: it provides a pretty fail-safe excuse, and it's not a direct rejection of the guy--it's just a horrible circumstance. They can have the fantasy of tragic love (sometimes they really get off on this!), a girlfriend experience, and the hope that if they put in enough time (and $$) they will eventually win you over. I also like it because you're being honest while playing them--something I much prefer to lying to guys who actually seem like they could be good people.

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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    ^^ I like this! I have a real problem with things to come up with...I used to say.."well then you cant party with me here... if we're dating they wont let you in!! (batting my eyes)..and you know I need you to come in & put a smile on my face!

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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    Quote Originally Posted by *Jade*Love View Post
    Lol!!! I love it, I'm guilty of doing the same. When a regular gets weird and none of those lines will work, I'll start in on how I've got two kids and their dad's in jail and I'm looking for a stepfather-figure, etc.... they run for the hills!
    Oh my God this is genius! I'm soooo adding this one to my arsenal heehee!

    Quote Originally Posted by *Jade*Love View Post
    I kinda got rid of all my customers a while ago.. they were beginning to be more trouble than they were worth. I get really fed up with the games and then freak out and cut the cord. I'm not comfortable leading guys on anymore because I don't want to deal with them going psycho. I still make good money without em
    I'm the same way. I can't help but to associate hardcore regulars with advantage taking jerks. For me it's always just a matter of time until they try to get deals(spend less, get more for the same amount of money) or try to get serious... That's why I love major tourist city clubs where you never see the same faces twice.

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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    i went out with a regular (met him 9 months ago when i first started dancing and he has been my faithful regular for that long) and it was the worst idea ever! i will never meet another reg OTC ever. He was acting extremely nervous in the car (at the club he is cool and maintained) and he had to drink beer (while driving) and smoke pot at the same time to ease the nerves. then when we went to the restaurant i was VERY embarrassed to be seen with him (he is older) and everyone was staring at ME. Grrr.
    Also in the middle of the car ride home he asked if i wanted to have sex (he never suggested that at the club) - and i said no. anyways he took me home and i made 600 for 3 hours but it was not worth it. very upsetting night. i also yelled at him. prob the end of our customer/dancer relationship possibly.

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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    Quote Originally Posted by femmefatale88 View Post
    i went out with a regular (met him 9 months ago when i first started dancing and he has been my faithful regular for that long) and it was the worst idea ever! i will never meet another reg OTC ever. He was acting extremely nervous in the car (at the club he is cool and maintained) and he had to drink beer (while driving) and smoke pot at the same time to ease the nerves. then when we went to the restaurant i was VERY embarrassed to be seen with him (he is older) and everyone was staring at ME. Grrr.
    Also in the middle of the car ride home he asked if i wanted to have sex (he never suggested that at the club) - and i said no. anyways he took me home and i made 600 for 3 hours but it was not worth it. very upsetting night. i also yelled at him. prob the end of our customer/dancer relationship possibly.
    That sounds like a terrible situation. This is why out of all the regulars I had, I dated one, and that was after I left the club. In fact after I left the club we connected as friends (though he wanted more at the time like a wife/girlfriend) and got together for years. We lost contact for many years, and reconnected in December. I hope it ends in marriage and children but that won't be for a few years if at all. He's different than any of the regulars I ever had before which is why he's the only one I ever went out with. We've never had sex and he's never asked. He never treated me as anything less than a lady.

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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    Sometimes I feel as though guys WANT to be lead on. Like...they know the game, but they still like the feeling that they "have a chance," even though after they leave the whole fantasy world of the club, they know damn well that they DON'T have a chance. I typically lead guys on if I feel like they know what they're getting into, but if I come across a customer that seems on the "slower" (for lack of better words) side, I don't mess around bc I get afraid that he'll try to harm me in some way when he finds out I've been lying. Paranoid? Yes, a bit.

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    Default Re: how to maintain a regular without leading them on?

    Quote Originally Posted by exotica268 View Post
    I typically lead guys on if I feel like they know what they're getting into, but if I come across a customer that seems on the "slower" (for lack of better words) side, I don't mess around bc I get afraid that he'll try to harm me in some way when he finds out I've been lying. Paranoid? Yes, a bit.
    Not paranoid at all! I think you're very smart to handle your customers in this way. I personally had that exact experience with a regular who wasn't very mentally stable and it was a total nightmare. So it's better to be safe than sorry

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