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Thread: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

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    Default 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    I have a few questions for the guys.
    1. Why do guys ask if the dancer is married or has a boyfriend?

    2. If she says yes does it make you stop spending money on her?

    I think 90% of dancers are involved with someone and about 40% have families. So I dont understand why the question is asked so much. Sometimes I say I am married and the customer stops spending money.

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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    They know that they probably don't have a chance... but curiosity killed the cat - it's like they just have to ask. You never know if even that 1% chance of hooking up with her exists if you don't ask.
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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    ^Agreed. It's like them asking you to go home with them. In their minds, it's worth a shot.

    I'm going to start telling them I'm in a polyamorous relationship and watch their reactions. Because it's kinda sorta not lying... Mono/poly but that's getting technical. And it makes me seem kinkier than I probably am. Of course around here you can't use big words like polyamorous... but I digress.

    I was just telling the pushier ones that I had a girlfriend... but they all seem to think they can bring something to the table a woman can't. 'C'mon baby mine's better'. And it just turns frustrating really quick.

    The best customers don't even ask, because it's rude and they're only doing it to try to pick you up or solicit you. Blatantly. It's not like they're just making conversation.
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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    I don't ask. Never have. Conversely, I've had many dancers sit and start babbling about BF's, husbands, or kids as an apparent conversation starter but it really doesn't work for me. I tend to be attracted to the ladies who, at least in the beginning, keep their personal life personal.
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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    ^THIS. I hate this. When I first started dancing there was a girl who had a conversation next to me that went like this:

    Guy: So, what do you look for in a guy?
    Her: You know, a non-hittin guy.

    Like wtf? I don't know whether that's just sad or what. And there are dancers that carry around pics of their youngins. Ever seen that Family Guy where the guy shoves pictures of his kids in the other guy's face? Yeah. I kinda think children/ home life should not be of topic in an adult business... but that's just me.
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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    Omg I hate this. Mind your own business fellas. I was camming the other day and some dude kept asking me a zillion times if I had a bf and about my bf so I asked: 'Are you gay?" and of course he was like, no, why? And I was like: 'Well, you're obviously obsessed with men.' I mean, they're talking to a chick yet all these guys do is spend the time asking about our significant others/men. Gay? heehee

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    I think its just filler conversation to avoid awkward silences, like "How long have you been a dancer?", "Do you like working in this club?", etc. (except in Zinaida's case where the guy was determined to get an answer - probably because he wanted to ask her out).

    You don't have to answer, just ignore the question, and take control of the conversation with your questions to him ("Why do you ask?" or "Do YOU have GF or wife?"), your stories, etc.

    If he is determined to get an answer, say you have a lesbian GF -- ALWAYS a turn-on.

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    Quote Originally Posted by flamerose View Post
    I have a few questions for the guys.
    1. Why do guys ask if the dancer is married or has a boyfriend?
    It's part of what I call 'date the dancer' syndrome.

    Seeing a dancer OTC is a bit of a male fantasy - in part because a large percentage of guys who go to SC's assume that a dancer's behavior outside of a strip club is the same as when she's working - they assume she'll give them lap dances and more just as she does when working.

    So asking if you're married or have a bf is step one in finding out if you're potentially available to see them outside of work.

    Quote Originally Posted by flamerose View Post
    2. If she says yes does it make you stop spending money on her?
    Seen this happen on many occasions. If a guy has ambitions/fantasies about seeing a dancer outside of work, then this immediately kills the fantasy. I'm not saying it's a deal-killer for all guys, but it is for a significant minority.

    "I'm between relationships and want a little time to get over my last one" always seems a nice neutral reply. Says you're available but (due to emotional hurt from your last relationship) not yet.

    Quote Originally Posted by flamerose View Post
    I think 90% of dancers are involved with someone and about 40% have families. So I dont understand why the question is asked so much. Sometimes I say I am married and the customer stops spending money.
    I'd pretty much agree with your percentages (although I'd go for 80% and 30%). But many guy's who go to SC's don't know that - because a lot of dancers who are in relationships outside of work don't tell customers that.

    "I'm - giggle, giggle - not seeing anyone at present. Have another dance while we talk about it".

    Look at things from a guy POV: some guys are realistic enough to know that they're spending money on entertainment and the chance to see women naked on demand is enough for them.

    Other men justify their spending by harboring ambitions to 'date a dancer' - they rationalize their spending to themselves by saying "I'm spending money on dances because eventually I'll get a dancer to meet me for drinks/meal/sex outside of work". For that sort of customer, as soon as you tell them you're married, you've killed that particular fantasy and they're off to find another dancer who might (just might) be available for some form of OTC relationship.

    Phil.
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    I've totally stared at guys' wallets with lust in my heart
    J.D. explaining how she reacts to guys staring at her body with lust in their hearts....

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    Thanks for answers. It is so frustrating that it always gets asked. Then followed by I bet you get asked out everynight. I bet you meet alot of creeps in here. (Im thinking to myself I bet you are one of those creeps that is going to aske me out.) Then he asks what time I get off cuz he would love to take me to breakfast or dinner one night. (Im thinking the last thing I want to do is entertain you after an 8 hour shift.

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    ^^^

    Lemme see....

    The six questions most frequently asked of dancers.

    1. Do you have a husband/bf?
    2. What time do you finish work?
    3. Can I have your phone number?

    And when the custie realises he's not going to meet you OTC....

    4. Do you get turned on by stripping?
    5. What was it like the first time you stripped?
    6. You're too pretty/intelligent to dance. Why can't you get a better job?

    Phil.
    Quote Originally Posted by J.D. View Post
    I've totally stared at guys' wallets with lust in my heart
    J.D. explaining how she reacts to guys staring at her body with lust in their hearts....

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    I don't ask.

    If she becomes a fave she will normally mention her status at some point.

    I prefer the fantasy that she may be a free agent.

    If it turns out she's married or involved I haven't noticed me shying away.

    One of my faves eventually revealed to me she's a lesbian. I've seen her in action too. We compare notes on girls in the club.

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    this is a BUSINESS first and foremost, I always use the same story... single and looking for the right guy still. This keeps the money coming in much more than "happy and married" Guys are such retarded morons that they think spending $1000+ on me will somehow make me fall for them... So, change your status to single and looking, and enjoy the income.

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    What Yoda said.

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    ATF was single then eventually got married according to her "another custy of her's."

    But it didn't bother me because I would always tell her well "it's hot/turn-on to have a married woman sitting half naked in my lap, giving me a dance."

    "I'm going to call your hubby and tell him hey dude, your wife is half-naked in my lap right now."

    But to answer the question, no I don't straight out and ask if the dancer is single or married.

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    Maybe I'm too much of a newbie, but I just tell the truth and say I'm single. I don't believe in saying no when a guy asks me out so I've gone out with a few customers. They've been pretty nice for the most part, generally nicer than guys I meet in bars. The only time it got weird was when I found out that three of them were roommates and go to the same school I go to.

    It's kind of a weird morning when you go to the bathroom and run into a guy you dated two nights ago and a guy you dated last weekend.

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    I think its just filler conversation to avoid awkward silences, like "How long have you been a dancer?", "Do you like working in this club?", etc. (except in Zinaida's case where the guy was determined to get an answer - probably because he wanted to ask her out).
    Which is 99% of the time.

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    I never ask and when a dancer asks me if I'm married (after seeing the wedding ring on my finger) I will respond, but never ask her the same question in return. It's none of my business and I really don't wanna know.

    But if they do insist on telling me their domestic situation, telling me that they are gay will do nothing more than ensure that I buy ALOT more dances from them

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    I wear a wedding ring. My best customer has never brought up the fact that I'm married / it hasn't hindered the number of dances he's gotten. The fact that I'm married is well known and I tell it to every guy that asked. It hasn't scared the best ones away.

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    95% or more of my co-workers/friends are in what I call "Permanent state of ignorant bliss." Basically they are blind to peoples emotions, body language and energy. They believe everything they hear. I've talked about strip clubs before with these people and they firmly believe that with enough money/drugs any stripper can be bought. These are also the guys who make up 95% of your strip joint attendees/regulars. I don't really have an explanation as to why they think the way they do. It isn't only pertaining to strippers, it is alot of shit in general. I just think the world is full of morons. Deal with it and get your money. They will never stop or go away. Be grateful when you get that non-regular, who makes up the minority, that can come in and maybe brighten your hope for humanity. You guys have a tough job but you made the choice on your own!

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    Quote Originally Posted by lyanna View Post
    Maybe I'm too much of a newbie, but I just tell the truth and say I'm single. I don't believe in saying no when a guy asks me out so I've gone out with a few customers. They've been pretty nice for the most part, generally nicer than guys I meet in bars. The only time it got weird was when I found out that three of them were roommates and go to the same school I go to.

    It's kind of a weird morning when you go to the bathroom and run into a guy you dated two nights ago and a guy you dated last weekend.




    Oh. I wonder why so many customers ask if we have boyfriends or ask us to go out with them?

    I wish someone could give me a clue.'

    *edit*

    oh I just read her other posts.

    *rolls eyes*

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    Never never ask, its rude and its their personal business.

    However the reverse can sometimes be true, when you get repeated dances from a girl, and (maybe not quite a regular, because I go to a dozen of so clubs, so its not a weekly thing) and you act like you don't give a flying f about their personal life, well they can actually get pissed that you that you don't want or don't sesem to care to know a damn thing.

    So sometimes it them blabbing out their personal status.

    Actually if they are very very hot, i sometmes want to know (cause while I' m not looking to date them or screw them OTC) because often times kissing is an issue I might think about, so its relevant in that regard. Last thing I need is a dancer's BF walking into a club while i'm makiing out with the girl he is in love with. I even had a dancer (who i knew for several yrs and had kissed dozens of times) who recently got married, who insisted that itc kissing was still ok ( because her obviously madly in love husband would never find out), I did it twice and felt like crap, and told her to forget it, its just violates basic guy code or the some kind of unwritten law. I don't need a guilt trip, as all kind of dancer love to kiss or will just do it w/o making a big deal of it.

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    Quote Originally Posted by WestCoast101 View Post
    Never never ask, its rude and its their personal business.


    Actually if they are very very hot, i sometmes want to know (cause while I' m not looking to date them or screw them OTC) because often times kissing is an issue I might think about, so its relevant in that regard. Last thing I need is a dancer's BF walking into a club while i'm makiing out with the girl he is in love with.

    That is just wrong. Makingout with customers. No offense to you WestCoast, but G-R-O-S-S!!!

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    Last thing a dancer needs is her boyfriend to walk in on a PL eating her face, either.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    Quote Originally Posted by flamerose View Post
    That is just wrong. Makingout with customers. No offense to you WestCoast, but G-R-O-S-S!!!
    Well, i guess some might consider it gross, as i do mean real makeout style kissing, although i don't push french kissing per se, unless the dancer initiates it, as it has such an overt sexual connotation. I tend to be appreciative of beautiful dancers, and some sense that, so its doesn't take much hinting sometimes when it does occur.

    Some dancers get into it for all kinds of reasons, often times (I believe) as a sort of equalizer to compete against (often far less attractive) extras type dancers. Many of these dancers are actually very hot, and i dont mean subjectively.

    Some probably offer it to nearly everyone, and some are a bit more selective.

    Its definitely not that uncommon, I've long put the (educated guess) estimate at approx 10% overall for 1st time VIP or buy alot of dances first time (when there is also some element ofprivacy) situations with dancers, and far higher, at least 30 to 50% if you're a regular or something close. To explain my guesstimates, I do avoid low contact or air dance clubs, and foreign girls have a higher percentage, but my numbers are probably reasonable, and "Goldenrule" (before he quit posting at least) supported the contention that this was not a rare event. So its part of the business to some degree.

    There are even a few dancers in here that offer it to various customers at certain times, and this site is very conservative on such issues.

    I've usually have at least one new one each month on average, two in recent weeks., and once it occurs, it (nearly) always occurs on any subsequent dances.

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    Default Re: 9 out 10 guys ask this question.

    I never asked....
    a) dont care.
    b) she would lie anyway.

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