Oh man, girl, I would feel exactly the same. I'm sorry he did this. : [
Oh man, girl, I would feel exactly the same. I'm sorry he did this. : [
I don't know. We have NEVER had a fight before, and I have never been this angry at him. I have never felt disgust and shame for him ever. He is very apologetic and seems sorry. I can't even look at him or let him touch me, so no he's not getting any attention from me. When he told me he got "The dirtiest DANCE of his life," I just assumed he got 1 or maybe even 2 dances. The next day when I found out he had got 5 dances ($100 plus whatever he tipped) was what set me the fuck off. He knows how I feel about extras. The fact that he continued to get dances from a whore who let a guy touch her vag disgusts me. He has admitted that he definetely could have done "whatever he wanted" and he doesn't think she would have cared. She told him she wanted him to finger fuck her but he did not. How many customers do you think will refuse this request?? I don't want our money going to support whores like this. If he had gotten a dance or two, and left, I wouldn't be so angry. He spent more money on the whore than the clean dancer who he also enjoyed dancing with. He's just a typical SC customer, and I don't know why I ever thought he was "better" than every other guy that comes in. I'm not just pissed because he enjoyed it or didn't end the dance. He continued to give her money and would've gone back for more. He wasn't "disappointed" that the clean girl he liked never came back over. This is a sad realization for me.
I am in so much shock right now. I can totally empathize with what you're going through, my blood is boiling right now!! When I read the OP these were the exact points I felt (that I bolded). UNBELIEVABLE!! From someone you're married to?! When I see customers do that at work I just fucking laugh in their face. I'm thinking "oh wow, did you enjoy yourself big boy? you think you're pretty special huh? wow she really likes you and thinks you have a huge dick that she just can't resist right? and she's so hot too, lmao!"
So that you're married to this guy and this is coming out of nowhere, I can't imagine. I would be completely shocked and utterly devastated to find this out about someone I was dating, let alone married to. ESP if money is an issue!!
Do you have any idea what you're going to do now? Does he understand why you're so hurt and angry? Maybe if you wrote him a letter very similar to this last post? Sometimes men just start thinking we're bitching about something we're not, like you're just being a jealous woman when you're not at all and its such a bigger deal than that. You are completely justified in your feelings and really don't pay attention to anyone saying you're over-reacting.



I guess 'men will be men' is wrong. How 'bout 'immature boys who don't know how to control their baser urges will be immature boys who don't know how to control their baser urges'. lol
I didn't mean it how it came across. MEN will control themselves and walk away. Boys who don't know how to handle their hormones can, and will, be really fucking stupid.
...I'm almost failing to understand why you posted such a long explanation of your feelings, when all you really did was reiterate my point. From what I'm seeing - what you're angry about is not so much that the extras HAPPENED, it's that he's taken a stance against it especially when it comes to you, and then accepted it when it's presented to him. It's the hypocrisy of it all.
And as someone who's experimented and put into practice a poly relationship, the idea that you don't want him to fuck other women because of the lack of respect for your feelings is COMPLETELY understandable.
The fact that - as I understand it - he thinks she did it because he's "OMG HAWTTTT!!!" is just pathetic. He needs a wakeup call. When a dancer goes that far with a customer (as is the norm in my club - I do not participate in this little tidbit. You can touch me anyplace except where my G covers me.) it's not because she loves the way you touch her or because you're fucking amazing. She does it because that's the kind of dance she's accustomed to. If he knew your feelings on it and has set rules regarding YOUR conduct at YOUR job - boy needs a little more than a swift kick to the balls. Ass-kissing would not fix that for me.
"The mood is important. You can't get a lady with force.
...sweet things alone are not enough. Seduce me with more fire."




now worth it, I'm just "ridiculous"

You're delusional. You work in a SC, he goes to a SC, and you're mad because of the # of dances he gets? Or that it's a "dirty dance"? (Even though it appears to have been a garden-variety lapdance) Try explaining this situation to anyone except a stripper or a customer, that is, 99.99% of the population, and they will tell you that you are delusional, and insane.
This is one customer's opinion.




+100. Its bad enough that he blew money he didn't have, it WORSE he supported the 'extras girl'..i'm with you- much rather him support the clean dancer any day. And touching her vjayjay?! Jesus- I wouldnt be able to look at him either. I agree with the fact that it is sad that all men are serious pigs. I'm so sorry he did that to you![]()



Of course at this point this is just a bashing session, first the husband, now all guys however since it was posted in CC I can comment.
1. The OP said that her husband didn't even want to go in the first place, because of the financial issues, yet she no doubt gave him a tacit go ahead of some type..
2. also the dancer kept her thong on the entire time, when for example she placed his hand down in that area. What's the big deal with that?
3. the guy is even being bashed about what he was supposedly thinking about doing, No guy could ever stay married under that standard.
This is now Mt Everest and it should be a mole hill.




1. I didnt know guys could see this, and well, someone had to tell yaAnd OP said she had problem w him spending that much at ALL but if he HAD to , to rather support the CLEAN DANCER
2. the problem is that she makes dancers like us- clean ones- deal with shit like this
and 3. its not what he THOUGHT about doing- its what he DID- spent money on a dirty dancer. end of story. period.
/rant


I think its just his messed up way of asking you for a lap dance
course I am probably wrong
even if I am right its not the best way to go about it
the guy could have kept his mouth shut about it but he didnt for some reason, I think he just wanted to provoke a reaction.



the lesson is: always keep your mouth shut
1. The choice was his and his alone to go out. Yes, the amount he spent on the girl was irratating, but that is hardly the issue. Overspending at a SC is not going to seriously fuck us and leave us starving, its just annoying. The fact that we could have used that money for something else, is not the worst thing in the world. He's been out of the house 2 times in the last 18 months. If all he did was spend a bit money, I wouldn't have posted the thread. Hell, if had spent $100 on the 'clean' dancer as well, I probably wouldn't have posted the thread.
2. He wouldn't want me to let customers touch my undie pants covered vagina. He wouldn't say "Way to go honey!" if I told him I let a guy fondle my undie pants covered vagina for a $100. He would be livid. It wouldn't be "no big deal." Not only did he not stop it, he showed his overwhelming support of it by continuing to spend money on this person. That makes him not only a hypocrite, but like 90% of all the guys I see in LD room. This is my husband. This is the same man who held me on nights when I would come home practically crying because of all the shit I've seen going on in the LD room. He KNOWS how I feel about extras and what it is doing to stripping as a whole. I don't do things to support girls that do extras. If a guy wants a reccomendation for a dance, or requests another girl, I would never ever choose a girl who I know provides extras. I would never trash talk them to customers, but I will never support them. The fact that he supported the extras girl when he knows how much that bothers me, is what bothers me. He may have still spent $100 because the girl spoke to him really dirty during the dance and was a heavy grinder. I don't give a fuck that the dance was super "dirty," I care about the extras. He has had plenty fo dances like this before. I have WATCHED him get a dance where the girl grinded him to oblivion, while he grabbed tits, while she told him lots of dirty things. Tit grabbing was well within club norm/rules and she put his hands there. No problem. When a dancer once suggested that we could "Give her pussy a little lick," we stopped spending on her. He CLEARLY KNOWS HOW I FEEL ABOUT EXTRAS AND HOW I DON'T SUPPORT THEM. There has only been one occasion where he spent $100 or more on one girl. He ONLY liked this girl because of her extras and the idea that he could do 'whatever he wanted.' Even if we had an open marriage as I desired, I would still be livid if he spent money on a stripper who insisted upon extras. Its not the "extra" per say, that is so unforgivable. I expect him to not participate in extras, and I expect him to stop spending if a girl is insistent on them. I also don't want him doing anything gross, like making out with a stripper he just met, boob sucking, or any sort of body fluid exchange. That is disgusting to do with someone you just met who did that with every guy she danced for before. The fact is I was always so comfortable with him going to SC's and even getting "dirty" dances, is because I could always trust that he would not participate in extras and do whats right. I can no longer do that.
3. Perhaps I am being a bit unfair by bashing him for what he 'might' have done. Its just scary that he not only did it, but he deluded himself into thinking that "she liked him, so it wasn't really an extra." I mean if he allowed himself to become that fucking stupid then I can't help but wonder when he would have drawn the line.



Its a matter of definition, because to me if a dancer basically doesn't doesn't fuck you, blow you, or give you a hand job, she's likely could be described as a "clean dancer."
In fact I'm completely happy with the higher class girls that don't offer any of those things.
You are both and idiot, and an asshole. Being a stripper does not mean that anything goes. I don't know where you live, but in most places, kissing and crotch grabbing are NOT part of a garden variety dance. At my club, those things will get you fired.
As far as the rest of the population goes, I'm pretty sure that most women, stripper or not, would consider this cheating. I doubt many guys would be happy about their wives rubbing on male stripper dicks either.
OP, I have no problems with my man getting lapdances, but I would skin his ass if I found out that he let another woman put her mouth on him or that he touched another womans pussy. That said, he did tell you about it, which is more than I can say for most men. You married him, so I'm guessing you think that he's generally a good man. If he expresses remorse, and promises not to do anything like this again, I would try to forgive him. People do really really stupid things sometimes.
- SW members get 10% off with code SWEB





Hmmm a tough one.
Firstly I am not surprised. I consider my husband to be a lovely man and a gentleman as well, but I know full well what happens when sex is dangled in front of his nose. I imagine excitement similar to when a customer spends $1K+ on us. He's thinking "too easy".
Yes we all know that strippers put on a huge act and he was not "special", but we should know some of us are very good at making people believe otherwise. A good example is I took one of my female friends to a SC. She was convinced that the stripper wanted her despite the fact that she handed the stripper $100 just on a stage tip... even after I explained the stripper is straight, married and not really interested, she still didn't believe me. Actions speak louder than words. A chick grinding your crotch and telling you how amazing you are would be hard to ignore even if you've heard all the stories 1000x.
Spending the money that you don't have. Yes is frustrating, but have you never ever splurged on something your husband didn't understand? $100 may feel like a punch in the gut when money is tight, but it is really only money. Now if he started a SC addiction where he was spending that money constantly then yes, be angry. A one off though? Almost every time I go out to a bar I always spend more than budgeted. That's what happens when you are drunk and having fun. If he rarely goes out, I would forget about the money. Pick your battles.
The one part where he angers me though is that he thought it was OK to do those things. He didn't think that they might upset you since he told you openly. If he knew you, he would know that you would be upset and either not tell you, or not do it. Obviously the second option is preferred, but he did do it.
I think our husbands/bfs sometimes don't get that we don't get the same enjoyment from a LD as the customer does. I know my husband gets it because he's seen the tears and I pretty much tell him everything about work. But my BF's husband seriously thinks we just have the best job and her and I get turned on and love the guys and it's really not fair that my husband and him are stuck at home while we are off having all this "fun" LOL. He probably just thought...well this is what you do for work; therefore he is entitled to participate. The fact he choose a dirty dancer is just being normal I believe. When I go to a SC I certainly do not choose the hottest dancer or the most boring dancer. I choose who I think will give the best show. Unfortunately that dirty girl gave the best show.![]()
You are entitled to your feelings and to let him know what they are, but honestly since it is a one-off and you never fight, I wouldn't dwell on it too long. Sometimes you just have to let things go. How important is this one night really in the grand scheme of your entire life? Is some skanky stripper really worth so much drama?



The question was asked in customer conversation point blank "am I delusional"? and you've provided an honest answer.
Note the OP even calls the dancer a "dirty extras bitch" and a '"whore" simply for one momentary kiss , dirty talk, and some breast and some contact on her lap, and she wasn't even totally nude. In high contact clubs, that actually is garden variety. Many girls talk all sorts of crazy things in lap dances, it doesn't always mean the want you to do them.
More absurd is the OP herself admitting she has long been requesting her husband accept an opern marriage so he can "fuck" other women and she can do what she wants, but he doesn't want that, and the reason why is the same reason he told her exactly what happened, because its a good marriage he doesn't want to screw up. I don't get the big complaint here.




"Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

I knew that was coming. I used the word "insane" kind of lightly, and really meant no offense. In no way did I say that being a stripper means anything goes.
I live in MIA and everything described in that post happens in virtually every lapdance that I've received in the past few years, except the hickey, which is a little over-the-top, I admit. A while back a girl told me I couldn't touch her breasts during the LP, and I was amazed. Respectful, and really amazed. Another time a girl took off her thong and tried to grind her bare junk into my face, and this was a girl I never saw before, and was about ten seconds into the LP. Point being, it's kind of crazy in these clubs, and each girl has her own rules, her own personal boundaries.
It's the same for the customer. For most people, that boundary is the front door. I could well imagine telling someone at work that yeah I go to a SC, yeah I get a LP, but I NEVER let a girl rub her bare junk in my face. In a thong, on my crotch, OK. I don't think their impression would be that different.





Not anymore than women are.
For the most part folks are folks are folks.
The worst of us have some good. The best of us some bad. The vast majority fall someplace in between.
No one you care about is NEVER going to disappoint you. YOU will have occasion where you disappoint someone who cares about you.
It is simply the nature of the animal called human. If you want to be a happy person you have to come to gripes with that reality and adjust your expectations accordingly.
[BTW, that doesn't mean we should strive for or desire better. It does mean that unrealistic expectations are always going to lead to disappointment.]
Fiat justitia, pereat mundus.
BTW, while we are on the subject, is it needed to point out the obvious: That it is just possible that if you are willing to judge the worth of someone simply by what you read on a website about them it might say a whole hell of a lot more about you than it says about the person you are judging?




There's a big difference between accepting people and being respected and wanting a good and happy life for yourself. I don't know the full relationship with the OP but from what she said, he doesn't respect her, and that's the reason she can do better for herself- everyone deserves to be respected and not controlled by anyone else.





You aren't going to be involved in many long term relationships [at least honest ones] that way.
People are as people are and its the rare exception who isn't. Tempt someone often enough with one of the really big two [sex and/or money] and most will slip, at least a little - at least once. You can count the percentage of those who don't on the fingers of both hands and have fingers left over.
Maybe its bad. It is what it is though and the above just means you are no different than the vast majority. The only problem is if you don't realize that and/or you expect others to be super-human to meet your expectations of them....admittedly when i went to a SC drunk as a customer last time, i found some cute little brunette who kept moving my hands to her tits and i admittedly enjoyed it, but its bad. and they are very persistant.
On the right night, with the right circumstances, in the right frame of mind... no you wouldn't. Neither would most other people.if she moved my hands down below i would have walked out during the dance. and i would expect any dude i was dating to do the same.
Its all a matter of vectors meeting in time/space. Get the right ones meeting at the right [or wrong depending on POV] place and time and most folks are capable of just about anything.
That isn't an excuse for bad behavior. It is how human nature works though.
[BTW, the trick to avoidance is not riding out some perfect storm of colliding vectors, but to be able to see them coming to a meeting point in time to remove your vector from the resulting equation. ]
Ummm... NO.
All people are capable of being jerks.
[even BLT's who say what they think others want to hear in an attempt to curry favor]
Last edited by Golden_Rule; 04-12-2010 at 02:16 PM.
Fiat justitia, pereat mundus.
BTW, while we are on the subject, is it needed to point out the obvious: That it is just possible that if you are willing to judge the worth of someone simply by what you read on a website about them it might say a whole hell of a lot more about you than it says about the person you are judging?





My opinion is that is approaching life from the wrong end.
Its more like if you want a good and happy life you adjust your expectations to what is more normal than not.
In the situation described you have two people who have placed themselves in extraordinary circumstances. A stripper and a custie living together. If you expect ordinary responses in extraordinary circumstances your expectations are probably too high and you're setting yourself up for failure.
Fiat justitia, pereat mundus.
BTW, while we are on the subject, is it needed to point out the obvious: That it is just possible that if you are willing to judge the worth of someone simply by what you read on a website about them it might say a whole hell of a lot more about you than it says about the person you are judging?




So you're telling her to lower her standards or she'll never have a good relationship? That's freggin bullshit. He's not a custie he's her HUSBAND for gods sakes. Which means he's supposed to support and respect her no matter what- good guys RESIST TEMPTATION (not saying hes not a good guy..and yes people make mistakes) but there are true MEN that don't do that to women. If you think otherwise, society has brainwashed you too.





your are right, im not. i dont do long term relationships unless i really like and trust the person, which is rare. Im not looking for "many long term relationships". that is silliness and often a sign of codependency.
yea i felt up the dancer who moved my hands there, but titties and vajayjay groping are two totally seperate ball parks. vajayjay groping is an extra everywerhe in the industry, tittie groping is more lenient.Maybe its bad. It is what it is though and the above just means you are no different than the vast majority. The only problem is if you don't realize that and/or you expect others to be super-human to meet your expectations of them.
On the right night, with the right circumstances, in the right frame of mind... no you wouldn't. Neither would most other people.
and if i was dating a girl who was very against extras, i would respect that. at this point i know where my weaknesses are and the good and bad i am capable of doing. ive done a lot of bad, but i also can be surprisingly loyal. the night of the tittie groping i had no commitment to anyone except myself.
agreed. if i was in a commited relationship where that wouldnt have been acceptable i would have avoided going to the titty bar when hammered and horny.
[BTW, the trick to avoidance is not riding out some perfect storm of colliding vectors, but to be able to see them coming to a meeting point in time to remove your vector from the resulting equation. ]
not that im saying people in commited relationships should avoid hte titty bars. please, by all means, come out. Your disaster marriages paid for my college tuition, and i expect it to pay for lots of good things in the future.
And my post wasnt an all men are jerks post. I like men, most of my friends are men. But for me the thing that would really bother me is the thing that really bothered the OP. if i date someone, they know that extras in the industry are one of the things that i am most strongly against period. My current SO knows that extras sscare the fuck out of me because i feel like an industry which i love is not going to survive another decade. and if the SO went to a club and got extras, then i would be devastated.
those of us in monogomous relationships expect our SOs to not cheat. do you think this is an unreasonable expectation? I dont . I have enough faith in people to assume they can keep their dick in their pants. Rubbing another girls pussy while financially supporting business practices that damage my industry is a similar betrayal to cheating IMO. Maybe its not the traditional cheating, where he is in bed with another women... but then again, im a stripper. im not in a traditional situation. A betrayal of my industry as well as the betrayal of having rubbing another girls pussy is doubly bad in my book.
The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.




And my post wasnt an all men are jerks post. I like men, most of my friends are men. But for me the thing that would really bother me is the thing that really bothered the OP. if i date someone, they know that extras in the industry are one of the things that i am most strongly against period. My current SO knows that extras sscare the fuck out of me because i feel like an industry which i love is not going to survive another decade. and if the SO went to a club and got extras, then i would be devastated.
those of us in monogomous relationships expect our SOs to not cheat. do you think this is an unreasonable expectation? I dont . I have enough faith in people to assume they can keep their dick in their pants. Rubbing another girls pussy while financially supporting business practices that damage my industry is a similar betrayal to cheating IMO. Maybe its not the traditional cheating, where he is in bed with another women... but then again, im a stripper. im not in a traditional situation.
PERFECTLY SAID. It IS cheating- in stripper world, and in real life-especially since he knew how much it hurt her. OP, I hope you do what's best for you- we all have our own opinions but you have to do what's in your heart, I hope everything works out for you![]()
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