Well finally after 5 years of dancing I quit. I'd had enough a long time ago, I'd lost my confidence, hating talking to guys and was drinking heavily or taking drugs to make work bearable. The dancing itself I loved but the chatting to guys and selling it I hated. It makes me sad because when I started I loved it, I'd count down the hours until work every night. But somewhere along the way I lost it and have been very unhappy for a while. I've gone from being super slim to being one of the biggest girls at my club and although I know the customers still thought I was hot, I felt too self conscious.
Now I've just started waitressing at the same club, it seems to suit me much better. I feel a lot less pressure now I don't have to close sales and talk to guys who clearly have no interest in me. I'm making better tips, more than some of the dancers and certainly more than I would have been making if I was still dancing. Plus the hourly wage will be a nice bonus when I look at my bank statement cos it still feels like I'm just working for tips. I'm surprised, I don't miss the dancing even when I see the other girls on stage, instead I think it's better left to the girls with awesome bodies. Even though I was often told I was really hot on stage I didn't feel it and I prefer being damn near invisible to the customers!! Sure I still have to deal with douchebags but their rudeness is much easier to brush off and feels much less personal. Overall I'm finding it far more physically demanding than dancing, i'm aching all over but it's better for my mind.
I still wish I had what it takes to be a stripper but the sad truth is I don't. Im too shy, sensitive, self conscious and not nearly ruthless enough. The only problem is I now feel a lack of identity, I've been jenna the stripper for so long and it feels weird just being jenna the waitress. I was always proud to say I was a dancer even if secretly I hated it. Never say never of course, maybe one day il get back my smoking body and a whole load of confidence, but for now I feel a lot more comfortable just waitressing in the club.



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