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Thread: I have no friends

  1. #1
    Senior Member PRETTYdangerous's Avatar
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    Sad I have no friends

    I wanted to write a little about the situation I'm in.
    I have been dancing since the age of 18 (I'm almost 22). I never really had many
    close friends becuase I left high school at the age of 16.

    I worked at a nude club for three years with girls mostly in my age rage (18-20). I was always social and friendly with the staff, waitresses and doormen but I never really made friends with many of them as I kept things at work strictly business. After almost 3 years I left this club after an incident with another girl in the dressing room. I basically bounced around from club to club so the oppertunity for making steady female friends was very small.

    I quit dancing about 6 months ago due to extreme and intense panic attacks. I had a few people in my phone book who would text and ask me to hang out and whatnot. But sooner than later I became known as a flake. I would think of any excuse to not leave my house because I had a huge fear of leaving the safety of my home.

    Eventually my friend count became zero and I had no one. I couldn't tell the people who wanted to hang out with me that my flakiness was due to anxiety. How do you really explain to someone that you can't go out because you're scared you'll die before you even make it to your destination. (Anxiety while driving has been huge for me.)

    I'm just curious how you lovely women go about meeting and making friends with new people?

    I've been told to go to bars or clubs or to take a class in something that interests me. This has kinda been a problem because going to a bar/club would mean showing up alone and either not drinking because I have to drive, or leaving the bar/club alone in a taxi. I think that would be terribly embarassing. The taking a class thing isn't really possible for me at the moment simply due to money issues from not dancing.

    Anyone have any advice?
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    Moderator Jessie_tinydancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have no friends



    Oh dear This is not a nice situation. Do you have any family members who are close to your age who you could go out with? What about any old friends that you could try to re-connect with? I moved countries at 23 and I would still feel alright ringing up a few people from HS for a coffee even though I haven't seen some of them in 10 years.

    What about volunteering somewhere? Do you like animals? Maybe a shelter. The animals will make you happy and you can at least start to ease back into socialization with staff.

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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have no friends

    What about joining a book club? They tend to be nice calm environments.

    As for your previous friends, calling up and apologizing and saying you have anxiety is exactly what you should do. However, I'd suggest talking to a doctor first to get on meds to relieve your anxiety... otherwise if you continue to stand your friends up they may not be too happy.

    You could also try doing a girls night get together at your place.

    Oh, and Craigslist has a platonic section to find friends... you might want to look on there as well.
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    Default Re: I have no friends

    i have so been debating about posting a thread like this for a couple of weeks. i go to school but i'm pretty shy when it comes to making friends, which is ironic because i'm fairly outgoing once i'm in a social setting. it's just getting myself to a social setting seems to be my problem. it's hard because i have friends but they've all moved to different parts of the country and have very active social lives of their own. i wish i had advice for you but i'm in the same boat. i also get easily irritated with a lot of people, which i know i should learn to be more patient but that seems to only add to my obstacles. also, i don't drink and have to maintain sobriety due to the medication i'm on but i can't stand being around people drinking.

    i'm going to keep tabs on this thread for suggestions as to what to do to make friends, i just have to get myself out there and put forth the effort. i can't expect that people will just come to me and be like 'hey! lets be friends'
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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have no friends

    Ugh, I'm in the same boat.

    I moved to a new town for my job, and outside my boyfriend, I have no friends here. My boyfriend's great, but I think it's pretty sad (and not healthy) that my social life revolves around him.

    I'm going to suck it up and post on Craigslist. I'll report back here!

  6. #6
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    Default Re: I have no friends

    are you doing anything to treat your anxiety?

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    Senior Member PRETTYdangerous's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have no friends

    thank you all for the great advice I'm currently taking paxil for my anxiety and it's helping me thus far. Feeling less anxious brought on my desire for a social life because now I feel like I can handle going out without an irrational fear that something bad is going to happen. It's good to know I'm not the only one going through this type of situation.

    I'm looking into taking some in-store classes at Michael's (some of them are free! yay!) and my mom was telling me about a community center that just opened up a few miles down the road. They have an indoor swimming pool, gym and tons of classes that are really cheap.

    I guess I just have to put myself out there and try new things no matter how awkward I might feel doing them alone.
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination
    Living there, you'll be free
    If you truly wish to be
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Default Re: I have no friends

    I have the same issue, it used to be mainly because of anxiety back in highschool/first two years of college, but since I've gotten into yoga and started using herbal anxiety remedies, the anxiety is completely gone.

    Now it's more a matter of not feeling like i've met my tribe, and just being really picky with who i open up to because I really don't feel like a lot of people get me, and I've had issues in the past with being friends with girls from work who I thought were trustworthy.

    It doesn't bother my to not have friends THAT much, but I am signing up for classes and going back to school with the thought in the back of my mind that it might be a good place to meet people, especially in the classes that I'm mostly interested in.

    I hope you meet people! good luck

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    Default Re: I have no friends

    The key is to look confident when you're doing things alone. I mean, think about it: how do you view people when you're looking at someone who is alone? If the person looks confident and happy, then you don't think twice about it. If they look awkward and unhappy, then you might have negative thoughts about them.

    So if you go into these places with confidence ("Fuck it. I'm doin' it, I'm havin' fun, and I'd love to meet some cool people") then no mature person will judge you. Project positive energy--it'll draw some great people to you!

    Also, you might want to just start putting yourself out there in small ways. I do this all of the time. When you're at a grocery store, make a funny/positive comment about what someone is buying. Smile at strangers. Etc. These small social interactions will add up and will help you build confidence about how you come across to people when you're alone.

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    Senior Member cocoabuttasaki's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have no friends

    Maybe swimming will help, I love swimming bymyself its like floating in a space of nothingness, ahh, Also maybe try taking some of those dance classes at the community center, strike up a conversation and make friends!

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    Default Re: I have no friends

    I have the same problems. Also, it seems socialising to most people our age = getting drunk a lot of the time, and I'm just not into that. i don't smoke, drink or do drugs any more after eleven years of partying very hard.. so now I'm into quieter things.

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    God/dess DesuvsDeath's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have no friends

    Ugh. I have the exact same problem.
    Ever since I moved to California it seems like I can't find anyone who doesn't either do drugs or drink excessively EVERY time they go out. Makes it next to IMPOSSIBLE to make friends.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
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    Moderator Jessie_tinydancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have no friends

    I just had a thought while trying to figure out how I broke into my social circles here.... I initiated a lot of them. So when you do join a group or team or something you be the one to say "hey why don't we all go out for dinner friday?" or invite people over for a bbq. I realized a lot of the time I organize things. If I waited for people to always invite me along or plan something then I would be alone too. I'm also not afraid to ask to be invited places LOL. Whats the worst that could happen? They say no or laugh at me. Hasn't happened yet. ie. when I hear someone openly talking about something they are doing (if its someone I would normally get along with) I am like "oh oh can I come?" haha

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    Default Re: I have no friends

    *sigh* If only we all lived closer to each other!

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    Default Re: I have no friends

    Quote Originally Posted by Victoria669Jones View Post
    I have the same problems. Also, it seems socialising to most people our age = getting drunk a lot of the time, and I'm just not into that. i don't smoke, drink or do drugs any more after eleven years of partying very hard.. so now I'm into quieter things.

    Quote Originally Posted by DesuvsDeath View Post
    Ugh. I have the exact same problem.
    Ever since I moved to California it seems like I can't find anyone who doesn't either do drugs or drink excessively EVERY time they go out. Makes it next to IMPOSSIBLE to make friends.
    SERIOUSLY!! it seems like most of my friends who rarely drank in high school have progressively started drinking more and more into excess and i become their babysitter. i can't handle that shit.

    i'm glad i'm not the only one who experiences. and true victoria, it would be nice if we all lived closer together.

    but this thread has given me ideas...like i used to run a lot, maybe i can find a running group or something.
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    Default Re: I have no friends

    Quote Originally Posted by DesuvsDeath View Post
    Ugh. I have the exact same problem.
    Ever since I moved to California it seems like I can't find anyone who doesn't either do drugs or drink excessively EVERY time they go out. Makes it next to IMPOSSIBLE to make friends.
    exactly. I just moved to cali too and have the same issue. I dont smoke or drink or do drugs, nor do i want to go hang out at loud crowded bars/clubs when im not at work. I really dont think there are that many people ages 18-35 who do anything but that where i live. Back home my friends were mostly over 35....but its hard to meet people that are older and will take you seriously when youre 22.

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    Veteran Member Lola_sinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have no friends

    I also really hate how everyone just seems to want to get drunk as a form of socialization. I really want to meet some people who are into things like hiking or snowboarding...but no such luck yet.

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    Default Re: I have no friends

    Lola I like hiking too. I also love being in nature and visiting ancient places. So hard to find friends into that kind of stuff!

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    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have no friends

    Try meetup.com? Some of those groups sound pretty damn cool.

    Or start your own group!!!

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    Default Re: I have no friends

    Quote Originally Posted by Victoria669Jones View Post
    I have the same problems. Also, it seems socialising to most people our age = getting drunk a lot of the time, and I'm just not into that. i don't smoke, drink or do drugs any more after eleven years of partying very hard.. so now I'm into quieter things.
    In the Same. Freggin. Boat. I just turned 22, and have 1 good friend that I hang out with regularly- sad right? I hated high school, so lost touch after graduation. Went to college in PA, so no one lives around by me. I'm not into partying or the club scene (never was) and everyone my age is, or seems that way anyhow. I'm done with school so no classes to take..and no boyfriend/SO so no one to hang out from them either.

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    Featured Member K Sweet's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have no friends

    Damn I feel like we almost have enough people HERE to start our own group!

    I'm gonna add to it being yet another sex worker, who doesn't drink or do drugs or hang out in bars, and can be a bit socially awkward.

    I have tried to hang out with people at parties and make friends there and it just feels like those connections are very fake, probably because they're inebriated.

    PRETTYdangerous and everyone else, it sucks where we are but its kinda nice knowing that all of us aren't alone.

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    Default Re: I have no friends

    i knooow...too bad we don't have teletransporters so we could all hang out. i actually joined an old friends knitting group, she's an old friend that i haven't hung out with in awhile and i always feel a little out of place cause she's a recovering alcoholic and drug addict so most of her friends are too and they seem to always talk about aa or na. but i'm gonna go so i can actually do something social. i doubt i'll actually like knitting but i'm going for the social aspect. it's just the last time i hung out with her and her friends i felt out of place cause like i said they talk a lot about aa and na.
    Quote Originally Posted by sxcbbw View Post
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    Default Re: I have no friends

    Well, it's awesome to know we're not alone Too bad not closer to each other..but, better than being totally alone? We could always make groups of each of our 'regions' and at least feel somewhat more connected ? Eh, just an idea.

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    Featured Member K Sweet's Avatar
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    Default Re: I have no friends

    I'm down! Sounds fun.

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    Default Re: I have no friends

    i wonder if there's a way to multi-skype and hang out together virtually. ok that sounds totally dorky but if we had like meet-ups to shoot the shit maybe we'd feel more connected.
    Quote Originally Posted by sxcbbw View Post
    If some baristas started giving blowjobs along with their lattes, those not willing to do that would have a hard time getting custom. Same. Deal.

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