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Thread: RE: Ciriticisms of others

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    Default RE: Ciriticisms of others

    why is it that it is ok for people on a forum to tell others to get an abortion, or even suggest that some1 isnt ready for a baby and should "wait a long while" before "thinking about 'kids'", but when someone turns around and finally dishes it out in terms of a brash, unfavorable opinion on something else, like an on-the-whim marriage, people get mad about it? and yes from what i read in the archives some girls on this board even coerced a girl into gettin an abortion when she was opposed to the idea of it, even using lame little fairy tales like "spirit babies" to dumb it down to her and make the idea of abortion seem not so bad. (this is goin back in the archives a few yrs, so perhaps not all of the people on here would recall those threads but some might) i realise that perhaps the people that told that one hippy girl to get the abortion are not necesarilly the same people who didnt like the unfavorable opinions about someone's wedding though.

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    Default Re: Ciriticisms of others

    Two consenting adults can marry whoever they please without ruining someone else's life; it's no one's place to compare the results of an ill-advised pregnancy (potentially, a lifetime of suffering for more than one person) to a wedding that can be undone instantly.

    Are people honestly not over that thread yet?
    Last edited by sxcbbw; 05-03-2010 at 08:20 PM.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Default Re: Ciriticisms of others

    "wedding undone instantly"

    uh not unless there are prenups involved.

    "ill-advised pregnancy (potentially, a lifetime of suffering for more than one person"

    that might be YOUR opinion but that doesnt mean your opinion is RIGHT.

    and, if two people marry then odds are more likely that theyre engaging in unprotected sex that can LEAD to a pregnancy...thus making it even more of a farce to say that the wedding can be "undone instantly".

    this isnt about the wedding thread...its more about the double standard that its not ok to criticise one's wedding but it was ok to be criticised for ttc (trying to conceive), or for another girl (whos apparintly not on this board anymore) whose pregnancy WAS unplanned but wanted to avoid abortion and take responsibility.

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    Default Re: Ciriticisms of others

    There is a huge difference between shitting on someones marriage announcement and being blunt to someone who ASKS for advice. I didn't see anybody asking for opinions or advice on mediocritys thread, just two people announcing something that happened.

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    Default Re: Ciriticisms of others

    no, a few yrs ago someone wrote about their friend (who used to post on this board), saying that she was happy in life, had been dating a very good guy since leaving the board, and that they were looking to ttc (try to conceive) within the next yr or so. it was written "announcement" style just like athena's thread was about the wedding. yet some people (including some who left this board in late 2008 ) said "she's not ready for kids". by the way, the girl in question who "wasnt ready" for kids was 26 at the time, had finished her bachelors degree several yrs ago, and had a decent paying 'real' job (i.e., not stripping or something where the pay is based on the mercy of tips, which can vary day to day esp in the recesion)...it wasnt like she was a 18 high school girl known to party or somethin.

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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ciriticisms of others

    Quote Originally Posted by kthnx View Post
    "wedding undone instantly"

    uh not unless there are prenups involved.

    "ill-advised pregnancy (potentially, a lifetime of suffering for more than one person"

    that might be YOUR opinion but that doesnt mean your opinion is RIGHT.

    and, if two people marry then odds are more likely that theyre engaging in unprotected sex that can LEAD to a pregnancy...thus making it even more of a farce to say that the wedding can be "undone instantly".

    this isnt about the wedding thread...its more about the double standard that its not ok to criticise one's wedding but it was ok to be criticised for ttc (trying to conceive), or for another girl (whos apparintly not on this board anymore) whose pregnancy WAS unplanned but wanted to avoid abortion and take responsibility.
    Okay, the prerequisite couple of days for an annulment to go through isn't instant. It's pretty quick and painless though. I'm pretty sure Mediocrity isn't trying for a baby, but I'll let her state her stance on crotch-goblins. I find it inane to assume marriage = babies, and that if one can criticise babies, one can criticise a wedding. Utterly inane.

    How many marriages have you seen dissolve because it was the wrong choice?
    Now, how many children have you seen pull that one off?

    You can't change your mind about a child. You can't decide, afterwards, that this is the wrong time in your life, and put it back up there for a few years. If a wedding's a bad idea - so be it, hell slap it into those two people for making a mistake. If being pregnant's a bad idea, a whole host of people that have had no choice in the matter can be hurt.

    Having a baby and getting married are not the same thing. Announcing a happy event and asking for advice are not the same thing. Having a baby and taking responsibility are not the same thing. One would assume this is why they aren't treated the same.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Default Re: Ciriticisms of others

    this is not a pro-children arena, for a number of reasons. certainly, having children is tolerated, but nobody is happy to hear that someone has six kids on this forum (except me! i love kids!) that is different than dating and marriage views, which are more wide-ranging.

    so the comparison isn't quite as sound as one might feel.

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    Default Re: Ciriticisms of others

    Quote Originally Posted by miabella View Post
    this is not a pro-children arena, for a number of reasons. certainly, having children is tolerated, but nobody is happy to hear that someone has six kids on this forum (except me! i love kids!) that is different than dating and marriage views, which are more wide-ranging.

    so the comparison isn't quite as sound as one might feel.
    I've noticed that and to be honest it disturbs me. I realize kids aren't for everyone but some people just seem in general to hate kids, which bother me. I happen to love kids, and my reasons for not wanting them in the past had nothing to do with dislike.

    Regarding the other issues, I didn't see the abortion thread, but would never tell anyone to have an abortion or not. I am pro choice and would suggest it if someone truly couldn't handle having a child, but I am against using it for birth control. I wouldn't belittle someone who has problems against it (full disclosure, I would only have one in cases of rape, my health, and disability). As for the marriage thread, I don't care if/when people get married (or if they do) but in general (this doesn't pertain to that thread) I am bothered when people make a mockery of marriage. I've known people in real life that have gotten married several times and think of marriage as dating. Call me old fashioned, but I want to marry once (which is why I date never married men). Then again there are many things that have always set me apart from many in the adult industry. I am a monogamous person who could never share my husband. I am somewhat religious and as I get older these views get more conservative.

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    Default Re: Ciriticisms of others

    Quote Originally Posted by miabella View Post
    this is not a pro-children arena, for a number of reasons. certainly, having children is tolerated, but nobody is happy to hear that someone has six kids on this forum (except me! i love kids!) that is different than dating and marriage views, which are more wide-ranging.

    so the comparison isn't quite as sound as one might feel.
    im glad u love kids too

    however, the people i was referring to werent having their SIXTH kid, but their first. the one person wasnt even pregnant yet at the time...was still in the PLANNING process of ttc (trying to conceive)...and it was to be her 1st kid with a guy who was middle aged, well established, and also didnt have any prior kids. jus to clarify.



    Quote Originally Posted by sxcbbw View Post
    Okay, the prerequisite couple of days for an annulment to go through isn't instant. It's pretty quick and painless though. I'm pretty sure Mediocrity isn't trying for a baby, but I'll let her state her stance on crotch-goblins. I find it inane to assume marriage = babies, and that if one can criticise babies, one can criticise a wedding. Utterly inane.

    How many marriages have you seen dissolve because it was the wrong choice?
    Now, how many children have you seen pull that one off?

    You can't change your mind about a child. You can't decide, afterwards, that this is the wrong time in your life, and put it back up there for a few years. If a wedding's a bad idea - so be it, hell slap it into those two people for making a mistake. If being pregnant's a bad idea, a whole host of people that have had no choice in the matter can be hurt.

    Having a baby and getting married are not the same thing. Announcing a happy event and asking for advice are not the same thing. Having a baby and taking responsibility are not the same thing. One would assume this is why they aren't treated the same.
    you are right, just becuz someone gets married doesnt mean theyre going to try for kids right away. i was just mentioning that a lotta married couples tend to be more lax with protection after theyre married...since its more acceptable to fall pregnant within a marriage, since marriage generally = monogamous, etc...which can increase the odds that the 'ol baby carriage will be the next thing occuring in their lives.

    in the case of ONE of the two people i was referencing about the pregnancy thing, yes ONE of the two people WAS coming to the forum asking for advice about an UNPLANNED pregnancy that occurred at a time a lil earlier than ideal. however, im more strongly referencing the OTHER person, who DID feel ready (and at the right age, place in life, etc) to have a kid, who did NOT come to the board to ask advice about it at all, but instead had a mutual friend announce how happy her life was of late and that she was so happy in her relationship that she and her partner were planning to ttc in the next 1yr. the responses that thread got included one person saying "wow shes dated a guy for a whole half a year and is thinking about kids in the future? um, 'awesome'!" very sarcatically. followed by someone else saying she isnt ready for kids. bad.

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    Default Re: Ciriticisms of others

    Quote Originally Posted by kthnx View Post
    im glad u love kids too

    however, the people i was referring to werent having their SIXTH kid, but their first. the one person wasnt even pregnant yet at the time...was still in the PLANNING process of ttc (trying to conceive)...and it was to be her 1st kid with a guy who was middle aged, well established, and also didnt have any prior kids. jus to clarify.





    you are right, just becuz someone gets married doesnt mean theyre going to try for kids right away. i was just mentioning that a lotta married couples tend to be more lax with protection after theyre married...since its more acceptable to fall pregnant within a marriage, since marriage generally = monogamous, etc...which can increase the odds that the 'ol baby carriage will be the next thing occuring in their lives.

    in the case of ONE of the two people i was referencing about the pregnancy thing, yes ONE of the two people WAS coming to the forum asking for advice about an UNPLANNED pregnancy that occurred at a time a lil earlier than ideal. however, im more strongly referencing the OTHER person, who DID feel ready (and at the right age, place in life, etc) to have a kid, who did NOT come to the board to ask advice about it at all, but instead had a mutual friend announce how happy her life was of late and that she was so happy in her relationship that she and her partner were planning to ttc in the next 1yr. the responses that thread got included one person saying "wow shes dated a guy for a whole half a year and is thinking about kids in the future? um, 'awesome'!" very sarcatically. followed by someone else saying she isnt ready for kids. bad.
    Ok, that's pretty cruel that someone was trying to have their first baby with someone having their first baby and people were nasty. I missed that thread but if it was me, I'd be hurt. I am hoping to be in a situation within two years where I am going to have a baby and am married. I want that very much now and only have a few years to have that dream. Maybe that's her case too. This is why I am actively looking for that situation now for 2 years in the future.

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    Default Re: Ciriticisms of others

    Quote Originally Posted by kthnx View Post
    im glad u love kids too

    however, the people i was referring to werent having their SIXTH kid, but their first. the one person wasnt even pregnant yet at the time...was still in the PLANNING process of ttc (trying to conceive)...and it was to be her 1st kid with a guy who was middle aged, well established, and also didnt have any prior kids. jus to clarify.





    you are right, just becuz someone gets married doesnt mean theyre going to try for kids right away. i was just mentioning that a lotta married couples tend to be more lax with protection after theyre married...since its more acceptable to fall pregnant within a marriage, since marriage generally = monogamous, etc...which can increase the odds that the 'ol baby carriage will be the next thing occuring in their lives.

    in the case of ONE of the two people i was referencing about the pregnancy thing, yes ONE of the two people WAS coming to the forum asking for advice about an UNPLANNED pregnancy that occurred at a time a lil earlier than ideal. however, im more strongly referencing the OTHER person, who DID feel ready (and at the right age, place in life, etc) to have a kid, who did NOT come to the board to ask advice about it at all, but instead had a mutual friend announce how happy her life was of late and that she was so happy in her relationship that she and her partner were planning to ttc in the next 1yr. the responses that thread got included one person saying "wow shes dated a guy for a whole half a year and is thinking about kids in the future? um, 'awesome'!" very sarcatically. followed by someone else saying she isnt ready for kids. bad.
    the six kids was an example. in general there just isn't a lot of support on these boards for having *any* kids, whether it's one or three or sixteen.

    as for that other thread, its point was for friends and well-wishers to post 'omg yay' stuff. if it had been titled 'got married after knowing guy three days-- what do you think?', then throwing in critiques would have made a little more sense. but that also said, i think the forum lets you make private threads or groups(?) that only people you like can post to, and maybe that's where the whole shebang should have gone.

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    Default Re: Ciriticisms of others

    Quote Originally Posted by kthnx View Post
    yeah thats the situation she was in too, she only had a few yrs left. granted she was in her mid 20s but she did have fertility probs and early menipause ran in her family.
    It makes sense she wants kids now (or rather when she posted the thread). In my case late menopause is common in my family and no fertility problems but I am 39 and my time is running out. I don't want to regret having kids. I think many of those who are staunchly anti children won't be once they get older.

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    Default Re: Ciriticisms of others

    ^ yes and im sure that for the girl who wanted to ttc, she didnt want to regret NOT having kids!

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    Default Re: Ciriticisms of others

    Quote Originally Posted by kthnx View Post
    ) i realise that perhaps the people that told that one hippy girl to get the abortion are not necesarilly the same people who didnt like the unfavorable opinions about someone's wedding though.
    Then why are you comparing the two as if there's hypocrisy afoot?

    Different people are allowed to have different opinions on different situations. And yes, having a child is a life altering experience for two people, maybe more, not to mention that a child's life is now thrown into the mix.

    Two consenting adults doing something that might get themselves hurt is very different from bringing a child into the scenario and possibly hurting them by not being able to properly care for them financially, mentally, physically. Children are a huge, life changing decision. There's a big difference between the two things you're' comparing.

    Not to mention, you're comparing two different groups of posters who posted in two different years, about two very different topics.

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    Default Re: Ciriticisms of others

    I'm getting awful sick of hearing about this.

    Mediocrity got married. To a guy she hasn't known for very long at all. BIG. FUCKING. DEAL. She wasn't looking for advice when she announced it. Even if she was, I would have said to go with her gut, and if she really wanted to do it, to go the fuck ahead. You only live once. I hope they'll be very very happy together, and I wish them all the best, and if they get divorced or annulled or whatever, I will still wish them all the best.

    I don't know what the hell this abortion thread has to do with anything, since it evidently doesn't involve any of the same people and is years old. Never saw it, never read it, really have no interest to. The fact is, it's done. They're married. And even if it lasts for fucking three hours, I don't care. I still wish them all the best. I'm sorry some people are so miserable and negative that all they can do is discourage and rain on their parade. This forum is about supporting each other.

    But regardless what anyone's opinion is, that thread was fucking CLOSED DOWN. For a REASON. Cause everyone is getting sick of having this topic rehashed constantly in thread after thread. LEAVE IT ALONE. Jeebus.

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    Default Re: Ciriticisms of others

    Ok sorry I am closing the thread, but leaving it up (along with the ones saying fuck off, etc. lol).

    I think we have heard enough about that other thread and that problem. It's better to leave it rest.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
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