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Thread: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

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    Default After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    I think I am now bicurious, even though I have a loving boyfriend. Has anyone ever had this happen to them, becoming turned off by guys after geting burnt out from work? I can't un-convince myself that my boyfriend will ever see me as more than a pretty face and a vagina, and that he would drop me as soon as a prettier, sexier, more seductive girl expresses interest in him (like at the club). What is going on??!

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    Veteran Member pipermonroe's Avatar
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    Default Re: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    Men have certain proclivities that apply to many but it is important to remember that there is "men" and there is a man, as in an individual person. It is not fair to make blanket statements about men, generalizations, just as it is not fair when people do the same to dancers. Are some men piggish and rude? Certainly. Are some strippers drugged out? Sure. But there are many people in both categories that neither of those statements apply to.

    Also, considering who you are sizing up. Is it all men in general or just strip club patrons? They are not all the same just as not all strippers are the same. Sometimes it's tempting to make blanket statements about whole groups of people, but you are better than that. Your money will remain much higher if you see customers as individuals and not just "some guy" to get money from, I guarantee it.

    Just so I don't sound totally preachy, I used to think all truck drivers were just dirty, well, truckers. Then my Dad drove a truck for a year while he was laid off from the oil rigs and all of a sudden I realized truckers are people too. So are strippers, and so are customers. Everyone deserves a fair chance.

    ::steps down from soap box::


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    Default Re: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    i mean, *deep sigh*, this "bicurious" thing....you're around naked ladies and not-so-great guys. you're probably just bored. this does not make you a glbtqi person. it just means you are another lady who has been exposed to lots of pornographic images of ladies.

    but feel free to march in pride in june anyway.

    oh, and you are probably seeing a side of men that you ad tried not to see for a long time, and going through a bit of omg-these-dudes-like-women-but-they-do-not-treat-ladies-very-well etc shock. i would be more weirded out if you were not experiencing some "some men really suck" thoughts.

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    Default Re: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    Great posts, Piper and Camille.

    Some nights I look out at these guys and they seem like a different species of animal, I swear. Especially nights when the guys are being rude, grabby, not tipping, etc. I see that shit. I also see the effect the really rude guys can have sometimes on the more sensitive dancers, and I fucking hate that.

    I think it is a totally 'normal' reaction, if anything in the stripping business can be described as normal, lol!

    It seems like the mental atmosphere is automatically lowered to that of junior high, the minute a lot of these guys walk in the door. Only there are no teachers or principals to keep the little brats in line, and also they are all getting drunk and doing drugs. It makes for a nasty environment sometimes, and one in which men do not always look so good.

    This hit me even more when I started having to watch the CR cameras so I know when to skip them if they are up there (since they never tell me lol). It looks just like junior high dry humping sessions, with the girls constantly keeping the guys hands away from the kitty, stopping the guys from trying to kiss them, etc.. It looks like really hard work up there, just dealing with the fucking guys.

    I don't really mean to customer bash, I know a lot of you out there are cool. But a lot of these guys are pricks, and they really make it hard on the women.

    Quote Originally Posted by serenityx View Post
    I can't un-convince myself that my boyfriend will ever see me as more than a pretty face and a vagina, and that he would drop me as soon as a prettier, sexier, more seductive girl expresses interest in him (like at the club). What is going on??!
    This is another effect of working in the clubs. I think a lot of dancers start thinking of themselves in more superficial terms. Like what's really important about a woman, what makes her really attractive, is what's inside, the inner beauty. You get a woman who is good-looking outside and has that too, you have a winner. But the stripping business de-emphasizes that, and focuses all attention on the superficial.

    I have seen a few really beautiful women who were very sensitive to this phenomenon, actually become a lot less secure because they were dancing. They will look radiant up there, but the guys aren't tipping or are being rude, etc., and they come offstage feeling bad about themselves. I fucking hate that...
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    After years of working at a dry cleaners i began to hate old people because they stank and sometimes brought in shit stained clothes. A friend of mine told me "i wasn't a racist before i started waiting tables, now i hate black people". It happens, when you have to deal with people you start disliking them because most people suck.

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    Featured Member lopaw's Avatar
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    Default Re: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    Quote Originally Posted by serenityx View Post
    I think I am now bicurious, even though I have a loving boyfriend. Has anyone ever had this happen to them, becoming turned off by guys after geting burnt out from work? I can't un-convince myself that my boyfriend will ever see me as more than a pretty face and a vagina, and that he would drop me as soon as a prettier, sexier, more seductive girl expresses interest in him (like at the club). What is going on??!

    In the slightly altered words of that famous humanitarian Andrew Dice Clay:

    "Either you eat pussy or you DO NOT eat pussy."

    Simply put - you do not turn gay or bi because you're tired/bored/upset by the opposite sex. What you're experiencing sounds like a textbook knee-jerk response from a straight woman pissed off at pathetic SC customers.

    It will pass.

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    Default Re: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    Some great posts here. It's all a fantasy. It is not reality. Guys fall into fantasy over women more readily than women fall into such fantasy with men. (And that's a good thing.) That is a big difference, and many men in strip clubs are just NOT mature enough to show others respect anyway. (Not that all women are more mature, as we all know.)

    Besides there are many guys who would not go to a strip club. Those guys cannot be lumped in with the (widely varied) class that are your customers. You may eventually meet a few who you could actually like as friends.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Default Re: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    first. I agree with djoser, for every 1 respectful customer there are probably around 30 disrespectful customers that try to break the rules or just think the rules do not apply to them because they dropped five hundred bucks

    of course I am probably guilty of acting like a douche when I am not working hell I think everyone is, its all a matter of perspective I guess

    OT does your club offer 2 girl shows? if you think your bi you can always try it and see how it feels, worse things that can happen is it leaves a bad taste in your mouth (pun somewhat intended) although you should make sure your BF would be ok with it

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    Default Re: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    I really wonder what the ratio is. If it were literally 30 to 1 assholes to cool guys I think it would be worse than it already is.

    But yeah, some nights it sees to be that bad--especially when the guys aren't tipping. Even when I try sending a girl with a dollar and making a big fuss over them and say 'don't be shy', etc., or go do it myself if there isn't one handy. Nope, they sit there twiddling their thumbs, waiting for something to happen, NOT fucking TIPPING.

    But not tipping is just one small way of showing disrespect, a lot more passive than saying nasty shit or trying to cop a free feel, etc. All the various shit the rude (as opposed to the cool customers) guys will pull.

    In Key West, of course, there is probably a lot more really drunk customers which makes the jerks a lot worse.

    I do know that it only takes one or two assholes/bitches out of 30 people, in any high stress environment, to ruin your night--or at least put a severe cramp on it.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

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    Default Re: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    yea , the industry can make you view people, specifically men, differently. maybe you want to switch to a lighter contact club if possible... i really hated men when i worked in Pbgh, (not normal for me) but when i moved out and worked at lower mileage clubs i calmed down.

    as far as the bicurious thing is-- it sounds like just a fantasy. you dont develope attractions for the same sex because you hate hte opposite sex, at least not real attractions. being around beautiful women may have opened you up to the possibility though.

    and also, if you think men are difficult to date, try dating women! they are a piece of work!
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Default Re: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    Quote Originally Posted by Athenathefabulous View Post

    and also, if you think men are difficult to date, try dating women! they are a piece of work!

    True dat!!

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    Default Re: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    Quote Originally Posted by teleron View Post
    first. I agree with djoser, for every 1 respectful customer there are probably around 30 disrespectful customers that try to break the rules or just think the rules do not apply to them because they dropped five hundred bucks
    Five hundred bucks. No wonder. If you weren't in a club, a half a grand would get you something a lot more interesting than a lap dance. Uhh, like a decent lap-top.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Default Re: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser View Post
    I really wonder what the ratio is. If it were literally 30 to 1 assholes to cool guys I think it would be worse than it already is.

    But yeah, some nights it sees to be that bad--especially when the guys aren't tipping. Even when I try sending a girl with a dollar and making a big fuss over them and say 'don't be shy', etc., or go do it myself if there isn't one handy. Nope, they sit there twiddling their thumbs, waiting for something to happen, NOT fucking TIPPING.

    But not tipping is just one small way of showing disrespect, a lot more passive than saying nasty shit or trying to cop a free feel, etc. All the various shit the rude (as opposed to the cool customers) guys will pull.

    In Key West, of course, there is probably a lot more really drunk customers which makes the jerks a lot worse.

    I do know that it only takes one or two assholes/bitches out of 30 people, in any high stress environment, to ruin your night--or at least put a severe cramp on it.
    What you women don't realise is most men just go to a strip club to have some drinks and look at naked girls dancing. Alot of times when I've gone into clubs I just want to sit there and drink. I have to fight off hoards of strippers trying to clean out my wallet the whole time.

    I know you do it for a living, but I also know that the fake interest you show in me to take my money basically degrades me in your eyes. Most strippers hate men. You have no problem taking our money though. Giving my money to a woman who hates me is pretty lame right? Especially if I know it ahead of time. I still like to see naked girls though and drinking is fun

    Over the years I've spent a bit of money in clubs. I like a lapdance as much as the next guy, but lately I just see no point in it anymore. Wow I got a hard on now and blue balls. Thats fun...

    I guess its all part of the game.

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    Default Re: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    I'm not a woman, I'm a DJ in a stripclub. But having been a customer years ago, I understand both points of view.

    Trust me, I know all about manipulative dancers. Not just because I was a customer many years ago (though I was never a big fan of lapdances, they always seemed fake to me). But there are always a certain number of dancers you have to watch out for as a DJ. If you let them get away with it, they'll have you breaking the rules for them, they'll weasel out of tipping you using any number of excuses, etc. There are all kinds of tricks some of them will pull lol.

    For the most part, though, being a guy working the clubs, you tend to sympathize more with the dancers, when you see the shit they have to put up with from the rude element. Not the guys who just want a few drinks and to watch the show, but the guys who want to insult the women, just because they think they can, or worse yet, sexually assault them for 20$. An incredible number of guys think this is perfectly respectable behavior.

    They are like a different species of animal. They may have brains and higher levels of mental activity, but they are not what I would call a Man.

    I get very protective of the women I work with, when I see assholes disrespecting them. You probably would, too.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

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    Default Re: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    Very good thread...clearly there are assumptions from men about stripperd and vice versa. Us girls want as many greenbacks as we can get while not wanting a snail trail or free cops...and men want a little extra for the regular price lol. Everyone can pretty much agree that every situation should be treated differently, but it gets harder to do that when u are at da club...more insight to come.
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    Default Re: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    One thing I noticed while dancing is I became much clearer on the type of guy I didn't want to date. These guys were the majority in the clubs. By these types I am talking about the super macho, who tend to be chauvinist. Many of these guys had wives at home but thought if they spent money they would get hot women. They often thought dancers were sluts. Many of the male customers think of women as playthings and not human. This is not to say all customers were like this, but I would say a good percentage. There was also the other type, guys who really couldn't get a hot dancer. Most of these guys were the guys who I enjoyed because they really knew the game. The guy I currently like is one of them. He didn't come to the club to date a hot dancer, he mostly came because he was a realist and knew he wasn't likely to date a hot girl, plus also to indulge in his fantasy, foot fetish. In a strange irony he fell for me and I fell for him, but that proves the point that if a guy is nice, sometimes girls will fall.

    However, I would say that many of the girls I danced with did develop bi/lesbian lifestyles, but I seriously doubt it was strictly because of dancing. I'm pretty sure it was something buried in their mind, but were afraid to act it out. With dancing they were free to do it. I remember one dancer was married to an abusive man. She started dating one of the cops who came in (I'm sure he was paid off by the owner) along with one of the dancers. However, most of the dancers I knew who were lesbian/bi were that way before dancing. It didn't turn me into a lesbian at all. It didn't turn me into a man hater, though there are still types I hate for dating.

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    Default Re: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    I think I understand how you feel. I'm a lesbian but I never thought that men were a bunch of dirty pigs. I've recently started dancing and it's definitely reassured me that Im gay! I don't even like looking/talking to men outside of the club anymore, I feel like I should be getting paid to do that lol. But my club is a ghetto dive with really cheap guys coming in looking for sex..

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    Default Re: After 7 months of dancing for the first time, I'm beginning to hate men

    Oh girl. I see your point on so many levels. It's been 8 1/2 years for me.

    It's become really complicated for me. I don't like girls but I feel like even if I did I am so burned out on tits and bajingo that I could just puke. I really could care less if I ever saw another naked woman again.

    With the guys, it's filled me with such a burning, seething hatred. Not for men in GENERAL, but for the SC customers. I see them as pigs and potential abusers, guys who just want to come in a treat women like holes to be bought and sold. I hate them because I feel like they don't see me as a person, and this has caused me to be the biggest bitch ever to them. If they're nice to me, they'll have a great experience, but the second they do anything that is not ok to my personal boundaries, I literally come unglued and flip my shit. I don't even know where it comes from; when guys try to lick me I instinctively grab them by the face and squish their cheeks. It's unreal.

    HOWEVER- (..this is why I say it's so complicated)
    It has made me appreciate good guys so much MORE. I LOVE a man who will open the door for me, or nod and smile at me asking how my days was. I LOVE talking to the grocery store clerk when he asks me if I found everything all right. It makes me so high on the tiny little kindness gestures from people in everyday life and not take them for granted.

    Furthermore, since I am such a dominating ferocious person at work, I am so soft when I'm at home. I'm always sitting on my husband's lap, or have my legs slung over him. I hug everyone that comes through my door. I'm crazy in love with everyone in my life because I see just how AWFUL some people can be.

    If none of that makes sense to you or doesn't apply, I'm sorry. But just know that you aren't alone in your feelings, and try to channel them into love for all the great people who are in your life. Don't let the fuckfaces at work get you down!

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