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Thread: To those who have cheated...

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    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Question To those who have cheated...

    So i was thinking today about my past relationships etc etc. My relationship history is rather questionable.... i have cheated on everyone that i have previously dated (present situation not included). and looking back on it, i dont think i have ever felt remorse for cheating... not even on the occasion(s) where SO found out.

    granted most of the time i cheated it was because i felt trapped. The one ex who i cheated on the most really deserved it, it was a relationship i needed out of but he pretended to have cancer to guilt me into staying with him (didnt find out he faked it till several months later. he also faked it to his family and friends. severe pathological liar).

    But the others i cheated on werent quite so malicious. Although i did feel trapped. Maybe its because i was young?

    But yea, i know i am not the only one who has cheated or been a serial cheater on this board. So just wondering, for those that have been guilty of it in the past, why do you think you cheated and how did you feel afterwards? Guilty or shrugged it off?


    Also, ETA im not looking for abuse for this. i stopped dating for a long time because i couldnt find relationships that worked for me and i always ended up unhappy and cheating, so i just quit dating i by extension quit cheating. Now that i am dating someone again the situation is different than it was a couple of years ago.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


  2. #2
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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    I've cheated a lot and I don't feel nearly as guilty as I should. It makes me think there's a bit of a sociopath inside. Why do it? Thrill of the moment, attraction to a new person, not being sexually satisfied in my relationship. But mostly, because I saw someone I knew I wanted, and I took what I wanted. Self-control isn't my forte, hehe. I'm a hedonist through and through.

    I've only felt guilty when the cheating affected the relationship. Like, many moons ago, I cheated with a guy that was so amazing in the sack, I decided to break up with my boyfriend over him. Made my boyfriend cry, that was awful. Then the other guy fucked me over so I got what I deserved.

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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    I don't know that what I have done technically counts as cheating. I have started new relationships though before the previous were fully over. Like I had an ex boyfriend living with me and it literally took me MONTHS to get him to move out. We didn't have sex that whole time, and I kept telling him it was over. I finally just started a new relationship. When he realized I was serious and we really were "over" he moved out. If I hadn't done that he probably would have hung around forever.

    He was a nice guy, just a disaster to live with and I knew in the long run we weren't meant to be together. We are still friends... we just don't talk much. Oddly enough though, if I ever ended up in the hospital or whatever he's the one I'd want to be there. Not because I love him, but because trust him immensely and he's insanely smart - like 6 master's degrees and working on his Ph.D. and a 7th masters. I know medically and religiously speaking he would make decisions similar to decisions I would make for myself.

    I really suck at ending relationships. Normally when I stop having sex with them and ask them to leave whatever - I just hope they will do it. I don't like to force them into leaving though.
    Last edited by Kylea2; 05-16-2010 at 03:40 PM.
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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    I once lived with a guy and cheated on him with one of his best friends. I don't feel guilty about it at all. Sounds terrible but once I moved in with him, I found out not only was he an alcoholic, he was emotionally abusive and didn't like sex all that much. Since at that point (I was 22) I didn't want my parents to say "I told you so) I stuck it out. I had a strong attraction to his friend and his friend to me. He was much hotter than my ex and nicer. So when my ex would go to sleep I fooled around with the friend. My ex eventually found out and strangely instead of being upset he liked the idea so he suggested a threesome (which we did).

    Would I do it again? Probably not. I've dated several guys at the same time but wasn't sleeping with any so I don't think that's cheating.

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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    I've dated several guys at the same time but wasn't sleeping with any so I don't think that's cheating.
    I agree with this. Until the conversation about being "exclusive" comes up - I don't think it's expected - unless maybe you are living together.
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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    I cheated twice. Once was a drunken mistake I have regretted and hated myself for ever since - the other was on an asshole and I have never felt bad about it. This guy was a dick, and I was breaking up with him in the morning, so I didn't mind cheating on him with someone PERFECT, that I'm still with 2 years later.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    I cheated multiple times on the love of my life. now I regret it. I cry for him every day. At the time, I was on drugs and very confused about what I wanted. to this day I cry for him.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    I am a cereal cheater, somethings I eat poptarts for breakfast instead. That felt good to admit.
    I can do better than you in a two bit fancy house

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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    ^If those slutty poptarts didn't walk around in their sugary goodness all whore-y like, you wouldn't have to eat them on the down-low behind Cheerios' back!
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    ^^^ LOL Nice!
    Don't you ever sleep?
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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kylea2 View Post
    I agree with this. Until the conversation about being "exclusive" comes up - I don't think it's expected - unless maybe you are living together.
    In the cases I mentioned they were definitely before the exclusive stage. We were just literally just dates. If I go back to online dating (depends on the guy I like and how he comes around) I'll do the same thing. After all, most dates don't lead to relationships. Personally in most cases I would have a problem sleeping with someone until I was exclusive. If I was sleeping with someone (unless it was strictly casual on both parts) I would feel I was cheating if I slept with someone else, even if we weren't exclusive. Because of my conflicts, I wait awhile to be both exclusive, and to sleep together.

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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    Yes, my ex was a douche who threatened to have his sister beat me up, and destroy my life if I ever left him. He was all talk tho. I went to Vegas to dance and do some partying and made out with a lot of guys there. I dated soem guys in my hometown also behind his back and felt no guilt whatsoever. That was the only way to get that bastard out of my life.

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    Veteran Member Su Su's Avatar
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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    They say it's "healthy" to end a relationship, get over it, before you start a new one.

    Revengeful cheating is freaken awesome though!

    Anyway, I personally believe you can be in love with more than one person.
    Just cos most people believe love should be between two people... It might not be true.
    But I've never been in that situation before

    Cos what if you met two people you were attracted to? But you had to choose one, and the one you chose didn't turn out to be what you wanted out of it.. Then you'd regret picking the other person!

    So I reckon dating two people to see how things go are actually okay. You know, of course you gotta be extra careful

    Argh actually, I dunno what I'm talking about. Maybe I'm just insecure

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    Member JayFo1987's Avatar
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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    ^^ It's awesome until the person you did it with pulls a fuck and run liz phair style and the feeling of being used sets in....You know that old crusty tube sock some guys used to jerk off in? I feel about as used as that right now. fml
    Originally posted by Athenathefabulous
    i can just see it ... "I am EMPEROR OMEGAPHALLIC of the TITTY CITY galaxy! Come minions, give us your money and see mah slaves dance for ya."

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    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    yea i have definitely revenge cheated on plural occasions.

    its weird but i think the people you hang out with have a lot to do with you attitude on cheating. for a long time, my best friends were pretty much all sketchy heterosexual males who were constantly using women and cheating on them or lying to get into their pants but never following through with any sort of commitment ... mind you they were great friends as long as you werent fucking them (which i never did). I guess spending so much time around these guys it just seemed normal and almost expected to have another thing going on the side. also it seemed normal for people in relationships to just duck and run out on you. and then fuck another bitch.

    yea... i get the feeling that had i been raised in a functional family and had friends who had been raised in functional families i would have done a lot less cheating.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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    Moderator Jessie_tinydancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    Yes. I felt sort of guilty, but not guilty enough to stop. I think this may be the first time I've admitted it because anyone I know would not approve. I eventually broke up with the BF I cheated on and didn't really feel bad about the cheating, more about hurting someone I loved. I do think you can love more than one person.

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  27. #17
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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    I've cheated on everyone I've ever been with apart from my husband. I've never felt guilty about it, most of them were assholes.

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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    I cheated on an asshole, and I don't really feel bad about that.

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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    I've never cheated, never plan on cheating. I see absolutely no glory or justification in it.

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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    I am not a serial cheater, but definitely a serial flirt. I love attention from other guys. I've cheated before, it had a role in the end of my 8 year marriage. I didn't really feel bad about it, just bad because of the after effect. I don't want to cheat again, I wish I could find a guy I don't feel the desire to flirt or cheat against. Where is he!?!?!

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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    I used to cheat constantly. I felt guilty for not being honest, but to be frank most of the anxiety I felt over it had to do with the cover-up and the fear of conflict if I was found out. I assumed I was just a bad person because I never really felt like I was doing anything wrong. I think I was just to young to think outside the box and realize I could have any kind of relationship I wanted as long as the other person is amenable to it- hence today I'm in an open relationship and happy as a clam

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  36. #22
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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    Talk about double-standards... Guy admit cheating on this forum and gets flamed ruthlessly by nearly every lady on the thread.

    Girl admits cheating and gets a sympathetic - Yeah, I've cheated on my asshole boyfriend, too - from nearly every lady on the thread.

    Cheating is bad for many reasons and on many levels... Aside from the deep and painful wounds it inflicts, the secondary effect it that it is like a contagious disease. If a person gets cheated on and find out, that person is going to develop major trust issues and may become a cheater, too - first for revenge, and then, because of thrill and habit. They rationalize - "Why should I play 'fair' when no one else does? I'd rather be the cheater than the cheated on." So you are not just shitting on one person's life, but also on all of that person's future partners who will have to deal with that person's messed up head.

    I've cheated too, and I can rationalize and justify it on many levels (e.g., lack of sexual compatibility, sexual rejection, etc.)... But, it was wrong and it caused a lot of profound pain and confusion to someone I loved and had pledged my loyalty to.

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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    ^I somewhat disagree. Not entirely, but somewhat.

    Girl admits cheating on an absolute fucking asshole that never deserved her in the first place? Sympathy. No confusion on the dude's part, he deserved it.

    Man fucks all around him just because he can, or, OH NO, wife isn't a sexual goddess anymore? Despicable. Woman doesn't deserve it.

    Swap the genders around and I still feel the same way - when I cheated and it was a one-off, drunken makeout that I should not have done? I still haven't forgiven myself. I hurt the guy I was with beyond words when I told him - and he was good to me. He deserved better.

    When I cheated on an abusive cunt that made my life hell? He deserved it. I deserved a little joy in my life at the time. I was shitting on no one's life.

    There's fucking around behind your perfectly bearable partner's back, and there's moving on from a jerk before you officially leave them. Different kettles of fish.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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  40. #24
    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    eh, as the OP, im not looking for sympathy. Im just curious about other girls who have cheated and how they feel about what they did.

    I also have a lot of sociopathic tendencies. I tend to look out for my own and in a lot of ways im a very good person, but in a lot of ways i am pretty ruthless with my actions. I dont feel guilt for cheating... ::shrugs:: just dont.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


  41. #25
    Veteran Member DirtyLittleSecret's Avatar
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    Default Re: To those who have cheated...

    KS_Stevia pretty much said it all for me.

    Out of the 7yrs i've been with my SO, i've only been faithful for 2yrs and that's cause i was pregnant or to busy w/ a newborn.
    I dont regret it or feel any guilt. Just like KS said, i swear i have a alternate personality and i can turn it off and on without a thought. Also like she said "Thrill of the moment, attraction to a new person, not being sexually satisfied in my relationship. But mostly, because I saw someone I knew I wanted, and I took what I wanted. Self-control isn't my forte" <--this! Its like a drug!I did it once, it was thrilling, amazing and i was hooked. He left and i just kept finding replacements for that "affair" over and over.
    My SO knows nothing of this side of me and never ever found out (or ever will) what i have done. Will i stop? Most likely not but i rarely do this and its mainly with one person if i do. Am i happy in my relationship? Of course! Its your classic white picket fence wonderful family till death do us part relationship. Comfortable and safe. I never intermingle the 2 parts of "myself".

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