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Thread: No friends at work?

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    Default No friends at work?

    I've been dancing for the first time for about 7 months at a nice club in a major city. The girls and management there are very close with one another, but I just never found my niche there, with the cliques at work.

    I guess I felt the need to keep to myself because I'm a student... not an older returning student or a student at community college/vocational school/hair or beauty school, but one of the more difficult schools in the area. I didn't want to be seen as an outsider or a "goody college girl" and get questions like "what are you doing here?", or to have the girls view me as a threat because of my different lifestyle.

    Was this a mistake? I'm friendly with some girls, but not really in with any of the groups there, or very friendly with management. A part of me can't shake the prejudice and ignorance my upbringing of middle-class liberal values has against my job... even though I know how nice the staff and girls are, I get messages from the people in my real life like, "oh of course management would be nice to you, you're a piece of ass." or when i talk about the other girls, i get condescending remarks like, "well, she sounds nice enough, i guess."

    What are your thoughts on this? My real life is so different from my work life.

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    Newbie Sundae's Avatar
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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    I personally find it easier to work in a team with other girl/s, but if you're making enough money on your own, why do you need them as friends? Lots of dancers are awesome people but lots can't be trusted and would stab you in the back with the straw from your own drink.

    Remember, you're there to make money, not friends.

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    Moderator Miss_McKenna's Avatar
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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    I don't have any friends at work, I feel like I just don't fit in with any of the groups I guess. There's maybe three girls there that I'll go sit and chat with if I see them sitting around, but if they're not there then I'm on my lonesome all night. But in a way I feel like that's better... less chatting, more working!


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    Featured Member sxcbbw's Avatar
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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    It's a job, not a social club. None of the others girls want to be your friend because they have money to make - not because you're different. You are not the only stripper doing a hard degree in a good college. You are nowhere near being the only middle class liberal daughter to work in the sex industry.

    But this IS an INDUSTRY. Get out, hustle money, pay your bills, come home. If you want to socialise with strippers, buy their time like men do! Otherwise? They have bills to pay too, let them get on with it. It's not that anyone at the club has, from your post, a problem with you, they're just busy doing their jobs.
    Get the fuck off my harbl, yo'.

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    Moderator Miss_McKenna's Avatar
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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    ^^ Thats true for a lot of girls but there are also plenty 'cliques', at least at my club, that spend more time gossiping and bitching about baby daddies etc in the DR and the bathroom than actually being out on the floor. Coincidentally, they're mostly the same girls who are wasted at the end of the night talking about how there was just nooooo money in the club tonight, the guys were all lame etc, while the other girls count all their cash. I feel like its a very good thing these girls don't seem to want to include me!!


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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    I prefer working in an environment where I am friends with the girls, but honestly until recently I did my own thing and never socialized with any of the dancers at work. That was good because it kept me hustling rather than sitting around chatting with people.
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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    I've never been close friends with most of the dancers, and that was a wise choice. I had a few "club friends" where we might work together or chat during slow periods, but otherwise, not really. I found that I loved to separate work and personal life and this was important. Most never knew my real name or nothing about me. I too worked at several clubs with the cliques and these girls spent all shift complaining they didn't make money. Incidentally, most of these girls hated me because I was a hustler.

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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    My motto: Money first, maybe"friends" between 9-2 Am. My so called " friends at work" are more acquaintances types and a network for more $$. I am a favourite of the managers, but I don't discuss anything too personal nor do I hang out with anyone from the club. And hon you're new to dancing , but I'm sure you are not the only dancer at a prestigious school. I know girls who are in law school and med school where I work. Perhaps you haven't "fit in " due to your attitude.

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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Most never knew my real name.
    Ditto! 99% of the people I know do not know my first or last name. EVERYONE with the exception of my parents and siblings call me Kylea... including friends that met me OTC and a good portion of my family. My closest dance friend didn't even know my legal name until we starting doing routines together and I had to order things and have them shipped to her house - then she laughed about how she thought my legal first & last name sound like something a girl from the "Miss America" pageant would have.
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    Veteran Member AdventureBaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    WORK ...

    > Is time to make money, NOT, time to socialize.
    > Be cordial w/ co-workers, management, etc.
    > Avoid drama ... no time for that nonsense.
    > Stay below the radar ... personally I don't like drawing attention to myself, I just like to do my job then go home.


    FRIENDS ...

    > Are to enjoy on days off.


    Now this is not to say you can't make a friend a strip club BUT w/ my experience it's darn near impossible. Personally I prefer to keep my worlds separate.

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    Senior Member asianlady's Avatar
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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    I agree with the posts here I have made a few friends along the way but its hard because if your making money they are jelous and if not your a loser.too many times your friendly and they want a ride home or oh could you oick me up.if you do then they want a ride every day.borrow makeup, they want to borrow costumes, hair dryers and yes too many times things get stolen or bowered stuff never gets returned.hell don't forget to lock your locker it will be cleaned out.I have one long term friend who does not work with me all the time.she is at the stage where she should retire she is older than me and I am 52 and has not aged so well she is never on schdule and does not make much in tips ,I lke her but should retire and she was not dumb she has a couple of houses and a biz.I think she keeps at it for company and social reasons.she could afford to retire if she wanted to or so it would seemany way I rey to be friendly but and I would be friends but its with caution and it does not happen much.I gree I am there to work and make money so frinds are nice but noot so important if they interfer with making money
    small and cute

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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    I have never made friends with girls in the club. I have had a couple stripper friends, but none of them were close and we only went out drinking together. As for in the club friends-I had people to talk to occasionally, but that was it. I was friendly and courteous towards the other girls, but that was/is as far as it went.

    I was there to make as much money as possible in the least amount of time. Talking with other dancers would not help me do that. But staying friendly with them would. So that is what I do when I dance.
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    Don't feel bad, OP. I'm kind of the same way. There are a couple girls who I talk to when I'm on shift, but for the most part, I just kind of watch the other girls and the cliques. And my club has a tendancy to be pretty clique-y. The few girls I talk to are like me. Single moms, no baby daddy drama, just there to work our shifts and get back home.

    I also try to keep girls at arms' length because some of the girls are downright scary if they don't like you. I like my face, I don't want to have it rearranged.

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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    You don't need friends at work. In fact, the situation you have going on is probably best; you're nice to the other girls, they don't bother you, and you're drama free. You're not close enough to get caught up in their bullshit, nor do they hate you to the point of making your life miserable.

    Also, you sound rather full of yourself. You are not the only girl going to college, stripping. You honestly probably have no idea if another girl where you work is getting a "hard degree at a good school" because usually girls keep that info to their-selves. You're not an anomaly. Also, it kinda sounds like you're undercutting those who are going to community college, or a cosmetology school. I'm going to a "hard degree" type school too, and I'll be the first to admit that becoming cosmetician is as tiring as all hell - it's very intensive. I have a girlfriend who did it.

    I doubt the other girls decide not to socialize with you because you go to a good school - it's more likely that they're picking up on some 'high than thou' mentality you're subconsciously displaying.



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    Veteran Member AdventureBaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    Quote Originally Posted by asianlady View Post
    hell don't forget to lock your locker it will be cleaned out.
    YES! ... and take important stuff home!

    My home club is an upscale gentlemen's club ... been there 3 months full-time. I use a lock that I can set the combo myself AND I set the numbers in a particular order so I can tell if anyone has messed w/ my lock. There were 2 times that my lock was messed w/ because of the numbers. My NAME is on the locker and it's in a specific area that no one could possibly mistake it's their's. It's tragic I can't even feel safe that my locker won't be messed w/ when I'm not there. One would think that at an upscale club no one would do something fucked up ... but that's not the case.

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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    Quote Originally Posted by AdventureBaby View Post
    YES! ... and take important stuff home!

    My home club is an upscale gentlemen's club ... been there 3 months full-time. I use a lock that I can set the combo myself AND I set the numbers in a particular order so I can tell if anyone has messed w/ my lock. There were 2 times that my lock was messed w/ because of the numbers. My NAME is on the locker and it's in a specific area that no one could possibly mistake it's their's. It's tragic I can't even feel safe that my locker won't be messed w/ when I'm not there. One would think that at an upscale club no one would do something fucked up ... but that's not the case.
    I have always been of the mindset that I take everything home every night. The rare times I've left things (usually by accident) those things were gone. There have been times I left the club with a suitcase and a makeup kit (I still use my Caboodle for this)because I refused to leave anything there.

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    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    I don't trust lockers. I've seen the walls between them broken out too many times.
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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    i'm friendly with other girls. the first club i worked when i started out told me, "don't make friends here, the top earner at this club has no friends here and barely talks to anyone." idk, i guess he saw me as young and naive and his point was to make sure i didn't get sucked into the lifestyle. it was wise advice because pretty much all the girls were always fucked up on something. night shift i was friendly but never really talked to anyone and day shift i was sort of friends with...they were older dancers that weren't on drugs or anything.

    the other clubs were super cliquey so i was sort of lonesome. i made one friend and we were hustle buddies. i also worked at a small club where everyone was pretty much friendly with each other.

    i also go to a pretty prestigious school and my major is pretty difficult and demanding. you're not the only one.
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    Featured Member DominoDiva's Avatar
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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    ive had on an off friends in dancing, but never substantial relationships with any, appart from one who i really clicked with about 8 months ago, but now she's moveing away *cry* lol you know who you are!!!

    anyway, ive never clicked with ppl much, probably because i dont go out for a drink after work, or drink at work at all, or i dont tell my life story to ppl or have anythin worth sayin, so these girls just cant be arsed, see me as a bore i guess.

    i do have a great personality i think, but meh, ive never had friends, even out of work, im a social retard, i have no lasting friendships, it depresses me because i really am not a loner, i want a girly mate to go shopping with, look at shoes with etc, but i just never find a friend who meets me in that halfway line, they either want me to do it all, or only come to me when there boyfriend dumps them, i got tired of it and gave up on friends.

    only one girl like i said ive clicked with and we've hung out, outside of work, we're so much alike, but so diffrent as well that we interest each other, so sad your going bex but i hope you hav fun and make sure to return ever so often ill mail ya everyday haha.

    my best friend is my boyfreind, and always will be, he does more than i could ever ask, but still, im a friends person, just cant find any . lol

    besides i guess its best not to be involved in club drama if you got mates there, make ur money, have fun with the guys, then leave happy .

    xx jess

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    God/dess chanzep's Avatar
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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    3 out of my 4 close friends are/were dancers that I met ages ago, but most of the time now I try not to make friends cos now with things being bad thesse girls think they can steal your customers borrow your stuff etc, im working with crazy chicks nowadays. its easier to stay out of the drama by not talking to them.
    xoxo

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    Veteran Member AdventureBaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    Last night at work a topic came up re: dancers interacting w/ each other. There are a few dancers I like to talk to because they have a good head on their shoulders and focused w/ work. W/ these dancers we'll talk about work stuff whether it's about our club, what's happening in our industry locally or hustling techniques. Most of the dancers talk just to talk ... kinda like how children are ... and I don't have time for nonsense ... anyway ... I told a dancer (that I like) last night ... I liked it better when I was new and no one would talk to me. I miss the days of anonymity at work

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    Member zombee's Avatar
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    Default Re: No friends at work?

    Whenever I go to a new club, as fast as I can I find a few girls who seem nice and sane who I can count on do to good double dances or go to VIP with me if I need to find someone for a customer's friend, and who will return the favor if the opportunity presents itself. And that's a far as I go.

    I am still always polite to other girls but every time I have opened myself up to another dancer in the past, I have felt like she was immediately trying to pull me into her drama; complaining about other staff, trying to make me support her in a conflict with another dancer, using our friendly relationship to take advantage of me, and so on. I generally do not fit in with my coworkers and even though I know there are other intelligent, kind, interesting women in the business, I don't have the time or energy to sift through and find them. I have amazing friends outside work and that's all I need.

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